Charity For Nothing: The Virtues Book III

by A. J. Downey

  “Okay,” I whispered, nodding despite how fucking horny I was all of a sudden.

  “I’m here to take care of you,” he said, punctuating the remark with a chaste kiss against my lips.

  He did. Take care of me, I mean. He started by washing my hair, then my body; his hands slicked with soap. He was careful of me, and by the time he was through, and I was rinsed and clean, I was nearly asleep on my feet, so lulled by the relaxing sensations he wrought with those hands of his. Magic hands, magic fingers. I thought to myself.

  He dried me, and towel around his lean hips, helped me to dress in what I’d brought from my bedroom. He walked behind me, pressed to my back, keeping me safe in the circle of his arms from tripping over my own feet, or from curling up right there on the bathroom mat, which sounded like a really good idea.

  The adrenaline had worn off a long time ago, and rather than the shakes, anxiety, and fear I should have been left with, Nothing had provided just the right combination of presence, support, and care needed to lull me into an almost perfectly relaxed state, so I let him take the reins and lead; which he did, right into my room. He lost the towel and ushered me into bed, climbing in after me and reaching up to switch out the light.

  I lay against him, head on his shoulder, and he kneaded my neck, at the base of my skull between forefinger and thumb. I recall sighing out, then nothing as I fell into, what I presumed was, a deep and even sleep.

  Chapter 26

  Nothing

  The door to Charity’s room cracked open, light from the hall spilling across the carpet. I didn’t know how long I lay here with her, but it’d been hours; that was for sure.

  Hope poked her head into the room and looked us over, a scowl carving deep, shadowed lines in her forehead. She slipped in and shut the door behind her, dipping us back into a deep twilight.

  “I swear to fucking Christ, Nothing, if you hurt my baby sister again, I’m cutting your balls off.” I tried not to smile, amused by her overbearing sisterly protection, mostly because I knew if I smiled now, she’d skip waiting on me to hurt Charity and lop off my balls right here and right now. I sort of liked where they were.

  “It was never my intent to hurt her in the first place, Hope.”

  “Then what were your intentions? Because you damn sure did a bang up fucking job of not hurting her.” Hope crossed her arms over her chest and leaned her back against the door.

  “Just wanted to spare her,” I muttered and Hope leaned her head forward on her long, graceful neck.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Yeah, I was kind of hoping I hadn’t heard that right, you jackass,” she threw up her hands and let them drop to her jeans clad thighs with a slap. “Seriously, what is your fucking deal?”

  “I have a lot to sort through, new information, a lot has happened in a short amount of time for me,” I swallowed hard, “I promise when I figure it all out, you’ll be the first to know.”

  I stroked Charity’s hair and she shifted in her sleep. Hope and I both froze solid, and exchanged a look.

  “Right, I don’t want to wake her up. You,” she stabbed a finger in my direction, “Figure your shit out pronto, because I’m not doing that again.”

  I nodded vaguely, eyes on Charity as much as I could for the angle, and Hope slipped back out.

  I sighed, wasn’t that what I’d been laying here doing all this time? Trying to figure my shit out?

  I didn’t know what to think anymore. Not after the bombshell the Captain had dropped on me. For three years going on four I’d been heartsick, dying a slow death on the inside, plagued with guilt for not having saved my wife and daughter. My own club hiding from me that she wasn’t even faithful to me. Did I get why they hid it? Yeah. Did it still kill me that they did? You bet your life on it.

  And Charity… I’d pushed her away, and fuck was I completely mental? It sure felt like I’d lost my fucking mind, man. I closed my eyes, these thoughts chasing themselves around the inside of my head until I felt sick.

  Corrine… why?

  Her words from that night drifted back to me, as they often did in the dark and quiet moments before sleep. Only this time, they didn’t carry with them the torturous guilt, this time they were there for me to analyze and to rip apart, before they got a chance to tear at me…

  “…it’s always your damn brothers fixing things around the house.”

