Carry and Carrie - In the Twin’s Shadow

by Edina Davis

  “I love you, Carry,” he said quietly.

  “I love you too, Alex,” Carolyn breathed, “and this will never change.”

  They spent a heavenly, wonderful time, away from everyday life, without a worry and delightfully free. They walked for miles along the beach, lay lazily in the sun and swam far out in the sea. They ate in the best restaurants, went to the disco, and danced late into the night. In the mornings they usually slept late, skipped breakfast, and instead brunched extensively.

  On their first wedding anniversary, they rented a car early in the morning and drove into the wonderful mountains of Gran Canaria. They booked a room for one night in a nice, small guesthouse. Equipped with plenty of water, fruit, and sandwiches, they hiked high enough so that they could look down onto the clouds. They sat hand in hand on a ledge and admired the beauty of creation in silent awe.

  In the evening, they went to a steak house and ordered filet steak with roast potatoes and salad and a good bottle of Spanish red wine. It was the same dinner they had had in the De La Warr Pavilion when they had kissed for the first time in the fiery glow of the setting sun. Once more they felt the same magic of that special moment, the lightness of their hearts; they were just blissfully happy with each other.

  The second week passed far too quickly, and they were both a little sad that they would soon have to say farewell to the island on which they had experienced so many delightful things together.

  On the evening before they returned home, they took one last walk along the beach promenade after dinner. Afterwards they lay on their deck chairs until late into the night.

  Overwhelmed by the almightiness of God, they glanced up into the infinite expanse and beauty of the starry sky, held hands and felt that this moment of intimate connection between their hearts was unique.

  CHAPTER 50

  Carolyn and Alex had been home for more than two months when the long-awaited spring arrived as early as the middle of March. The winter that year had been bitterly cold with much snow and frost. After their honeymoon to the sunny Canary Islands, they had needed weeks to acclimatize with great difficulty and had eagerly longed for spring with its first warm rays of sunshine.

  On a sunny morning in March, Carolyn suddenly felt so sick that she had to throw up. Oh no, not today of all days! She had an important lecture at quarter to nine and had to be present at all costs. Fortunately, she felt better quickly and heaved a sigh of relief. She had probably had a glass too many of that delicious wine her parents-in-law had served for dinner the previous evening. Carolyn looked at the clock. Oh, my goodness, already close to seven, she had to hurry. At that moment Alex knocked on the door.

  “Darling, are you still in the bathroom?” she heard his gentle voice.

  “Yes, Sweetheart. But I’ll be out in one minute,” Carolyn called out.

  “Ah, yes, I know what that means,” her husband laughed, “I better add a zero to that, right?” He went away, whistling cheerfully.

  When Carolyn left the bathroom five minutes later, Alex was nowhere to be seen. He was probably in the guest bathroom again, which was downstairs. It belonged to his parents’ apartment and Carolyn didn’t like him going there. She had already told him so several times, but Alex then just laughed and replied that he had no other choice if he didn’t want to constantly be late for university.

  Comments like that annoyed her as she didn’t need more time in the bathroom than Alex. Her suspicion that he only needed an excuse to have breakfast with his parents was confirmed once more this morning.

  When she came downstairs, he winked at her.

  “Come and sit with me, my darling. Mum baked fresh rolls, they’re delicious!”

  Carolyn sat down reluctantly, and Miranda appeared from the kitchen with a pot of freshly brewed coffee.

  “Good morning, child,” she greeted her friendly, “please help yourself. The rolls are still warm.”

  “Good morning, Miranda,” Carolyn said quietly, “many thanks. You always make such an effort. We could make breakfast ourselves. What do you think, Alex? Your mother isn’t our maid, after all.”

  “I really enjoy doing it,” Miranda Carpenter protested. “Besides, I can organize my time freely, whereas you’re in rather a hurry in the mornings. Please leave me the pleasure of pampering you a little, Carry.”

