by Kahlen Aymes
“David… your boyfriend?”
My heart sank. This is the same thing I’d face with Cade if I found him. “I was breaking up with him! Paparazzi took some pictures, Cade saw them, and now he won’t answer his phone. He texted and said he needed space.”
“I guess a lot has happened in the last few weeks, huh? Maybe that’s what he needs, love,” he said quietly.
“But… he doesn’t know the truth. You know how stubborn he can be. After I tell him, then I’ll give him all the damn space he needs, but I can’t have him thinking that I would do that.” I felt defeated. Jesus, he has to listen to me. “Not after… how we left things.” I could feel my throat start to thicken as I put a hand to my forehead. The customs line was moving and the people weaving around were watching me tear up. Eyes were anxious, and I was thanking God news about the film hadn’t hit the UK yet.
“I’m a huge mess, aren’t I?” I said in disgust.
“Because you’re in love, Brook,” Gavin said quietly.
“Is it that obvious?” I tried to joke, but my heart wasn’t in it.
“It has been for quite a while now, sweetie,” Gavin replied.
“Yeah, but I haven’t told him how I feel. It’s been a huge mistake, and I need to find him and make him understand. I can’t lose him, Gavin.” My voice was shaking, my eyes closed in pain. I was certain I sounded desperate, and I didn’t care. God, he was never really mine, but I felt like I lost him. “Please, will you help me find him?”
“I guess I can text him and ask him where he’ll be. Maybe tell him I’m coming to London and want to see him.” Gavin was a little hesitant.
“Would you? Can you say you’re already here? I don’t want to wait another twenty-four hours to get to him. I’m sorry for involving you, Gavin, I just…” I took a shaky breath. “I seriously didn’t know what else to do.”
“Are you there alone? It’s a big, scary city.”
“No, my brother came with me. He’s my best bud.” I smiled a little.
“Okay, Brook. I’ll call you back in a few minutes. Let me see what I can do.”
Soon, we were through customs and Nathan was getting the bags from the claim area. I took the time to run to the bathroom. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I knew I’d have to pull myself together and look somewhat normal when I went to find Cade. I didn’t want to seem shaken and worried, or worse, clingy. I had to be matter of fact, and just make him see the truth. It would work out. It had to.
I ran my hands through my hair. I looked horrible; pale with dark circles under my eyes and my hair all messy. I groaned and went to find Nate. I managed to make it through the airport without anyone recognizing me, again thankful this was London and not L.A. A couple of girls followed us out, trying to walk beside me to get a better look at my face, but I lowered my head and hid behind my hair until we got in the taxi.
My phone rang and I picked up Gavin’s call. “Hey,” I said as I answered.
“Brook, Cade said he and his friend, Daniel, are going to open mic night at a pub called Harrington’s in Hampton tonight. Do you know where that is?”
“No, but we’re taking a cab, so maybe the driver will know. I have to find a hotel where I can clean up first. Um… did he say what time they’d be there?” I asked. My heart sped up knowing that in only a few short hours, I’d see Cade.
“He said not before ten.” I looked at my watch. It was a little before six, so I had some time. In L.A. time was only 10 am. “Try to get a nap today, okay?” Gavin said in a very fatherly voice.
“I will. Thanks, Dad,” I said, and smiled into the phone. “I really appreciate your help, Gavin. You’re a life saver and a good friend.”
“I hope Cade isn’t pissed at me.” He sighed. “But I’m only doing it for his own damn good.” He laughed.
“Thanks. I’ll let you know what happens. Love you,” I said.
“You too, honey.”
I told the driver to take us to a nice hotel in Hampton, and was relieved when we finally arrived. Nathan checked us in, and helped me take my bag to my room. I was restless, and though I needed rest, I didn’t feel calm enough to nap. Nate went to his own room, and I wasn’t able to lie there staring at the ceiling for hours without going completely nuts. I bolted off of the bed and out of the hotel room to explore the city around the hotel.
There were a variety of trendy shops nearby, and I decided to spend the time buying a new outfit, and getting my hair and makeup done. If nothing else, it would boost my confidence and give me a shot of much-needed courage.
