Roustabout

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  I couldn’t give her the life fit for a Senator’s daughter, and maybe I was kidding myself that she’d want a guy like me. But Tera didn’t look down on the carnies; she never had. Maybe there was a chance?

  I’d been judged and labelled by people my whole life: clown, poor kid, loser, carnie. But why did I allow them to reduce me to a single label? That was down to me. If I wanted to be with a woman like Tera, I’d have to be the man worth having her. Financially, materially, I had next to nothing to offer. But with Kes back in the game, the stunt riding was taking off again. Just before I left for Tennessee, we’d gotten the promise of a big booking in LA over Thanksgiving. Those gigs made decent money.

  On the other hand, it was a risky life. I could pop my shoulder out again or break a leg and be out of the game for months, even permanently.

  I had no education, although I might just about make it as a mechanic if I got certificated. Maybe a carpenter. It was a thought. But hardly enough to keep a woman like Tera. And fuck, I’d miss the carnival.

  I sighed and rubbed my eyes.

  Wanting to be with Tera was the dumbest, most senseless, ridiculously reckless act possible for a man like me—and I jumped stunt bikes for a living.

  Tucker

  My phone had died again. Piece of shit couldn’t seem to hold a charge longer than half a day. It was time I replaced it. What a joke—it would be months before I could afford that.

  I wandered through Haight-Ashbury and found a hotdog vendor in Golden Gate Park. The leftover money from selling the Duke needed to stretch a long way, so fancy meals were out.

  I didn’t like thinking about Daisy—damn, she was beautiful. I wondered when I’d be able to ride something as amazing again. My thoughts dived to the gutter and the image of Tera’s knockout body riding mine was a little too triple X for being in public during daylight hours. I forced my thoughts away and spent the afternoon being a tourist. That alone was a novelty—despite the many miles I’d traveled with the carnival, I’d always been working. Hard work and long hours.

  I missed it.

  When I figured it was late enough that Tera might be home from work, I walked back to her apartment.

  I used the code to buzz myself into the main entrance, but before I could get a key into Tera’s lock, the door flung open.

  “Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for hours!”

  She looked like a disheveled librarian, all tight skirt and classy shirt, her hair coming loose from some fancy hairdo.

  “Whoa! Slow down. I thought you were at work?”

  Tera huffed and rolled her eyes.

  “Yes, but then my mother told me that you and she had met. Oh my God! Were you really naked in bed?”

  I grinned at her. “Yep. Guilty as charged.”

  Then I leaned forward and whispered into her hair.

  “And you know what, sugar? It’s a good thing I had the sheet over me, because I was dreaming about you.”

  She laughed and groaned at the same time. “What did she say to you? Was she awful?”

  I pulled her into my chest with my good arm and kissed her lightly on the lips. They were cold and tasted sweet.

  “Can a man get a drink first? I’m dying on my feet here.”

  She frowned but strode into the kitchen.

  “Beer or water?”

  “Beer sounds great.”

  I slumped onto the couch, rubbing my sore shoulder. It ached constantly—I was so over it.

  Tera appeared with two bottles of beer and handed one to me.

  “So, what did she say?”

  “Nothing to stress about, sugar.”

  She glared at me while I took a long drink, closing my eyes and enjoying the cool slide of artisan beer.

  “Well?”

  “It was nothin’.”

  “Tucker! Sometimes you’re so laidback you’re practically horizontal. Just tell me what she said!”

  “Well, she complimented me on being such a fine-looking man, and was happy to hear that her beautiful daughter had finally gotten a good lay.”

  Tera’s mouth dropped open and then she punched me in the arm.

  “This is serious!”

  “Okay, okay! No need to get violent on my ass!”

  “Tucker! I’ve been waiting here for over four hours! I’ve eaten a whole packet of triple chocolate cookies and two pints of ice cream.”

  That explained the cold, sweet lips.

  “To be fair, TC, I did try and find you at your office, but you’d already left with the Wicked Witch.”

