“Why?”
She traces the wood grain in the table and I keep quiet. She does this when she’s mulling over something uncomfortable. I used to push, but I realize how the introspective moment helps her focus and handle the excess of emotion.
“Because it’s about you.”
Like I haven’t heard it all? “Believe me, sweetheart.” I wait for her to look up. “There’s nothing that can be said that will hurt me.”
“She said at least her mom didn’t have to trick her dad to have a baby.”
This town needs a damn hobby. I don’t know why Teagan bashing is still the cool thing.
“And you said she’s new?”
“Yeah, they just moved here yesterday and she started school today.”
“I guess my mistakes of the past precede me even for out-of-towners. Not that you’re a mistake,” I tack on. “You know people like to make up their own versions of the truth.”
She groans. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you!”
“I’m not upset, Chas. I hate that it’s affecting you, that’s all.”
I couldn’t care less about what people think of me anymore. I sleep just fine at night with how things happened with Keith. There was no tricking or missed birth control. I didn’t drug him and screw his brains out while he was unconscious. That happens to be one of my favorite stories, though. I weigh 110 pounds soaking wet, and he’s over 250 pounds. If someone actually believes I could maneuver his dead weight, arouse him to the point of having sex, and impregnate myself, they have bigger problems than I do.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Oh, I’m reminding myself of all the rumors I’ve heard.”
Chastity shakes her head. “Why can’t these people get over it?”
“My sentiments exactly.”
“This is why I like animals. They’re not stupid.”
Sounds like someone I used to know and be best friends with.
I release a sigh, knowing that animals are for her what painting is for me. “And why I paint, because it’s not stupid.”
“You paint because you say it calms you,” she says with a shrug.
It does calm me. I started painting after Chastity was born. I never really considered myself artistic, but Nina made me go to some wine-and-paint thing and I kind of liked it. Now, it’s what I do when I feel like the walls are closing in.
“Doesn’t working with animals do the same for you?”
“Yes, and I do it because people are horrible and animals love you no matter what.”
“I can’t argue with you there, but at the same time, you can’t defend me or worry about what people will say. Unfortunately, the man who gave me you is famous. He’s never going to fade away, and whether your father starts to suck at football or wins the Super Bowl, we’ll have to hear about it. I wish I could change things, but I can’t. You can’t. We have to suck it up.”
“I hate sucking it up.”
I nod. “Me too. So…” I grab my fork. “What’s this new girl’s name?”
Chastity leans back in her chair and crosses her arms. “Everly Hartz. As in Dr. Hartz’s granddaughter, so I can’t even avoid her in my happy place.”
And suddenly, I feel like I’m going to be sick.
Chapter Three
Teagan
Fifteen years old
“I need two volunteers for peer tutoring,” Mrs. Mathewson asks the class.
I really don’t want to do it. Between cheerleading, Keith, and my own homework, I don’t have any extra time. Then I remember how much I need more volunteering on my transcripts. Getting into college should not be this hard.
“Anyone?” she asks again.
Then her eyes meet mine, and the look says it all. I’m being voluntold. “Fine, Mrs. Mathewson, I’ll do it,” I say with reluctance.
Just one more thing on my plate.
Keith laughs and elbows one of his idiot friends. “She won’t do my homework for me, but she’ll help someone else.”
“Come on, Tea, you should help your man out.”
I roll my eyes. “I help him out plenty.”
Keith nods. “Yeah, you do, babe.”
“Thank you, Ms. Berkeley. Your student will be waiting for you today.”
She hands me a paper and I could cry. The peer tutoring happens during my study hall, but maybe I can still use some of the block for getting my own work done.
The bell rings and I head to the cafeteria, where during class hours it’s meant to look cozy for studying. It doesn’t. It looks—and smells—like the cafeteria.
Keith tosses his arm over my shoulder. “You coming over tonight?”
“Maybe.”
“I miss you.”
I let out a small giggle. “You can’t miss me if you’re with me right now.”
He stops, pulling me into his arms. “You know what I mean.”
And I do. He means he wants to fool around again. I’ve been trying to come up with reasons as to why I don’t really want to do it, but Keith is relentless.
Keith’s the most popular boy in school and a god on the football field. He’s funny, can be nice when he wants something, and everyone loves him.
The whole town basically falls at his feet.
And he expects my panties to do the same.
“I’m not ready for more, Keith.”
“I didn’t say we have to have sex, Tea. But you can at least give me a blow job before the big game.”
“Oh, I can?” I say as I push against his chest.
“Look, it helps me relax. After the last time I threw the most touchdown passes I’ve ever had in a game. I think that’s because of you.”
A small part of me likes to think I had something to do with it, but then I remember he only wants what he wants.
“Well, since I’m all about statistics,” I say with a coy smile. “How about we test that theory?”
He nods, thinking he’s got me. “Hell, yeah.”