I found a little fitted, sexy, black dress, a black leather jacket with three quarter length sleeves, and some strappy heels. I wanted to look amazing. I needed to knock him flat on his ass. I smiled a secret smile to myself as it occurred to me that if things went well, we’d be together tonight. Finally.
The afternoon passed in a blur. I found myself staring at my reflection in the mirror just minutes before it was time for Nathan and I to go to the club.
My hair was done in a wild style with more curls than I normally wore, and fuller. It looked like it was windblown, and sexier.
Sexy bed hair. I smiled to myself. That was my personal description of how Cade’s hair always looked. My make-up was more pronounced, smoky eyes; heavy on the liner, with darker lip gloss, and flushed cheeks. The darkness of my lashes and hair made my aqua eyes pop.
When I opened my room door for my brother, he stared at me for a few seconds. “Wow! You look great, sis! Cade doesn’t stand a chance.” Nate whistled, and then winked. Okay, that wasn’t weird at all, but I knew he was just trying to make me feel good about myself.
“Thanks, dude,” I said. “I need all the confidence I can muster.” I looked at myself critically in the mirror one last time, and tried to see myself as Cade’s would when he saw me.
The dress was low cut, showing the top swells of my breasts clearly visible above the top of the bodice. The short skirt along with the high heels made my legs look really long. I had on black hose and the fitted leather jacket pulled in at my waist, emphasizing my hourglass figure. And, the precious RJ bracelet was securely fastened around my wrist. I definitely look like a woman tonight, I thought with satisfaction.
“That’s some bracelet, sis,” he said, pointing to my wrist. “Are you sure it’s safe to wear it?”
“Well, it’s safer to wear it, than not. Tonight anyway,” I said quietly as I touched it lovingly. “Besides, I never take it off. Cade gave it to me.”
Nate lifted my hand and looked at it. “The letters are wrong, right?”
“No. It’s from the movie. It represents our characters.”
Nate raised his eyebrows as an expression of astonishment over took his features. He mouthed the word ‘wow’ but no sound came out.
I felt my stomach flutter. Could I really be this nervous?
This is Cade. He knows me better than anyone, and he loves me. He’ll understand. I took a deep breath.
“Nate are you ready? It’s 9:45 and I want to get there, already.” I grabbed my clutch purse, and walked to the door. “I’m jumping out of my skin.” I smoothed my dress and let my hand rest on my fluttering stomach.
Harrington’s was hopping and bigger than I expected. The crowd was an eclectic mix of all ages; boisterous and loud except when someone was on stage. My eyes scanned the crowd for Cade, but I didn’t see him. My heart was in my throat. I was nervous, but my plan was to crawl onto his lap, and tell him I loved him. Just him.
Simple, right? Yeah.
We made our way to the bar and ordered a couple of drinks. I wasn’t sure what the drinking age was in London, but the bartender didn’t even hesitate to serve us. Men were looking me over, and one came up to me and put his hand on the back of my waist.
“Hey, love, can I buy you a drink?” He was attractive but I hardly noticed; my eyes kept scanning the room for Cade.
“Um… no thank you, I’m with someone.” I smiled at him, and turned to move aw
ay.
“Well, he’s a lucky bloke,” the man mumbled as I left him.
Then I saw Cade.
He was moving up to the stage getting ready to sing, and the crowd was screaming. I sat at the back of the bar, and watched as they quieted down when he began his song. He was singing a song he’d been working on during filming, and playing acoustic guitar. I’d heard him sing it before, but this time, he seemed more emotional about the song. He seemed sad. Looking at him like that, tortured artist that he was, I loved him so much I couldn’t even breathe.
Jesus, he’s beautiful.
My heart thumped in my chest as I watched, knowing that in minutes, I would go to him.
