Face the Music

by Melody Carlson

  Well, I suppose all this potty talk had loosened me up and put me into a goofy mood because before I knew what hit me, I was shooting off my mouth. “I hear you wanna attend a real live high school prom.”

  He broke into a huge and rather handsome grin. “So the cat’s outta the bag now.”

  “Yeah. It’s hard to keep too many secrets with the crowd we hang with.” We were almost to the foyer now. “But if you really want, you can come with me. It’s not like the Harrison High prom is anything to brag about—”

  “Hey, I’d love to come, Chloe. And it might not seem like any big deal to you, but sometimes it feels like I missed out on everything that had anything to do with high school.”

  “I guess I know what you mean. Still, I wouldn’t trade this for—”

  “Chloe Killer!” yelled a fan who’d just spotted me coming around the corner. She looked to be all of twelve and was wildly waving her shiny orange autograph book in the air. “Will you sign this for me?”

  “Later,” said Isaiah.

  And then, as I was smiling and signing, I had to wonder what I’d gotten myself into. I even considered tracking down Isaiah and backing out, but Iron Cross had left to catch a late flight for a concert in New Orleans. Now it looks as though I won’t be talking to Isaiah until next Friday, when we meet up with them in Jackson, Mississippi. Maybe it’s just as well.

  Naturally, Allie and Laura were totally jazzed.

  “What are you going to wear?” Allie demanded as we rode back to the hotel.

  I just shrugged.

  “Do we all want to go together?” asked Laura hopefully.

  “You think Ryan would like that?” I asked. “He’d kind of be odd man out.”

  She frowned. “I’ve actually been wondering if that’s the only reason he agreed to come.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “When I told Ryan that Allie had been thinking about asking Brett from Iron Cross, well, I think that’s when he got interested in coming. He’s a big Iron Cross fan, you know.”

  “Oh.”

  “But he still likes you,” Allie said with optimism, as the limo pulled up to the hotel. “Doesn’t he?”

  “I don’t know. My brother told me that Ryan was pretty serious with his girlfriend at college. So much so that he got depressed when she broke up with him last month. James warned me that Ryan might not even be over her yet. I might just be his rebound girl.”

  “Maybe Cesar and Caitlin are right,” I said as we stepped out of the limo onto the well-lit sidewalk. We waited while Willy tipped the driver and climbed out of the passenger seat. He usually rides up front, which I personally think is kind of cool since he uses the opportunity to tell the driver about Jesus.

  “Right about what?” asked Laura.

  “You know,” I said, “the whole nondating thing. Maybe it just simplifies life for everyone.”

  “Someone having problems with her love life again?” teased Willy.

  “Yeah,” Allie said with a sly grin. “Not that you would know anything about that now, would you, Willy?”

  He tossed her a funny glance as he held open the hotel door for us. “You girls better hit the hay early tonight. We’ve got to be out of here by six in the morning.”

  We all made the appropriate groaning noises as we rode the elevator up to the eleventh floor. But I did feel kind of sorry for Willy. I know that he’s got it bad for Elise, but he never actually says anything. Neither does Elise. And for Allie to tease him like that just makes everyone feel uncomfortable. I may say something to her about it tomorrow. But not while anyone else is around. I’ve learned enough about confronting people by now to know that you should do it privately and in love.

  HONEST LOVE

  speak the truth

  one on one

  don’t let anger

  outshine the sun

  words that hurt

  won’t always heal

  truth with love

  is the real deal

  don’t keep feelings

  on a shelf

  love your friends

  as you love yourself

  cm

  Four

  Thursday, April 28

  I really like the way Eugene Peterson translates 1 Corinthians 13 (the love chapter) in “The Message.” He says things like, love doesn’t get a big head or strut. How cool is that? Anyway, it’s inspired me to write my own version.

  Love runs a marathon with blistered heels just to keep you company.

  Love won’t take a break until you have what you need.

  Love doesn’t get grumpy when you win the lottery but refuse to share a penny.

  Love doesn’t act like you’re a stranger just because you’ve got a big green booger in your nose.

  Love, though perfect, isn’t full of itself.

  Love doesn’t push its way into places where it’s not invited.

  Love never takes cuts in front of anyone.

  Love doesn’t freak when you total the car.

  Love doesn’t keep track of every single time you blow it.

  Love doesn’t laugh when a jerk falls on his face.

  Love doesn’t make the story bigger than it really is.

  Love can be spat upon, beaten, and murdered and still keep on loving.

  Love trusts God implicitly.

  Love sees the good in you even when you’re acting like a total loser.

  Love doesn’t feel bad about what happened yesterday.

  Love keeps running the marathon until it reaches the finish line.

  Wow, now that I think about it, I think Love is really just another name for Jesus. Amazing. I’m going to make a copy of this list and keep it with me to check on from time to time, like when I’m feeling particularly impatient or grumpy or just generally out of sorts. It’ll be a good reminder for me to just lighten up.

  Friday, April 29

  “I hear you kids are all going to the prom together,” Jeremy said to me after the concert tonight. The two of us were already starting to pack things up offstage. As usual, the rest of them were still out there gabbing with the fans.

