Lost in Mist and Shadow: A Between the Worlds Novel

by Morgan Daimler

  Allie stopped, feeling bile in her throat. It was wrong, what she was thinking of doing, and she knew it. Burning the book had been necessary precisely because of how dangerous its contents were. But her anger and fear overcame her integrity. In a rush, before she could change her mind, she called up the energy and chanted the words of the spell, weaving chains of misery and guilt and casting them out towards the person who had broken her windows. She felt the spell hanging in the air as she chanted, like heavy cobwebs and then with a rush of foul air they were gone as they sought their target.

  Sobbing at what she had done, and knowing it could not be taken back, Allie fell to her knees on the floor.

  **********************************

  Salarius had been riveted in place all day in his spot in the alley, watching the most fascinating drama unfold. First a drunk human had staggered by, and seizing a long piece of wood – in full sight of the street, but somehow unseen by anyone but the watching Dark elf – had smashed the windows of the girl’s store. Then a pixie had shown up, a herd of children surrounding her; she had examined the broken windows, then retreated to the building next to Sal’s hiding place. He guessed later that she had summoned the human police. And then as if that was not all interesting enough the girl herself had shown up followed by two human police. Soon the store front was buzzing with activity.

  It was by far the most intriguing day of Salarius’s life, and that was before the girl left and returned and then cast a dark spell from the very book they had come seeking. It was the last thing he had expected her to do, after the way Ferinyth talked about her as a mewling weakling. The feel of that magic, sinister and strong, had almost been enough to draw Salarius across the street and into seizing the girl right then.

  But no. He was having too much fun to end it this soon. He would have to choose his words with Ferinyth carefully to be sure the other elf didn’t rush into acting.

  Sal was definitely not ready to go home yet.

  *********************************

  When Jess arrived that night Allie was waiting for him on the front steps. The house was empty: Liz and Shawn were working at the theater, Jason was out with Tony, and she didn’t know where Bleidd was. A small part of her was worried about that, but most of her was feeling overwhelming guilt about what she’d done that afternoon, and terrible nervousness about opening up to Jess about the things she was struggling with.

  He pulled up in the Guard vehicle and she licked her lips nervously. Despite everything that was going on, she needed him in her life and she was sure that he was slowly slipping away. If the only way to stop that from happening was to bore him with her petty problems than that was what she had to do. She swallowed hard, feeling on the edge of tears again. What if this is a mistake? she thought digging her nails into her palms. What if he decides I’m too high maintenance and leaves? What if he doesn’t want to deal with me like this? She shook herself slightly as he walked across the lawn No Rose said we needed to talk. I was thinking the same thing this morning, that we don’t talk enough. I’m going to talk to him, if I have to force every word out.

  When he reached the steps she grabbed his hands without a word and pulled him up to her room, in silence. She paced over to the bed, part of her almost hoping that he would simply act on that hint, but he didn’t. He stood by the door looking as nervous as she felt. She tried to think of some clever way to start before finally just blurting out, “I think we need to talk.”

  She felt his emotions surge up in a tidal wave, so overwhelming it broke her shielding completely and actually knocked her legs out from under her. She sat hard on the bed, gasping under the weight of his fear and despair. It was like being body slammed. He went to his knees in front of her, grabbing her hands and clutching them so hard it hurt.

  “Allie, please,” he begged. “Please. I do not know what I have done to turn you away from me but at least give me the chance to repair it, before you cast me off.”

  “What?” she said, confused by his words. “What are you talking about?”

  “If you are angry with me, I can understand that, but let me make it right.”

  “What?” she said again, shaking her head slightly. Misinterpreting the motion as rejection his emotions spiraled higher, his hands tightening more, causing her to cry out involuntarily. He let her go abruptly, starting to get up, to leave, and Allie knew even through the storm of misery, despair and anger battering her that he meant to leave for good. Forever. Frightened she grabbed his shoulders, pulling him back down before he could fully stand.

  “No! Don’t! I can’t …it’s too much…the emotions, I can’t…” she let him go, folding over into him and clutching her temples. For an instant he remained an unyielding wall and then she was being pulled into his arms and she could feel him struggling to rein in his feelings. She had thought she understood how strong elven emotions were, and why the elves felt them dangerous, but she realized then that she had no idea. This was overwhelming beyond anything she could ever have imagined.

  “I’m sorry Allie,” he moaned softly into her hair. “I do not want to hurt you.”

  She took a deep breath, desperately trying to flow with the emotions and not against them so that they wouldn’t break her. Still, speaking was an effort, “Jess, please, don’t go. Don’t leave.”

  As soon as she managed to get the words out the hurricane of despair became a strong breeze. When he spoke his voice was ragged, “You do not want me to go?”

  “No,” she sobbed, shaking. Like a small child she curled up in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

  He leaned forward burying his face in her hair. For a long time they sat like that, neither moving. Finally he spoke, “I…thought you were going to tell me you did not want me to court you anymore.”

  “What? No. No,” she whispered. “Why would you think that?”

