Carry and Carrie - In the Twin’s Shadow

by Edina Davis

  “Yes, my God, yes,” Carolyn cried. “I saw them … just when they … oh, Laura, it was just so horrible … it was so awful, so awful.”

  Laura was concerned but somehow not very surprised. It was just like Carina. That girl did whatever she wanted, without consideration for others. On the contrary, Carina seemed to enjoy hurting others in an almost sadistic fashion. Jenny had also experienced it painfully, just like Mike, because he now deeply regretted what had happened. Unfortunately, this regret came far too late. When he had finally realized for what kind of girl he had given Jenny up, she wanted nothing more to do with him. She couldn’t forgive him the humiliation; he had hurt her too deeply. Mike had tried several times but had then given up with a heavy heart.

  “Carry, I want you to tell me everything from the beginning,” Laura demanded. After some back and forth and a flood of tears she finally heard what had happened. She felt extremely sorry for Carolyn. She didn’t deserve that!

  “Did Ben offer an apology?”

  “Nothing of importance.” Carolyn had somewhat calmed down. “The only thing he said when he saw me standing in the door was: ‘Carry, please let me explain. At first, I thought it was you, really. Please believe me … I didn’t want this to happen!’ Then I heard Carina’s gleeful giggling in the background and just ran out.”

  “Yes, but maybe he said the truth. Maybe he really didn’t know that it was Carina. Why didn’t you let him explain?”

  “Let him explain? Are you mad? With Carina there? Besides, before opening the door I clearly heard him stammering her name,” Carolyn replied furiously.

  Laura understood. She could imagine exactly what had happened. Carina had pretended to be Carolyn and Ben had believed it up to a certain moment, Laura was absolutely convinced of that. When the cunning bitch had revealed her true identity, it had been too late for poor Ben … he had given in to the temptation.

  “I hate her,” Carolyn gasped. “My God, how I hate her! I could kill her with my bare hands!”

  When Laura looked into Carolyn’s eyes, she believed her, as her eyes glistened with hatred. Even though Laura liked her friend and knew that Carina was a real bitch, she just couldn’t tolerate such an outburst.

  “Carry, I understand that you’re angry and hurt, but you should refrain from hating your sister and wanting to kill her. You know very well that’s wrong.”

  “So, she should just get away with her wickedness over and over again, yes?” Carolyn protested. “And the virtuous little silly-billy has to forgive her each time. No, this time she’s gone too far, Laura. I’ll never forgive her for this, never in my whole life. I’ll pay her back; I swear to you.” Carolyn talked herself into a rage and her face had turned red.

  “Please, Carry, now listen. You need to sort out this conflict between you and Carina once and for all. She enjoys hurting you and seeing you unhappy. And you, Carry, always put up with too much from her without letting her feel the consequences of her acts and now you’re paying for it. If you don’t confront her in your parents’ presence this time, she’ll keep coming up with worse things to hurt you. And who knows … maybe one day this will really end in a bloodbath.”

  Carolyn looked as if she hadn’t listened to Laura. Actually, she had heard every word, but she wasn’t interested in any of it. Deep inside she knew that her friend was right, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it. She knew what she had to do, and nobody could change her mind, not even her trustworthy friend Laura.

  “Carry, did you even listen to me?”

  “Yes, of course,” Carolyn murmured.

  “And what do you say?”

  “I have to think about it.”

  “If I were you, I’d also give Ben the chance to explain everything to you. Maybe he told the truth. Okay, he called her Carina, but that was later. Maybe she only told him, when … well, you know what I mean.”

  “So what?” Carolyn protested. “Even if he noticed it that late, he still would have had the chance to leave, wouldn’t he? But no, he stayed! You should have seen him, how he and she …” She covered her face with her hands in despair. “And then his moaning! Yes, you should have heard him, his words, his stammering! Then you wouldn’t talk like this!”