  “…you need to be paying attention to what’s going on at home…”

  “I need you to grow up before you find we’ve moved on without you... We don’t want anyone else.”

  With the new information to put them in context, I realized now why her words had unsettled me so. Our last words to each other had been said in anger and the guilt was still there, welling up out of the cracks and eating at me, but not like before. With new context I understood, clearly now, what Corrine had been trying to say.

  If you don’t get your act together, I’m leaving you… and not only was she going to leave me, she was going to leave me for one of my brothers.

  Fuck. Why had the Captain and the rest of the guys kept this from me? Which circled me right back around to the bitter as hell truth – because you couldn’t handle it. Cutter had been right. I would have lost my shit completely, I was already riding a dangerous line. Chilling on the edge of a precipice, with only one way to go; down. Straight down, right to hell and gone.

  Charity shifted slightly in her sleep, a soft moan escaping her lips that sounded auspiciously like distress. I smoothed a hand over her golden hair and she settled and I thought to myself, but then she looked at me. Charity had looked at me and one look was all it’d taken and I didn’t understand the why of it.

  I’d never understood the why of it when it’d been Corrine’s look that’d knocked me left of center either, but as my grandfather had always told me, ‘There are some things in life that you just go with, that you don’t ask questions and just accept them for the gift they are.’ I’d seized it when it’d come to Corrine, so why had I resisted it so hard when it came to Charity?

  The answer to that had come to me when that fucking car had flipped up on its side with her in it: because I was scared. Because if I’d let it happen, I was setting myself up for the same kind of pain that’d taken me over when I lost Katy and Corrine and I was damn sure I couldn’t live through that a second time… but I’d nearly had to, tonight.

  I held Charity a little tighter and kissed the top of her head. Corrine had been right about one thing, when it came to her final words… she, and now Charity, couldn’t be the only one to try. I needed to try too, or this gift I’d been given, this second chance, would be gone forever. ‘Nobody ever said that life was easy,’ was another thing my gramps used to say. It was the truth, and it was time I stopped waiting for my life to run out so I could see my wife and girl again, and time I started living it so that when I did, they could greet a man they could be proud of.

  Eventually, I managed to sleep. Decisions and some peace made with myself over some things. I closed my eyes and let Charity’s deep and even breathing carry me down into the dark.

  Chapter 27

  Charity

  I woke up first, and when I lifted my head, it was to light streaming through the slats of the blinds, falling across Nothing, who was sleeping beside me. I sat up carefully, and studied his face. Slack with sleep, it was like he’d tripped and fell headlong into being beautiful. I swallowed hard and pressed my thighs together beneath the sheet. I’d been dreaming, just before I’d woken up, dreaming of his hands on my breasts and his lips on my skin. I know, I know! I should be mad at him. I should hold out on him and make him prove himself before giving him any, and all that psycho female bullshit, but I wanted him. I wanted him bad, and he was right here… he was still here.

  I carefully sat up, pulling my tee up and off over my head, letting it fall to the floor by the side of the bed. I contemplated him a moment more, and decided to try and wake him with
a smile, what guy didn’t like that? I skimmed my panties down my legs, arching to do it and Nothing didn’t stir one bit. He didn’t stir when I lifted the sheet off his nude body, either. I was a little worried when I straddled his lean hips and lifted his cock gently, putting him inside of me, gliding down gently until our bodies met.

  I closed my eyes, hands caressing over his chiseled chest, as I rocked my hips, a slow sensual grind. I concentrated on the full sensation for a moment, before the draw to open my eyes to watch him grew too great. He was still asleep, though he stirred, his lips pursing, his head twitching to the side before finally, his eyes flew open, his hands matching them for speed, going to my hips and gripping them tightly to stop me. His chest heaved with deep and ragged breaths and I stilled.

  “Do you want me to stop?” I asked gently, suddenly feeling guilty for taking advantage. He focused his gaze on me and his head started to shake before he could give voice to his thoughts.