After he finished, the entire place erupted in a huge mass of applause. I was amazed that even though he was who he was, no one treated him like a celebrity. That wouldn’t happen in L.A. Cade put down his guitar on the side of the stage, and went back to a table near the front. I’d met Daniel Mayfield and his girlfriend when they made a trip to Vancouver to see Cade a few months into filming. Both guys were at the table along with a couple of other women I didn’t recognize. One of them immediately stood up to hug and kiss Cade when he made it back to the table. While he didn’t stick his tongue down her throat and yank her to him, he didn’t exactly push her away.
My heart stopped, and I felt sick to my stomach. I literally thought I would vomit.
So, this is what I get for coming all the way over here to pour out my heart?
My whole body began to tremble, as I bowed my head, trying tried to get control of my emotions.
Nate sensed me tensing up, and he’d also witnessed the scene at Cade’s table. “Brook… maybe we should just go.”
“No.” My head came up to look into Nate’s worried face. I shook my head. “No, I came here to confront him, and that’s what I’m going to do. He needs to at least see that I’m here.” I swallowed hard, trying desperately to clear the lump of emotion rising in my throat.
I set my drink down, and made my way through the crowd. Men were checking me out, and many were trying to speak to me, but I kept moving toward the table at the front of the room. Cade was laughing and talking to Daniel, and one of the women at the table, so he didn’t see me coming. I walked right up to his table, and stopped directly in his eye line.
I waited until he noticed me.
He stopped mid-sentence and stared at me, completely stunned.
“Brook?” He gaped at me. “What are you doing here? You look… incredible.” He started to rise when the woman to his right grabbed his arm.
My eyes went to her face and then back to Cade’s. My jaw jutted out against my will. I could see the panic behind his eyes when he realized what was going through my mind. “Brook…” he began. I put up a hand to stop him.
I swallowed. “Um… apparently what I’m doing, is seeing things I needed to see.”
He looked all kinds of uncomfortable. The woman next to him looked me up and down, and put a hand on his arm possessively. She was pretty, a blonde, but bitchy looking.
“Who is she, Cade?” she asked him.
I raised my eyebrows in challenge. “Yeah, who am I, indeed?”
He was speechless, frozen in place, as he met my gaze unflinchingly.
“Can I borrow your guitar for a minute?” He continued to look at me, his eyes burning into me. It was almost as if he was touching me. His brow creased as he struggled to speak. “Okay, I’ll take that as a yes,” I murmured, tearing my eyes from his and turning away.
I walked closer and picked up his guitar, then taking it with me, up to the stage. I asked the MC if I could play a song, explaining that I wasn’t able to stay long. He nodded, and moved me up the list and motioned for me to sit down on the bench sitting in the middle of the stage. I looked back at Cade as I readied the guitar on my lap; he was taking in my dress, my legs in the stockings and high-heeled shoes.
When he brought his eyes back to mine, he stared straight into my face without wavering.
The look of shock on his face would have been amusing if the situation wasn’t what so fucking heartbreaking. The woman next to him was trying to get him to talk, tugging on his arm. He shrugged her off, and continued to look at me. It was as if he’d never seen me before.
The crowd silenced when I adjusted the microphone down to my level. It whined and screeched with feedback, making me wince. A few men whistled and hooted at me, but I barely noticed.
“Hi.” I didn’t feel it necessary to say my name. “Um… I’d like to play a song for you called ‘Gravity’. It was written by a new American artist, Sara Bareilles, and it’s about not having choices when it comes to love. Someone I care about introduced it to me, and the lyrics have real meaning in my life.” I cleared my throat as emotions began to flood my heart.
Cade’s eyes widened when I said the name of the song and he swallowed hard. He leaned back in his chair, and brought his hand up to his chin.
My heart thumped in my chest, and my stomach twisted into knots. My hands were shaking so badly, I wasn’t sure if I could play. “I hope you like it.”
I didn’t know if I’d be able to get through it, but I had to try.
I strummed out the first six bars of the introduction, and looked directly at him as I started to sing
He never took his eyes off me for the entire song. I could see the pain in his face, and it hurt me. My throat ached so much that I could hear tears in my own voice; so much, I had to look away a couple of times to keep from breaking down.
Cade frowned while he watched, the muscles along his jaw clenched as he listened to the words he knew only too well. It was clear he was upset because he kept running his hands through his hair. Usually, I adored it when he did that.