  Despite the affection Carolyn felt for her mother-in-law, she just didn’t like her fussing about Alex as if he were still her little boy. After all, he was her husband and she wanted to take care of him herself. Sometimes she wished that Alex and she had an apartment elsewhere. Unfortunately, that wasn’t possible while they were both studying. Well, she just had to be patient. One day they might be able to buy their own little house.

  But then she felt embarrassed about her jealousy, which kept flaring up in her against her will. Why was she so ungrateful? Miranda, who loved and treated her like an own daughter, really deserved better! Hadn’t she told herself not to allow this silly, unfounded jealousy to arise anymore? She had promised this to Alex sincerely not long ago.

  Laura had also tried to talk sense into her countless times, had urgently warned her not to be so possessive.

  “Jealousy can destroy feelings!” she had said. “You’re being loved, Carry, please don’t destroy that!”

  Whatever was the matter with her? Her husband loved her dearly and she had amazing parents-in-law, who treated her like an own daughter. For the first time in her life, she was really doing well … and what did she do? She was jealous of everything and everyone. It was like a creeping poison that corroded her brain.

  Suddenly she felt sick again. She murmured a short excuse, jumped up quickly and ran into the bathroom, holding one hand in front of her mouth. She barely made it to the toilet before she threw up violently.

  When she returned several minutes later, Miranda asked with worry: “You’re as white as a sheet. What’s the matter with you, child?”

  “I don’t know,” Carolyn stammered, “maybe I had too much wine yesterday.”

  “I can’t imagine that,” Alex commented, “you only had two glasses. It might be best to go and see Dad in the surgery before going to uni.”

  “No, it’s fine again,” Carolyn argued. “Professor Forester is holding an important lecture today. I definitely don’t want to miss it. Please, let’s leave now, Alex, otherwise we’ll be late.”

  “Okay, my darling, as you wish. I’ll be ready in a second. See you later, Mum.” He gave his mother a tender kiss on the cheek.

  “See you later, my boy. Bye, Carry.”

  “So long, Miranda.” Carolyn fleetingly kissed her mother-in-law on the cheek and hurried outside.

  Alex followed her, shaking his head. What was the matter with his wife today?

  CHAPTER 51

  One week later, the young couple was invited to Carolyn’s parents. Like so often lately, Carolyn didn’t feel well and would have preferred to stay at home. But as she hadn’t seen her parents for months, she had no choice but to accept.

  Debbie Harris ran towards them with a broad smile when they got out of the car around three thirty. Both Carolyn and Alex were amazed at the exuberant greeting. Had she finally given up her role as the sulking prima donna?

  Too good to be true, Carolyn thought and shortly afterwards realized that she had been completely right.

  “Surprise!” Debbie cooed. “Guess who’s here and looking forward to finally meeting your Alex?”

  Carolyn froze.

  “Now come inside and have a seat in the living room, my dear children. Dad’s also impatiently waiting for you. Finally, the whole family is together again.” She led Alex and the ashen-faced Carolyn into the living room.

  Carina, who sat on the couch next to her father, jumped up laughing.

  “Look, Lynn,” Debbie chirped. “Carrie could hardly wait to finally meet your Alex. Somethin
g always came up until now.” While talking she threw Carolyn a reproachful until-now-you-always-knew-how-to-avert-it-look.

  “This is Carrie, Lynn’s twin sister,” she now said with noticeable pride in her voice. “Carrie, this is our good Alex.”

  “Hi, Alex, nice to finally meet you!” Carina said with her deep, somewhat smoky voice, smiling at him radiantly.

  “Hey, Carina, I’m also pleased to meet you!” Alex said politely and shook her hand. Then he looked to one side, slightly uncomfortable, and turned to his father-in-law. While the latter embraced him and the usual polite phrases were exchanged, all kinds of thoughts were going through his head. So that was Carolyn’s twin sister? He had somehow imagined her to be quite different, more like Carolyn. Carina however seemed completely different from his wife.

  Meanwhile, Carina had deigned to finally greet her sister. She took Carolyn in her arms with exaggerated cordiality and kissed her on both cheeks.

