“What I needed to hear,” she cut in. “Honestly, James? We could probably talk about it now, and who knows, I may even tell you it’s okay if we did that, but I’d be lying to myself.”
Anxious, I stared at her, my eyes pleading with her to believe me. “Sweetheart, I love you.” My declaration sounded hollow, inept, and not nearly enough for how I had made her feel. Lust had gotten the better of me and ruined the best relationship I’d had in decades.
My heart squeezed because I could see how distressed she was. Still she maintained her dignity and fought bravely to quell tears. Her lips quivered slightly when she swallowed roughly, and for a long minute I thought she may lose the battle and cry. But suddenly her frame stiffened and she stood tall, drew in a deep breath, and her chin rose up in defiance.
“I believe you do, James,” she replied, despondently, “but sometimes, loving someone just isn’t enough. The way you stared at her was like you needed her to breathe, you’ve never looked at me that way … not once.”
Stunned into silence, I stood searching my brain for something I could say that would take us back to how happy we were before the party. Nothing could wipe what happened from her mind, but I wanted her to know what she meant to me.
“Isn’t love… our love worth fighting for?” I asked in desperation. “Cancel the car, I’ll take you back…” I suggested, frantic for more time. “We could talk this through on the wa—”
“No, James, I don’t want you to do that. I’ve already called Leon, and I’m moving in with him until I can figure a new lease out.”
“Don’t you just need a bit of time to—wait—you’re really leaving me at the first hurdle, without trying to work through this? For Christ’s sake, Jules, she was a hookup… an … and you’re really going to stay with Leon?” I scoffed, because I knew her college friend, Leon, loved her. Until I’d pointed that out she’d been oblivious as to his feelings toward her. “Bet he’s rubbing his hands together with glee. The guy’s like a love-sick puppy around you.”
Pacing the floor, running both my hands through my dishevelled hair, I stopped, grabbed two clumps in my hands, and huffed out an exasperated breath. “Please don’t do this, sweetheart, I love you, and you know how Leon feels about you,” I told her with true feeling in my tone.
“I’d never noticed how Leon felt about me, until you pointed it out. Since then, yes, I’ve seen how he looks at me … it’s kind of like how you looked at her.”
“How did I look? What did you see that has you folding on all we could be?”
“Lust, desire… but with Leon it’s all purely one-sided. That is not what I took away from yesterday. When you saw her your posture immediately changed. I can’t explain it but there appeared to be a silent communication between you. The instantaneous connection between you stole your breath, left her gasping for air, and rendered you both speechless. Damn, James, I saw you didn’t want to feel what you were feeling but you were powerless to fight it, and when I spoke to you and asked who she was, your expression was a mixture of torture and ecstasy. Whatever you have or had with her … it’s something I can’t compete with.”
“What the hell, Jules … this is not a competition.”
“You’re right, it’s not,” she snapped. Her voice almost broke and I could see how distressed she felt.
I sighed, my eyes softening toward her. “There’s no contest, I choose you, Jules … Tricia has never been an option. Yes, I slept with her, I can’t take that back, no matter what,” I confessed, shook my head, and shrugged. “She only wanted my body, so I moved on.” As soon as the words were out, I winced, realizing my stupid mistake.
“So that’s it. It’s not that you don’t want her, it’s you can’t have her. Now I see … she was the one and I’m what … the other one?” Swiping a dishcloth from the side of the sink she wiped angrily at the clean countertop. I immediately raced to her side. Placing my hand over hers, I tried to calm her, but she shrugged me away.
“Jules, sweetheart, I know I’ve hurt you, but you’re being irrational, there’s no need to feel jealous. I want to be with you and perhaps I expected you to have had more confidence in us in a couple.”
“I did have confidence, James. Yesterday morning I woke up with butterflies in my stomach, proud that you felt serious enough about me to introduce me to friends and family. Last night I went to bed feeling like I’d been dragged naked before them.”
My breath caught in my throat and my legs almost buckled when the intercom buzzer broke the tension between us. Immediately Juliette picked up her jacket and shrugged herself into it. As she moved to reach down for her bag, I also snatched it and held it between us.
“Damn, car’s early. Don’t go, Jules, please, let’s work this out,” I implored, moving her bag and pulling her into my arms. For a moment I thought she would resist me, but she didn’t.
“I have to, seeing you with her yesterday … it destroyed how I felt about you, James. The connection between you … it was … gravitational… like you had this invisible tie to one another.” A single tear finally fell and rolled down her cheek as she pulled away from me. I stood staring into her eyes; my own painful swell of emotion almost closed my throat when I thought I was losing her.
She closed her eyes, breaking the intense painful stare that had grown between us. “You know the saddest part? I think both her partner and I read the same into the situation. What neither of you knew was we too, shared a look, and my heart squeezed in my chest because he’d confirmed my own thoughts when he felt compelled to break that connection between you two. I was thankful for that because it had been extremely painful to watch.”
An ache formed in my chest to think I’d inflicted such distress in her and despite what I told myself about none of my reactions being intentional, on some subconscious level a decision had triggered a switch when I’d reacted how I had.
