by Cole Lepley
Sean laughs again, trailing a finger across my bare mid-section. I slap his hand away, and his eyes darken.
“You like still like it rough, don’t you?” He pushes me back against the wall before I have time to respond, his hand clutching my waist. “Maybe your new boyfriend would like that side of you.” His knuckle trails down my cheek. “Maybe we should ask him.”
Snippets of memories come flooding back and I get dizzy. I brace myself on the wall with my hand and push the other one on his chest.
“Get away from me,” I seethe, shoving into him.
He doesn’t budge and my aggression seems to excite more. His dark eyes twinkle in delight.
His head shakes. “Not a chance. You’re coming back with me. I’m tired of these games.”
“It’s not a game. I fucking hate you.” I say the last part slowly and watch the smugness melt from his face.
His nostrils flare and his hand moves to my neck. He doesn’t squeeze hard, but he applies enough force to let me know he’s angry. He cocks his head. “You don’t fucking mean that, do you?”
My chest is weighted down with bricks, crushing me from the inside out. He only holds his hand there for a moment, but it was long enough to remind me of his temper. It’s full-tilt right now and my only chance of getting out of this hallway without a black eye is to lie.
I look to my left, the neon bodies weaving in the distance. It’s so dark in here and loud. No one would hear me if I screamed.
His arm lands behind my head on the wall, caging me in on one side. I catch a whiff of his cologne and almost gag. I used to live for that scent and now it makes my stomach twist into a million jagged knots.
“No,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. His chest heaves with a heavy breath and I don’t have enough air in me to do the same. “I’m just done, okay? I don’t want to do this anymore.”
He shakes his head, his eyes closed tight. “You’re a fucking liar, Mackenzie.” They pop open and blaze down at me with malice. “I don’t know why you insist on fucking with me.”
Sean’s level of delusion continues to astound me. He’s actually a very smart guy. He gets good grades—obviously. You have to be pretty damn special to get into Yale. No matter who your father is.
It never made to sense to me why he’s so fucked up. He doesn’t even have a story.
I think it’s scarier that way. To think he was born like this. Out of his own volition. It shakes me to my core.
“I’m not,” I say, pushing harder on his chest. I manage to get him off the wall and he stands straighter in front of me. “I told you I was done when I left. I meant it.”
He grabs my elbow when I try to slip past him and presses down hard. His teeth are clenched as he leans down to my ear. “Don’t think I won’t make good on my promise. I’ll show everyone who you really are. The things you’ve done.” He laughs once. “You won’t be so special then.” He releases me and I stumble forward. “No one wants a whore.”
“What the fuck did you say?”
Judah’s voice booms into the already pulsing hallway, appearing behind me. His arm circles my waist and I can feel the tension radiating through him. “What the fuck did you say to her?”
Sean laughs. “What are you gonna do about it? You have no idea what you’re dealing with.”
Judah tries to lunge forward and I clutch his arm to keep him back. He almost drags me with him, but stops when I yell his name.
His eyes are hard when they meet mine, but he doesn’t say anything.
I shake my head. “Judah, don’t.”
His face contorts in disgust, baffled by my request. As if he can’t imagine I would ask him to stop.
Sean continues to look smug and two of his buddies from Yale gather at his side. He nods to Judah.
“An old friend of mine is a brother of this frat. I might come here more often.” He winks at me and I dig my nails in Judah’s arm so he doesn’t lunge. He remains still, but doesn’t even flinch. “You two have fun tonight.”
They swagger past us and I grip Judah by his T-shirt when he turns around, holding him back. “Please,” I say, my voice desperate. He doesn’t look at me this time, so I keep talking. “You have to trust me.”
Those were some kind of magic words because they snap him out of his trance. He turns back to me and some of the rage I just saw goes away.
“No one should speak to you like that,” he says, more calm. “Do you understand? No one. I don’t care what reason he thinks he has for saying it, he needs to know it’s not an option.”
His concern for me causes my battered heart to ache. What will he think when he knows the reason? Everyone has a limit of things they’re willing to put up with in a relationship.
I’m just not sure of his.
Chapter 23
Viral
Judah
Mackenzie stands in front of me, gripping my T-shirt in her hand for dear life. “Don’t,” she whispers.
“Why not?” I throw my arm out back the hallway. “He called you a whore. I can’t let him talk to you like that.”
“Trust me, Judah,” she says, her eyes flaring with a warning. “You don’t want this fight.”
“What are you not telling me?”
She’s shaking her head, but I can see the tears gathering in her eyes. Whatever it is, I want to fix it. I would do anything to take that look out of her eyes.
Her hands are still gripping the front of my shirt and she backs us into the wall. “Judah, listen to me. You don’t know him. You don’t what he’s capable of… the things he’s done to me and my family.”
“Your family?”
“My brother,” she blurts. “My brother went to prison because of him.”
The lights flashing into the hallway and the bass pounding in the background is jumbling my thoughts. It’s too loud, and this is too important to talk about here. But I need to know.
