Girl in the Bearskin

by C. L. Stone

  I revealed them all to him and continued to try to appear unshaken by the act.

  His blue eyes widened, curiously looking me over. He said nothing.

  “Do you think money is everything?” I continued.

  He locked gaze on me, leaning forward, tilting his head. “I’ll admit. All my life it has given me everything I’ve needed…to live well in a fine house…Yet…it never protected me from my brothers when they harassed me. It didn’t protect me from menacing teachers at the school my father sent me to. When he almost lost everything, my father thought to die without it.” He leaned further forward, gazing at me. “Yet…you’ve all the same money and chose to sleep in tents? To walk instead of taking a carriage? To look like you do? I want to know this difference. And I want to know what’s in your heart to be so brave and unselfish when you’ve every opportunity to be the opposite.”

  I fell silent, considering what he was saying.

  I didn’t want to tell him of Shaytan, but I could tell him the rest.

  So I did. I told him of my life before the war. There was my missing father, my dead mother, my brute of a brother. I told him of my leaving my only home to find a place among the army.

  Long into the night, I spoke of the war. I told him about how I killed for the first time, how I’d thrown up after and felt ill for weeks. Later, I’d taken up a resistance to this, yet I’d never forget the face of any of the people I’d killed in defense of our country. But I still sought to protect the people who chose to live here. I’d forever feel a need to take care of them.

  Eventually, I got to Thorne. How he and I were close, yet in the end, how he betrayed me. How after the war was over, I looked for him for months, only to find out he was possibly married to someone else.

  I spoke of Wilhelm, too. How despite how everyone else around me turned me away, he was the only one to stay by my side.

  Also, I told him of being cast out by people who didn’t know me. The sight of me repulsed them. Despite the years of service to them, I was cast out.

  I only left out my deal with Shaytan and exactly why and how I came to wear the bearskin.

  When I finished, I sat back on the seat. The candle next to Klaus had melted down to half a stick.

  “Wilhelm knows as well,” I continued. “And he knows the answers you’re looking for. But I should trust you not to tell anyone else anything about me. And I trust for now, you’ll realize I’m not here for the money or what investments might make for myself. I’ve no need of more money. But don’t tell your father this. I don’t want him to see me as just someone who will give him money forever.”

  “You’d be right to think this,” Klaus said. He sat back and tilted his head, considering. “I’ve never met anyone like you, Adelina. I’ve met soldiers, but…none as brave as you, I think.” He fiddled with a silver ring he wore on his forefinger, twisting it around.

  I swallowed and looked at his face, at those eyes that seemed to look more closely at me, enough to make me feel uncomfortable, in ways I’d never thought of before. It reminded me of the men in the army when they looked longingly at women when we passing through town and how the women blushed at the attention.

  I felt the same blush now. It startled me how he could make me feel that way. Wanted. Just by a look. To be desired by someone clean, who had the ability and means to draw the attention of anyone he wanted… Yet he looked at me with desire.

  Shaytan snorted behind me, and I wondered if it was snoring until he spoke. “Can you believe he’s actually smitten by you? Don’t let the puppy dangle for too long. He’ll follow you forever. You should break his heart. Tell him you’re in love with me. Or Wilhelm if you must…”

  He was probably right. He wouldn’t understand this odd relationship I had with Wilhelm. And then with Shaytan…

  “My life is complicated, Klaus,” I said. I hesitated with the next part, but he had to know. I hadn’t expected his desire of me after all of my story. “Wilhelm follows me because he loves me. And I let him because…I feel the same. And there’s another I love as well. Two who live in my heart. They’ll be with me for as long as I live, and perhaps beyond.”

  At this, Klaus seemed upset, turning his face away. He put a hand to his chest, and his breathing became labored. “You’re…already in love…”

  Before I could respond, he stood up, he picked up his candlestick and headed to the door.

