by Edina Davis
Her mother pouted with indignation: “Oh, but that’s just outrageous! The things one has to put up with in one’s own house!”
While Carolyn closed the door behind her, she heard her father talking to his wife in a soothing voice: “Oh, my Debbie-Lambkin, please don’t get upset. Not now, when things are so lovely between us again.”
Carolyn was convinced her father would never again dare to stand up for her.
How pathetic he was!
CHAPTER 40
A new term started at the beginning of April. The first morning passed very quickly and Carolyn and Laura met with Johnny in the canteen at lunch time. The three young people had many things to share and were so engrossed in their conversation that Carolyn at first didn’t notice the young man sitting some tables further on, watching her incessantly. When she met his glance rather by chance, she winced and felt hot immediately. That just wasn’t possible!
The young man looked strikingly handsome with his brown curly hair and expressive grey-blue eyes. He was slim, had strong shoulders and muscular upper arms. But it wasn’t just his appearance that disconcerted Carolyn so much. It was this painful memory she had tried erasing from her mind over the years, as if it had never happened. It was the memory of her first love. The young man over there had an uncanny similarity to Ben. It wasn’t so much his appearance that reminded her of Ben, but the expression in his grey-blue eyes, with which he looked at her exactly as Ben had done back then.
Carolyn forced herself to avert her eyes from him and for a while she succeeded. But then she heard his voice and her heart clenched. She looked in his direction and saw that he was talking to a young man who had just joined him at the table. She listened, mesmerised, and her heart started pounding wildly. She would never have thought that she would meet a man again who fascinated her from the first moment, who made her heart jump. His voice had a deep, soft sound that sent little shivers down her back.
Of course, Carolyn knew that there was no perfect human being anywhere in the world and yet … if there ever was one, he sat there, opposite her.
No, it screamed inside her, it must not be. I don’t want that! With all her willpower, Carolyn tried again to avert glimpsing at the young man, but as if under a compulsion, her eyes kept wandering back to him.
In the afternoon, she wasn’t able to fully focus on the lecture and when it was finally over, Carolyn had to admit that she had hardly caught any of it.
Laura, who had noticed that something was wrong with her friend, mentioned it to her on the way home.
“Carry, what was the matter with you this afternoon? You were like a different person after lunch. Did you hear anything at all during the lecture?”
Carolyn was in no mood to talk about the reason for her absentmindedness and therefore only remarked: “No, I really didn’t catch much of it. I was suddenly dead tired, you know. I didn’t sleep very well last night, that’s all. Don’t worry, I’ll definitely sleep better tonight.”
Laura cast a searching side glance at her friend. Carolyn’s explanation wasn’t very convincing, after all she had been quite alert until lunch break. But as Laura didn’t want to put pressure on her friend, she let it drop.
Carolyn saw the young man in the canteen again the next day. This time however he sat a little further away at a corner table, so that eye contact between them wasn’t possible. Carolyn was glad about it, as she wanted to fully concentrate on her studies.
Johnny had a young fellow student with him, whom he introduced to the two girls as Jeremy Edwards. Jeremy and Johnny had met at the university library and had immediately gotten along. Jeremy had studied in Germany for six months and during that time had lived in Hamburg with his aunt, his German mother’s sister.
He was a likeable young man with a freckled snub nose, reddish brown hair, and fair skin. He wasn’t really attractive, despite his meaningful green-brown eyes and the finely curved lips, but he emanated so much warmth and kindness that one liked him right away.
Carolyn immediately sensed Johnny’s intention to hook her up with Jeremy and therefore she was cool and reserved throughout the whole lunch break. In a way, she was sorry about it, as Jeremy was a really nice boy, but, after all, she had her principles. She had asked Laura so often not to try and set her up with someone, and yet she and Johnny kept bringing some nice fellow along, purely by coincidence of course, and then warmly recommending him to her afterwards. Slowly but surely, she was absolutely fed up with it!
Therefore, she got up before the lunch break was over and said farewell: “I’ll go ahead, Laura. Bye, Jeremy. It was nice meeting you. Bye, Johnny.” Then she turned on her heels and left the canteen with quick steps. Damn it to hell! Today she would give it to Laura straight!
During the afternoon, the two girls didn’t have a chance to talk. Carolyn was so focused on the anatomy lecture that she forgot everything else for two hours.
On the way home Laura chatted with forced cheerfulness to dissolve the clearly noticeable tension between them.
After some minutes Carolyn interrupted her friend’s flood of words. “Laura, I need to ask you and Johnny once and for all to stop your constant attempts to pair me up with some bloke. That’s really getting on my nerves, you know?”
“What do you mean, pair you up?” Laura defended herself. “If you’re referring to Jeremy, Johnny made friends with him and brought him along to lunch. That’s all!”
“Oh, stop it! Please don’t take me for an idiot!” Carolyn was full of indignation. “I’ve known you long enough to read the looks you two are exchanging, don’t you think?”
“Well, and even so. You know exactly that we just mean well. I think a nice boy would do you good.”
