Resist You (Unchained Attraction Book 3)

by K. L. Shandwick

  Tilting her head, she gave me a sideward glance. She smiled sadly, before her shoulders slumped. “From the minute I saw you I was instantly attracted to you. That didn’t come as a revelation to me, we’ve all had that happen at some point in our lives, even if we’d never acted upon it.”

  “Right,” I replied, agreeing. I could appreciate that comment. There had been women I’d been drawn to that had visually appealed to me, but for one reason or another it had been as far as the connection went. Is that what happened here? I dismissed that thought because she was the one who had searched me out again.

  “That said, as time went on, I desperately wanted to touch you,” Tricia, added. “I’ll admit my first thoughts had been full of lust, and I wanted to see you naked.” She chuckled. “When you spoke, sometimes I couldn’t concentrate on what you were saying because I became transfixed on your hands, how you sat, the way your smile reached your eyes and shone mischievously when you said something amusing,” she replied, completely unabashed.

  “Same,” I admitted before I’d thought about answering. I couldn’t have denied it anyway; she’d made me feel the same way. “But you’re not making sense. Why did you shun me the way you did if you felt all of those things? What changed how you felt?”

  “That’s just it, nothing changed. My feelings just kept on growing. It’s complicated… I’m complicated. When I’m near you I feel excited—get dizzy, have butterflies fluttering inside—my heart skips beats.” Sighing she held her hands wide. “Fuck, I sound crazy… desperate even. I’m a middle-aged woman who feels like she’s fourteen again. You do something to my heart I haven’t felt since…” She looked lost for words and her eyes darkened for a moment. Taking a breath she blew it out and shook her head. “From day one, when I walked into Billie and Sawyer’s place, I lost my ability to function normally around you… well, what was normal for me, anyway. And during the times when you weren’t there, I found myself dropping your name in conversation, just so as I could say it out loud.”

  “You have no idea what you did to me, still do to me, despite the years,” I replied, possibility and hope burning in my chest that we were finally on the same page.

  “Yes, I knew…I saw,” she admitted and hugged herself sadly. “You look at me like you’re starving. If I’m honest that terrifies me because I know that look. That’s how I imagine I look at you too.”

  “Let me get this straight, you don’t want to date me because you have feelings for me?” My tone was clipped. It was a fucked-up statement. “I really don’t get it. You want me but you don’t want to want me.”

  Shame lowered her eyes before she bit her lip and looked around the room. “Yeah, I guess, and my behavior after the wedding was for both of our sakes. I know I was harsh. I pretended to fall asleep because I didn’t trust myself to allow you to stay.”

  I sighed. “The first time I excused, even though I was hurt… it was a hookup. Our second time was frantic and desperate, two sex-starved people with the chemistry we shared, losing control. However, that last time it happened was different and after an entirely different situation. We had spent a special day together, a family day where we had laughed, supported Sawyer and Billie, and worked as a team. Don’t tell me you weren’t happy that night… there were feelings involved. That day was one of the best of my life, my heart had felt light, like we’d made progress, and when you kicked me out again after such a perfect day, it wrecked me.”

  She flinched; a wounded look of regret dulled her normally vibrant eyes. “I know,” she blurted. “I know,” she repeated in almost in a whisper. “I need order in my life, independence and order. I can’t be responsible for someone else’s feelings when I’m hardly responsible for my own. I needed you to hate me, because I didn’t feel strong enough to fight how I felt about you. I wasn’t strong enough to resist you. Seeing you again, I’m still not strong enough.” She held up her hands in a helpless gesture. “That’s why I’m here. I know what you think of me—what most people think.”

  “And what do I think?”

  “That I’m this cougar who devours men and moves on.”