  “You shouldn’t be so merciless, Carry. I know for a fact that Ben is in love with you. Carina spared no effort to seduce him and she succeeded with a trick, I’m absolutely sure of that. I just don’t consider Ben capable of carelessly deceiving you. I’m convinced that if he’d known right away whom he was dealing with, he’d have left immediately. And if I assume this in his favour, you should consider this possibility even more. In my opinion, you should at least give him a chance to explain the whole situation from his point of view.”

  “We’ll see, maybe I’ll listen to what he has to say, but maybe not. And now I have to go.” Carolyn got up and went to the door.

  “Goodbye, Mrs. Carson,” she called out in the direction of the living room and then turned to her friend: “Bye, Laura. Thanks for listening to me.” She gave Laura a quick peck on the cheek and stormed out.

  Laura remained behind with a pensive frown. How much longer would that go on? Carry was starting to lose her sense of direction.

  CHAPTER 27

  On the way home a storm brewed in Carolyn. This devious beast! Once more she had achieved what she wanted! She remembered the triumphant grin on Carina’s face, her gleeful laughter. That unscrupulous hussy had planned to pinch Ben from her right from the beginning, and when that hadn’t worked immediately, she had then taken Mike out of pure malice and had planned this mean trick in the meantime. In this respect Laura had been absolutely right; Carina must have used a trick to get Ben.

  Suddenly, Carolyn had an insane desire to hurt her sister. She could hardly suppress the desire to cause Carina physical pain and her hands clenched so tightly that her fingernails dug into the balls of her hands. She pictured strangling her sister until she couldn’t breathe anymore.

  I wish she were dead! she thought furiously. But then she was ashamed. No, she mustn’t lose her control like that. In spite of everything it was still wrong to hate her sister. It wasn’t good to feel that way, Laura was absolutely right.

  When Carolyn finally got home at eleven, the light in the girls’ room was out. Carina already slept soundly, her face wearing a content expression. For a while, Carolyn watched her sister’s face, which looked so innocent and childlike while asleep. Then she went over to her bed and quietly undressed to avoid waking Carina. She definitely didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of seeing her tear-stained eyes.

  She lay in bed for a long time, staring into space with open eyes. Her thoughts incessantly circled around the same things until she was close to a panic attack.

  She forced herself to breathe calmly and regularly and to stop thinking about everything that had happened. It was long past midnight when she finally fell into a restless sleep.

  She would have loved to ban the dream she had that night from her mind, because it terrified her!

  And still … from then on, this dream didn’t let her go anymore.

  On the next morning, when the whole family had breakfast together, Carolyn pretended that everything was absolutely fine, as she noticed how carefully Carina watched her. There was no way she would give her sister the satisfaction of having hurt her.

  Carina had already been looking forward to Carolyn’s suffering face and tear-stained eyes. Of course, she had reckoned on her sister being a nervous wreck. After Carolyn had caught her with Ben yesterday, she had stood frozen for seconds and had then disappeared silently. That had terribly disappointed Carina as she had expected tears and reproaches. And even now Carolyn was absolutely cool and cheated Carina of her fun. Did she just pretend or was she really indifferent about her and Ben having been together?

  She cast another searching glance towards Carolyn but couldn’t recognize
the slightest sign of lovesickness. But Carolyn had always been completely non-transparent in certain situations. One could never completely know what was really going on inside of her.

  Carina was so disappointed that she hardly said a word. Debbie and Philipp chatted easily about their trip to London and didn’t even notice how silent their usually lively daughter was.

  After breakfast, the family went to church, like every Sunday. Then they were invited at Granny Helen’s for lunch, something Carolyn had actually looked forward to. Helen Foster of course immediately noticed that something was wrong with her granddaughter. Debbie’s mother was the only one in the family to have realized immediately what was going on in her daughter’s house. But regardless how often she had tried to talk to Debbie about the constant conflicts between the twins, she had not been successful. Her daughter was simply blind and deaf regarding Carina.

  The afternoon walk seemed to take forever for the two girls.

