by Leah Atwood
“It’s okay.” She slid out of her jacket and handed it to him, then helped Lacy out of hers.
He hung them in the hall closet. When he turned around, Lacy stared at him expectantly. Catching Tanya’s gaze, he searched her eyes for instructions. Her slight nod told him to go ahead, introduce himself. Now wasn’t the time to analyze why they could read each other’s expressions after all this time.
Stooping down to Lacy’s level, he marveled that he’d helped create her. Instant love for his daughter crashed over him, along with a wave of dismay and wonder that he could have ever abandoned her.
Lacy tilted her head to the side, examining him with intense scrutiny. “Are you really my daddy?”
“I am.” He had to fight against the lump in his throat again.
“Where have you been?”
All the air in his lungs dissipated in a single moment. How could he possibly respond? “I was confused about a lot of things in my life and disappeared to college … then work … but it was wrong of me not to be there for you. Can you forgive me?”
“You’re here now.” Her small face tightened. “You’re not going away again, are you?”
“No. I’ll be right here for good.”
A smile lit her eyes, and she threw her arms around him. “I’m glad.”
Could it be that simple? Humbled by her childish faith in him, he whispered in her ear, “Me too.”
They stayed embracing until Lacy sneezed again. She let go of him when Tanya handed her a tissue.
“I’m sorry. Our neighbors got a new cat, and Lacy played with him half the afternoon.” She gave him an apologetic look. “I think she must be allergic.”
“It’s possible. I’m allergic to cats.”
An odd emotion flickered over Tanya’s eyes. “In that case, it could be she inherited that quality from you.”
He remembered about the food when he heard water boiling over. “Let’s move into the kitchen. Dinner will be ready soon.”
Lacy stood right by his side as they walked. “You look like one of the dads from my favorite show.”
“Oh?” He glanced down at her. “Is that good or bad?”
“Good. I think he’s handsome. That’s what Mommy says you call men who are cute.”
He stifled a chuckle, but Tanya wasn’t as successful. Her laugh was music to his ears. “Thank you.”
“What’s for dinner?”
“Lacy, not so many questions.” Tanya gave her an admonishing stare with raised brows.
“It’s okay, I don’t mind.” He gave Lacy a smile. “Hot dogs with mac and cheese. Your mom told me it’s your favorite.”
“It is.” Her voice picked up with excitement. “I could eat it every day, but Mommy says it wouldn’t be healthy.”
“She’s probably right.” He went to the stove and removed the offending pot from the burner.
“Can I help with anything?” Tanya came to his side but kept a safe distance between them.
“I’ve got it, but thanks. It’s a pretty simple dinner.” He grabbed a pair of tongs and pulled out each hot dog. “I wasn’t sure how to make them. Most the time, I nuke them, but didn’t know if that was safe for a kid.”
She started laughing, then sobered. “Wait, you’re serious.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t know. My mom never microwaved our food, so I wasn’t sure and didn’t want to make a mistake.”
“Trust me, it’s fine to microwave meals.” She winked. “Your mom’s a chef which is likely the reason she never used my favorite appliance.”
“Oh.” His shoulders slumped, and he felt foolish and ignorant. He was in over his head.
Tanya took the pot of pasta and drained it, ignoring his comment about not needing help. “I appreciate the thought, nonetheless.”
“Thanks.” Her affirmation boosted his morale.
She had a pleasant attitude tonight, had seemed to lose her bite from their first two meetings. Whether it was an act for Lacy’s sake, he didn’t know, but he would take it while it lasted.
Chapter Six
Pride for her daughter filled Tanya’s heart with tender emotions. Lacy accepted Scott right into her life, with no animosity. For the last week, she’d wondered how she’d feel about Lacy having a relationship with Scott. It’s what Tanya had always wanted, but there had been a small part of her that worried she’d be jealous if Lacy took to Scott—which she had.
