He knew something could happen to her outside of work too. Madison had just been driving when she’d been killed. Realistically, he knew everyone was vulnerable to injury or death, but knowing that didn’t seem to help.
He needed space. Space from Arwen. Time away to figure out if he was actually ready to put his heart out there. Earlier he’d told her that when it came to her that he had changed his mind, that he was no longer against being in a relationship. But now he was having doubts. Serious doubts.
He slowed his pace to catch his breath, then stopped and sat on a fallen log. The peace of his surroundings helped him to think. A gentle breeze cooled his face, and as he closed his eyes and lifted his face to the sun that slipped between the branches above him, he pictured Arwen’s face. Her sweet, beautiful face with those cornflower blue eyes and kissable lips and smooth skin.
He admired her commitment to her patients, her love of helping people. He couldn’t fault her for wanting to continue doing what she loved. If she asked him to stop being a firefighter, there was no way he would agree. Despite the danger he sometimes faced, he loved what he did and he wasn’t willing to give it up for anyone, so he could understand her position.
Why had she seemed so annoyed by his suggestion that she learn self-defense? It hadn’t been unreasonable advice. In fact, it was completely practical. Maybe if he offered to learn it with her she’d be willing to give it a try.
That wasn’t really the problem. The problem was his deep-seated fear of losing someone he loved, because he knew if he continued spending time with her, he would absolutely fall in love with her.
The only solution he could see was to avoid her completely to prevent those feelings from developing. If he wasn’t ready to make the leap, ready to open his heart to possible heartbreak, then he had to take the drastic step of cutting Arwen Butler out of his life.
By late evening Arwen hadn’t heard from Tyler, and when it was time for bed she wondered if he was going to contact her. When he’d left, despite giving her a kiss, he’d seemed distracted. He’d told her he was ready to be in a relationship, but she wondered if he really was.
Arwen had other things to consider, like going back to work the next day, so she pushed thoughts of Tyler out of her mind and went to sleep.
When she walked into the office the next morning, Paisley was the first one to greet her. She came right to her and pulled her in to a hug, which was nice. It distracted Arwen from the memory of the last time she’d been there and how terrified she’d been. But those feelings were quickly followed by the memory of Tyler scooping her into his arms and holding her against his chest.
She wanted to see him. Needed to see him.
Certain he would be at the gym that evening, she would go there after work. She needed to get back into her workout routine anyway.
“How are you?” Paisley said as she released her.
“Good.” Coming into the office felt right. Though she’d only been working there for a few months, it was home, and she wouldn’t let one horrible incident ruin that for her.
“You’re doing the right thing by jumping back into your routine.”
“I agree.” She smiled. “Besides, I have appointments.”
“Yes.” Paisley smiled back, then her face sobered.
“What?”
“People from the media keep calling. They want to know all about you and the handsome paramedic who carried you to the ambulance.”
The mention of Tyler sent a jolt through her. “What do you mean?”
Paisley held up her phone, which was on a national news site, and right there on the page was a picture of Tyler cradling Arwen in his arms, blood dripping down her neck.
“Oh my gosh,” she said. Over the weekend she’d stayed off the Internet and social media, so she’d had no idea this picture existed. Her mouth hung open as she looked from the phone to Paisley and back again.
Paisley nodded. “Yeah. So you’re kind of famous right now.”
“I don’t want to be famous.” She pushed the phone down so that she wouldn’t have to see the picture. Especially since things between her and Tyler seemed to be up in the air.
Paisley’s lips twisted into the semblance of a smile. “I know. But that’s the world we live in. Something like this—a hostage situation, a hot firefighter, a beautiful victim.” She shook her head. “It captures people’s attention.”
This was the last thing she needed.
“So,” Paisley said with a frown, “do you want to talk to the media?”
“No.” Her answer was immediate. “I have work to do. And if I ignore them, eventually they’ll move on to the next big story.”
“Most likely.”
Glad for Paisley’s agreement, Arwen said, “I’d better get started on my day.”
“Me too, but if you have time, maybe we can go to lunch.”
“Let’s plan on it.” They went their separate ways, and when Arwen opened the door to her office, her heart began to pound. Though someone had put the couch back where it belonged and had taped over the slash from Ben’s knife, she vividly recalled what had happened.
Closing her eyes, she took several cleansing breaths as she mentally walked through what had happened, visualizing herself making it safely out of her office.
She opened her eyes and looked around the familiar space. She was safe now. She would be fine. Her heart rate had returned to normal. She would deal with her fears as they arose, but she was confident she would be fine. Besides, she had a patient coming so she didn’t have time to dwell on it just then.
By the time she’d finished her last appointment of the morning, she felt great and back in the swing of things. She picked up her phone to text Tyler and tell her how well her morning had gone, but she held back. He still hadn’t reached out to her, which made her hesitant to reach out to him. She would see him that night at the gym, face to face. She would just have to wait until then.
Paisley took her to lunch, and after they sat at a table with their salads, Paisley asked about the latest with Tyler.
