World's Worst Boyfriend: A Romantic Comedy Adventure (Fake It Book 3)

by Carina Taylor

  Then my eyes caught on the big title at the bottom. “World’s Worst Boyfriend. Oh boy, that looks like a rough article to read.”

  Marni laughed and wildly punched some buttons on the computer. “Your total is seventy-two! I mean twenty-seven…”

  She was acting stranger than normal, and I didn’t have to be playing detective to figure that out. I flipped the magazine to the World’s Worst Boyfriend article.

  In bright, bold print, it listed SPBespoke28 as the winner of the World’s Worst Boyfriend contest. I knew exactly who had won. The caption went on to explain that they liked to keep the person anonymous so as not to hurt their personal and professional relationships with their poor boyfriend choices.

  The article bullet pointed the things this “boyfriend” had done to win such an ignominious title.

  Left dirty laundry everywhere.

  Stood her up on dates.

  Fell asleep in the middle of a conversation.

  Ignored calls and texts.

  Kept cancelling plans.

  Gave her socks for her birthday.

  The article went on to outline a list of bad habits that no girl should have to put up with from her guy.

  This couldn’t possibly be real. I was not the world’s worst boyfriend.

  I mean, I knew I wasn’t the best, but the worst? Those had been Saidy’s words at one point, but I’d thought it was a metaphor.

  I’d locked up some of the worst. I definitely wasn’t one of those. Sure, I fell asleep and missed our date the other night. Sometimes accidents happen. And yes, I hadn’t had time to go to Glamma’s birthday celebration.

  “Can I buy this?” I asked.

  “You can have it. It’s mine, not the store’s. That was the only article that caught my attention this time.”

  I nodded and finished paying Marni for our greasy lunch.

  I carried the bag in one hand and the magazine in the other. “See you around!” she called as I left the building.

  I walked to the car and climbed in.

  West sat up from where he’d been napping. “Did you have to make those corndogs yourself?”

  I shoved the bag at him and flipped open the magazine. I couldn’t stop staring at the list of grievances. Saidy had won the World’s Worst Boyfriend. Her handle hadn’t exactly been discreet. It was the handle she used for every online profile she ever created!

  “What’s that?” West asked around a mouthful of greasy food.

  Absentmindedly, I passed him a napkin, just like Saidy would have done if she were here. Saidy. Saidy who’d nominated me as World’s Worst Boyfriend according to this article.

  The vindictive backstabber!

  “Hey, what’s with the magazine?”

  “Just some light afternoon reading,” I muttered.

  I tossed the magazine onto the dash and started the van. This was bad. And it had nothing to do with me worrying about her blowing my cover. That was locked in tight, and now I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had made the right decision to keep it a secret from her. She probably would have written an op-ed article about it in the local paper.

  I might not have been as present as she was, but did that mean she had to start slinging mud?

  I glanced at the obtrusive thing sliding back and forth on the dash as I weaved my way out of town.

  I knew one thing, and one thing only, I was going to confront Saidy the first chance I got.

  Chapter Eleven

  Saidy

  Milo finally proposed to Andrea, and she’d managed to act surprised. Or, at least, that was the story she told me when she called me in an excited frenzy to tell me the news. She’d asked me to help plan their wedding and I kindly refused, knowing I couldn’t handle planning an event for two such spur-of-the-moment people. Both of them were adventurers at heart.

  I adored them. Which was why I didn’t ever want to feel the need to strangle them.

  Today was their engagement party and I was going to show up and be the most supportive friend they ever had.

  I didn’t want to think about the fact that I would be the only single one there. That was fine. I’d made my decision, and I knew it was the right one.

  I spent over an hour doing my makeup and hair. Then I picked the perfect casual, but sexy dress to showcase the fact that I was feeling good about myself. Even if I wasn’t. Because guess what? I really wasn’t feeling good about myself. I didn’t know what to do with myself now that Fletcher wasn’t part of my life.