  “Because you don’t share your heart with me Allie,” he said gently. “That is what courting is. I ask you to be with me, if not physically than at least to speak into my mind and to share your feelings, but you do not. And when we see each other you do not talk to me about yourself.”

  She shook her head slightly. I am such a fool she thought bitterly. “Jess, I – I feel like you don’t want me either, except in your bed. You don’t call me. You don’t tell me when I can see you again….”

  “But my love you have only to reach out and think to me…”

  She groaned, cutting him off. “You can’t just always wait around for me to contact you. You can’t assume I know what you’re doing. I feel like it’s all on me and I don’t know what I’m doing Jess. I don’t have a clue. I’ve never done this before.”

  “Neither have I,” he said softly.

  “Seven hundred years and you haven’t figured out how relationships work yet?” she asked, baffled.

  He gave the ghost of a chuckle, stroking her hair lightly. “You forget, elves don’t usually have relationships like this. I have never had a lover that wasn’t either a trifling affair or a friend. I have never loved someone so much that the thought of losing them is worse than dying.”

  “Am I being stupid Jess?” she asked, sighing.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “When we agreed to court, I told you that I don’t trust people easily and that I don’t like to rely on other people. I said that you would have to tell me when I was being stupid, so am I?”

  He pulled her closer, encircling her body with his own. “Perhaps we are both being stupid.”

  Allie drew a long breath. “Jess, where I come from it’s not okay to be weak. It’s a bad thing. And I worry that if you knew how…how very weak I really am, that you won’t want me.”

  To her complete mortification she started to cry. He stroked her back, “Oh Allie no, never, I want you more than my own life.”

  “But that’s because you don’t know how bad it is,” she sobbed. “I’ve tried so hard to stay strong for you and for Liz, but some days I feel so
very broken. Why would you want that? Why would you want me to share with you that I’m afraid of being alone now? That I’m afraid of people I don’t know hurting me? That I can’t stop thinking about the bad things that happened?”

  She was crying too hard to speak now, her whole body shaking. He held her close and let her cry, rocking slightly. After several minutes she began to calm down relaxing slightly in his arms, and then he spoke, “Allie, my love, my heart, it does not matter to me if you are afraid of everything, so long as you will let me help you. If you are not strong then I will be strong for you until you are well again.”

  She shuddered, burying her head in his neck. He sighed, “This is what you bargained with Brynneth for isn’t it? For his healing work to help with this.”

  She nodded, not lifting her head. “Yes, I have panic attacks now, where I feel like I can’t breathe and my heart races, and my head feels like it will explode. And the memories just play and play and I can’t make them stop.”

  Jess spoke very carefully, “I have seen elves with this, although we call it something different. It can be dealt with, and you will get better. “

  He hesitated, wanting to ask her the question that hung in the air between them, but afraid to push her. The moment passed as she continued speaking, “I feel as if all I do is make mistakes. I can’t do anything right. I should find a way to fix the spell, to get myself out of your head-“

  He tensed, “No my heart, do not do that.”

  “But Jess…”

  “That was not a mistake to be fixed. That was a gift. If anything you should stop fearing to use it.”

  “I don’t want to bother you,” she whispered, the words barely audible.

  “You do not bother me. I need you Allie, you are a part of me. Please do not talk of ripping that part away,” his own words were ragged and she could feel his fear even as she felt his heart speeding up beneath her cheek. She nodded slightly, and he relaxed.

  “If you are sure,” she said slowly. Part of her still had misgivings about how quickly everything had happened with them, how her own magic had forced them into a level of intimacy that was beyond extreme. Her head told her it was crazy to be so dependent on someone she had practically just met; her heart told her that losing him would be impossible. She vibrated in between, as logic warred with emotion.

  “I am sure,” he said firmly, his hands holding her close as if he could hold their psychic bond together with physical effort. “I am glad you are telling me these things Allie. It grieves me to think of you suffering all these weeks alone.”

  “Don’t be glad yet, there’s more,” she said suddenly exhausted. She wished she could stop there and let that be enough, but she wasn’t sure she could do this again. It was like rubbing salt over an open wound. “I’ve had…there’ve been things happening at the store.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Dead animals, left by the doors. My surveillance system isn’t working so I have no way to know when or who’s doing it,” she started, feeling silly. Why should he care about dead animals?

  He tensed though as she spoke and she could feel his concern. “Your cameras are still not working?”

  “No. I don’t know why. Some computer error. I’m not very good with computers, and I don’t have the money right now to have someone come look at it,” she sighed, giving up in the face of her own need and letting herself connect to his emotions so that they fed her, filling her and soothing her own raw emotions.

  He spoke carefully, obviously thinking hard. “Someone is leaving dead animals for you to find by your store and your camera system isn’t working?”

  “Yes, and this morning – or last night – someone broke my front windows,” she felt his worry and hurried to reassure him “They’ve already been fixed and I reported it to the police.”