“I’m not sure what’s going on there, to tell you the truth.”
Paisley forked a slice of chicken along with some lettuce. “Why not?”
Arwen told her about the conversation she’d had with Tyler the day before. “He says he’s ready to be in a relationship, but that’s not the vibe I’m getting from him.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“He’s letting his fears stop him from moving forward, but, you know, if he’s not ready I’m not going to push him. That would just end with failure. He’d probably even resent me.”
“I totally agree.” Paisley sipped her drink. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m hoping he’ll be at the gym tonight because I’d like to talk to him.” Just picturing him made Arwen eager to see him.
When her work day came to a close, Arwen headed to the gym, and when she pulled into the parking lot and saw Tyler’s Jeep, her heart leapt with a mix of excitement and nervousness.
Quickly changing into shorts and a t-shirt, Arwen tried to imagine what Tyler would say when he saw her. Maybe the day before he’d gotten busy with things and hadn’t had a chance to text her. Then again, he’d said he would text her later and he never had. She didn’t normally obsess over those things, but after they’d had their little argument, and then Tyler had told her good-bye so abruptly, Arwen had a feeling busyness had nothing to do with his silence.
She grabbed her water bottle and a towel and headed into the gym, her eyes immediately seeking him out.
There he was, looking as hot as ever. But it looked like he was working with a client. A very beautiful client—blonde hair and perfect curves. Jealousy clawed its way up Arwen’s body and lodged itself in her chest.
It was okay. He was just doing his job. Just because she’d started off as a client and things had progressed to him hiking with her and dancing with her and kissing her didn’t mean the same thing would happen wit
h the blonde bombshell.
Valiantly suppressing the urge to rush over to him and kiss him, Arwen stretched out, then got on an empty treadmill—one that was far enough away so that she didn’t have to face Tyler just yet. Not while he was working. But she was able to watch him with the client.
Tyler knew the moment Arwen arrived. It was like a sixth sense, and it was very distracting. He’d been given a new client, and though he was happy to take on someone new, he would have preferred to be free during the time Arwen was there. Or would he? Had he already forgotten that he needed space while he figured things out? Seeing her had given him temporary amnesia and now his decision was thrown into doubt.
Regardless, he needed to talk to her to let her know where he stood. He felt bad that he hadn’t reached out to her since dropping her off the day before. He would talk to her as soon as he was free.
“Like this?” Kelly, his new client, asked as she tried glute kicks.
He tore his attention from Arwen and focused on his job. “Straighten your back more.”
She tried it again, but it wasn’t quite right. He put his hands on her back and stomach to show her the proper position, but wished it was Arwen he was touching.
Arwen saw Tyler touching the gorgeous blonde woman, and the stab of jealousy was so sharp it took her breath away. Luckily she was already panting from exertion so no one but her knew what had happened. Not that anyone was paying attention to her.
After twenty minutes on the treadmill she moved to an elliptical machine, and as the minutes ticked by and Tyler never came over to her, didn’t even look at her, the sinking feeling she’d had since the night before intensified.
Not only wasn’t he ready to be in a relationship, he wasn’t even ready to have the courtesy to tell her that he’d changed his mind, that he’d been wrong, that he’d jumped the gun.
Furious now, she pointedly ignored him as she finished her time on the elliptical before moving to a recumbent bicycle. When she’d decided to come to the gym she’d had no intention of burning this many calories, but now she found it impossible to leave, even though Tyler hadn’t even acknowledged her presence.
This was ridiculous. She had to either go over and talk to him or leave. But he was still with the blonde. Not exactly the ideal time to discuss their relationship status. With a burst of hope that maybe he was thinking the same thing and that’s why he hadn’t come over to talk to her, she decided she would just use the stair machine for fifteen minutes. If he didn’t come over by then, she would leave. And then she would treat herself to a milkshake after working so hard.
When the fifteen minutes drew to a close, Arwen watched as the blonde woman spoke to Tyler before walking off. Arwen followed her with her eyes, and when it appeared she was gone for good, Arwen’s gaze shot to Tyler, who was standing across the room. He was staring right at her.
Chapter Twenty
Tyler locked eyes with Arwen as her legs went up and down on the stair machine. Then he strode in her direction. Her gaze stayed on him, and when he stopped beside her, she climbed off of the stair machine and stood in front of him. She smiled, which did interesting things to his heart and again made him doubt his decision to cut her out of his life.
“I think I’ve worked out enough for one day,” she said.
Softly laughing, he said, “I noticed you went at it hard today.”
Her head tilted as her lips pursed. “Truthfully, I was waiting for a chance to talk to you.”
He nodded. “I need to talk to you too.” He glanced toward the office, then looked at her again. “I’m done for the night. Do you want to shower and then we can talk?”
“What? Are you saying I smell?”
His lips curved into a smile. “We can talk without you showering first. I just thought you might be more comfortable cleaned up.”