  Something about the way he said “kids” kind of aggravated me, like he saw us as a bunch of toddlers playing in the sandbox together. As a result, I felt seriously irked. But then I reminded myself that Love doesn’t react like that.

  “Yeah,” I said calmly. “Isaiah really wanted to go to a prom, and Allie and Laura talked me into it.”

  “Sounds like fun.” He smiled as he snapped his guitar case closed. “I still remember my prom.”

  “You went to the prom?” I said, instantly feeling stupid and false since I already knew this bit of information. What a hypocrite I can be sometimes. Still, I wanted to hear his version—and hopefully he’d mention the mysterious girlfriend as well.

  He nodded. “Yep. It was about five years ago as I recall. I think we’d just signed our first recording contract.”

  “But you still had time to go to prom?” I wanted to keep him talking, extracting as much information as possible.

  “I probably wouldn’t have gone, but I’d promised my girlfriend before we’d signed the contract. And even though it was inconvenient, I wanted to be true to my word.”

  “Girlfriend?” I said in a teasing tone, instantly regretting this too. What was wrong with me?

  He laughed. “Yeah, even we famous rock stars are allowed to have girlfriends.”

  “So, are you still going with her?” I diverted my eyes from his as I pretended to focus on stacking some sheets of music.

  “Yeah, but it’s kind of tricky.”

  “Tricky?”

  “You know, dating someone while you’re almost constantly on tour. It’s not the best for maintaining a good relationship.”

  “What’s she like?” I asked, no longer concerned that I probably appeared overly interested as I shamelessly attempted to pry out all the varied details of his personal life. By then I was telling myself, “Hey, he thinks of me as
the kid sister here.” And “These are just the kind of questions I would ask Josh about him and Caitlin.”

  “She’s a very sweet Christian girl,” he told me. “She’s about to graduate from Bible school with her teaching degree. She really loves kids and wants to get a job in an inner city.”

  “That’s cool.” By now the others were starting to trickle in, and I no longer had any desire for Jeremy to go on about his love life.

  “Hey, Chloe,” Isaiah said with a friendly smile. “Am I supposed to wear a tux to the prom or not? Laura says yea, but Allie says nay. What says ye?”

  I shrugged. “I guess I don’t really know.”

  “Is this about the tux again?” Allie said as she came backstage. “Brett and I plan to go casual—”

  “But it’s a prom,” Laura insisted as she and Willy joined us. “You’re supposed to get dressed up.”

  And so it went. Finally Allie and I won by majority and pure stubbornness, and it was decided that our foursome was definitely going casual. Retro even. “But you can dress however you like,” said Allie nonchalantly.

  “And hey, if you don’t want to be seen with us—”

  “No, it’s okay,” Laura said in a sober tone. “Maybe my mom can return the dress since it’s never been worn.”

  I had to control myself from cheering out loud about this. Now, I don’t mean to be disrespectful of Mrs. Mitchell, but sometimes it seems as though she’s a little too controlling of Laura’s life. On the other hand, I guess it’s understandable after the way things have gone with Laura’s older sister, Christine. Still, parents should know that they can’t really control their kids. Shouldn’t they? Man, I sure don’t look forward to ever becoming a parent. I think I’ll probably wait until I’m about forty before having any kids. And be married first, of course. It’s just as well since I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon.

  Anyway, to finish up the what-to-wear-to-the-prom dilemma, Allie came up with a brilliant solution, which we’re all hoping will work out.

  “Why don’t we hire our personal designer?” she said suddenly. “She could coordinate all our outfits.”

  “You guys have a personal designer?” said Michael, obviously impressed with our little ragtag band.

  “Not exactly.” I didn’t want to put on false airs.

  “Yes, we do,” insisted Allie. “Her name is Beanie Jacobs, and she’s going to work out of New York and be very famous someday.”

  “Cool,” said Brett. “You girls always look so together. I guess I just assumed you did it all yourselves.”

  “Does your designer friend do guys too?” asked Isaiah hopefully.

  “We can ask,” offered Laura.

  “I’ll e-mail her tonight,” said Allie.

  And so we’re all hoping that Beanie won’t be too busy to help us out.

  YOUR DESIGN

  perfectly, You plan my day

  seamlessly, You weave the way

  You go before me and behind

  creating wonders that i find

  You always know what is the best

  when to run and when to rest

  i am Yours and You are mine

  sewn together by design

  cm

  Five

  Saturday, April 30

  Beanie e-mailed Allie right back, offering to coordinate outfits for all six of us. Now all we have to do is get the guys’ measurements sent off to her, and she’ll meet up with us the day of the prom to hand off our outfits. We didn’t give her much time, but she’s certain she can pull it off anyway.

  “Beanie says that she’ll have to take photos of us,” said Allie, reading aloud from her e-mail. “It says here, ‘I need to get a lot of shots of the six of you together so I can use these as well as sketches for my final project in my textile design class. So if you all agree to that, I’d love to do this. And if you don’t mind, I’d like to do a retro fifties thing. Let me know. Love, Beanie.’”