  I rose, feeling sorry for breaking this with him. But I couldn’t pretend. “You needed to know the full of it,” I said after him, meaning to make some sort of amends. “Please. I wouldn’t let you continue without knowing.”

  He put his hand on the door. Just as he looked ready to jerk the door open to leave, he stilled quickly. The flame flickered with the sudden movement.

  He continued to face the door, his shoulders sagging, his head bowed. “I’ve been truly spoiled,” he whispered. He turned, looking at me over the flame of the candlelight. His cheeks were red. His eyes glistened. “I’ve yet to want a thing I couldn’t have…not until now…”

  “He’s so selfish, he wants you for himself,” Shaytan said. “I can sense his heart. He’d make a deal with me just to keep all men away from you.”

  He was right. It hurt to hurt him and continue to do so, but no man would claim me for himself alone without my desire for it. And my heart was loyal to Shaytan and Wilhelm now. It could be loyal to him as well, but not without him making a choice.

  I swallowed, gazing at the floor to appear humble. I don’t know why this was important to me. I didn’t want him angry.

  I stepped toward him slowly, lifting my hands to him.

  He allowed me to collect his cheeks into my palms. I held him still, while he was tense and his breath seemed labored.

  I said nothing, but I leaned in to kiss him. I just wanted him to find some comfort in this moment. For some reason, it felt like I was soothing. I wanted him to know I’d be understanding, that I’d still help him and his family through all of this.

  As I did lean in, I felt another body behind me, and somehow I knew it was Shaytan.

  The moment I kissed Klaus, Shaytan touched the back of my neck, at the bare skin.

  Instantly a sensation swept over me, as powerful as the other night when I’d been with Shaytan. It overwhelmed my senses until I forgot what I was doing.

  It was a caress of silk against my body.

  It was a down comforter and a close fire on a cold night with snow blowing outside.

  It was a sensation that left my soul cozy and strong with satisfaction. Different than before, yet thrilling and fulfilling at the same time.

  When I pulled back from Klaus, he’d his eyes closed and his hand barely hanging on to the candlestick. He pressed back against the door, using it for support.

  He opened his eyes slow, his breathing was fast like before, but different now. Excited perhaps.

  His lips trembled as he spoke. “What did you do to me?” he whispered. “Your name was already etched in my heart, and now…” He shuddered visibly and stood up fully. He opened the door, and raced down the hall, the candlelight going out in the swift movement.

  I closed the door and turned to Shaytan. “What did you do that for?”

  He chuckled. “He only got half of what you felt,” he said. “But I wanted him to know what he was missing to leave you.”

  I rolled my head back, gazing at the ceiling. “You just said to cut him off!”

  “I only said that because it was fun to see him suffering.”

  “You are evil.”

  “I am a demon, dear Adelina.”

  I laid in the bed, looking up at the carved images in the white-painted wood along the walls. “You didn’t do it to Wilhelm.”

  “I can’t. I’m not able to.”

  I forgot about that.

  I settled in to sleep, yet my mind raced. Klaus feeling even half of what I’d felt, it was something I knew he wouldn’t forget.

  Could any man resist it? Or woman
?

  And strangely enough, I wanted give the same feeling to Shaytan. And to Wilhelm. Only I couldn’t. I didn’t have the power yet.

  A Change of Heart

  The next morning, Shaytan left me to join Klaus early.

  “He won’t come to see you,” Shaytan said before he left me. “But he’s keeping his word. I don’t actually think he slept last night.”

  I made him promise me to protect him. He was young and naïve.

  Shaytan promised, and then was gone.

  Instead of being idle, Wilhelm said I should join him going to the shops. “It’ll be better to at least accompany me in the carriage, wouldn’t it?”

  I had to agree. I’d rather sit in the carriage or do my best to help Wilhelm than be waiting and wondering what was going on.