It became harder and harder to get the words out as the song progressed, and as the final few notes were fading out, and I felt a tear slip from my lashes and slide down my cheek. I wiped at it with the back of one hand
“Thank you,” I said and began to set the guitar down. The applause was thunderous and people were on their feet, shouting.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Cade.
I’d risen, and he was trying to rush through the crowd toward me, but was having a hard time making his way around all of the people. Part of me was thankful for that. I felt trapped, like I’d die an absolute death if I didn’t make an immediate escape.
I needed to get out of there fast, or soon, I was going to be a sobbing mess. I could feel the misery welling up and threatening to overflow.
I pushed my way through the crowd toward the other end of the bar, toward the entrance and away from Cade.
“Brook!” he called. “Brook, wait, please!”
I kept going, my eyes on Nathan a few yards in front of me. My vision blurred with tears, but I stumbled through the crowd, pushing my way toward him.
“Brook! Bloody hell! Stop!” Cade was beside me, and grabbed my arm. “Stop… Just wait a second, please.” His voice lowered as he looked at the tears running down my face, his scent enveloped me. Finally, I had the courage to meet his eyes but my face crumpled, and I cried hard.
“Cade, just please, let me go. It’s obvious that coming here tonight was a big mistake.” My voice broke, and more tears slipped from my lashes. I bowed my head when my shoulders began to shake. I couldn’t stop them from doing that, and it felt humiliating to be standing here, in the middle of a bar, in a place I’d never been, with a couple of hundred eyes boring into me… and worse, to witness what I’d just seen.
“Tell me why you’re here,” he commanded softly, his finger lifting my chin so I had to look him in the eyes. He looked sad and anxious. “When I saw you, I couldn’t believe my eyes.” His eyes searched my face, trying to read my mind. “I felt like the earth opened up to swallow me alive.”
I tried to speak, but nothing came out. I opened my mouth, closed it, and then shook my head. “It just… It doesn’t matter now.” I tried again to pull my arm free.
�
�Goddamn it, Brooklyn! Tell me why you’re here!” he pleaded, and grabbed my other arm, which completely prevented me from looking away from his face. We were both breathing hard; standing motionless; as if there was no one else in the room.
Finally, I looked away as I struggled for strength to control the tears in my voice.
Maybe if I tell him the truth, he’ll let me go.
I turned back to him. “I came here to tell you that what you saw in those photos wasn’t real, and that I was ending things with David. That you are who I want to be with.” I started to shake, my face crumpled. Cade took me by the shoulders, and pulled me tightly to his chest.
“But from the looks of things, you’re doing just fine. It didn’t take you long, did it?” A small sob escaped, as I resumed in earnest. “I thought I was going to surprise you for your birthday, but it looks like I’m the one getting the big surprise.” I was angry and hurt; my heart shattered into a million shards that ripped through my flesh and left me bleeding. I renewed my struggles to get free of him, but he was too strong. He moved me away a little to look in my eyes, his brow low over his eyes and his mouth tense.
“Brook, what was I supposed to think? You never said you were mine. How was I to know? Those pictures were like reliving the entire last year as I watched you with him when I wanted you for myself!”
“After the way it was between us… the way it felt! You saw how my heart was breaking when you left. After that, how could you doubt me? You don’t trust me at all.”
I felt the walls were crashing in around me. I tried to push against his chest, but he only held me tighter, his arms going around my back.
“Go back to your… girlfriend!” I said the words softly, but inside I was screaming. His eyes were wide, and he was breathing fast when he looked at my tear stained face
“Brook, this is so fucked up! Please listen to me. Until twenty seconds ago, I thought you were with David!” His voice was thick with pain, as he tried to stop my struggles.
My useless struggles quieted, and defeat filled my voice. “Cade, I beg you, please let me go. Don’t make a scene that neither one of us can afford. We don’t need the rags telling the wrong story to the world. Please, I just gotta get out of here.” I struggled against him again, and this time his arms dropped to his sides. He stood in front of me, staring in stunned disbelief.