It didn’t seem fair. She’d been there for every milestone of Lacy’s life, sacrificing sleep and her own dreams to be a mom. Meanwhile, Scott had run barefoot and fancy-free, without a responsibility in the world. Maybe that wasn’t completely true, but he definitely hadn’t accepted his most important responsibility. Why should he get automatic love from Lacy?
Much to her surprise, there wasn’t a sliver of jealousy or anger in her toward Scott. She could only credit it to grace working in her life and the power of forgiveness.
Watching him interact with Lacy didn’t hurt either. All through dinner, he’d listened to her attentively, never showing exasperation with her litany of questions. She couldn’t even accomplish that. There were many nights she’d given Lacy a limit of five questions per hour. It didn’t work, but it was a nice thought. Now they sat in the living room, playing a game that was a combination of make-believe princess and charades.
Laughter continually filled her ears. If she’d had any doubt about Scott’s sincerity, the evening had washed it away. She’d been impressed that he’d even set aside a bedroom for Lacy in the house, in hopes of her living here, or at least having overnight visits. A prickle of irritation struck her because she couldn’t afford to give Lacy such a nice set, but she quickly got over it.
No matter what the future held with Scott, she wouldn’t fall into a battle of who could give Lacy the best and most expensive things. Not that she thought that was Scott’s goal with the matching bedroom ensemble, but she’d seen it happen in other broken families.
An opportunity to discuss the future hadn’t presented itself yet. She knew there was a good possibility it wouldn’t happen tonight—it wasn’t a conversation to have while Lacy was present—but she couldn’t squash the desire to have it done and over with.
“Can we watch a movie, Mommy?” Lacy jumped beside her on the sofa. “Daddy said he can get the dinosaur princess one on his cable.”
“I said I might be able to.” Scott caught her eye, letting her know he wouldn’t go against her wishes if she said no.
“Will you be able to stay awake?” She stole a glimpse at her watch. “It’s almost seven o’clock already.”
“Yes.”
“All right. If Sc—your dad doesn’t mind, we can stay and watch it.”
“Thank you, thank you.” Lacy burst to her feet, singing and dancing the theme song from the movie.
Whoever knew that a cartoon movie combining dinosaurs and princesses would be such a hit? She’d taken Lacy to the theater to see it several months ago, and she had to admit she’d enjoyed the movie too.
Scott grabbed the remote and tuned to the movie channels. “There it is. It starts in ten minutes. Popcorn, anyone?”
Lacy turned to her. “Is it okay?”
Tonight was a special occasion and Tanya didn’t have the heart to tell her no. “It’s fine.”
“Melted butter?” He looked at Lacy, then her.
“Of course.”
After Scott had disappeared to the kitchen, Lacy snuggled up to her. “I like Daddy. He’s fun and nice.”
“I’m glad, honey.” She wrapped an arm around her daughter and hugged her.
Lacy looked up at her with her large blue eyes wide. “Do you think he likes me?”
A cord tugged at her heart. “Absolutely. In fact, I’d even say he loves you.”
“I hope so.”
Tanya settled into the sofa, oddly content considering the circumstances. The distinctive smell of freshly popped corn and melted butter wafted into the living room, reminding her of times gone b
y. She and Scott had loved going to the movies, often taking advantage of the one-dollar showings in the summer. They hadn’t cared if the movies were current—they enjoyed spending time together.
Scott walked in, carrying a large red bowl and a couple bottles of water. He handed the bowl to Lacy. “Would you like the honors of holding it?”
Sitting straight up, Lacy reached out her hands. “I’ll hold it real careful.”
Smiling, Scott sat down on the far end of the sofa and handed a bottle of water over Lacy’s head to Tanya.
“Thank you.” She set it down on the end table beside her. “I don’t think she’ll last the entire movie. You can see in her eyes that she’s getting tired.”
“I am not,” Lacy protested then shoved a handful of popcorn in her mouth.