  “Dear sis,” she called out a little too loudly, “how nice to finally see you again. That was already the second Christmas you ran away from us, wasn’t it?” She mischievously winked at Carolyn and laughed.

  It sounded like a harmless joke and everybody joined in with her laughter, except for Carolyn. She knew exactly how it was meant and her face involuntarily took on a hard expression. This hussy always had to draw attention to herself and she did it so skilfully! Even Alex fell for it.

  During the following hours a lively conversation took place that of course - how else could it be - was dominated by Carina. She and Alex quickly found common theme, namely show business.

  Carina reported in detail about her stay in the USA, her training as a make-up artist and about the interesting people she had met, including many celebrities.

  Alex told her about The Silver Rocks, the band he had founded back then, and about how much fun he had had with his boys. He also mentioned that he now hardly had time to meet them and make music.

  Carina commented on what a shame that was and that he simply had to find the time for it.

  They talked, laughed, and joked as if they had known each other for ages.

  Alex suddenly seemed to be a different person, exuberant and cheerful, as Carolyn hadn’t seen him for a long time.

  Therefore, the afternoon was pure torture for Carolyn. Nobody paid attention to her, not even Alex.

  But wasn’t it her own fault? She sat next to her husband, motionless like a statue, and didn’t contribute a single word to the conversation. In desperation she wondered why she acted that way. Why did she lose all self-confidence in her twin sister’s company? Laura was absolutely right when she said that something was wrong with her.

  Carolyn felt terribly humiliated and desperately tried to maintain her composure. She was close to jumping up and running away. She couldn’t even blame her sister. Carina, contrary to her previous habits, behaved absolutely correct. She didn’t flirt with Alex but only had a nice, easy conversation with him and her parents.

  And still … Carolyn couldn’t put it into words, it wasn’t tangible, but she felt with every fibre of her heart that something was taking place this afternoon that would change her life.

  CHAPTER 52

  In the following week, Carolyn began to struggle with morning sickness. She often vomited unexpectedly, and slowly a certain assumption arose in her. She hadn’t thought about it immediately, but she should have had her period quite a while ago. She didn’t mention it to Alex and his parents because her relationship with her husband had changed in a hardly noticeable way since that afternoon at her parents’ in Seaford. However, Carolyn wasn’t sure whether that change was real or just existed in her fantasy.

  In the beginning of April, she finally decided to visit a gynaecologist. She didn’t want to go to her father-in-law’s surgery. Therefore, she called a Doctor Green in Brighton and made an appointment for the following Thursday. Laura and her had a biology-chemistry seminar on Thursday, then an anatomy lecture until twelve thirty, the afternoon was free. The friends then usually went into the canteen with the others for lunch, before they drove home to Laura’s to study together. Sometimes they just made themselves comfortable and chatted about this and that.

  Alex always stayed at university on Thursdays and sat in the library all afternoon, surrounded by his anatomy books. He then usually didn’t get home before the early evening. Therefore, it wasn’t hard for Carolyn to keep the doctor’s visit from him, for now.

  She excused herself to her friend after lunch, stating that she still had some urgent matters to take care of and might come to see her later. Laura accepted the explanation or at least pretended to do so. It was exceedingly difficult to deceive her friend.

  Doctor Thomas Green was a friendly man in his fifties, with bushy eyebrows and full hair peppered with grey. He made an extremely trustworthy impression and Carolyn liked him immediately.

  After a detailed introductory conversation and some questions about earlier illnesses Doctor Green examined her thoroughly. When she sat across from him again later, he smiled at her encouragingly.

  “My dear Mrs. Carpenter, congratulations. You’re healthy and eight weeks pregnant. In November you’ll give life to a little human being.”

  Carolyn was thunderstruck. She had already assumed that much, and yet she was still lost for words. Why couldn’t she be happy? Of course, it was too early for a baby, but shouldn’t she still be pleased to carry the child of the man she loved more than anything else in the world? Instead, she felt an undefined pain in her chest, a deep hopelessness for which she had no explanation.

  “But Mrs. Carpenter, what’s the matter with you?” she heard the doctor’s voice as if from afar. She wanted to say something, but her throat felt constricted.

  “Mrs. Carpenter, my God, you’re deathly pale!” The doctor got up, hurried to the sink, and soon returned with a glass of water.

  “Here, my dear child, drink this. You’ll soon feel better.”

  Carolyn obediently emptied the glass.

  “The news apparently was somewhat unexpected,” Doctor Green continued. “If there’s anything you’d like to discuss with me, my dear … You’re welcome to confide in me. I’ll gladly try to help you if possible.”

  Carolyn had more or less regained her composure and got up. “No, no, thank you very much, I’m fine again. I’m deeply sorry, doctor. The news really was a little unexpected, but I’m pleased, honestly. I’m really very pleased. Everything’s fine.”

  The doctor cast a doubting glance at her but then also rose. “Please come back for the next examination in four weeks, Mrs. Carpenter.” He shook hands with her and gave her a pensive glance as she left the room in a hurry.

  Carolyn’s mind was racing. She could hardly wait to talk to Laura, the only person she really trusted. She wanted to tell Laura the truth, to talk to her about her strange state of mind. Maybe her friend had a plausible explanation for the fears torturing her and could calm her down. She had always had good advice for her, had always helped her to feel better.

  Laura was a treasure! She could consider herself lucky to have such a friend.

  ***

  When Carolyn arrived at Laura’s in the late afternoon, her friend immediately noticed that something was wrong with her.

  “What’s the matter, Carry?”

  When Carolyn didn’t reply immediately, Laura led her friend to an armchair. “Now, sit down first and calm down. You’re out of breath. I’ll quickly tell Mum to make us a nice cup of tea. And then you tell me what’s wrong.”

  After a while Laura came back with a tray. “There you go, dear, now fire away.”

  And Carolyn told her everything. She started with the morning sickness and ended with the doctor’s appointment. She didn’t leave a single thing out, including her first reaction to the joyful news.

  However, with exaggerated indifference, she
only mentioned the visit at her parents’ in passing.

  Laura listened attentively, asked some questions in between, and when her friend had finished, she at first remained pensively silent. She had of course noticed that Carolyn had wanted to downplay the visit at her parents’.

  Carolyn impatiently shifted in her chair. “So, what do you think, Laura?” she asked restlessly. “Do you have an explanation for my behaviour?”

  “Yes, I do,” Laura finally replied quietly. “And deep inside you have it as well. Isn’t that so?”

  “No, I don’t,” Carolyn insisted. “Why else would I ask you?” She cast an offended glance at her friend. “Do you want to help me or not?”

  “You know very well that I want to help you, Carry. But can I? You know, Carry, it’s always the same, isn’t it? Carina always manages to …”

  “But she’s not the reason why I …” Carolyn wanted to protest.

  “Please, Carry, don’t say anything now, please let me finish. It was and is Carina who makes you feel insecure, even if you don’t want to acknowledge it. How many times in the last few years have I tried to make it clear to you where your problem lies and how you can solve it? Carina poses no danger to you, Carry, if you don’t let her.”

  “So, you think I can’t really look forward to our baby because of Carina? That’s absurd!”

  “Of course, it is. But that’s just the issue. Carina just needs to appear, and lovable Carolyn immediately turns into an insecure, reserved, even invisible, creature. Carry, don’t allow that any longer! You have so much to offer, so much that Carina doesn’t have, especially heart and character! Alex loves you, please don’t risk that by withdrawing from him. First, you need to tell him about your pregnancy. He’s the father and has a right to know.”

  “Who says I’m not planning to do that?” Carolyn protested.

  Laura preferred to not reply to that. She knew her friend well enough to realize that she hadn’t planned to do it. Why else hadn’t she gone home immediately after the doctor’s appointment to tell her husband the news first? Instead, she had come to her, fully distraught!