  “No, I was dreaming. Just dreaming… caught me off guard. I… I like this.” His grip on my hips eased and he smoothed his hands over my skin, his touch firm and warm as he swept them up my flanks and back down, along the tops of my thighs. I rocked my hips and his beautiful gray eyes drifted shut, his dark lashes even darker against his tanned skin. His breath left his mouth in a sensual gentle rush and I bent carefully to place my lips against his.

  He seized me with a passion, one arm a bar across my lower back, the other curving protectively around my body, hand gripping the back of my neck tenderly, buried in my hair to hold me to him while we kissed. Something was different. It was as if whatever burden of sorrow Nothing had been carrying had been eased, or, for the time being, had been laid aside.

  He thrust up into me, slowly, deliberately, while he kissed me and I felt myself melt into his embrace. I think this was Galahad, because the man holding me to his body so carefully, while he filled me and pleasured me… there was no way that this man was nothing. He was most definitely something, and I wish I could say I was surprised, but I really couldn’t be… this man made me feel something. Something I couldn’t claim that I’d ever felt before, but something, I none the less, wanted to feel every day. I wanted this. I wanted him. I wanted him like this, with no sadness, no worry, no fear… I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to feel this contentment like I was feeling right now.

  We parted, a natural lull in our impassioned kiss, and simply stared into one another’s eyes. He kept moving, his hips thrusting up carefully and gently, body slipping in and out of me, the warm golden glow of pleasure building, like the hint of sunrise in the east.

  It was incredibly intimate, both of us laid bare before the other, the secrets; so many things unsaid, slipping between us and rolling away. As if our two separate worlds suddenly snapped into focus and we were seeing each other clearly now, feeling one another, for the very first time. We’d had incredible, mind-blowing sex before but this was different. This held weight. This was something both incredibly complex, and simple at once.

  I could see when it hit him, too. That this time was different from all the rest, and I could feel when he committed to this strange feeling, whole heartedly. He sat up, with me still straddling him, and claimed my mouth in a fierce kiss. He was fully seated inside of me, and I tightened around him, my arms wending around his shoulders, tears of something very like joy burning the backs of my eyes.

  We both dissolved into action, me by grinding against him, needing more of him that was very nearly impossible to get lest there was a way to pull him through me. He used his surprising strength to turn me so I was on my back, and cradling me in his arms, thrust more surely. I wrapped my legs around his lean hips, locking my ankles together behind his back and pulling him in.

  “Oh god, Charity…” he uttered and I think my heart very nearly soared out of my chest.

  I gazed up at him and marveled, whispering “Nothing, please,” in an impassioned plea for him to find that place, to make me come, and he did. He slipped his hand between us, slicking his thumb in my considerable wetness before teasing my clit.

  That golden glow of promise erupted into full dawn, just like the sun bursting over the horizon, so too did this orgasm, rocking through me, burning away any doubt, fear, anger, or pain. Nothing was my anchor as I shuddered beneath him, clinging to him while my nervous system sparkled and flitted with little shots and jolts of pleasure.

  The spots cleared from my vision to reveal his kind face, eyes alight with something warm and all-consuming as he smoothed my hair from my face. I panted and he shifted and I very nearly climbed his body with a yelp at the intensity of my over sensitivity.

  I waited and nodded, and murmured, “Go ahead.”

  “Hmm, ‘go ahead’ and what?” he asked, kissing my throat.

  “Finish,” I murmured and he chuckled.

  “I came with you, Baby.”

  “What?”

  “I came the same time you did.”

  I blinked… Oh…

  He snuggled me in his arms and kissed me, and I kissed him back, my heart thundering with quicksilver energy against the inside of my ribs. He drew back and leaned down to place his lips between my breasts, centered over my heart. He kissed me there, and the look of such tenderness, of such care and just reverence on his face when he did it, sent me over a different kind of edge.

