Roustabout

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  “You really sold the Duke? I can’t believe that.”

  I gave him a crooked smile. “I told you—I needed the money. But whatever, I’ll get another some day.”

  Zach eyed me curiously.

  “What did you need that amount of money for?”

  “Family stuff.” I grimaced. “How’s Luke?” I asked, wanting to distract him.

  Zach smiled. “He’s good. You’ll see him later.”

  “He still roustabouting?”

  “Sure, but doing a regular stint on the Dodgems.” Then he grinned at me. “The girls like him.”

  “Pah! If I bossed that ride, he’d have no chance.”

  Zach laughed. “Yeah, well, it helps that you actually want to sleep with them.”

  I cringed internally, but it was my own fault. His description was fair: it was what I’d done for years.

  “Kes thinks Luke could make a good stunt rider,” he said, looking sideways at me.

  “Yeah? We could use another man. Especially if one of us keeps getting fucked up,” I sighed.

  Zach nodded in agreement.

  “Kes and Aimee good?”

  “Yeah, arguing like crazy—crazy in love. The same.”

  “And what’s that fucker Zef up to?”

  “Same ole same ole. He misses his wingman. He’ll be glad when he’s got someone to party with now Kes is off the market.”

  “He’s not hanging with Mirelle?”

  Zach shrugged.

  “I don’t know what’s with those two. It’s intense when they meet up, like they can’t get enough of each other, and then . . . nothing. She goes back to the East Coast. It works for them.” He reached over to turn on his iPod. “How was the cabin? Everything okay there?”

  Time to come clean.

  “I never went.”

  Zach shot me a surprised look. “How come? Where you been staying?” Then a grin crept over his face. “You hooked up with some girl, didn’t you? You dog!”

  “It wasn’t like that,” I muttered.

  “What was it like then? Was she a nun?”

  “Come on!”

  “A grandmother?”

  “Hell, no!”

  “Then what, Tucker? You going to tell me you spent the last five weeks keeping it in your pants, because I won’t believe you.”

  He was starting to piss me off.

  “Give it a rest, man. I met someone, okay?”

  He didn’t reply, and when I glanced at him, he was staring at me with his jaw hanging.

  “Watch the road!” I yelled, as his truck started to veer off to the right.

  “Shit! Sorry, man. But, for real? You met a girl?”

  “Yes! Jeez! I met a girl. I stayed with her. We got . . . close. Okay?”

  From the look on his face I thought he was going to break out into show tunes.

  “I think I just witnessed a miracle!”

  “Fuck off!”

  I stared out the window, knowing I’d get worse from Zef. As for Kes, when he found out I’d been boning his sister, it was entirely possible that he’d dislocate my other shoulder. Or maybe both of them. It definitely went against the code.

  I sighed and leaned my head against the seat.

  Zach was still grinning at me.

  “Wow, you really like this girl? Is the one-and-only Tucker McCoy off the market? Hearts will be breaking wide open all over the world tonight.”

  “What part of fuck off didn’t you understand?”

  He grinned and slapped my arm.

  “I’m happy for you, man. It’s about time you dropped those skanks and got yourself a real girl.”

  Then he laughed. “She’s not a skank, is she?”

  I turned to stare at him.

  “Yeah, it’s all very funny, so laugh it up while you can. But don’t you ever fucking talk about her like that again. We clear?”

  His laughter cut out immediately.

  “You’re serious?” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, brother.”

  I nodded, accepting his apology.

  “So,” he said after a moment. “Tell me about her. Where did you guys meet?”

  I looked straight ahead.

  “You were there—at Kes’s breaking camp party back in the spring.”

  “You mean Rona, the snake girl? I thought she was traveling with Carters’ Carnivals?”

  I closed my eyes, remembering that I had hooked up with Rona that night. She’d let her python watch while we got it on. Freaked me the fuck out.

  “No, man. I didn’t hook up with Tera then, I . . .”

  “Holy fuck! Are you talking about Kestrel’s sister?”

  I groaned, and Zach looked horrified.

  “Yes, alright! Me and Tera . . . she was in Tennessee when I was there and . . . we got close. She’s really great. She’s . . . great.”

  Zach scratched his head.

  “I don’t know what to tell you, bro. There’s a good chance Kes will beat the shit out of you.”

  “I know.”

  He blew out a breath.

  “So . . . you and Tera, huh? I didn’t see that coming.”

  Nope, neither did I.

  He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye.

  “Is it . . . serious with her?”

  I shrugged. “I like her. I like her a lot, but she’s this hotshot city girl and I’m . . . fuck it, Zach, you know what I am!”

  I heard the frustration in my voice.

  “Tucker, you’re a good guy. I mean that. Just . . . treat her right.”

  Treat her right? I didn’t even know what that meant. Surely treating Tera right didn’t include asking her to share a tiny room in an RV where three other adults lived while we traveled from small town to small town?

  Fucked if I knew. I just wanted to see her again.

  Zach was silent for the rest of the short ride, every now and then throwing puzzled glances at me which I ignored.

  I sat upright when I saw the poster advertising the carnival.

  Fort Tuthill fairground was set in the woods, where narrow pine trees pointed toward the empty sky. Orange dust spewed up from the truck’s tires as we bounced along the unmade road, and the whole landscape looked parched.

  Some of the bigger rides were already being erected, and I watched as Luke and another couple of roustabouts wrestled the buckets for the Ferris wheel into place.

  He turned and grinned when he saw Zach’s truck, and Zach waved back at him.

  It brought an unfamiliar rush of jealousy: Zach and Luke traveled together. It was a reminder I didn’t need of how tough things were going to be for me and Tera to be a couple when we were apart more than we were together.

  In the end, it didn’t matter what I wanted, hoped for, dreamed about: what did Tera want?

  Zach parked the truck next to Kes’s RV and I climbed out, grinning when Aimee ran up and hugged the crap out of me.

  “Hey, sweet cheeks! I knew you’d miss me. Finally decided that I’m the better man?”

  The hug ended with an elbow in the ribs.

  “If Kes heard you say that, you’d be wrestling around on the floor right now,” she laughed.

  “True, but I’d let him win because I know how much his pretty face means to you.” I paused and looked around. “Where is the ugly douche?”

  “Zef arrived with the rig twenty minutes ago. They’re unloading by the grandstand.”

  “I’ll go help,” I said immediately.

  “Are you sure you should?” Aimee asked, looking worried.

  I winked at her. “I’m indestructible.”

  “You mean indescribable,” she replied, rolling her eyes.

  Zach laughed out loud. “She’s right about that, man. Come on, I’ll drive you over. I’ve got to see the site manager anyway.”

  I hauled my backpack and helmet out of the truck and walked into the RV’s living area, seeing the familiar, homey space. I went to throw my shit on the bed in my room when I saw a tiny ball of tan and b
lack fur.

  “Bo! What you doing in here? You’ve got your own crib.”

  His big black eyes looked up at me and his mouth opened in a toothy grin. Then he shrieked loudly and jumped up onto my shoulder, tugging gently on my hair, using it like reins.

  “Miss me, buddy? Aw, I missed you too, little brother.”

  I glanced around the room as I walked back out. It looked tiny compared to the luxury of Tera’s apartment. She’ll never live in here with you, said the voice in my head.

  Before I had the chance to worry even more, Aimee came and stood behind me, gently taking Bo from my arms, ignoring his soft protests.

  “Zachary said you met someone!” she gasped, her eyes wide.

  “Dude has a big mouth,” I snarked.

  She laughed. “I think he was so shocked, he couldn’t help himself. Come on, spill.”

  “Nothin’ to say.” Especially not till I’ve spoken to Kes.

  “Ooh! A secret!” Then Aimee frowned. “She’s not married, is she?”

  Her question irritated me. “When have I ever been with a married woman?”

  She scrunched her eyes up. “What about that redheaded woman with the tattoos?”

  I shook my head. “That doesn’t count—I didn’t know she was married! She didn’t even wear a ring, goddamn it!”