  Debbie and Philipp walked ahead, held hands, and looked like a couple newly in love. They had spent an unforgettably wonderful day in London. They would never admit it, but they had enjoyed very much a day without their daughters. Finally, they had been able to concentrate on themselves and rediscover their feelings for each other.

  The girls walked behind them silently. After a while Carina started talking.

  “What happened yesterday really wasn’t my fault, Lynn. Benny suddenly stood in front of the door … well, all of a sudden, I thought he was really cute, you know. Back at the beach I thought he was a total bore and then … well … I certainly didn’t want to take him away from you, you have to believe me.”

  When Carolyn didn’t reply she continued.

  “So, as I said, Benny stood in front of the door and stared at me. Well, and then something clicked between us suddenly, you know. It just happened! We couldn’t help it, the feelings just overpowered us, Lynn. Benny is totally sorry, he told me himself. So, we both … you have to understand, Lynn! At first, I struggled against it, because you’re my sister and all … but then … well, I really couldn’t help it, you know.”

  “Oh, Carina, please don’t bother. We both know exactly what really happened.” Carolyn smiled with masterly indifference. “The truth is that you called him and asked him to our house. You pretended to be me and revealed your true identity at a moment that was beneficial to you. Isn’t that what happened?”

  Carina was taken by surprise. “How do you know … did Benny …,” she started, “well, it’s not completely true, no matter what Benny said. Okay, I admit I asked him over. I wanted to get one over on you for your constant sermons on morality and all … and because you were so convinced Ben is different than all the other boys. Somehow, it’s all your own fault, you know. The truth is that Benny knew exactly whom he was dealing with, right from the beginning. He was totally keen on me! Ask him. If he says anything different, he’s lying! Well, and I was also keen on him. We both had our fun. What of it?! You just shouldn’t have stalled him for such a long time.”

  “You know, Carina, I’m actually not interested in any of it anymore,” Carolyn said with an indifferent tone. “The era Ben is over for me. You’re welcome to him because I deserve something better. And I am not in need of using dirty tricks to win a boy over.” Then her glance fell on Carina’s hair.

  “Oh, by the way, where are your pretty blonde highlights suddenly?” With these words she left Carina and ran after her parents.

  “Hello, you two,” she laughed, “you look like two love birds.” She linked arms with her father and appeared cheerful.

  Carina was furious and terribly disappointed. Carolyn really didn’t seem to mind at all what had happened between her and Ben. And yesterday afternoon Ben hadn’t reacted as Carina had expected of him either. When he had seen Carolyn standing in the door, he’d jumped out the bed like a scalded cat. He had tried to justify himself frantically to Carolyn, to hold her back.

  After the front door downstairs had snapped shut behind Carolyn, he had screamed at Carina: ‘That’s all just your fault, you devious beast. You contrived all of this to break Carry and me up and you probably succeeded. I’ll still ask Carry for forgiveness and I can just hope she’ll give me another chance. Because I’m in love with her and not with you. The thing with you means nothing at all, just so you know. I hate myself for it … yes, I do … and I never want to see you again, do you hear me? Never!’ Then he dressed in a flash and ran out the door.

  That damn bastard! After Ben’s departure Carina had been so angry that she had wanted to run after him and hit him. She’d hammered the bed with her fists like crazy, had screamed and raged until she’d been completely out of breath.

  Contrary to expectations, her scheme hadn’t given her the desired triumph. She had hoped Ben would run after her like Mike and all the other boys. Oh, how she had been looking forward to seeing Lynn devastated, and now none of it had worked out. Nothing had happened as she had planned, and she just could not accept it. Nobody treated her this way! This Ben would pay for it! He would bitterly regret having treated a girl like her so badly. She would find a way to get her revenge, she was certain of that.

  In the meantime, Carolyn was pleased to have managed to fool Carina. In reality, she felt absolutely dreadful. Ben’s infidelity had hurt her deeply and she never wanted to see him again. Even though she knew Carina had staged everything, she couldn’t forgive him the deceit. She constantly had this disturbing image of him and Carina in front of her eyes. His moaning and the words he had stammered in her arms shortly before Carolyn had opened the door also went through her mind over and over and poisoned her heart.