  It was the look every woman ever dreamed of seeing on a man’s face as he handled her, and it brought a hot flood of tears to my eyes that welled and immediately spilled down my temples to see it. It was such an amazing gift. One that was unparalleled and it took my breath away. The hitch in my breathing snapped Nothing’s eyes to mine and he knew.

  He didn’t ask me what was wrong. He simply smiled the most contented smile I’d ever seen and turned his head to lay an ear where his lips had been. I found my fingers then, tangled in the sheets, and let the poor material go so that I could run them through Nothing’s dark hair instead. Combing it back from his face so I could marvel at the peace painted across his features as he listened, eyes closed, to my heart’s slightly unequal rhythm.

  “You have a murmur,” he uttered and I felt myself nod.

  “Non-life threatening, it’s just kind of there.”

  “I like it; it makes your heartbeat something different, something uniquely you.”

  I fell in love with him. Right then. Right there. I fell in love with this difficult, sad, angry man and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I lost myself to him right then and there and you can’t lose yourself to nothing… because he was most definitely something.

  “What should I call you?” I asked softly, and he glanced up at me. Whatever was on my face made him still and consider me seriously.

  “Dominic, or Shep would work.”

  “How about Galahad?” I asked and he considered me gravely.

  “Who told you that name?”

  “Does it matter?”

  He considered me and raised his head slowly, shaking it gently back and forth, his eyes never leaving mine, “I don’t suppose it does, but names like that one are earned. I earned it once and then I threw it away. I kind of feel like I need to earn it back, now.”

  I nodded carefully, “Maybe for them,” I agreed, “But not for me.”

  He laid his head back down and closed his eyes listening to the blood flow through my body before he opened his eyes again, tongue flicking out to wet those sensual lips. He sighed and it took him a try or two, but finally he spoke.

  “It was raining, the night… the night,” his voice cracked and he stopped, swallowing hard and clearing his throat, “The night my family died. The night I killed them by accident.”

  I held very still, my fingers automatically and still gently, running through his silken soft hair. I nodded, afraid to speak and shatter his resolve.

  “I’d worked, essentially, a double and I’d promised Katy and Corrine we would go see the alligators at the gator farm, and so we drove out there and spent the whole day. I was ti
red, I was so tired, but I pounded an energy drink and I said I was good to drive. It was dark and raining, a long drive and we weren’t too far outside Ft. Royal when this car, it crossed the center line. I swerved, but I was beat and my reaction time, it was too slow and I swerved into the guy instead of away and he hit Corrine and Katy’s side… I killed them. I…” he closed his eyes and he shuddered, his breath breaking on a brittle sob that he tried to force down. I soothed, I put my arms around him and I held him, and was his rock as he had been mine the night before as he spilled his bitter anger and pain in a hot wash of tears down my skin.

  He’d promised, and he was making good on his promise, but what he told me next, made my heart break for this good and noble man. This man who had been giving so freely of himself as a paramedic before his world had shattered into a million shards of cutting agony.

  “She was cheating on me, with a brother. I didn’t know until the Captain told me last night, and then you were gone and I thought I had screwed up everything and all of a sudden you were in front of my face as everything I should have seen you as in the first place. This beautiful, smart, intelligent, funny woman who was interested in me. This nothing and nobody. This beautiful, kind, and soft hearted woman who didn’t want to give up on me and you were gone and when that car flipped, I thought it was my fault, that God was punishing me for wasting the opportunity he was gifting me and I thought sure you were gone, and that it was my fault for driving you away. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry…” he was babbling, his emotions running over the dam he’d spent so long building to stem the tide and so I did the only thing I could do.

  I held him, and I opened my heart, and I took it all in and locked some of his burden away where I could carry it for him, so he didn’t have to carry it alone any more. He looked at me and I smiled, cradling his face in my hands, smoothing my thumbs through the tears and he stared at me with soft wonder until I stripped his fear that I would laugh or turn away from him by kissing him, his mouth warm and salty beneath mine.