  My chest tightened because it was close to the impression she had given me. “Aren’t you? Don’t answer that, how you choose to live—”

  “I’m not that person. Do I date a lot? Absolutely. Life gets depressing when you have too much time to think, but sharing the company of men isn’t the same as sleeping with them. For a single woman in her forties, I’d say my record of sleeping with six guys isn’t all that bad. But you … before you… until you.” She huffed as she tried to organize her thoughts. “I had never taken any man home.” Her confession made my heart stop for a beat.

  My mind was reeling from her disclosure. “Then, why me?”

  Eyeing me with a sad smile, I saw layers of bravado fall away as she contemplated what she wanted to say. Her eyes darted from my face to her hands and she toyed with the large gemstone again. “Your guess is as good as mine. Until I met you, my life had felt structured, I felt in control, and I had always been careful to protect my feelings.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” I remarked dryly and rested my chin on my forearms, my eyes narrowing when I saw her shoulders hunch and her hands cross, hugging her shoulders. I’d pegged Tricia as complicated from the moment we’d met, and I’d been right.

  “I didn’t know what to do about you, James.” This statement puzzled me. With her honest admission of how confused she felt, Bradley’s comments, and how genuine she appeared, most the animosity I had built up toward her drained from my body. But that didn’t prevent me from challenging how about how her actions had affected me.

  “That little trick you pulled at Hammer’s that day, led to my girlfriend leaving me. Not to mention the rift it caused between Sawyer and I when he thought I had somehow encouraged you to do that.”

  “As I said, Billie told me, and I told Sawyer what had happened was all on me. You couldn’t possibly have known I’d do that. Hell, I didn’t know myself I was going to do it, until I followed you in there.”

  Incensed by her disclosure, my back stiffened and I sat up straight, gripping the sides of the chair with white knuckles. “You told him what? Sawyer asked you about it?” Blood roared through my veins that my brother hadn’t taken my word as my truth and had pressed her on what had happened in the bathroom.

  “No, he must have spoken to Billie about it and then he heard Billie and I arguing when she confronted me that night.” She held her head in her hand. “God, I’m so sorry. Seeing you at that party with that girl made me feel bat-shit crazy.”

  “Tricia, you were with a guy, for Christ’s sake.”

  “I was,” she replied, glancing sheepishly toward me my until she could no longer do this comfortably. Slowly she stood, nervously threaded her fingers through her hair and walked behind where I sat.

  As soon as she went from my view I automatically rose from my chair, turned it around, and sat on it, facing her again. “I didn’t intend to go to Hammer’s housewarming. I knew you would likely be there because of something Hammer said when he’d called to invite me. I lied and declined his invitation and told him I had other commitments. However, as the time grew closer, I had a change of heart. Drayton’s a guy I go to dinner and the theatre with occasionally… he’s a banking contact. I brought him with me as insurance. I just wanted to see you again, but I knew his presence would ensure nothing happened between us.”

  “Fuck, Tricia,” I muttered, frustrated with her. “I was with Juliette.”

  “As I found out when she cut in on us. I had no idea there was a girl or I’d never have gone. Seeing you with her crushed me. I’d gone to that party with the expectation of having a normal conversation with you, one that would give me closure, but I never accounted for how dejected I felt when I saw you with another woman. Then, as the day went on, I knew how I felt about you was never going to leave me, that’s when my thoughts turned irrational. Cornering you in that bathroom was a des
perate move, and I felt ashamed of myself afterward. No one told me you were serious about her, until you did. I drank too much and know I behaved—desperate—it was ridiculous.”

  My chest tightened, partly in frustration, but fortunately for her the story Bradley had told me made forgiveness toward her a little easier, and I wanted to know more about her.

  “I need something to eat.” I said, needing a break to absorb what I’d learned. Standing up, I walked toward the countertop and paged the valet.

  “Tricia, I should hate you… and for a while I did. That night when I left you, I felt you were toxic. The jury is still debating that right now… so now, I’m going to ask you again, what about Bradley?”

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Bradley,” Tricia repeated.

  “Yeah, what’s the deal with him?”