  And that really sucked.

  I also couldn’t figure out how to get the ice machine in my freezer to work. That had been Fletcher’s specialty. I’d been drinking room temperature, non-iced tea for almost a week now.

  I sighed and added a layer of gloss on top of my lipstick. Ironically, besides the ice machine, my life hadn’t change much in the last couple of weeks either.

  Turning my speakers up in the car as I drove to Milo and Andrea’s house was the perfect thing to pump me up. I listened to classic break-up songs and threw Fletcher’s name in as I sang along with them.

  I pulled up to Milo’s country house sitting on a couple acres of beautiful green grass with a big red barn for Andrea’s horses. The house itself was a turn-of-the-century farmhouse they’d renovated themselves. Not because they were into renovation, but because they were up for a challenge.

  Milo and Andrea were the kind of friends that you loved completely even though you had minimal things in common with. (Like, the fact that you breathed air.) But they were wonderful friends, never pressuring Fletcher and me to be different. Simply accepting us for who we were.

  And now I was going to their engagement party alone. And single. So. Very. Single. It was going to be a little strange going to the party alone. So much of our friendship with Milo and Andrea had been as a couple.

  I took a deep breath and stepped from the car, making my way to the house and through the open front door.

  A few people I didn’t know stood talking in little groups throughout the house.

  I wandered through the living room, toward the outdoor patio. A man standing next to the back door was digging through a tub of ice for a beer bottle. He paused when he saw me and smiled. He reached into the ice again and pulled out two bottles, turned around, and headed for a petite blonde seated on a wicker chair.

  So this was what it was going to be like to be single. You felt awkwardly out of place at engagement parties.

  But I was good at digging in the ice for a drink.

  I could do this.

  I carefully dug around until I found a wine cooler that looked more my speed. Ah, a cold drink would be a nice change of pace. I wonder if I could get a to-go cooler to take some of the ice home in.

  I spun around and bumped into another man I didn’t recognize. “I’m so sorry.”

  He smiled. “No harm done. I should have warned you I was waiting in the beer line.”

  I glanced behind him and smiled when I realized he was joking. “I managed to save some for you even though there was a rush.” I stepped to the side and let him grab himself a drink.

  “I’m assuming you know Milo and Andrea?” he asked as he popped the top off.

  “No, I usually like to pop in and celebrate with people I don’t know. It’s a great way to get a free meal. Sort of a prelude to the Wedding Crashers movie, except this one involves a female and it’s for the engagement party.”

  He chuckled and held his hand out. “I’m Tyler. Milo’s my cousin.”

  I shook his hand. “I’m Saidy, and now that you say that; I can see the family resemblance.”

  “I was actually adopted.”

  I cringed. Open mouth insert foot.

  “But it’s all good. We always joked that I look more like my parents than their biological children.”

  “Okay, well, I’m just going to try to never speak to strangers again. So I never say anything quite that dumb again.”

  He tipped his head back and laughed again. “No,
I don’t want to be responsible for any social anxiety.”

  “Too late,” I smiled as I took a drink of my cooler. “Who are you here with?”

  “No one. Now are you going to feel bad for pointing out my singleness?” he teased.

  “No, I’m not. Because I don’t have a date either.”

  “Saidy!” A loud greeting called across the yard. Well, there goes me being discreet. Andrea came charging toward me with her arms open wide.

  Ever a hugger, she wrapped her arms around me and practically lifted me off the ground. I tried to keep my drink steady so as not to spill it on her white romper.

  “Congratulations! You know I’m so happy for you guys,” I laughed as she continued to squeeze the life out of me.

  “Well, I’m still mad at you for not being my wedding planner,” she said as she released me.

  I smiled as I grasped her hand to study the ring. Milo really had outdone himself. It was a vintage-style ring with a ruby in the center. Something perfectly unique for Andrea. “You do know that being an interior designer doesn’t mean I’m a wedding planner?”