The movie started, and Tanya tried to pay attention, but she kept thinking how domestic and cozy a scene she was in. As the movie progressed, Lacy slowly moved across the cushion until she curled up to Scott.
He looked at his daughter with such affection that Tanya couldn’t conjure any hard feelings toward him. She’d wanted to believe the worst in him, hadn’t wanted to forgive him so easily.
When she watched him unobserved, saw the raw joy in his expression over watching a movie with his daughter, she made up her mind. Even when she’d called him earlier, she hadn’t known for certain what she’d say. She’d leaned toward one option while debating several others.
Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t realize Lacy had fallen asleep until she heard a soft snore. She prayed it was only allergies causing the congestion and cold-like symptoms. Last spring, she’d had a nasty cold that had taken weeks to go away.
Scott’s arm enveloped Lacy and pulled her close, much as she’d done with her daughter earlier. A satisfied sigh came from Lacy in her sleep as her head rested against Scott’s chest.
Tears welled in Tanya’s eyes. The precious moment served as a balm to her fragile emotions of the last week. Instead of taking her home right away to put her to bed, Tanya said nothing, and let the movie finish playing.
The credits rolled, and Scott switched off the television. His gaze went to Lacy, then her. “Do you want me to carry her out to the car for you?”
“I don’t have to leave right now.” She drew a breath for courage. “Since she’s asleep, now would be a good time to talk.”
Hope, anxiousness, and a hint of fear all took a turn flickering across his face. “We can do that. Is she a heavy sleeper? I can lay her down in the bed so she won’t get a kink in her neck, if that’s okay?”
“Sure. Once she’s out, it’s hard to wake her until morning.”
Scott carefully stood while holding Lacy’s upper body so she wouldn’t fall over on the sofa. He scooped her into his arms and carried her up the stairs.
Tanya followed and stood at the bedroom door, watching him lay her down and then gently cover her with a butterfly quilt. For an instant, she remembered why she’d fallen in love with him as a teenager. She’d always known he was a nurturer which made the sting that much worse when he’d left.
When Scott turned around, deep emotions reflected in his eyes. He stopped inches away from her. “Thank you.” His voice was low and husky.
Years faded away, and for a frozen moment in time, they were transported to their days of innocence, when young love and carefree days existed. A time when all that mattered was how they’d spend their weekends and their biggest problem was neglecting to study for the trigonometry exam.
Lacy’s heavy, but even, breathing broke the spell between them. Too aware and overwhelmed by his near presence, she backed into the hallway, putting several feet between them.
“Do you want some coffee? I can put a pot on.” He started toward the stairwell, crossing on the opposite side of the hall.
“This late?”
He shrugged and offered a sheepish smile. “Old college habits.”
“Do you have any hot chocolate?”
“Don’t think so. The cabinets are still bare essentials.” He began descending the stairs but turned his head around. “What about decaf coffee?”
“That’ll work.” She claimed a spot at the table after they entered the kitchen, the same one she’d sat at for dinner.
Scott put a fresh filter in the coffeemaker, dumped in the coffee grounds, then poured in the water. “Sugar or creamer?”
“Just creamer. Milk will do if you don’t have any.”
“I have regular creamer in the fridge, and a few single serve packets of powdered hazelnut that came in a welcome basket my neighbors brought.” He removed a carton from the cabinet above the counter.
“That was nice of them. I didn’t know people did that anymore.”
“I was surprised, but I shouldn’t have been. It’s a great neighborhood, a big selling factor for me.” He darted a glance her way. “The school district is the same as where you live now.”
That would make transitions much easier. With every action, Scott proved the level of thought he’d put into his move back to Maryville—which made her task of moving beyond their past easier than she’d expected.
After a few minutes, he brought her a steaming cup of coffee in a basic white coffee mug. He took the creamer out of the fridge and brought it to her, along with the carton of flavored creamers. She hadn’t seen him grab the spoon he set down in front of her.
“Thanks.” She tore the tops off of two packs of creamer and poured them into the coffee.