  Tera giggled. “Careful! That’s my mother you’re talking about.” Then she frowned. “Really? You went to my office? How did you know where I worked?”

  “I Googled you.”

  Tera’s surprise irritated me for reasons I didn’t want to examine too closely.

  “I can use the internet, TC. I’m not completely dumb.”

  “No, I never said . . . I know you’re not dumb, Tucker. It’s just, I’ve never even seen you check messages on your phone.”

  “That’s because I don’t know anyone who would call me.” Except maybe you?

  Her laugh was self-conscious. “No messages from a string of heartbroken women?”

  “Only three women have my number,” I said patiently. “You, Aimee, and . . . Renee.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah.”

  Tera looked away, embarrassed.

  “Are you going to tell me what my mother said?”

  I sighed and leaned back against the couch.

  “She said that her beautiful daughter deserved better than some guy who worked in a carnival.”

  Tera sucked in a long breath. “Mom said that?”

  “She was very polite.”

  Tera stood up suddenly and started pacing up and down the room.

  “I am so sick of them interfering in my life! This stops right now.”

  Then she spun around and stared at me.

  “Come to the Memorial fundraiser with me.”

  “Come to what?”

  She shook her head impatiently.

  “It’s this big fundraiser for the Semper Fi Fund in San Diego. Dad’s father was a Marine. We go to it every year in November.”

  “Yeah? And what happens at this fundraiser?”

  She waved her hand around vaguely.

  “The usual: a load of people dressing up and paying a thousand dollars for a place at the table, charity raffle, drinking, dancing.”

  Holy shit! How much?

  “Uh huh. And who’s going to be there?”

  “My parents, for a start!”

  I’d already figured that out.

  “Not really my scene, TC. And I don’t have that kind of money.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I’d pay for you, silly! It’s in San Diego, so I’ll book the flights and hotel and we can . . .”

  “I mean it, TC,” I said, quietly interrupting her. “It’s not me.”

  “But . . . I want you there . . . as my date. Then my parents would see that we’re together.”

  My lungs squeezed painfully.

  “We’re not together, TC.” We have now, but we can’t have a future.

  Her eyes widened but she didn’t reply, and that by itself told me everything I needed to know.

  I shook my head.

  “It’s really great of you, sugar, but I wouldn’t fit in there. I’d say or do something wrong and just embarrass you. Thank you for asking me—I appreciate it more than you know. You’re an amazing, beautiful woman and any man would be proud to have you on his arm. But you can do better than me.”

  “Why does that sound like goodbye?” she whispered, her words cracking and splintering.

  My throat ached and awkwardness sat in ugly silence between us.

  Then she walked toward me, staring down, hands on her hips, her expression hard and determined.

  “You’re doing it again, Tucker: you’re trying to push me away because you somehow think it’s the right
thing to do. Yes, I want us to be together—but only if you want it, too. And I don’t think I can do better than you. Have I ever said anything to make you believe that I did? Ever?”

  A warm thread of hope slid through my blood.

  “Let me show you how wrong you are, Tucker McCoy.”

  Tera

  His wide shoulders were slumped and he passed a hand over his face wearily. For once his smile was missing. He looked exposed. Well, if Tucker had a problem believing my words, I’d have to find another way to show him.

  His protest died on his lips when I took off my blouse and dropped it to the floor. Then I unbuttoned my skirt and wiggled it over my hips. His eyes darted between my breasts and my descending skirt, unable to fix on either for more than a second.

  Standing in my bra and panties, I felt fierce, sexual, powerful.

  I wasn’t the woman he’d met in the spring, the one who’d regretted not taking what she wanted that night. Then, I’d only seen the happy-go-lucky roustabout, the free-spirited carnie who loved to laugh. Now I knew the real person, I wanted him even more. He was a good man, an honorable man, a man who gave his last dollar to a woman he’d once cared about because it would help her and the child he never knew existed. How could I not want a man like that?