“With all due respect to your concern, Laura, but that’s still for me to decide. If one day I should feel the desire for a steady boyfriend, I’ll pick him myself, is that clear? I’m not an old maid who needs to be married off!”
“Nobody said you were,” Laura countered. “But you told me quite often that you feel lonely. Yes, once you even admitted that you’re a bit jealous of me and Johnny sometimes, because we’re so happy with each other. I just want you to be as happy as I am, Carry, because you’re my friend and I’m fond of you. Can’t you understand that?”
“Of course, I understand that, Laura, and I’m very fond of you, too. But I still don’t want you to press some boy that you think fit on me. They somehow all look like your Johnny. Please don’t get me wrong, Laura, Johnny really is a perfectly wonderful person, and you love him. But he’s not my type, you should know that by now.” Carolyn put her hand on her friend’s arm and looked at her pleadingly. “You do know that, don’t you?”
Laura reluctantly admitted it. “Yes, I know. But I still don’t understand you, Carry. In my opinion the appearance is secondary, a person’s heart is far more important!”
“Yes, of course it’s important, I’m not denying that. But I need to be in love with a man if I want to start a relationship with him. Everything else would be dishonest and unfair. And I just don’t feel attracted to men who look like your Johnny, which doesn’t mean that Johnny isn’t handsome, just not for me.” She was quiet for a moment and then continued: “Be honest, Laura. Did you fall in love with Johnny back then because he has a good heart or because you found him attractive?”
Laura remained silent for a while. Then she raised her head and looked firmly into Carolyn’s eyes.
“I’ll try to be completely honest, Carry. Back then I fell in love with Johnny at first sight because I immediately felt that he was the most warm-hearted and good-natured boy one can wish for. My Johnny has something neither Ben nor Mike nor our professor nor any of the other so-called handsome men have. I instinctively knew from the beginning that I could trust Johnny unconditionally and that he’d give me what I wish for in a man, namely devoted love, a warm heart, kindness and faithfulness.”
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“Are you trying to make me believe that you find Johnny ugly?” Carolyn asked, her glance confused.
“Of course not. I don’t find Johnny ugly at all, on the contrary.”
“So there. What’s all the talk about, then?” Carolyn shook her head.
“Look, Carry,” Laura continued patiently, “if it were only his appearance I’d fallen in love with, our relationship wouldn’t have lasted long. We meet attractive people every day and everywhere but only have eyes for the one we love. Is that not so?”
Carolyn nodded.
“Yes, and why do you think it takes some people years of living together with their partner before they suddenly realize that he has crooked legs or a nose that’s too long?”
“I assume you’ll probably tell me now.”
“The reason is that, unfortunately, not all people manage to preserve their love all life long. Yes, and when the love dies, they suddenly see their partner with different eyes, no longer with the eyes of love. The few couples whose love lasts, however, grow old together and find their partner just as attractive as at the beginning.”
“Of course! But that’s just what I mean. Just because I feel attracted to a different type of man than you do, it doesn’t mean I’d fall in love with the first good-looking boy available. Of course, I also want a man with an endearing character. I just think that everyone has a different perception of the person they can fall in love with. It just depends on the fact that you like the whole person, not only the character or only the appearance. There’s so much about a person that can fascinate, the way he moves, the expression in his eyes, the smile, the voice …”
Laura noticed a quick flash in Carolyn’s eyes.
“Don’t you agree, Laura?”
“Yes, of course, you have a point there,” Laura replied with a smile. “In the end, it remains a secret why someone falls in love with someone else,” she added more to herself.
Carolyn looked out of the window dreamily. Once more she had to think of the young man from the canteen.
CHAPTER 41
During the following days, Carolyn occasionally glanced over to the young man and noticed that he was also looking at her noticeably often. When their eyes met, they glanced at each other for several seconds, until Carolyn looked down, blushing. This went on for quite a while until one day, when she was chatting lively with Laura, Johnny, and Jeremy, he suddenly stood in front of her with his tray, smiling.
“May I join you?” He first looked at Carolyn and then at the other three young people questioningly.
“No problem,” Johnny remarked affably. The two girls and Jeremy nodded in agreement. Carolyn looked at her plate with interest.
The young man sat down and introduced himself: “I’m Alexander Carpenter, my friends call me Alex.” The sound of his voice made a shiver run down Carolyn’s spine. The three others also introduced themselves, while Carolyn still was intensively busy with her cutlet.
“May I also learn your name?” Alex asked quietly.
“Of course,” she uttered arduously, cleared her throat in embarrassment and breathed almost soundlessly: “My name is Carolyn Harris … Carry.”
“Pleased to meet you, Carry.” He looked deeply into her eyes and Carolyn felt as if he could read her thoughts. “Pleased as well,” she stammered and immediately turned back to her cutlet as if there wasn’t anything more important in the world.
Alex smiled, then turned to the others, and soon a lively conversation developed. During their chat they learned that Alex had already studied Medicine for three and a half years, the last year in New York. He wanted to become a gynaecological surgeon and remarked that the year of studies in the USA had been very instructive for him.