I lean down close, cupping her cheeks in my hands. “Mackenzie, we need to talk about this. Can we go upstairs? Will you tell me?”
Her breath hitches in her throat, a sob begging to escape. She’s two seconds away from losing it and I don’t want anyone to see. I want to protect her and the only way I can do that is if she trusts me enough to explain.
After another long moment, she nods. “Yeah. We can talk.”
I kiss her once and take her hand, leading her out toward the stairs. Adam is leaning on the railing chatting up a blonde in a short T-shirt dress. I take advantage of his distraction, stopping at his side.
“Hey, can I borrow your room for a sec?”
His eyes drift away from her chest to mine with a smirk. “Of course, player.”
He winks and I want to tell him he’s got the wrong idea, but an explanation is something I can’t offer. Privacy is more important than my true intentions, and his room is the most secluded.
“Thanks, man,” I say instead, patting him on the back on my way past.
I keep ahold of her hand and walk her up the grand staircase and down the first hallway. Adam’s is the last room and I do a quick check before pulling her inside.
His bedroom is so quiet compared to downstairs. Only a slight hum from the music below penetrates the walls. Mackenzie pulls away from me and wraps her arms around herself, facing the window in the back of the room.
“It’s a fucked up story.”
I keep my voice low. “I assumed.”
Her shoulders shake and I ball my fist at my side. I’m trying not to push too hard, but it’s already feeling impossible.
When she turns around, the first tear falls. “Nobody knew what Sean did to me. I never told anyone.” She laughs once, wiping under her eye with her thumb. “I’m not even sure I knew what he was doing. I didn’t know how wrong it was.”
The pulse in my throat is beating too fast. I take a quick breath. “What did he do?”
She hiccups a sob, covering her mouth with her hand. I step closer and draw her into my chest. Her body remains
rigid, but I stroke her back and press my cheek to hers and whisper in her ear.
“It’s okay. You’re okay.”
I try to speak calmly, but my own voice threatens to shake. I’m consumed with rage over her fear of the guy downstairs. The one walking around all cocky and proud. He’s proud of the things he did to her. I’m almost afraid for her to continue. I’m afraid of what I’ll do to him when I know.
She lifts her head and sniffs. “I’m fine. I’ll tell you.” She pulls back from me and sits down on the edge of the bed.
I sit beside her, leaving very little space between us. I need to be close to her even if she wants to push me away. I want her to know that I’m here.
Mackenzie doesn’t face me. She keeps her eyes forward and takes an unsteady breath. “We were a normal couple. I was a cheerleader, he was the quarterback—it was all very cliché. My friends always complained about how lucky I was.” She laughs once. “I thought I loved him. I would have done anything he asked me to.” She pauses and then whispers, “I did.”
I’m sick and don’t know even know why yet. My stomach twists in knots and I take a breath. “What did you do?”
Her breath falters. “I did what he wanted. What he needed from me to love me.” She lifts her head. “It didn’t happen overnight. He was sweet at first… perfect even. When he brought it up the first time I was already in so deep. I was willing to do whatever he asked because I trusted him.”
I stay silent. Everything inside of me is screaming to demand she speaks faster, but I hold it in. I don’t want her to stop talking.
Her gaze becomes distant. “It was after a game. We were still on the field and the opposing team hadn’t gone to their buses yet. Sean was talking to the other quarterback and I remember them looking at me, watching as I stood with my friends next to the bleachers. We were planning a party in Jacob’s woods and I assumed Sean was recruiting more people to come. I thought nothing of it until we were on our way later that night.”
She takes another breath. “I told my parents I was staying at Becca’s house because Sean said he wanted to spend the night with me. We’d done it before so it didn’t seem strange. But we didn’t go to the party right away.”
I grip my knees and watch as her eyes close, the pain of her story scrunching her face.
“Sean said he wanted to stop at his house first and I didn’t question it because why would I?” She opens her eyes again, but doesn’t look at me. “His friend showed up a short time later and that’s when he told me what he wanted me to do. He… uh, he wanted to watch me have sex with him. He said it was a fantasy he had and that if I loved him, I would do it.”
She laughs, but it sounds broken. “I didn’t want to, but then he handed me a pill and told me to take it. He said it would help me relax and that I would enjoy it.”
The bile rises in my throat. “You said no, right?”
She shakes her head. The tears are falling faster and her voice becomes hoarse. “I told him I trusted him and then I took the pill. I didn’t even ask what it was because it didn’t matter. I didn’t want to feel what would happen next, and I knew if I had a clear head, I wouldn’t go through with it.” Her eyes shift to mine and it twists the knife deeper in my gut. “I thought it would just be one time. I thought that would be enough.”
My jaw clenches and I can’t keep quiet anymore. “Did he force you?”
“No,” she blurts. “I never said no.” She looks away from me as if she’s ashamed of her admission. “—but I knew what would happen if I stopped.”
I reach for her hand and lace our fingers together. I do this for more than one reason. Not only do I want to comfort her, but I also need it to keep me in this room. To prevent me from storming out and beating the shit out of him.