  My reputation was coming back to bite me in the ass—I only had myself to blame.

  “Fine, don’t tell me. But I’ll get it out of you eventually.” Then she cast her eyes over my button-up shirt. “You’re looking spiffy, by the way. Is it the new girl?”

  I didn’t want to admit that it was because I still struggled to get a t-shirt on.

  “This is my fancy city get-up.”

  Aimee smiled. “Sure, okay. Broccoli pizza tonight?”

  I gave her shoulders a squeeze as I passed. “See, I knew you loved me really!”

  Her laughter followed me out to the RV where Zach was waiting.

  I punched him in the arm. “What the fuck, bro? Why did you tell Aimee that I’d met someone?”

  He rubbed the place where I’d hit him, his expression wry.

  “It won’t be a secret once you tell Kes. You are going to tell him, right?”

  “Of course I’m going to fucking tell him!” I grit out.

  Zef and Kes were still unloading the rig when we got there. I couldn’t help grinning when I saw them—I’d missed the assholes.

  Zef saw me first.

  “The prodigal returns! How you doing, man?”

  We shook hands then he pulled me into a hug before Kes slung an arm around me.

  “Good to see you, bro. How’s the shoulder holding up?”

  I nodded and grinned at them. “Yeah, getting there. No stunts for another week or so, but after that I should be good.”

  Kes frowned. “That soon?”

  “Yeah, pretty much.”

  I wasn’t going to tell him that the doc at the hospital had said no stunts for three months. Fuck that. But Zach looked skeptical.

  “You sure?”

  “Maybe two weeks, but soon.” I changed the subject. “So, looks like you guys need a hand?”

  And just like that, I was part of the carnival again.

  I got to work hauling heavy pieces of jump ramp out of the rig, ignoring the spikes of pain shooting up my arm.

  Kes noticed that I wasn’t firing on all cylinders and set me to work giving the bikes a tune-up. I’d always been better at maintenance than the others, and saw that the oil filters needed cleaning.

  I worked away quietly, glancing up every now and again as the ramps grew higher, feeling a pang of regret that I wouldn’t be jumping when the show opened tomorrow.

  After a couple of hours of hot, dusty, sweaty work, Aimee dropped off some bottles of water and reminded us we had two hours before supper.

  When she left, Kes walked over and kicked my foot.

  “What’s this about you and some broad?”

  I tried not to cringe.

  “I met someone is all,” I mumbled reluctantly. “I don’t know why everyone’s making such a damn song and dance about it.”

  Kes smiled. “’Cause it’s you, mothertucker. Who is she?”

  This was the moment that I’d been dreading since my first night with Tera.

  “I didn’t go looking for this,” I began by way of explanation. “It just happened.”

  He shrugged. “That’s how it usually goes.”

  I stood up and took a long drink of water as Kes eyed me curiously.

  “Look, there’s no easy way to say it . . . so I’m just gonna say it. It’s . . . I . . . we . . .” Fuck! “I met TC when I was in Tennessee. We got close. It’s Tera . . . I’ve been seeing Tera.”

  I closed my eyes, waiting for Kes to punch out my lights. But after a second, nothing had happened, and I opened one eye.

  “Aren’t you going to take a swing at me?”

  Kes frowned. “Do I need to?”

  “Um . . .”

  “Tucker, you’re sweating like a bitch. Just chill. I know you’ll treat her right, so there’s no problem.”

  “You do? There isn’t?”

  He sat down on the grass, wincing as he stretched out his back.

  “You wouldn’t be this nervous if you didn’t care about her.”

  “Jesus, Kes! I slept with your sister! You’re not even a little bit mad?”

  Kes scowled. “You don’t need to draw me a fuckin’ picture. I’d rather not think about that. But if you screw around on her, I’ll rearrange your face.”

  I sat down next to him, more than a little stunned. “Fair enough.”

  “So, how’s this going to work between you two?”

  I shook my head. “Fuck knows. I mean, she’s going to fly out in two weeks and meet us in Denver, but . . .” I shrugged helplessly.