  “Allie why did you not tell me this sooner? If someone means you harm…”

  “I don’t know that they want to hurt me,” she said, desperately trying to believe it. “It’s just petty harassment. When I was in school people used to do stuff like this, pour milk in my locker, rip my backpack, but no one ever physically hurt me-“

  “Allie,” Jess said, “we cannot risk-“

  “No,” she cut him off, shaking her head against his chest. Her eyes ached from all the crying. “No. I already have so much fear in my life. I can’t let myself think that someone’s out to get me and wants to make me suffer first. I mean if someone really bad wanted to hurt me they’d just get to the point and hurt me.”

  She knew he wasn’t convinced but the expected argument did not come. He held her close and kept rubbing her back slowly, lost in thought.

  “There’s one more thing Jess, and maybe it’s worse,” she reached her arms up, wrapping them around his neck and finally lifted her head. “I cast a spell today, because of the windows, because I was angry and scared. A spell from the grimoire.”

  He looked into her eyes, unflinching, “What kind of spell?”

  “A bad one,” she said simply, “to punish whoever broke the windows.”

  She felt two more tears crawling down her cheeks in what seemed to be an endless stream of sorrow today. “It was wrong. I knew it and as soon as I did it I was sorry. I wished I hadn’t. But I can’t take it back.”

  He leaned his forehead into hers, “What’s done is done. You will have to wait to see what the consequences will be.”

  “I know.”

  “Allie, you should come and stay with me, if not forever at least until we know what is going on and why you are being targeted in this way,” he said, hoping she would listen and knowing it was unlikely. She was shaking her head before he finished speaking.

  “I can’t run away. That doesn’t help anything,” she pulled back slightly, looking down.

  “Neither does fighting a war by yourself,” he said. She shook her head slightly and he sighed. “Call whoever you need to call to have your surveillance system fixed.”

  “I can’t afford it. I don’t even know what’s wrong with it or how hard it will be to fix,” Allie said embarrassed to admit that money was such a big issue for her.

  “Do not concern yourself with the cost. Whatever it is I will pay it,” he said in a tone that brooked no argument.

  Which didn’t stop Allie from trying anyway, “I can’t ask you to do that. It might be expensive.”

  “Allie, you aren’t asking me. I am telling you that I will pay for it. In all honesty I will not rest well until I know you have at least the protection offered by such a system. If you do not call and arrange for it to be repaired, I will call myself,” he said flatly.

  For a moment Allie felt a flare of annoyance at having him step in and take her choices away, but then common sense asserted itself. He wasn’t going to back down and she would be foolish to pick a fight over his attempt to help her. Still it was hard for her to relent. “I don’t know when I could pay you back.”

  “You are being ridiculous,” he said, exasperated. “Why would you need to pay me back?”

  She opened her mouth ready with a quick retort then stopped, confused. “Wouldn’t I?”

  “Oh my heart,” he sighed, sounding as tired as she felt, “Now you are being stupid.”

  She started giggling, and then reaching up pulled his head down to hers. She meant the kiss to be light and teasing, but somehow it became something different altogether.

  His hands moved on her back, stroking, and she stopped kissing him to pull her shirt off, knowing it would feel better on bare skin. He responded by kissing his way down her throat to her breasts, his hands working at the clasps of her bra. She untied his braid, working her fingers through his hair until it fell in waves around his body the way she liked it.

  They moved gently with each other and Allie used her empathy and their bond to share and amplify what they were feeling. He felt her pleasure as his hands stroked her thighs. She felt his enjoyment as her body pressed against the length of his, her hands stroking his
chest, arms, and back. When he finally moved between her legs, pressing himself slowly into her body, they both gasped at the shared sensation. Their bodies moved together, still gentle, until her climax took her, suddenly, pulling him in as well.

  Afterwards they lay together, bodies still joined, emotions entangled.

  And for just a little while, everything was alright.

  Chapter 7 – Saturday

  Jess had been unable to stay the night before so Allie woke up alone. Despite the rollercoaster that the day before had been she felt good when she got up. Spending the evening with Jess and more importantly letting herself fully connect to and draw on his emotions had recharged her own energy levels more effectively than resting for a week.

  She sat up and stretched slowly, rubbing her left ankle to work out the stiffness. She had learned quickly after the initial injury that hopping right out of bed in the morning was not a good idea. If she didn’t flex her foot a bit and work her ankle around before getting up then by the end of the day she’d be hobbling instead of just limping.

  For a moment she sat and remembered Jess’s skin pressed against hers, his love and passion wrapped around her, their bodies moving together….Talking was definitely the right thing to do. I’m glad we talked, although I guess I can’t complain about him always tumbling me into bed when I basically jumped him on the floor, she thought smiling to herself. Then she sighed and stood up, her stomach growling. Enough of that. I’ve got to get moving.

  She pulled on a pair of jeans, stuffing her cell phone, badge, and wallet into the pocket. After a moments consideration she decided to embrace her good mood and picked out a light blue blouse that was more than a bit fancier than her usual tshirts, but that she knew looked good with her eyes. She pulled her hair up into its usual ponytail and felt ready to take on another day.