  He didn’t see it himself—he only counted the material things that he didn’t have, but if the last eighteen months had taught me anything, it was that my life so far was a house of cards, built on lies, and life was so much more than the right clothes and the right zip code.

  The man in front of me had more integrity than my father, the Senator; and a moral code that he lived by, whether he knew it or not.

  I unhooked my bra and slid my panties down my thighs, watching as Tucker licked his lips. When I leaned forward to untie the sling from around his neck, he took the opportunity to press hot, wet kisses to my breasts.

  I pulled back and smiled at him, tossing the sling to one side as I slid to my knees on the hard floor.

  My bare flesh pressed against his jeans and the buttons of his shirt. I undid them one by one, stroking my hands over warm, satiny skin. His breathing sped up as I reached down to unbutton the worn denim of his jeans.

  When I pulled his hardened dick from his pants, his body shuddered and his eyes squeezed shut.

  When I licked the head of his dick, a low growl rolled out from his chest.

  When I swallowed his long, thick cock in one go and palmed his balls, the breath hissed out of him in a stream of curses.

  When I worked him around and around and up and down, over and over, the muscles in his thighs trembled and his stomach tightened.

  And when I could tell he was close to coming, he grabbed my hair, twisting it almost painfully as he pulled me away from him.

  “Christ, Tera!”

  And he stood up in one fluid motion, his good arm holding my entire weight as his mouth crushed my lips and his tongue drove into my mouth.

  I gasped with pleasure and pain as he roughly handled my body, grunting as we thudded against the table, a flurry of old newspapers and documents flying to the floor.

  I wrapped my legs around his waist, his heavy dick pressed against my stomach, almost bursting with need.

  With teeth and tongue and bruised lips, I rained kisses on his cheeks and neck and shoulders, biting his skin and pulling from him savage growls and hisses of pain and desire.

  Crashing into my bedroom, Tucker lost his balance and we landed on the floor. He rolled at the last moment so I ended up on his chest and wasn’t crushed by his weight. My head thudded against the bed; we were only inches short of our goal.

  His kisses were hot and hard and demanding as he tasted every part he could reach while I used his body to climb free and crawl onto the bed.

  When he knelt between my legs, his strong hands holding my thighs open, pleasure rippled through me.

  When his supple fingers stroked my clit, I moaned wantonly.

  When his hot tongue teased and tasted, then dove inside, I rode his face hard.

  When I came in his mouth, I screamed his name; I wanted to cheer and beg him to do it again.

  And when he pulled me up the bed and pushed himself inside me, I cried with gratitude.

  And finally, when he came, his face ferocious, his jaw clenched, he kissed me with a violent joy that made me determined to never let him go.

  He rolled onto his side, breathing hard. I couldn’t move. I lay splayed out on my back, legs open, breasts heaving as I struggled to draw in breath to my burning lungs.

  It was several minutes before either of us could speak.

  “What . . .” I began, then had to stop to take another deep breath. “What was that?”

  Tucker shook his head, his chest still rising and falling as he fought to regain control of his lungs.

  “I have no fucking clue. Let’s do it again.”

  “Right now . . .” I gasped, “that is the most . . .” wheeze “asinine comment I ever heard.”

  “Ass-what?” he laughed. “Yeah, your ass and my nine inches. Works for me.”

  I tried to smack him, but my hand was like a limp, wet fish.

  “Why are you still dressed?” I asked, when my hand landed on crumpled cotton.

  “This wild woman wrestled me to the bed—I never stood a chance.”

  I ran my hand down his sweating chest.

  “Are we together now, Tucker?”

  Don’t say no. Don’t hesitate.

  He hesitated. “Tera . . .”

  “Don’t say my name like that! Don’t rule us out before we’ve even started. I like you; you like me. Isn’t that enough?”

  “I want it to be,” he said quietly, “but we come from different worlds and we’re traveling in different directions.”