  CHAPTER 28

  During the maths lesson on the next day Carolyn was nervous and not concentrated. Her teacher, Mrs. Celia Kent, a small, inconspicuous middle-aged woman, was amazed about her model student more than once. Carolyn was an attentive, inquisitive pupil who was always eager to participate in class. Today however, her gaze was empty and absent-minded, she didn’t contribute and seemed to be elsewhere with her thoughts. Mrs. Kent couldn’t explain it. She thought highly of her favourite student and therefore called her over after the lesson.

  “What’s the matter with you today, child?” she asked the girl. “I hope you know that you can come to me with anything that troubles you and that I will always have a sympathetic ear for you.”

  “It’s nothing, Mrs. Kent. Really, nothing! I just hardly slept last night and had a bad dream, that’s all. I’ll be okay again tomorrow! Please don’t worry.”

  “Well, I don’t know, Carolyn. You really look as if you have a serious problem.”

  “Please believe me, Mrs. Kent! It’s really nothing, no reason to worry. I’ll be fine again tomorrow, definitely!”

  “Very well,” the teacher relented hesitantly. “But take care to get enough sleep tonight. You know we’re writing an important test tomorrow.”

  “Yes, no problem, Mrs. Kent, I’ll prepare myself as well as always, drink chamomile tea and go to bed early, promise.” Carolyn forced a smile and said farewell to her teacher.

  If she had known what thoughts had been in Carolyn’s mind during the maths lesson, she would have been shocked.

  ***

  On Friday afternoon Carolyn received a call from Ben. He asked to see her so he could explain the incident with Carina. Even though the matter with Ben was irrevocably over for Carolyn, she was interested in what he had to say. Therefore, she agreed to meet him the next day. However, he had to come to Seaford as she certainly didn’t feel like traveling all the way to Eastbourne or Bexhill just because of him. He wanted to talk, so he should also make the journey.

  They met at three in the afternoon at the Beach Comber and Ben ordered some drinks. After Carolyn had taken the first sip, she said in a cool manner: “You wanted to talk to me. Well, I’m listening!”

  Ben’s expression was pathetic. He didn’t
know how to start. Then he finally plucked up courage and everything bubbled out of him. He bluntly told her the whole story. He didn’t leave anything out, not even the fact that he had had a vague feeling of uncertainty about which of the two girls had stood in front of him.

  “I wanted to believe it was you, Carry, because I somehow liked you so … so seductively,” he admitted. “When Carina revealed herself, I wanted to leave … really, Carry, but … but somehow I couldn’t. She kissed me and … and … I broke down. But Carina doesn’t mean anything to me, you must believe me. I love only you, Carry. I told her that. I told her that I’m in love with you and feel nothing for her.” He looked at her, begging for understanding.

  Carolyn however remained silent and just gave him a piercing glance. He had no other choice but to continue talking.

  “Carry, I’m so terribly sorry. What I did was mean and a giant idiocy. I’ve never regretted anything that much in my whole life! I would undo it if I could, but unfortunately I can’t.” Tears came to his eyes when he suddenly remembered the fateful song.

  “Carry, I love you, only you! What I did with her was what I actually wanted to do with you. I so often dreamed about experiencing exactly that with you and I know I should have waited. I should have waited for you. Oh, Carry! Can’t you forgive me this once? I swear to you that something like that will never happen again.”

  “Of course, it will never happen again, Ben!” Carolyn’s voice sounded so icy that Ben startled.

  “Because I won’t even give you the opportunity for it. You know, Ben, I heard you before I opened the door, your moaning, your pathetic stammering! I saw you, how you and she … all of this disgusted me so much that my feelings for you died instantly. I don’t love you anymore, Ben. So long.” With this she got up and left without turning back.