  Immediately her eyes softened. “He’s one of my oldest friends, the only one from when I grew up. We dated in high school and came back together as friends after we graduated.”

  “Forgive me for feeling confused, but you’re here in my suite, telling me all these feelings you have for me, but you’re with him… sharing a room with him.”

  Cocking an eyebrow, she smiled and nodded. “You’ve been asking around.”

  “No, Bradley volunteered that about you both, you were none of my business.”

  “We do share a room,” she confirmed, “but I think he omitted to tell you that it has two queen beds. We’re roommates because we always end up in one room or the other at conferences. Brad decided it made more sense to share. As I was fed up going from room to room because it wastes so much time, I agreed. Otherwise he was either sitting on his bed working or he was sitting on mine. Bradley’s great company, I love him, but I’ve never slept with him.”

  “Not what he says,” I snapped, unsure about believing her, but my voice told her how I felt about them being together in any capacity.

  Tricia chuckled, “Did Bradley fuck with you?” She chewed her lip and bit back a grin. When she assessed I was annoyed she shook her head and sighed. “Bradley and I were high school sweethearts, but…” the same dull look clouded her eyes, “I guess he wishes that had gone differently… sometimes I wish that too, but for different reasons.”

  I considered what she told me and wondered if Bradley had sensed the connection between Tricia and me and had been trying to throw me off. If he lied about sleeping with her, was anything else he’d told me about her true? When I read the pain in her wounded stare, I believed her.

  “Yeah, I guess, any truth in that stuff about Donovan the quarterback?” Tricia’s jaw dropped and she stared at me stunned, in fact she looked like I’d slapped her.

  “What the fuck is he doing dragging all that up again?” She appeared shaken when I’d mentioned it and her nostrils flared angrily when she looked back at me. I knew instantly I’d hit a raw nerve. The change in her light-hearted manner to that of someone incensed was nothing short of miraculous.

  “Sorry, I can see this is a sensitive—”

  “It was kids being nasty—vindictive—anyway that dick is dead now. I’d say it was the best place for him, but no doubt he’s stirring up shit in hell.”

  For someone usually cool, the mention of Donovan’s name showed me a very sensitive, vulnerable side to Tricia; I had doubted many people had ever seen in her life. I shot to my feet and crossed the space between us.

  “Damn, I’m sorry, I obviously upset you,” I said, breaking my own rules, striding toward her and pulling her into my chest. The instant her chest hit mine, my body came to life, my nose inhaling her scent, my hands relishing in the feel of her, my heart thrumming fast next to hers. Her arms circled my waist and her head nestled against my pec.

  Pushing back, she looked up at me shaking her head. “I had to say I’m sorry, had to tell you how I feel, but you need to know, I can’t give you all you want, James,” she murmured, quietly.

  “What do I want?” I asked, one hand moving from her back to her head, keeping it in place.

  “Kids, domesticity, cooking and baking, barefoot and naked… you know, a goddess in the kitchen, a perfect wife and mother, and a whore in bed.”

  “One in three is not too shabby,” I replied and chuckled. Lifting her head, she stared up at me with a sad look in her eyes ticking back and forth over my face. My heart was pounding because I saw a slim chance to break down her walls and try to make headway with her because something inside told me she was worth it.

  “Barefoot and naked sounds good and … I mean you could always learn to cook … how hard can it be?” I asked playfully, not touching the whore in bed part for fear of starting another strained conversation.

  Stepping back from her, I caught her by her upper arms, dipped my head, and looked sternly into her eyes. “Tell me what you’re saying, Tricia. Why are you really here?”

  “I’m here because it’s been a long time since we first met and how I feel hasn’t changed. I’m here because I think if I let this opportunity pass to know what this is, I may never get another one.” Her body slumped as she broke eye contact with me and looked over my shoulder. A pause grew between us, but my intuition told me she wasn’t done talking. I continued to stare at her and after a long moment she looked straight into my eyes. “I’m here because I don’t know where to be if it’s not with you.”