“Please, don’t touch me.” Her command startled me at how sharp her tone had sounded, as she pushed me away. I followed her all the way out of the building until she reached the car.
Feelings of disbelief and helplessness wore me down. I could hardly believe we were through, but I knew no matter what I may have thought of to say, Juliette had every right to protect how she felt, because I’d never reacted to her in the same way I had toward Tricia.
The moment she was seated in her transportation, panic gripped me. Realizing those were the final moments of my relationship with her, I made one last-ditch attempt to reason with her by climbing inside the car beside her.
“Get the fuck out, James.” I’d never heard her talk with such coldness in her tone. “The very least you can do is not make this any harder for me than it is. If you love me like you say you do, you will respect me and do as I ask.” I stared forlornly into her eyes, absorbing every painful second of our parting, until I finally surrendered, climbed back onto the asphalt, and let Juliette leave alone.
Chapter Eight
For eighteen months since I’d joined the firm I threw myself into learning as much as I could about my family’s business, and was rewarded when my father promoted me to Vice CEO of the financial division of the company. Knowing him as I did, it had been the validation I’d needed for all the late nights I’d dedicated to the firm in the wake of my break up with Juliette.
“Someone needs to attend the Denver conference next week. We need to be available to quash any false rumors which may surface around our pending merger with Sterling Gratuity Group. It will also appease our shareholders. It’s our responsibility to sniff out new talent for our wealth management projects,” my father added decisively.
“Are you asking me which director is best suited to represent us?”
“No, I’m saying I think you should be that person. After all you’re Vice CEO of this division now. It’ll do us good for them to see young family blood gradually taking over part of our operations.”
“You have this much faith in me?” I asked. I was good at my job, getting bett
er and more comfortable in my senior role in the family business every day, but I still had much to learn. Most days I had been tasked to compete with men with twenty-plus years of experience ahead of me, but my age had sharpened my awareness for sifting out their weaknesses and using those against them.
Knowing my father saw my potential at the top management tier had meant everything to me. When Juliette had left me, I’d been a bit of a mess. She’d refused to let me try to explain or to talk over what had happened. At the beginning I didn’t eat or sleep, I drank too much, and I couldn’t care less about myself. But somehow, I’d still managed to turn up every day, do my job, and do it well.
After Hammer’s yard party, it took me months to realize Juliette and I were completely done. Naïvely, I had believed if we’d gotten to talk and I’d explained myself better she’d have forgiven me, and I would have earned her trust back. My problem was she wouldn’t see me—not even once.
Text, voicemail, and emails had been the only tools I’d had to try and convince her to give me a second chance, but once her voicemails were full, she changed her number and eventually even her emails began to bounce back. I had heard she’d move out of Leon’s place, but he was the last person who would have helped me to find her. The guy hated me.
My final acceptance we were done only came after I’d learned she had cleaned out all traces of her from my place one day while I’d been at work.
With no one to blame but myself, I had no choice but to push through the breakup even though it had hit me very hard. I missed her… missed the possibility of what we could have been to one another, of the life we could have had together, and I felt I’d missed out on my chance for my happily ever after.
After losing her I poured all of my energy into my work, and as a result found I was able to use my frustration and channel this positively. It meant making ruthless risky decisions, which had made tens of millions in extra trading deals for our company, and it earned me a reputation as a force to be reckoned with.
“James, you may have been a late starter, but look how far you’ve come. I believe in you, Son. From what I’ve seen you’re a very clever, methodical man, who does his due diligence, and you’ve never shied away from making difficult expensive decisions in a timely manner. All you lack now is a little more self-belief in the business world. Putting yourself on the line in this way will prove to you that taking over the company is well within your capabilities. I won’t live forever, James.”
Stepping closer, he knocked sharply twice on my large, weathered oak desk and it was the first time in living memory I noticed a small degree of embarrassment, like he’d only realized he had never told he was proud of me.
“Rhea’s putting a portfolio of company statistics together. There will be homework before then and you’ll have time to recap during the flight down to Denver, but you have a week. A few days reading and another few absorbing the key points are all you’ll need to bring you up to speed. That should prep you for most of the questions you may be asked from other delegates attending at the conference.”
While he spoke, I noticed how quickly my father appeared to have aged in the past year and wondered if he had begun to feel his mortality. He had been pushing more responsibility onto me month by month, and the thought I would lose him some day made my heart ache.
“Right, I’ll get on it,” I replied, watching him more intently.
“Networking is important, and after you’ve attended a couple of these domestic events, I think you’ll be ready to dip your toe into some of the larger international ones. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about and Rhea will have your back, you’re a good pairing.”
Rhea Ellison was a beautiful ball-breaker who had become a close ally of mine within the firm. She was smart as fuck with figures and had an epic radar for bullshit. These attributes had certainly given my father’s company an edge.
Although I felt fairly confident in what I knew, having Rhea alongside me when I first joined the company had felt reassuring. She was the brilliant one-time company accountant and now my operational finance manager. She was one of my father’s most valuable human assets and fearless at challenging our competitors when necessary.