I run my fingers around the captain patch on his chest. “Tonight, you don’t get one, and if you outdo your last passing yards, we’ll really know.” Before he can respond, I lean up and kiss his lips, drop back down, and run off. “Good luck!”
“You’re so cold, Teagan!” he yells after me, but I’m already down the hall.
When I turn the corner, I run smack into Nina Banks. My books fall to the ground, papers go flying. “Ugh!” I groan. “Watch where you’re going!”
“Sorry,” Nina says, bending down, trying to help me. “I didn’t see you.”
“Obviously.”
“Look, I said I was sorry,” she says and her lip trembles.
I didn’t mean to make her cry. Damn it. “I was in a rush—” I start to explain that I was in a hurry and didn’t mean to snap, when two pairs of shoes appear on either side of me.
I look up and see my two best friends, Lori and Kelly, standing there, glowering at Nina.
This is so not going to be good.
“Did Stanks knock you down?” Lori asks, using the horrible name they’ve given her to let her know how much she smells.
“No, I turned the corner and lost my footing. Nina was helping me pick up my stuff.”
I’ve known Kelly and Lori my whole life, and they can be cruel beyond belief. However, the three of us do everything together and it’s been that way since we were in kindergarten.
“Still,” Kelly huffs, picking at her nails. “She should…shower…or something.”
I look at Nina, who is clearly on the verge of tears. I want to say something, tell them to stop, but I don’t. I never do. I hate myself for it. I don’t want to be this way, unwilling to speak up for those who can’t, but I don’t want to be on the other side of their friend-card either.
A year ago, Lauren Evans was our fourth best friend. She was by far the nicest one of all of us. Whenever Kelly and Lori got mean, Lauren would never join in and was always uncomfortable around them. Then, she decided she didn’t want to do cheer
leading anymore, and she was booted from the group because she was “too busy” for us. You would think that Lori and Kelly would want her to be happy, but they don’t. In fact, they make fun of her more than anyone else in the school. Lauren can’t fight back either because they know some of her secrets. Which makes me terrified to be like her, because they know all of mine.
The bell rings and I jump up. “Shit! We have to go. Thanks for helping, Nina.”
Kelly and Lori scoff. “Shower, Stanks.”
“Guys,” I say with frustration. “She didn’t do anything.”
“She exists.”
“And she’s gross,” Lori tacks on.
There’s no stopping them, and if I push back, it’ll make it worse for Nina.
“We’ll see you after school?” Kelly questions.
“Yup! See you later.”
I rush off and enter the cafeteria before the bell rings. I head over to the teacher who is stuck chaperoning the group and he points out the table where my peer student is.
Derek Hartz? Really? It has to be the one kid who seems to think I’m the biggest bitch?
“Hey,” I say as I sit.
“Oh, come on. You?”
“I’m not any happier about this than you are,” I assure him.
Derek is…odd. When we were younger, it was fine, but he never changed. He still wears out-of-style clothes and never talks to anyone.
“I just need help with a few math problems.”
“Okay. Show me where you’re stuck.”
We go over them, and I show him a few tricks I’ve learned when it comes to equations. The next twenty minutes fly by as he starts to master the steps a little more.
We chat a little about his father and the wild horses that he found wounded on the island. I can’t imagine seeing them hurt. They always seem so mystical to me whenever we do see them.
“They’re cool,” he says. “I like the fact that they’re wild, but the more people who come around, the less the horses will be willing to show up.”
“Really? I feel like this island was built for the wild horses.”
“I agree, I’m hoping more land gets preserved to protect them.”
I nod. “Me too.” We both sit here, looking at each other and I wonder why I’ve thought he was so weird. He’s not. He’s actually pretty normal and funny. I’m having an off day if I’m thinking of Derek Hartz this way. I need to get back to the math so I can get my head on straight. “Okay, let’s try this problem.”
I laugh when he gets frustrated because it’s the same part I’ve shown him twice, but he keeps trying.
“What if you try it like this?” I spin the paper around and show him how to draw it out. “Does that help?”
“That actually does.”
I smile. “Good. I’m glad. It’s really easy once you get the right order. Is there anything else I can help with?”
“You know, when you’re not around the two super-bitches, you’re not all that bad.”
“What?”
Derek shrugs. “Bitch one and Bitch two. You know, the ones who seem to think they’re perfection walking.”
“Lori and Kelly aren’t bad.”
His brow raises. “They’re beyond bad, and you know it.”
Okay, maybe I do. “Still, they’re my friends.”
“Lucky you.” He chuckles.
“Next you’re going to insult my boyfriend, huh?”
Derek laughs, his head falling back, and I can’t help but think how free he looks. I don’t laugh like that. I can’t let it fly and not worry that someone might see me. I don’t ever feel comfortable enough around people to not have to keep some sort of control because people are always waiting to see me fall.
Other girls want it more than anything. To see the queen bee fall from grace.
The guys want it to either date me or take something away from Keith.
If I could be invisible or part of the background, no one would care.