  “I don’t want a relationship with someone who keeps things from me. Nor do I want a relationship with someone who thinks it’s okay to shut me out and date other guys… who sleeps in rooms with other guys, no matter how good of a friend he is.” I took a long breath, because I knew I wanted her, but however our conversation ended, I knew I needed honesty.

  “I told you Bradley and I… it’s not—”

  “Listen, us meeting here in Denver has thrown us both,” I cut in, I had no interest in her explaining how platonic her relationship was with Bradley. My tone was clipped, and I immediately stroked her upper arms with affection to soften my words. “Do you want to explore your feelings with me? That’s assuming I do too of course, then if this goes forward we have to do it properly this time.” Tricia’s gaze was intense, even though the crease in her brow was still there.

  “This means you have to face whatever those feelings are and not push me away. If you think we can do this, great, I’m up for that…” I drew in a breath because I’d done most of the talking and I figured she needed to understand how serious I was. “First things first, if this is really what you want, you need to go pack a bag.”

  “A bag?” she asked, her eyes widening cutely in surprise.

  “Yeah, you’re not staying in Bradley’s room when he wants to get into your pants.”

  “Honestly, it’s not like that,” she said, a half-hearted chuckle escaping her throat, like it was a joke to her, but I’d seen how he hung on her every move and I scowled.

  “Maybe not for you, baby, but a man knows…” I said, taking a measured breath when I felt my blood heat inside. “I saw how he looked at you and that guy is a heartbeat away from pinning you onto your back.”

  “Where do I go? Am I moving in here with you?” she asked, her mind working faster than I’d had time to answer. After considering her questions I reluctantly shook my head.

  “However tempted I am to have you here with me, no. I need you to be sure about us, and the way I feel about you right at this minute, I’d fuck you six ways from Sunday. Baby, you have no idea how much I want to do that, but I’m not going to. Instead of that, I’m going to need your help to restrain me from caving to that particular craving.”

  Disappointment etched her face, and even though my body buzzed with want, I knew I had a second chance to create something worthwhile. I saw a fighting chance to finally get things right between us, but she had to know I was never going to allow her to make me feel the way she had before.

  Tricia stared at me with unasked questions floating through her mind, her face changing and morphing into frowns, biting her lips, pursing them, and
finally holding them in a line as if to bite them back. She deserved a reason for my lack of enthusiasm to do all I desired to do to her.

  “I’m not going to scratch an itch in one moment of weakness only to find you’ve turned cold on me again. I was being honest with you when I said I want more from any woman I give myself to going forward, so I need to be sure what’s going on here isn’t going to be another one-hit wonder.”

  “It’s not. But I’m scared. Now that I’m here, I don’t want to ruin this opportunity any more than you do,” she replied quickly. My eyes searched hers, looking for the truth, and I wanted more than anything to believe her.

  “Look, I think we both know our emotions are all over the place. So, I suggest we take whatever this is, slowly. As much as I want to, I’m not settling for less than a serious attempt to create something more than a quick fling, so I need to be sure.”

  “I want this to work too,” she replied, quickly. The desperation in her tone gave me hope. “I’ll say it again, James, I’m not the person you think I am… I know my behavior was inexcusable, and I hate the person I sometimes am. Being on my own was a choice I made a long time ago, but I don’t think I can do that now that I have feelings for you.” An ache settled in my chest when I saw how her face paled and dimness shadowed her normally sparkling eyes.

  “You’re not a bad person, Tricia, but you’re a fucking complicated mystery, baby. You’re beautiful, smart and…” I sighed, exasperated, “what the fuck has happened to you that’s made you think you have to protect yourself by being alone?”

  When she held her breath, the air between us thickened again and for a moment, I had thought she was going to drop some dynamite revelation that would have made everything about her fall into place. A range of emotions flitted over face as she bit her lip, averting her gaze and how reluctant she was to look me in the eye.