  I wanted to grind my teeth with frustration.

  “Won’t you even try?”

  He closed his eyes, a pained look on his face.

  “Is that really what you want, Tera? A guy like me?”

  I shook my head. “No, Tucker. I don’t want a guy like you: I want you. Are we done arguing now?”

  He swallowed and took a deep breath.

  “Yes, ma’am, I’d say we are.”

  I felt the rush of warmth through my body, the pleasure that comes from being wanted. The fool’s gold of love.

  But it was Tucker who voiced the words.

  “I don’t know if I can be the man you need, Tera,” he said, his voice dropping to a whisper. “I don’t know how to do relationships. I don’t know anything about the kind of upbringing you’ve had. And now I’m a father as well. I don’t think I’m enough for you, but fuck it, I’m going to try.”

  I wound my fingers into his and held on tightly.

  “Your mother might have messed up, got it wrong so many times, but Tucker, you’re a good man. And somehow, in all the chaos, she raised a decent human being. There’s nothing else I want.”

  He sighed heavily. “I want that to be true.”

  But I didn’t know which part he meant.

  Tucker

  I jolted awake suddenly.

  After Tera had shocked me from the insides out by her words as well as her actions, we’d fallen asleep in a sweaty, tangled heap.

  The morning light was filtering through the window and Tera was still sleeping soundly next to me, the thin sheet clinging to her gorgeous body.

  I had the memory of hammering into her the night before. It had been incredible. Her anger had turned her into an Amazonian warrior. But she’d made me forget the basics—I hadn’t worn a rubber. The thought made my heart trip. I knew she wouldn’t get pregnant; she’d told me she was on the pill, but . . . I needed to get tested. It choked me up to think I could have . . .

  Nope. Not gonna go there. Yet.

  Making sure I didn’t wake her, I slunk into the shower and got cleaned up.

  Tera was just opening her eyes when I strolled into the bedroom in a towel.

  “Spoilsport! I wanted to watch,�
�� she said. “Or better yet, video you showering.”

  I couldn’t help laughing. “Got a bit of kink going on there, Miss Hawkins?”

  “Maybe,” she grinned. “Would it bother you?”

  “That’s a hell no!”

  “Good. Now come back to bed and show me what I don’t have to go on missing.”

  “Sure thing, sugar. I’ll just get a rubber and . . .”

  “We didn’t use one last night,” she said calmly.

  “I know, but I should have. I’m . . . I’m going to get tested today, so . . .”

  Tera closed her eyes. “Wow. Way to kill the mood, Tucker.”

  Irritated, I stomped out of the room. Why was doing the right thing so goddamn hard?

  I heard her bare feet padding after me, and then she wrapped her arms around my waist.

  “I’m sorry. That was bitchy of me. Do you know where you’re going to go? Because I’m sure my doctor would . . .”

  “No, I got it. Thanks.”

  Fucked if I was going to let my girl pay for this.

  Then Tera giggled.

  “Oh my God! Imagine if I did get pregnant and we had a little boy like you! Holy shit!” and she tickled my ribs, making me screech like a girl.

  “It could be a she-kid,” I pointed out, panting from her assault. “And if she looks like her momma, I’d have to stake her first boyfriend out in the yard as a warning to others.”

  Tera laughed loudly. “Hmm, that could work. Maybe we can practice not making babies after you’ve been tested.” Then she winked at me and headed for the shower.

  I watched her walk away, her stunning heart-shaped ass and long, long legs. Everything about her shouted she was something special.

  Would she really think about having kids with a guy like me? After all the fucked up things she knew about me? Even though I already had a kid?

  An unfamiliar and unwanted pain drummed through my chest, and it felt like my heart had started beating to a new rhythm.

  Luckily, Tera was in too much of a hurry to get to work to wonder at my sudden weirdness.

  Once she left, the apartment was too quiet. At the carnival, I had a role, a purpose. Here . . . I had to find a fucking STD clinic.