Carolyn hardly participated in the conversation. She rapturously listened to the sound of his deep voice and her eyes were glued to his lips dreamily. Alex kept looking so deeply into her eyes that she was alternately feeling hot and cold and her heart was pounding irregularly.
Was it possible that this breathtaking young man was interested in her? Of course not! It could only have been a coincidence that he had joined them at their table. Tomorrow he would sit down somewhere else. No, she didn’t want to give herself any false hopes, never again!
She was mistaken, because from now on Alex sat down at their table every day and Carolyn gradually thawed. Alex had a natural charm one could not escape in the long run. Just after a week Carolyn and her friends felt as if they had known Alex for many years. And even though he, like Johnny, came from a wealthy background, he was a very humble person.
When he glanced at her, Carolyn felt as if he wanted to look to the bottom of her soul. After a short time, it already became obvious that the two young people had seriously fallen in love with each other.
Laura was pleased about this development because she and Johnny also liked Alex very much and were convinced that he could be the right one for Carolyn.
Soon the four young people spent a weekend together and on the following Saturday Alex introduced them to his three friends Kevin Howard, Dave Johnson, and Charlie Carter. They incidentally learned that Alex was the lead singer and bass guitarist in the band The Silver Rocks, which he had founded with his friends at the age of thirteen. Kevin played the guitar, Dave the drums and Charlie was the keyboarder. Since Alex’s return from New York, the four friends again performed every other weekend in various small clubs and pubs in and around Brighton. Carolyn, Laura, and Johnny were extremely proud of their talented friend.
Over time Carolyn and Alex grew closer. At first, they only exchanged enamoured glances until Alex finally found the courage to ask Carolyn on a date. He suggested going to Bexhill together, taking a walk on the beach and then having dinner in the De La Warr Pavilion.
It was a warm summer’s day and the sun shone from a blue, almost cloudless sky.
They walked along the beach and suddenly were holding hands as if it were meant to happen. Carolyn had a wonderful feeling of protection, as if she had finally reached the fulfilment of her wishes and dreams.
Alex was the first to start talking. He stopped walking, put his hands on her shoulders and said quietly: “You’re a fantastic girl, Carry, and I think it’s great that we’re finally doing something on our own.”
Carolyn’s heart started hammering. “I feel the same.” Without looking at him, she tried to let her voice sound steady.
He softly put his hand under her chin, lifted her head a little and tenderly touched her cheek with his lips. Then he took her hand into his again and they continued walking.
For a while they walked silently, each absorbed in their own thoughts, until Alex remarked: “I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry as a horse now. What do you think about walking back and having a bite?”
Carolyn, who noticed too how hungry she was, agreed. “Absolutely fine with me. I’m also ravenous.”
They found a table for two on the terrace of the De La Warr Pavilion, with a view over the sea. They ordered filet steak with roast potatoes and salad as well as a dry red wine.
Soon they chatted eagerly, as there is always incredibly much to talk about when two young people are just getting to know each other. They noticed that their private and career plans were similar and that they also shared many interests.
Carolyn’s cheeks glowed and her eyes glistened with happiness. Oh, how long had it been since she had felt so good!
Alex felt the same. He put his hand on hers and looked into her eyes lovingly. “Do you actually know how beautiful you are, Carolyn?” His voice quivered.
Carolyn didn’t know how to react to that and was relieved that the waitress came at that moment with their food. They ate in silence and occasionally exchanged a bashful glance. After the delicious meal they didn’t want to part yet, so Alex now sat down closely next to Carolyn and put his arm around her shoulders. They dreamily looke
d out at the glittering sea and felt so comfortable with each other that time just flew by.
“Carry, look, that wonderful sunset!” Alex stared at the sea, fascinated.
She followed his glance and, huddled up to one another, they admired that unique spectacle of nature, the copper-coloured sky and the sun that slowly sunk into the sea like a giant ball of fire, letting it shimmer like liquid gold.
Just as the sun was sinking into the sea, their lips touched, and they kissed for the first time. This first kiss hit them both like a force of nature, and completely detached from their surroundings they felt like the only people in the world. Time seemed to stand still, and only this one magical moment counted.
“I love you, Carry,” Alex tenderly whispered into her ear when they eventually had to part. “We will meet again soon, won’t we?”
Carolyn, completely overwhelmed by her feelings, was tongue-tied, just looked at him happily and nodded.
When she lay in bed that night, she mentally replayed this remarkable day. Alex was just beyond all description! Not only was he attractive, but he also was intelligent and educated, attentive and loving. She hadn’t felt as strongly as this for Ben, and at this moment she knew with absolute certainty that Alex was her great and only true love! He was the one she wanted to marry one day, have children with, create a home. Yes, she wanted to grow old with Alex! Everything was so clear, so simple and wonderful!
With a happy sigh she thought back to the breathtakingly beautiful sunset they had experienced together, and how wildly and yet tenderly he had kissed her!