  “But you manage to make everything beautiful! I know it would be amazing and look even better.” She teased. “Oh, you met Tyler! I’m so glad, he’s here visiting and doesn’t really know anyone. Is Fletcher in the house? Tyler runs a software company, and I thought they might get along talking shop.”

  Tyler stood there sipping his beer, pretending like we weren’t talking about him in front of his face.

  “I’m not sure where Fletcher is.” I gulped. My cowardice was about to come out. I’d had a couple weeks to tell her…but I’d chickened out. I mean, it was all so new, why blast the news before it was absolutely necessary?

  “Oh, is he late again?” Andrea asked with true concern in her voice. “That boy is always late, isn’t he?”

  I cleared my throat. “Well, actually, Fletcher and I broke up.”

  “What?” Andrea shrieked. “Milo! Get over here!”

  Milo strode across the yard; his wavy brown hair was something to envy. Along with the scruff casting a five o’clock shadow across his face, he looked like a model. He and Andrea were the couple that looked so good together that it was painful.

  “Hey, Saidy,” he greeted as he gave me a quick hug. “What’s going on?”

  We both stared at Andrea who still looked in shock. “They broke up.”

  “Who?” Milo asked.

  “Fletcher and Saidy.”

  Milo’s hair swooshed when he spun to look at me, then back at Andrea. “What? You’re joking.”

  They continued to ramble back and forth to each other for a few minutes. Now I knew how Tyler felt, having them talk about me when I was standing right here. Tyler tipped his beer toward me in a little salute. Apparently, he was used to them having conversations about people directly in front of them. It was one of their more annoying traits.

  “Hey, guys,” the deep, familiar voice behind me had me choking on the drink I’d just swallowed.

  I didn’t think he would even remember the party without my help.

  “Of course, I would remember.” The voice growled again. Okay, apparently, I hadn’t said that in my head.

  “You seem to be losing your filter lately,” he whispered loudly. “Maybe it’s the stress of a bad boyfriend.”

  “You’re not together!” Andrea stated painfully loud. Now I felt bad for coming to the engagement party. We were ruining the mood for the happy couple. Andrea looked as though she were about to pass out. Milo was frowning—Milo never frowned.

  Fletcher stepped closer and scowled down at me.

  There was too much of that going around. “Yeah, Saidy realized she could do a lot better than the worst boyfriend.”

  It was the second time he’d mentioned something about being a bad boyfriend. He couldn’t possibly know…no. What a ridiculous thought.

  Andrea laughed nervously. “Okay...well, I’m glad you’re both here.”

  Fletcher was still glaring down at me; his emphasis on the word “worst” made me cringe. “Well, if someone had actually cared about me, we might still be together,” I whispered.

  “If you hadn’t been so obsessed with counting my faults, we probably would be.”

  Tyler seemed to be chugging the beer like it was his life-breath.

  Milo and Andrea both dragged him away, leaving me standing next to Fletcher—all alone.

  My grand plan of not being affected by the sight of him wasn’t going so well.

  And he seemed mad.

  Spinning around to face him fully, I pointed a finger at him. “You are ruining their party and embarrassing me!”

  “Ha!” He scoffed. “Embarrassing you…that’s rich coming from you, of all people.”

  Fletcher was furious. The look on his face was almost as bad as the time I left my keys hanging in my front door overnight. I was pretty sure he’d never forgiven me for that. His lecture resulted in him threatening to put an alarm system on my house.

  Unfortunately, he was still hot, even when he was angry.

  “You’re going to stand there and pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You were the one who decided to put me on display.” He shook his head and snorted at the same time.

  “I’m not the one who gave up on us!” I growled back at him.

  “Are you sure about that?” He leaned closer; the soft hint of shaving lotion drifted toward me. His eyes glinted dangerously.

  Then he said three little words that chilled me to the bone.

  “World’s Worst Boyfriend.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Fletcher

  I smiled with grim satisfaction as Saidy’s eyes widened to an adorable width.