By asking me to represent the company at a conference where he knew there would be people who could expose my flaws, my father had acknowledged my worth. In doing so he had also proved himself right in pressing for me to join him. I had taken him up on his offer at a time when I knew I had fucked up at everything else.
I hadn’t expected to thrive on the challenge of my new role in the way that I did. Everyone told me not only was I born to take over from him, but I was the perfect candidate for the job. Before I’d worked with my father, I’d never envisioned any scenario where I’d land in his favor.
Life had been full of twists and turns since my brother’s ex-girlfriend had manipulated me into a fucked-up relationship, but once I’d admitted to her sexual assault, and subsequent blackmail of me, my life had gotten better.
“As Rhea will be taking the place of your personal assistant, she can compile the reports.”
For a second my father looked as if he was lost for something else to say, so I stood to his height from my chair and fastened the top button on my jacket. “It would be an honor to represent the company, thanks, Dad.”
“No more than you deserve, James, you’ve earned it. I’d never send you to be the face of Starling Harriett if I didn’t think you were the best man for the job.” Smiling, he knocked awkwardly on my desk again and that time I saw his gesture as a sign of affection, he’d never been a demonstrative man when it came me. Turning, he walked back toward the door and looked over his shoulder.
“Make sure you take Rhea to dinner, maybe a little dancing as well. All work and no play dulls the senses. I want you sharp when you go toe-to-toe with our adversaries,” he prompted, chuckling to himself. “But don’t cross the line, James, keep your dick in your pants not in Rhea Ellison.”
“Thanks, Dad, I will… and I won’t,” I added quickly, smirking when I saw a frown crease his brow, with my previous reputation as a playboy still fresh in both of our minds.
“All right, no time to lose. I’ll send Rhea up with the files in ten and then you can both get started, no time like the present.”
Watching the door close behind him, I turned and stared out the window at the city skyline, a little dazed at what had happened, and felt thankful for my family. My thoughts turned again to his last comment about not crossing the line.
Did he still feel it necessary to warn me about women? I felt offended, and at one time his warning may have been warranted, but over the past few years I had changed. During my playboy years, most of the women I’d met had either wanted to fuck me or saw my family wealth as their ticket to a better life. It was mainly due to those points I felt suspicious about allowing any girl to get too close.
Charlotte’s parents were the only family who had wealth on a par with us, and God alone knew the reason why she had targeted me when she was already in love with my brother. I had never understood that, but I had often wondered whether it had been to punish Sawyer for his life on the road with his band, or I had been chosen because she knew my brother and I had never seen eye to eye and using me would have had a greater impact on him.
I guessed my lifestyle prior to that had made her believe I was an easy mark, but it was my free-living lifestyle that had made me aware how easy it would have been for people to believe I was the one at fault and believe in Charlotte’s story.
A knock on my door distracted me from my thoughts.
“That was quick, my father has only just left,” I informed Rhea, a strikingly pretty woman around fifteen years my junior, and a high-flying prodigy within our firm.
She grinned and shrugged. “I thought he’d already asked you to go to Denver when he sent me to pull the last three years account spreadsheets for us to go over a few days ago.”
“Hm. He did… nope, just asked a few minu
tes ago.”
“Okay, so anyway, Denver, I have the numbers here,” she said, clutching her tablet to her chest and a pile of printed out columns and graphs for me to write over.
“Great… numbers,” I groaned, and she chuckled.
“Numbers are sexy,” she replied, wagging her eyebrows.
“Sixty-nine, maybe… as for the rest,” I quipped scowling, and her jaw dropped open in shock.
“Okay, I wasn’t expecting that one, but as you’ve contradicted yourself, let’s hope you’ve gotten that number out of your system.” She mock scowled, biting back a smile. Chuckling, I stood, shrugged myself out of my suit jacket, and draped it over the back of my high-backed chair. Walking around my desk with my hand out in the direction of the soft gray leather couches in the meeting area of the office, Rhea took my silent cue and headed over there.
Wandering behind her, I watched how organized she was when she got there, as she neatly laid the papers out on the table and sat down with legs together to one side in a very feminine pose.
“Coffee? Water?” I offered. Rhea shook her head as she busied herself, pulling relevant charts to the front and shifting others to the back from her various piles. I helped myself to coffee and sat down beside her.
“Okay, there’s a lot to take in before next week, so I hope there’s no other hot woman waiting for your attention, apart from this one.” I smirked at her ‘other hot woman’ comment; it was a sassy confidence, but true. Rhea Ellison was a force to be reckoned with, dressed like some femme fatale in her slim tight-fitting skirt, which matched my couch, her sexy, black, almost-sheer blouse with a lacy cami peeping through, and her Louboutin shoes that she wore like her personal trademark around the office.
“No, no other hot female at present,” I confirmed, flirting back. She grinned that I hadn’t taken offense. “You have my undivided attention, educate me.” When Rhea raised her eyebrow, I didn’t have to wonder if what had passed between us was banter or a genuine flirtation.
Resist You (Unchained Attraction Book 3) Page 8