  The shops wouldn’t open until later in the morning. Still, Wilhelm joined me for some breakfast. This time he sat next to me at the dining table. Over fried eggs, toasted and buttered bread, and roasted fish, he talked animatedly about the plans today.

  “I’m rather glad you ran into them,” Wilhelm said, buttering another slice of bread. “I feel we’ve not taken full advantage of your demon. Why were we camping or staying at inns when we can stay here?”

  “Because it takes knowing people. We know none.”

  “We could have had you meet someone like Klaus. You’re not so disagreeable to turn people like him away.”

  “You won’t be as happy, perhaps, knowing that Klaus was at my room last night.”

  Wilhelm dropped his knife on his plate, creating a clattering that hurt my ears. “What? Did…he…”

  I tapped idly at the table. I didn’t want to hide this from him. “He was upset when I told him how I felt about you. And I had to tell him about another man I also have feelings for…”

  Wilhelm cocked a brow. “Thorne?”

  I choked and sat forward. “No! I meant Shaytan. But I didn’t tell him about the demon part.” I explained a bit more about what happened. I skipped over the thing Shaytan did to the both of us.

  “Oh,” he said and seemed to consider this. “Probably for the better you told him before he got too invested emotionally.”

  “I had to explain there were two people in my life. I can’t hide it forever. But I don’t know if I completely dissuaded him because of it.”

  Wilhelm picked up his knife again, inspecting the tip. “Maybe you shouldn’t. You are actually right. You need a reputation to get places like this. A name. We’ve none that may impress. We actually might need him.”

  “You talk like we should use him.”

  “They’re using you. It’s fair trade. He’ll spoil us both with living in fine houses like this. I think if we worked together, we could live more comfortably than we’ve been for the duration of your seven years. And then think of afterward!”

  Shaytan didn’t seem to care where we stayed, in tents or in big houses like this. Not that I needed his approval, but funny enough, we’d continued to live poor by my own hand rather than trying to live so opulently. Wilhelm was echoing what I had been thinking earlier. He’d given me what money I could want, so why not make full use of it?

  If I’d thought of it before, I could have stayed cleaner for longer perhaps. It surprised me I didn’t take advantage of this sooner. I promised not to stay in one spot, but did it stop me from renting estates across the country?

  I sat back in my chair, looking over at him. “I kissed him last night,” I said. “Klaus, I mean. I thought I was sending him off angry, telling him about you and me. And then…I think I made it worse.”

  Wilhelm leaned over the armrest of his chair, lingering close. “Do you like him?”

  “I don’t know yet. He didn’t recoil when I told him about me.”

  “And you didn’t tell him about your demon?”

  “No.”

  His eyes brightened. “Then there you go. He adores you without knowing what’s going on with the bearskin. You didn’t believe me. You believe him?”

  That was true. I hadn’t considered it. I was wrapped up in how I was feeling and sending him off, assuming more that he’d be mad about Wilhelm. The fact that he cared enough without knowing why I was repulsive…

  This triggered my silence, turning me to my own thoughts. I nibbled the rest of my breakfast. Wilhelm left to get ready for the day.

  I left the dining room alone, to return to the room. I sat on the bed, looking over the white sheets covering surfaces, and the dark spots where I’d sat.

  But my mind instantly went to places I didn’t like. Feelings. For Wilhelm. For Klaus.

  For Shaytan.

  How would all this work?

  Too much thinking, and it’d overwhelm me, for sure. To quash the thoughts I carried, I found the mask, and I found the linen cloak to put over my own.

  I checked myself in a mirror. My surface looked clean. If no one looked too closely, I was just a bulky person wishing to remain anonymous. Perhaps scarred. Perhaps just ugly.

  It was all a lie that hid who I was.

  MISSING

  Wilhelm and I were off to the market on that first day. Wilhelm spent time looking at refined clothes and getting measured. We relied heavily on the shopkeeper’s word as to what was acceptable. It took probably more gold than I’d ever spent in my life to do so.