  She should be panicked. She’d signed me up—and won—as the World’s Worst Boyfriend. I wanted to watch her squirm.

  “Wha-what are you talking about?” she asked as she shook her head rapidly.

  “I saw an article in some hip magazine.”

  She tilted her bottle toward me. “First of all, no one says hip anymore.”

  “All right, grandma.” I smirked and folded my arms across my chest.

  She gasped, leaning forward like she had a right to be mad. “What?”

  “I just found it interesting coming from the person who drinks her chamomile tea every night and gets up at precisely six a.m. every morning.” Oddly enough, her routines were comforting to me. But they weren’t something I could enjoy anymore. And I knew it would rile her up to be teased about it. The same way I felt after finding out what she thought of me as a boyfriend…well, it was time I had a little fun at her expense.

  “Oh, so now we’re talking about me, are we?” Her cheeks flushed. “Thank goodness you don’t have to put up with my old lady routines anymore! Not that you were even around to experience those things very often.”

  “I was around enough for you to think I was the worst boyfriend ever.” I grasped the top of her bottle and pushed it back upright, trying to avoid her tipping the contents down the front of my shirt. My fingers brushed against her long blue nails. “How did you manage to nominate me for that? How many lies did you have to tell?”

  She audibly swallowed as she tugged her hand away from me. “No lies! I was mad at you when you stood me up on that last date.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have nominated you. But I thought it was anonymous! I didn’t think anyone would know! How did you find out?”

  “I saw it in a magazine. From that dumb podcast you like to listen to.”

  “Dumb podcast!” She gasped. “It is not dumb. It’s very helpful.”

  “Hmm, is it? What has it helped you with?” I thought back to the article’s pieces of advice, like picking a one-night stand, not a life partner.

  “Choosing myself! It’s all about being the best me I can be! Having morning routines, and not letting others dictate anything in my life, especially not my schedule.” She scoffed. “It’s about learning to excel at lif
e!”

  “Honestly it sounds like a lonely life to me.”

  “You don’t get to make that choice. I tried, Fletcher. I tried to be there for you.”

  “I know!” I bit out. I knew. Unfortunately. “If you had only held on a little longer—”

  She leaned toward me. The earnest look on her face cutting straight to my heart. Her soft perfume made me want to bury my face in her neck. “What? What would have happened, Fletcher? You’ve been getting progressively worse the last two months. And that night at dinner? The way you talked to that man about me? It hurt. That hurt me, Fletch! I waited on you to explain, but you haven’t.”

  My heart cracked at the pained expression on her face.

  “I wish I could explain.”

  “Why don’t you?”

  “Because I can’t tell you just yet.”

  “Yet?” She shook her head. “What does that even mean?”

  “It means…” I bit my tongue to keep from throwing it out there. This was the woman who’d nominated me for World’s Worst Boyfriend. “How big of a gift card did you get?”

  “Five-hundred dollars. To Target.”

  I nodded. “That is your only weakness.” She didn’t like having weaknesses. She especially didn’t like to admit she had a weakness for shopping.

  With a final glare, she turned around and stomped across the yard. I wasn’t her weakness. She claimed that I hadn’t cared for her, but now I knew our relationship wasn’t as far along as I’d thought. I was ten steps ahead of her. I’d already been looking at rings. Something that I hadn’t even told her. Then she broke up with me.

  With a sigh, I turned toward the ice bucket and pulled out a drink for myself. It was a rare afternoon where I didn’t need to be doing anything for Sullivan. The demanding bastard.

  Two more weeks.

  That was it. Just two more weeks until the hand off where I could happily arrest Sullivan and all of his counterparts. It was the only window of opportunity where we could arrest the whole network. Sullivan had planned an in-person auction. I don’t know if he was feeling pressure to move merchandise or if he was really just getting that cocky about being untouchable, but it was a chance to put him and his buyers behind bars.