I glance around the room, looking at everyone going about their lives, not watching him, and jealousy rears its ugly head.
“I could never insult Keith. He’s…a god amongst men. I would be shunned, hung in the town square, beaten for speaking out against the king.”
“Just a little dramatic?”
“That’s what this town thinks.”
I lean back in my seat. “And you don’t?”
“Hell no. He’s a dickhead. Who cares that he’s great in football? Not me.”
“Well, a lot of people do,” I challenge him.
“Good for them. I’d be impressed if he used his time to do anything good for anyone but himself.”
“And what do you do, since you’re all about putting everyone else down? I don’t see you out there saving the world.”
Derek leans forward, arms on the table, his face is closer, and I wonder if he knows that he’s really cute. His eyes are a deep blue. They have tiny flecks of green, though. His hair is cut short, and his smile is warm. Did I seriously just think he was cute?
“That’s because you’re not looking. I help people, animals, and I use my time to better the world. I don’t care that people, like you and your idiot friends, think I’m weird. I’d rather be weird and make a difference than fit in and believe I’m better than anyone else. Because you’re not…and neither are your friends.”
The words slap me in the face. “I don’t think I’m better than anyone.”
If he only knew what I really thought of myself. How much I hate everything. I don’t understand why people talk to me when I feel so unworthy. I hate that I have to treat people a certain way or I’ll end up being attacked by people meant to be my friends. All I want is to get out of this town and start over.
“Then prove it. Come to my house tomorrow and help volunteer.”
“With you?”
“Got other plans?”
No, but…I don’t get why he’s asking me. We’re not friends. Hell, I don’t even think he likes me at all. There’s a challenge though. I say I want to start over, be someone else, and right now Derek Hartz is offering me a small opening.
“Do you want me to come?”
“Do you want to?”
I might beat him with a stick though. Maybe this isn’t the fresh start I was hoping for. “Are you trying to be obtuse on purpose?”
“Do you always answer a question with a question?”
I chew on my thumbnail and glare at him as I wrestle with the decision. I never back down, but at the same time, Derek isn’t exactly the kind of person I would normally hang out with. Although, this is volunteering and not really a social thing.
Ugh. Why is this so hard?
He taps his fingers on the table and I sigh. “Fine. I’ll be there.”
He smirks. “Good, but don’t think this means we’re friends or that I’m going to want to talk to you outside of helping others.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “Don’t you know, everyone ends up loving me.”
“Yeah, we’ll see about that.”
Chapter Four
Teagan
Present
“What do you mean Derek is back?” Nina asks as she sips her coffee.
“Just what I said. I don’t know when or how. Last night, Chastity said a girl named Everly Hartz was giving her a hard time. Derek is an only child, and his mother has mentioned her granddaughter with that name in passing, so it would only make sense that he’s here.”
“And you didn’t hear from him?”
If I did, I wouldn’t be freaking out right now. “Nope. Do you think maybe it’s just his daughter that’s here? Like, maybe she came to live with his parents or visit for a while?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know, I haven’t heard a word about him in years. I know his parents went down to South Carolina for a visit recently, but that’s all anyone has said. You know how they are, very quiet and don’t like the rumor mill, which means we know nothing.”
Nina has her ears to the g
round for all the gossip. If she knew, she’d tell me. She’s also the only person who knows I was desperately in love with him. To everyone else, we were simply best friends. Two crazy kids who clicked one day and never looked back.
I fell in love with him before the end of our senior year, and it never stopped. Just the idea of being near him makes my heart pound so hard in my chest I worry I’ll bruise.
“I can’t see him,” I say as I pace around.
“You won’t have a choice if he’s really here.”
My shoulders drop as I turn to look at her.
“What?” She raises her hands. “I’m just being honest, Tea.”
I know this, but still. “I’m saying that I can’t handle it. It’s been over thirteen years since we’ve spoken and the last time wasn’t pretty.”
Nina touches my arm. “You think after all this time it’ll still be awkward?”
I don’t think it’ll be awkward. I know it will be. If he wasn’t angry or hurt, he would’ve called or talked to me. Instead of pretending I no longer existed. It’s not easy to forget your best friend.
“Yes.”
“Why? It’s been so long, maybe it’ll be like falling into an old routine.”
“You can’t just…walk up to someone after that long…someone you loved more than anything and have it not be awkward.”
Nina sits in the chair beside me. “He doesn’t know you loved him.”
“Which makes it even worse.”
“Look, you don’t know that seeing him will be bad. It could be fine and you’ll smile, hug, and that’s that. Thirteen years is a lifetime to most people and it’s not like you still think about him that way, right?”
I look up at her from under my lashes.
“Teagan.” She sighs. “You can’t possibly still think you have real feelings for that man.”
That’s the thing, my feelings for him have never faded. I’ve never dated any guy who I haven’t compared to him and who doesn’t pale in comparison. It’s always been Derek in my heart.
All I Ask Page 3