She chuckled. “No. I definitely need a shower. Give me ten minutes.”
He nodded, then watched her walk away.
Pleased that Tyler had approached her to talk, Arwen quickly showered, and after she’d made herself presentable, she went into the lobby where Tyler was waiting. He stood at her approach.
“How did work go today?” he asked when she stopped in front of him.
“It was good.” She thought about the picture Paisley had shown her, but just then it didn’t seem like the right time to mention it. Not when Tyler seemed so serious. “I’m already feeling like I’ve gotten back into the swing of things.”
He nodded, his lips lifting into a smile. “I had no doubt you would manage fine.” He glanced toward the parking lot, then turned back to Arwen. “Have you eaten?”
“No. And after that workout, I’m starved.”
He laughed. “I can imagine.” He paused. “Let’s grab something to eat while we talk.”
That didn’t exactly sound like a romantic evening, but Arwen would take it. “Sure.”
“It might be easier if you followed me there,” he said, which told Arwen that after they talked he didn’t want to be alone with her in his Jeep.
Sharp disappointment radiated in her chest, but like she’d told Paisley, if Tyler wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, forcing him would only lead to failure. Eventually he would resent her and it would be ugly all the way around. “All right,” she said.
When they reached the restaurant—more like a small diner—Arwen parked her car behind Tyler’s Jeep, and as she watched him get out and walk toward her, his handsome face serious, she was surprised at how sad she felt that things were going to be over between them before they’d ever had a chance to get started.
Tyler opened her driver’s door and helped her out, then without taking her hand, led them inside where they sat across from each other at a quiet table. There were a few other diners, but no one too close.
In silence, they looked over their menus, but after telling their server what they wanted, Arwen was ready to get to it.
“What do you want to talk to me about?”
Tyler liked how direct Arwen could be, although he wasn’t in a rush to tell her what he’d decided. Still, better to get it over with so they could both move on.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” he said.
Her blue eyes were steady on him, and despite his decision that he wasn’t ready to get into a relationship after all, her presence calmed him.
“Turns out,” he began, “I think we’d be better off as friends.” Friends? Was that really a good idea? How could he possibly be around her only as a friend when he wanted to hold her in his arms and kiss her senseless?
“You’re friend-zoning me, huh?”
He forced a laugh. “If that’s what you want to call it.”
She frowned. “What would you call it?”
What would he call it? How about the only way to keep her in his life without being in a romantic relationship? But was that really what he wanted? He was deeply conflicted.
“At this point,” she said, “I think it would be better if we went our separate ways.”
That was the last thing he’d expected her to say, and to his surprise, it hurt. It wasn’t what he wanted at all, but he was the one who’d put this into motion. Slowly nodding, he said, “Okay. If that’s what you want.”
Her nod was firm. “I do.”
It wasn’t what Arwen wanted at all, but until he was ready for more than friendship, she would put her energy into building her career. Maybe he would never be ready for anything more, which was all the more reason for her to move on.
She picked her purse up from the floor. “I’m gonna get going, Tyler, but thank you for letting me know where we stand.”
His eyes widened slightly. “Are you leaving?”
“Yeah. I think that would be best.”
With a grim expression on his face, he nodded. “Right.”
Arwen stood, and with a final smile in his direction, she turned and left the diner.
For the rest of the week Arwen went to the gym before work. The thou
ght of facing Tyler made her heart pound, so she’d taken the easy way out and hadn’t gone when she’d known he would be there.
On Friday when Arwen got back from lunch, she realized it was one week earlier that she had been held hostage at knifepoint. The notion felt surreal. Yet here she was, alive and well. Nothing bad had occurred all week, which boosted her confidence that what had happened was a one time thing and was unlikely to happen again—at least to her.
Tyler’s worries for her had been unfounded. Sure, something could happen in the future, but that seemed extremely unlikely. Tyler’s suggestion that she take self-defense classes was a good idea, but that had nothing to do with work.
She had to stop thinking about Tyler. They’d moved on. It was too bad though. There were so many things about him that she liked—besides his incredible good looks. He was smart and brave and kind, and he still haunted her every thought.
She didn’t know what she would do when she ran in to him, which she inevitably would.
The tones went off and Tyler raced to the apparatus bay with the rest of the crew.
“Seventy-two year-old woman with chest pain,” Cap said as they boarded their respective rigs.
Moments later Tyler was behind the wheel of the ambulance, and after Jake jumped in the passenger side, they headed toward the address.
When they arrived, Tyler and Jake wheeled the gurney to the front door. An older man opened it before they knocked.
“It’s my wife,” he said, his face creased with worry. “She had a heart attack earlier this year and she’s having similar symptoms as before.”
“We’ll take care of her,” Tyler said as he and Jake followed the man into the front room where an older woman sat in a recliner, her hand on her chest and her brow wrinkled in pain.
“What’s your name?” Tyler asked as he bent over the woman.
“Ellen.”
Hearts On Fire: Park City Firefighter Romance Page 12