Scott grabbed his and sat down opposite of her. “Hopefully, it tastes okay. I wasn’t paying attention at the store and accidentally grabbed decaf. That’s the only reason I have it.”
“I’m sure it’s fine.” Twirling the spoon, she continued to stir. She fixed her gaze on the liquid, watched its transformation from a dark black color to the shade of milk chocolate that had melted and been refrozen.
Neither one spoke as an uncomfortable silence hung between them. There were plans to discuss, futures to be made—but she nor Scott made the first effort to broach the subject. She sipped at her coffee, enjoying the sweet and nutty smell that enhanced the taste.
Her cup ran empty when Scott started the conversation. “What did you want to talk about?”
“Us. Lacy.”
His eyes stretched wide. “Us?”
“I’ve thought a lot about what you asked. And when I say a lot, I mean, non-stop for the last week.” A nervous giggle squeaked past her lips. That seemed to happen more often than normal lately.
“Have you made a decision?” He pushed aside his mug and folded his hand on the table.
“Not until tonight. I’ve made more lists than I can count, writing out every possible pro and con for each scenario that I could think of.”
“And?”
“It wasn’t easy. The human-nature side of me wanted to punish you for leaving us.” She paused and took a breath to recover from the skip in her pulse. “But the Christian side of me knew that wasn’t an option.”
“I understand, and I can’t fault you. What I did was wrong. There’s no excuse.”
His easy admission of his faults made him more attractive to her, much to her chagrin. She swallowed the scowl trying to form. “My sister-in-law pointed out that since you’re a Christian now, the situation is different. We both have a goal of pleasing God and looking out for Lacy’s best interests.”
“Which would be?” He lifted a hand and rubbed at a spot on his neck.
“I think we should get married.”
His jaw dropped, and it took him a moment to recover. “Did I hear right? You were completely against it last week.”
“Yes, and I know, it’s a complete one-eighty.” She pressed her fingers against each other. “To be honest, until tonight, I wasn’t sure what I was going to say.”
“Can I ask what changed?”
“I saw how you interacted with Lacy, and how she already adores you. You were meant to be a father.”
“Even though I messed up for so
long?”
She let loose a sigh. “For Lacy’s sake, we have to put that behind us. As I kept being reminded, you’re a Christian, and a new creation.”
“It seems like I’m getting off too easy.” Guilt shadowed his eyes.
“I can’t promise I’ll never have a moment when the anger resurfaces, but if this is going to work, we both have to agree to press forward with a positive outlook, without keeping one foot in the past.”
“Good point, and I agree.”
She wrapped her hands around the coffee mug, just to have something to hold and keep her hands still. “I have some conditions.”
“What are they?”
“Lacy is never to know that we married for her sake. I want her to think we married because we’re in love.” She held his gaze, watching closely for a reaction.
“All right.” He leaned back in his seat, seeming to ponder the idea. “What will that consist of?”
Goodness, this is awkward. The topic had to be addressed, though. “We’ll share a room and a bed, but not in a marital way. Not yet.”
“Fair enough.” He tilted his head to the side, his face registering surprise as though he just realized the last thing she’d said. “Not yet?”
She scratched in front of her ear while staring at the table, gathering her wits. “We’re both adults, and we’ll be married. Once upon a time we cared for each other. It’s reasonable to think those feelings could develop again, but I don’t want to rush into a physical relationship.”
“That’s a wise decision. Tanya…” He trailed off, and his lips straightened to a thin line.
“Yes?”
“For what it’s worth, you’re the only woman I’ve been with.” He spun his coffee mug with the tips of his fingers. “I mean, I dated, but that was it. I know it doesn’t seem like it since I left you, but I still felt guilty for of leaving you and made a decision to never be in a situation like ours again. When I left for college, I vowed to wait until marriage from that point on.”
“Well, that’s a relief.” She was only half-joking, and they shared a smile. “I made the same vow.”
“What other conditions?”