  The shopkeeper was only a little concerned with working with a man who was joined by a cloaked and masked person. It helped that Wilhelm right away showed him coins in his purse that would more than compensate for his time. I kept my distance to hopefully hide the smell.

  It didn’t stop the shopkeeper from offering me a small glass bottle of spiced scented liquid he called ed de toilette.

  Wilhelm insisted I get more comfortable clothes for under the bearskin. I listened to him. The clothes I usually wore got itchy quickly. To keep it simple, I stuck with thin shirts and breeches that were not too expensive, and easily could be replaced in a couple of weeks when they got too soiled.

  I didn’t bother with being measured with pieces cut to size for each item. Wilhelm made arrangements for everything.

  We didn’t return to the house until later in the evening. When we arrived, Klaus was waiting for us in the front parlor. He was alone, though.

  I looked around the space a few times, waiting for Shaytan to appear. “What’s going on?” I asked.

  Klaus got up, and he smiled brightly at me. “Good news!” he cried out. “I found the people we were looking for.”

  I raised a concerned eyebrow. It wasn’t for him, but the fact that Shaytan wasn’t here at all. If he wasn’t, then I was worried. “Where are they?” I asked.

  He paused, looking confused. “They were staying in an establishment near the docks. I mentioned to them I was in town looking for new investment opportunities. That I’d come across an inheritance.”

  “You approached them?” Wilhelm asked, seeming to catch on why I was looking concerned. “Alone?”

  Klaus’s shoulders dropped. “Yes. Why? Did I do this wrong? I needed to be sure it was them. So I had to talk to them.”

  I’d removed the mask, turned in the space, and called out. “Shaytan!”

  He didn’t appear.

  I looked to Wilhelm. “He’s not here. I sent him to go with him. To protect him.”

  “Something must have happened.” Wilhelm turned to Klaus. “Where were these people?”

  “Who is Shaytan?” he asked. “What’s going on?”

  Wilhelm went to him, gripping his shoulder. “It’s a long story.” He’d started to take off the overcoat he’d put on but now replaced it on his shoulders. “Come with us. Show us where you found them.”

  Wilhelm and I shared a look while Klaus prepared himself to go. We seemed to be thinking the same thing without saying a word.

  He approached them. But people in the city knew his name. They knew his father. It’d be much too obvious he had approached them to seek revenge in some manner. Especially after they sent a no
te to his father telling him about how the ship sank.

  We shouldn’t have sent him on by himself. To ask a few questions around town was one thing, but to approach them directly…

  They were either on their way out of town, or plotting against Klaus to do something horrible. They probably caught on Klaus was here to stop them or get the money back somehow. With Shaytan not here, it told me there was something he had to do to stay away to fulfill his promise and protect him.

  What could so critical to keep a demon away?

  Clues

  In the late evening, with the sky clear overhead but no moon to light our way, the three of us headed out on foot into the city, toward the docks.

  The city docks smelled heavily of fish and ocean, enough to overpower even my smells. The wind was up. Smaller boats bobbed in the water. Ships rocked slightly from one side to the other, rolling with the sea.

  The establishment Klaus was talking about was a small, long-term boarding house meant for fishermen and dock workers. How Heinrich had come across these people, I wasn’t sure.

  I had Wilhelm approach the desk. I was covered with the linen and wore the mask, but I still kept my distance, standing in shadowed corners.

  Klaus kept beside me. He nervously fiddled with a silver ring I’d seen him wearing. He held it between his fingers and looked around suspiciously at people.

  I reached out to him, touching him lightly on the arm. “Don’t worry,” I said. “You did what I asked. I’m just worried about…”

  “Who is Shaytan?” he asked. He looked at me, stopping his fidgeting for a second as he focused. “You said you sent him after me. You didn’t trust me to do this alone?”

  “I was worried about you,” I said. “If they swindled your father, I didn’t want you going by yourself. This could have been very dangerous.”