  “That’s great,” said Laura.

  “Really?” I asked. “You’re okay with this?”

  “Yeah. My mom might actually like that it’s fifties retro. She’s always saying that’s one of her favorite eras for clothes.”

  “But your mom’s not that old.”

  “I know. She just likes it.”

  So it’s settled. But to be honest, I’m not that thrilled about this whole fifties thing and am frankly surprised that someone as cool as Beanie would even suggest it. I can’t really see myself in a pastel-colored dress with a tight waist and full skirt, not to mention those spiky high heels. I mean, my spiky hair is one thing, but shoes? Give me a break.

  Well, at least the guys seem to like it, or so Allie informed us after e-mailing Brett with the news. I think they’re just relieved that someone else is handling the clothes issue for them. Allie said they refused to give her their measurements, but e-mailed them directly to Beanie instead. Allie suggested we might bribe her for this information. Yeah, sure! Anyway, I suppose I’m actually getting into this whole prom thing after all. And in a way, I guess I’m getting into Isaiah too. I mean he’s not Jeremy, but he’s not exactly chopped liver either!

  Naturally, Allie (the love cupid) is trying to make more of this than it really is. Exactly what I was afraid of in the first place. Since she’s madly in love with Brett it only makes sense to her that I should fall head over heels for Isaiah. But today I had to tell her to lay off. Privately, of course. Even so, she got mad.

  “Man, Chloe, what are you becoming anyway? The mind control police? First you’re on my case for saying that thing to Willy about his love life, which by the way, I did apologize for and he told me was absolutely no biggie.”

  “I didn’t tell you that so you’d apologize to him, Allie. I just thought maybe you’d be more sensitive to his dilemma.”

  “His dilemma?” she shot right back at me. “For your information, he’s interested in MY mother.”

  “I know.” Suddenly I wished I’d just kept my big mouth closed.

  “And how do you think it makes me feel?”

  I studied her. “I don’t know, Allie. How does it make you feel?”

  She frowned. “To be honest, I’m not sure.”

  I nodded. “But you like Willy, right?”

  “Of course. I mean, he’s a little old, but I do think he’d make a totally cool dad. I even pretend that he is sometimes.”

  “So what’s the problem?”

  “Mainly my mom.”

  “Oh.”

  “Every single time I’ve asked her about it, she gets kind of upset and just closes up.”

  “Upset like she has absolutely no romantic interest in him and just wants you to shut up? Or upset like she likes him but it makes her uncomfortable to admit it?”

  “I can’t tell. But it almost makes me think she might still have feelings for my dad.”

  “But I thought he was remarried.”

  Allie rolled her eyes. “Not really. They’re just ‘shacking up’ as my mom likes to say.”

  “Even so, it sounds like your dad’s pretty involved with another woman.”

  “It seems like that to me too. I just wish my mom would get the message and move on. I mean, I love my dad and everything, despite the fact that he’s been a total jerk to us, but I really wouldn’t want to see Mom go back to him even if his old lady—who’s actually only twenty-four-left him high and dry. I just think my mom would get hurt all over again. And I don’t think I could handle that.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

  “You know what I mean?” She frowned at me with obvious skepticism. “How’s that? Your parents seem pretty happily married to me.”

  “Okay, maybe I don’t know exactly what you mean. But I can understand how it feels when someone you love is hurting over something. Whether you like it or not, you get involved, and before you know it, you’re hurting too.”

  “Like how it was with your brother Caleb last winter?”

  “Yeah,
kind of like that. I mean I realize now that I can’t do anything to change things for him and that he won’t give up drugs until he’s ready. But I still love him so much that I wish I could do something—anything. But sometimes all we can do is pray for them. Even so, it hurts.”

  “Okay, I guess you do get it.” Allie smiled.

  “Man, doesn’t it just make you wish everyone was a Christian so they wouldn’t mess up their lives so much?”

  She nodded. “But Christians mess up too.”

  “But not quite as badly as others. Or maybe it’s just that they go to God quicker to get fixed up.”

  “Doesn’t it make you glad that we’re doing what we’re doing?” said Allie.

  “Huh?” I guess I was spacing just then.

  “You know, singing songs about God and telling everyone about Jesus, silly. It just might make a difference.”

  “Yeah.” I had to laugh at myself. “You’re right. God can definitely make a difference.”

  A DIFFERENCE

  what’s the difference?

  what does it matter?

  what’s your defense?

  what makes you shatter?

  who really cares?

  who gives a rip?

  when someone shares

  what made them slip?

  what is the point?

  what is the good

  of rocking the joint?

  just cuz we could

  the difference is clear

  between life and death

  it’s fleeing from fear

  and feeling God’s breath

  it’s knowing you’re loved

  and feeling God’s grace

  it’s help from above

  and seeing God’s face

  cm

  Monday, May 2

  My mom e-mailed me today! Man, I was pretty stunned. But I was even more surprised when reading her words made me feel like crying. I don’t mean sad tears, no way. I felt like crying tears of real joy. This is what she wrote.