The whole process took a minute, tops. So why did it feel as if their comfort level with each other had just taken another dramatic shift forward? Eddie had to be the only person she knew who could help her change clothes in such a relaxed way, without a hint of embarrassment.
Given their circumstances, that was a good thing. So why was she wishing she’d chosen undergarments that were at least a little bit prettier?
“I didn’t mean to make a big deal about your weight, but I still care,” he said, taking a seat across from her. “I wouldn’t want you to get sick. Or the baby, of course.”
Her heart melted as she faced a few truths, too. No one could go through eight years of marriage and not care. “I know you do. I still care about you, too.”
“Please don’t push these monthly checkups away anymore. They’re important.”
He’d said please. “I won’t. Not anymore.”
He’d just nodded when Dr. Axman entered the room. “I heard we have my favorite police officer here,” she said as she walked over to him and shook his hand.
“I’ll be here from now on,” he replied with a grin.
“Glad to hear it.” She turned to Shawn with a smile. “So, Debbie tells me Eddie has been doing a little bit of detective work about your weight.”
“He must be the only guy on earth who likes fat pregnant women.”
“You’ve been full of baby, but never were overweight. Certainly not fat.” To Shawn’s surprise, the doctor wasn’t laughing off his concerns, either. “This is a pretty significant weight loss, Shawn. Are you eating regularly?”
“Yes.”
“Eating well?” prodded Eddie.
“I don’t know. I’m eating what I can.”
“Maybe she’s doing too much,” Eddie suggested. “Are you taking time to rest and put your feet up, Shawn?”
Well, this was a change from his past criticisms. “I don’t have time to sit around with my feet up. I work. I run after three girls and try to keep up with the rest of my life.” Which was, she knew, where she’d been falling apart.
Dr. Axman made a few notes. “How often do you eat?”
“I don’t know.”
“Five to six small meals is ideal.”
She hardly had time for three meals. “I’ll try and eat more.”
“And sleeping? Are you getting any rest?”
“Yes.” She was getting some.
Eddie’s eyes narrowed. “Is Elsie sleeping through the night or still wandering in at 2:00 a.m.?”
“She wanders, but it doesn’t usually keep me up.” Well, not every night.
Dr. Axman pushed her wire-rimmed reading glasses up on her forehead. “Usually I would say your home situation is none of my business, but in your case, I think it is. So, you two are living still apart?”
Eddie answered that one. “Yes.”
“We’re divorced,” Shawn reminded the doctor.
“How often do you have the girls, Eddie?”
“One or two nights a week.”
“Any chance you could up that? Or at least help out Shawn a bit in the afternoons or evenings? If she’s not chasing toddlers, she might be more able to take care of herself and your baby.”
“I can do that. Of course.”
Shawn bit her lip to contain her surprise. Eddie had always been a loving father, but he’d never acted as if he would willingly put his schedule on hold for her.
Looking directly at her, Eddie said, “We’ll work something out, okay, Shawn?”
“Sure. If that’s what we need to do.”
If Dr. Axman noticed the incredulousness in her voice or found it strange at all, she didn’t comment. Instead, she fished a tape measure from her lab coat. “Let’s see what else we can find out.”
After measuring Shawn’s belly, she placed a monitor on her stomach and turned up the volume. