All I Ask

by Corinne Michaels

  Derek’s eyes are soft and pleading. “Ask me…”

  “Ask you what?”

  His hands are on my arms, holding me to him, and I’m taken back in time. We stood like this so many times. Anytime life got overwhelming and we needed someone to ground us. Anytime we needed a friend who wouldn’t judge the other for speaking the truth. I could be me, awkward, embarrassed, or anything else, and Derek would be there.

  “Ask me, Tea.”

  I know if I speak that the answer will break my already shredded heart. For so long I’ve wanted to utter these words, and now he’s here, holding me, touching me, and I’m drunk enough to let myself be free if I can find the courage.

  But I’m not fearless. “I can’t.”

  And then, before I can breathe or speak, his lips touch mine and I’m gone. My mouth moves against his and I steal his air. I need it to fill me, give me everything I’ve missed for so long.

  He’s the piece of me that’s been lost. He’s the love that I’ve been desperate for. Kissing him is nothing like I imagined. I thought it would be soft and sweet, but there’s nothing gentle about him. He pushes me, kisses me as though it’s the only thing he can do.

  My fingers wrap around his neck, holding him close, not feeling an ounce of cold…it’s all fire.

  He consumes me, burns me with each lick of his tongue, turning my bones to ash.

  All too soon, he pulls back, his blue eyes filled with passion. The way he looks at me causes my stomach to clench.

  I open my mouth to say something—anything. There have to be words to make me wake up from this dream. This is…reckless. Here on the streets of our hometown and half-drunk isn’t the way this should’ve happened.

  His hand pushes against my cheek, cupping it so I have to see him. “Ask me.” I hear the words as a tear rolls down my cheek.

  And with those words, the dream is over and I awaken. “I really have to go.”

  And just like that, I walk away.

  Chapter Twenty

  Teagan

  Present

  My head is pounding and I feel like I ate a jar of cotton. It’s like the Sahara in my mouth.

  Somehow, I get myself out of bed and pop two Tylenol and chug water. Today is going to suck. It’s a Saturday and I have to work downstairs, although thankfully it’s off-season and slow, which means I might be able to nap.

  Chastity’s door is still closed and I’m beyond grateful. She’s way too smart to see through any possible lies I could come up with about what happened last night.

  I sit in the kitchen with a death grip on my coffee, head on the table because it’s so heavy, and try to stop replaying that damn kiss.

  The kiss that I’ve wanted for so long and yet, I stopped it.

  I really am an idiot.

  Or am I smart for putting an end to it? Our first kiss should’ve been because we had some big epiphany of our relationship, not because we were drunk and flirty. It feels like a huge letdown and yet it wasn’t. It was…everything.

  I sit back up and groan.

  The store buzzer rings, alerting me someone is here.

  I can’t people today, but if someone is at that door it means it’s either Nina or my mother. I pray for Nina because I might lose my shit on anyone else.

  “Hey,” I say as I open the door.

  Nina smiles and then when she actually looks at me it shifts. “You look like shit.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I’m just saying, after a first date most people don’t look like they rolled out of bed after lying in the barn. Oh! Or maybe you did get freaky in the barn? Yes? Sexy time on the hay…that would itch though.”

  I sigh and lean against the wall. “No sexy time on any hay.”

  “Sad,” Nina says wistfully. “So, why after your date do you look like a hot mess?”

  “If I went on a first date maybe I wouldn’t look like this.”

  She turns her head to the side and purses her lips. “I’m pretty sure we forced you to put makeup on to go on such a thing.”

  “You did, but he bailed on me last minute.”

  “No!” she yells and when I wince she apologizes. “So you got drunk alone in the bar?”

  I close my eyes and silently wish I could end this conversation. Nina and I share most things, but I don’t know that I should tell her what happened with Derek. Although we kissed in the damn street, so for all I know someone took a video of it. Wouldn’t that be ironic.

  “Let’s go downstairs,” I suggest.

  “Because?”

  I point to Chastity’s door. “Because we should work.”

  “Ohh,” she says very unconvincingly. “Right. Work. We should get going.”

  “You really need to work on your acting skills.”

  She shrugs and heads down the stairs. “You know I’m not equipped with the gift of sarcasm and snark like you and Chastity.”

  “You’re a mess.”

  She laughs. “Have you seen yourself, sweetheart? I wouldn’t be calling anyone else a mess.”

  We get into the store and I flop on the sofa.

  “Spill,” Nina says after a minute.

  “That about killed you to wait, didn’t it?”

  “You know it did. Now, spill.”

  I release a heavy sigh and decide to tell her everything. If nothing else, maybe she can help me figure out what any of it means. “Your perfect match from the online site of creepers texted me while I was at the bar waiting, with some bullshit excuse of work—an hour after he was supposed to be there—however, Derek was at the bar. He somehow seemed to know I was on a date and wanted to make sure I didn’t get murdered.”

  Her grin spreads even wider. “So you ended up on a date with your best-friend-who-you’ve-been-in-love-with-for-your-whole-life! Oh, my God, you’re living an actual rom-com movie right now! This is amazing. Tell me more.”

  “I’m not living anything but a pretty pathetic life.”

  Nina scoffs. “You’ve loved that man since you were in high school, even if you didn’t know it then, and he’s back, and you’re trying to act like that’s pathetic?”

  “What’s pathetic is thinking it was anything more than just us being drunk!”

  “More? What more happened, Tea?”

  Ugh. Me and my big mouth. “He kissed me.”

  “He kissed you!” she screams, and I grab the sides of my head. “Oh my God!”

  “Nina! Voices.”

  She huffs and waves her hand at me. “I don’t care that I’m yelling because he kissed you! Did you kiss him back?”

  I sure as hell did. The feel of his lips on mine was more than I ever had the ability to conjure up, though. I had no idea the way his hand would feel on my back, holding me against his solid chest.

  The truth was, I never wanted to open my eyes. I would’ve stayed fused to his mouth if I could, but when he spoke, when he told me to ask him my questions, it broke the spell.

  I couldn’t ask. I didn’t want to know.

  “It was a mistake.”

  “So that’s a yes.”

  “Nina.” I sigh. “It was stupid and—”

  “And it was a long time coming, my friend. You and Derek Hartz have been in love with each other longer than either of you idiots would admit. This is your time.”

  So what if that first part is true? It still doesn’t mean it’s our time. “Our kids hate each other, Nina. This isn’t time for anything.”

  “Kids fight and don’t like each other. That doesn’t change the feelings and love you and Derek have for each other. You’re just talking crazy.”

  This conversation is what’s crazy. I love her, but Jesus. She can’t possibly believe this is real. “He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t even know me!” I tell her.

  We know the Teagan and Derek of a million years ago. I am nothing like the girl I used to be. He clearly isn’t who I knew either. He fell in love with someone else, married her, raised a kid, and all those life experiences changed him at
his core.

  “You’re an idiot.”

  “So I’ve been told.”

  “There have never been two people who have cared about and known each other more than you and Derek.”

  “A long-ass time ago, yes. Now? No.”

  “Then get to know him.”

  I lift my head to the ceiling. “It was a kiss. It wasn’t anything more than that.”

  If she buys that I’ll be impressed. It was so much more than a kiss.

  “Well.” Nina gets up and smiles. “It shouldn’t be a big deal to start looking for a new match.”

  “A what?”

  “A new date, since it wasn’t anything more than that. There’s no reason you can’t get your ass back in the saddle.”

  She can’t be serious. I’m not going on another blind date. The last setup did not go well and I have no desire to try again. “Not happening.”

  “Because? Hmm? Could it be a man you happen to have given your heart to who has returned to claim it?”

  She’s ridiculous. “It’s not because of the kiss with Derek if that’s what you’re thinking!” I yell at her and point. “That kiss meant nothing!”

  A loud thump hits the door from the apartment and both of our heads turn. Shit. I pray to God Chastity didn’t hear me. Nina’s eyes are wide as she looks at me. “Do you think she—?”

  “I don’t know.”

  A heartbeat passes between us and the door handle rattles.

  My voice is a whisper. “Don’t say anything.”

  “I’ve got this.”

  I have zero faith. Nina’s the world’s worst liar. Chastity will see through her like glass.

  “Anyway,” I say loudly, trying to refocus Nina. My daughter is smart—I need to keep talking about the same issue but leave out the kiss and I’ll just…improvise if she asks. “I think I’m going to stay single.”

  Nina nods. “I see.”

  “I’m serious. I can read the signs that right now isn’t the right time.”

  Chastity enters the room. “Hey.”

  “Hey.”

  “Hi, honey,” Nina says a little too brightly. “Did you sleep well?”

  “Sure. I would’ve liked to sleep in later but you two were yelling and I was worried Grandma was here and Mom finally snapped.”

  “Funny,” I huff.

  “She knew you had a date last night. Which I’m waiting for details on…”

  I once really liked my kid. Now, not so much. “Why would you think telling Grandma any information was a good idea?”

  I focus on the first until I can feel her out more on what she heard.

  “She’s very persuasive when she wants information.”

  “In other words, she bought you.”

  “She promised I could have Mr. Stinkers—inside.”

  Unreal. I asked my mother two months ago and she was against it.

  “You’re kidding me, right?”

  Chastity smiles. “Nope.”

  I’m too hungover to care right now. “I give up.”

  “So, what were you guys yelling about?”

  I’m not sure if she’s baiting me. “My failure of a date last night.”

  “Failure?”

  “Yes. Failure.”

  “Was he ugly?”

  Did you hear me say something about a kiss and you’re trapping me? Gah. This kid is too damn good at mind games sometimes.

  “I wouldn’t know. He didn’t show up.”

  “Aunt Nina?”

  Oh, sure, go for the weak one.

  Nina clasps her hands, giving away that she’s nervous. “Yes, honey?”

  “Next time, I get to pick the guy…not you.”

  Nina laughs. “You’ll have to convince your mother of that. I doubt she’ll be dating anytime soon.”

  “Not if you two are picking the guys.”

  Chastity shrugs. “I’ll find you someone, Mom. Just wait.”

  I close my eyes and shake my head. “Let’s get to work…and not on my love life.”

  Lord knows I’ve done enough damage to my own life in the last twenty-four hours.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Teagan

  Present

  “Hello?” I answer the number I don’t recognize. I’m praying my daughter didn’t list my phone number on that dating site.

  “Good morning.”

  “Who is this?”

  “I’m crushed that you didn’t recognize my voice,” a deep male voice says with a chuckle.

  “Derek?”

  “Don’t act so surprised, I do have your number, and since we’re friends, I figured it was time I called.”

  I haven’t heard from him in the last week. I’ve done my best to not talk about him, think about him, or look for him at every turn. I hoped that after the last thirteen years of doing just that, I would be a pro. However, I’ve yet to master this skill. He keeps starring in my dreams, and I find myself daydreaming about his lips.

  “Sorry, you took me by surprise. Not to be rude, but why are you calling me?”

  “Chastity asked me to.”

  Okay, but why didn’t she call me? That initial fear that something has happened to her hits me. “Is she okay?”

  “She’s fine. I should’ve led with that. She’s at the house after working with my dad at the clinic. They got a little sidetracked with the animals and then my mother refused to let her leave without eating.”

  “Okay…” I say, confused. “What is she doing now?”

  “She’s doing her homework. Are you okay with me dropping her off or do you want to come get her?”

  “I’m sorry, did you say she’s doing her homework—at your house?”

  Since when does she hang out where Everly is?

  “Yeah, it’s a long story.”

  I’m sure it is. “I can come get her. I have to run out and I can grab her on my way back.”

  Tonight, Chastity and I will have some mother-daughter time. I baked a cake that I plan to eat for dinner. Cake has eggs and eggs are healthy.

  “Sounds good. What time are you thinking?”

  Yeah, sounds great…I won’t be able to avoid him face-to-face.

  “An hour? Is that okay?”

  I’m not sure why I’m asking him if that’s okay, she’s my daughter.

  “I’m guessing that’s fine, she and Everly are talking now.”

  “Umm…what?” I ask with a hint of panic and a lot of confusion in my voice.

  As of last night, Everly was being referred to as Satan’s mistress. I don’t think the two of them suddenly became best friends.

  “Yeah, I had the same reaction. Apparently, the school is trying to force them to be friends.”

  “How so?”

  “They were paired together on a writing assignment about social media.”

  That’s really not the smartest idea. Chastity likes working with a partner as much as I like the idea of seeing Keith’s face. She always ends up doing the entire thing on her own, getting the other person an A, and complaining about incompetence in the education system.

  While I normally find her frustration funny, I have a feeling this time it won’t be entertaining.

  “I’ll call her teacher,” I say, already planning how to get her out of this.

  “Why?”

  “Because they hate each other.” Is he seriously not thinking this could be bad?

  Derek clears his throat. “Do you remember how we became friends?”

  He can’t possibly think this is the same. First, it’s girls. Girls are…mean. Derek and I didn’t hate each other and plot an untimely demise of the other. These two hate each other. The last few weeks it hasn’t gotten better. Everly has almost doubled her efforts, and Chastity has been on a rampage about ways to make her sick without it showing on a toxicology report.

  “You can’t force this. The school shouldn’t either.”

  “I know it’s not ideal but Everly will be supervised.”

  My first inst
inct is to bite back at him that they’re supervised at school, and yet that hasn’t stopped his daughter’s behavior. “I’m not comfortable with this, Derek.”

  “I understand that you’re not, but this could be a good thing.”

  “What about this is good?”

  He sighs. “I don’t know, but I think we need to let them work this out. If we intervene it’ll be worse for Chastity. It’ll look like her mother had to stop her from having to be around a bully. Trust me, I spent a good part of my life dealing with the end she’s on.”

  He’s right. If I call the school and get her paired with someone else, Chastity will suffer. This parenting thing is really freaking hard. I owe my mother a cake too.

  Well, maybe one with some laxatives.

  “Fine. But you should know, Chastity shares everything with me and if I find out that while under your supervision she was tortured, I assure you that I will retaliate.”

  It’s an idle threat, but still.

  “Against a thirteen-year-old?”

  “No, against her father, who won’t have to worry about another seven-year drought because he’ll be missing a certain appendage.”

  Derek chuckles. “Noted. See you soon, Tea.”

  Great. “See you soon.”

  There are a few errands I need to do before I get Chastity. We need supplies for our girls’ night in. Plus, now that I know she’s being forced to work with Everly, I’m going to need to sweeten her up because I can’t even imagine the mood she’ll be in.

  I grab my purse and head to the grocery store, where Mrs. McCutchrey is changing the decorations on her storefront. She does this each month and it’s the big excitement on the off months in this beach town. Who knows what theme she might pick?

  It sounds pathetic even in my head.

  “Hi, Mrs. McCutchrey,” I say with a smile.

  She’s the nicest woman in this town. While others have gossiped about my life choices, she’s never said anything. In fact, when Chastity was born, she made her a blanket and brought me a meal each Friday for the first six months.

  She will always hold a very special place in my heart. Plus, Chastity loves her and she makes the best macaroni and cheese in town.