My jaw ticks, even muscle in my body tense. I don’t want to ask my next question. I want her to tell me he let her stop. But I already know this story doesn’t have a happy ending.
“What would happen?”
“He would get angry,” she says, her voice quiet. Her head shakes. Almost like she’s trying to not to see what her mind is replaying. “He would say that I didn’t really love him and tried to convince me it was my fault. He would—”
Her voice trails off and I already know the answer. I stand up from the bed and start for the door, but her hand on my bicep stops me.
“Mack.”
“Judah, please,” she cries, pulling at my arm.
“Let me go,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Don’t do this,” she begs.
I stop trying to move away and face her again. It’s almost impossible at this point. The tears on her cheeks and the pain in her voice is enough to make me do unspeakable things. The rage I thought I once felt over trivial issues is nothing compared to this.
I swallow hard. Trying like hell to compose myself.
“You said your brother went to prison because of him.” Her face pales, but I ask my next question, anyway. “Why?”
“My brother Perry almost killed Sean.”
“Because he hit you.”
I say it more like a statement than a question and she nods. She looks away from me, her chin trembling. “It wasn’t all the time, but yes—when he got mad enough he would get physical with me.”
“And your brother got him to stop.”
Her head nods slowly.
“So, maybe someone needs to do it again.”
At this, her eyes shoot back to mine. “It can’t be you,” she whispers. “I don’t want this to ruin one more persons life. Especially not yours.”
I’m so confused right now that I take a step back, dragging my hands through my hair. I want to rip it out. Her insistence to protect everyone but herself is beyond frustrating. There has to be more. Something she doesn’t want to tell me. If that’s true, I know it has to be terrible.
I blow out a breath and attempt to wrap my brain around all of this. It doesn’t completely make sense.
“What happened to Sean? How did he get away with assaulting you?”
Her eyes filled with tears again. “Sean was a minor. Perry could have gone away for a lot longer, but they made a deal—and I promised not to leave him.”
My brain explodes.
“What?”
“I didn’t have a choice. He has pictures of me and videos of the things he made me do on his phone. He threatened to put them on internet. To show everyone what a whore I was.”
“Did your brother know about this?”
“Not at the time. He saw the bruises on my arms and started asking questions. I lied of course, but one night he came home unexpectedly and heard us fighting.” Another tear falls. “I couldn’t stop him once he saw him choking me.”
I gape at her. “Choking you? Jesus, Mack.” I run my hand over my jaw. “And you stayed with him after?”
“I know,” she says, defeated. “I know it’s messed up, but I had to protect my brother and a part of me believed he could change.”
“But he didn’t.”
“No,” she whispers. “He got worse once we left for college and that’s when I had enough. Perry was already sentenced, and it was my chance to get away from him.”
My lungs inhale a relieved breath. I might have died if she told me she still loves him. This entire story is horrifying. I had no idea how bad it was.
I reach for her and she steps closer, burying her face into my chest. I kiss the side of her head. “It’s over now, right? He can’t hurt you anymore.”
Her next pause makes my heart kick up another notch. There can’t be more. Please don’t let there more.
She lifts her head and meets my eyes and I prepare myself for the absolute worst.
“He still has the videos on his phone and he wants me to come back with him.”
Chapter 24
Breaking My Own Heart
Mackenzie
My heart is beating so fast. I was afraid to tell Judah because I know what he’ll do. Anyone would have tha
t reaction to a story like mine. I know what it does to the men in my life who care about me. It should bring me comfort, but it’s the opposite.
I’m standing against the door, blocking his path. The rage is familiar in his eyes and I know I need to stop him from doing something he’ll regret.
“Please,” I say, placing my hand on his chest. “Let this go.”
His eyebrows knit together. “How can I do that?” He leans down and his face is twisted in utter shock by what I’m asking. “He hurt you, Mack. He hurt you and now he’s trying to exploit you.”
“If you piss him off, he’ll make it worse. I know how to handle him. Just please let me handle it.”
A forceful breath escapes him and he takes a step back. He thrusts his hands in his hair, shaking his head.
“You’re not handling it. He’s still doing this shit and he’ll continue to do it until you tell someone. Real people, Mackenzie. Like the police.”
“I can’t.”
“Why the hell not?” He moves closer again. “That’s crazy. He deserves to be locked up for what he’s done.”
I close my eyes for a moment and take a calming breath. Everything I say is making him more upset. It’s what I expected and I need to deescalate the situation before it gets out of hand.
When I meet his gaze, he’s still dumbfounded. “I know, and I agree with you, but now’s not the time.”
He holds my stare, the determination in his eyes still unsettling. I regret telling him the whole story. Not because I don’t trust him—I do, but I can already see a difference in the way he looks at me. The way he judges me without even realizing it.
A firm knock startles us both and I turn for the doorknob. Judah steps up and places his hand over mine. “Not yet,” he whispers.
“Judah, you still in there?” A male voice calls. I hear a female giggle next and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why they want it here.