  Kes nodded. “I get it. When me and Aimee . . .” and he couldn’t help smiling just saying her name. “When we got our second chance . . . or maybe third chance, we had to really want it, you know? It hasn’t been easy—for either of us. But if it’s worth having, it’s worth work.”

  I frowned, thinking about what he was saying.

  “I really thought you’d want to beat the shit out of me.”

  Kes laughed. “I still might if you fuck this up. Love is rare, my friend. And I know what it looks like. Don’t be a chicken shit. I know you’ll treat her right.”

  I sat there stunned while he stood up and walked away.

  Tera was the woman who rocked my world like no one ever had before. But was Kes right?

  Shit! Is that what this was? Love?

  I shuddered at the thought.

  But maybe that was why it hurt so bad. Did I love Tera? Did she . . . could she . . . love me back?

  I carried on working, my mind somersaulting as Kes’s words rattled around inside my head.

  When the guys were busy, I snuck off to call her. I knew she’d be at work, but I needed to hear her voice.

  She answered on the second ring.

  “Tera Hawkins speaking.”

  “Hey, sugar!”

  There was a short pause, then she replied formally.

  “If you could hold the line one moment, I’ll check that for you right away.”

  I heard her apologizing to someone, then the sound of her footsteps and her breath in my ear.

  “Sorry about that—my boss is so nosy. How are you? How was the flight?”

  “Shitty—you weren’t there.”

  She sighed. “I know. I’m dreading going home to an empty apartment.”

  My heart lurched. “Shit, Tera, I . . .”

  “Don’t apologize,” she said softly. “We both knew this would be hard. I miss you, that’s all. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty for . . . for doing your job.”

  I hated not being able to hold her in my arms. I leaned my head against the side of the grandstand.

  “Are you still there?”

  “I’m here, sugar.
”

  “How is everyone?”

  I swallowed and closed my eyes. “I told Kes.”

  “You did? What did he say?”

  “He was cool about it.”

  “Really?” she sounded as surprised as I’d been.

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, what did he say?”

  I smiled at the annoyance in her voice.

  “He said that if I screwed around on you, he’d rearrange my face.”

  She laughed lightly. “Yes, he obviously took it very well. But don’t worry, Tucker; if you screw around on me, I’ll rearrange your face myself.”

  I had a feeling that she meant it.

  “Tera, that’s not going to happen. You know that, right? You’re my girl. I don’t want anyone else.”

  When she replied, her voice was resigned.

  “I know. I don’t want anyone else either.” She paused. “Which is why I’d really like you to come to the Memorial Day fundraiser in November. Please, please don’t make me go with one of my mother’s horrendous date choices.”

  I gripped the phone so hard, I was in danger of cracking the screen.

  “Don’t go with those douches, Tera.”

  “Then come with me.”

  I sighed and thudded my head against the wall in frustration.

  “We’ve got a show.”

  “Kes would give you the night off if you asked him.”

  I wanted to grind my teeth in irritation.

  “You know I won’t fit in there,” I said sharply.

  When she replied, I could hear the frustration in her voice at this old argument.

  “You could fit in anywhere, Tucker.”

  “TC . . .”

  “Alright, alright,” she grumbled. “Tell me what Aimee said about . . . us.”

  “I haven’t told her yet, but I’d guess that Kes is telling her about now.”

  “Okay, look, I have to get back to work. Call me tonight?”

  “Sure thing, sugar.”

  She hung up, and I walked back to the arena, feeling like I’d been torn in half.

  An hour later when the ramps were up and I was wiping my oil-stained hands on a rag, I walked back to the RV with Zef and Kes. Zef gave me a cheesy grin.

  “Heard you’re boning the boss’s sister. Nice!”

  I beat Kes to him by a split second, throwing Zef to the ground while he laughed his ass off.

  “Last time you get to joke about it,” I snapped, sitting on his legs and mashing his face into the dirt.

  “You’re shit out of luck, Tucker,” he laughed, spitting out mouthfuls of dust. “This is just too damn funny.”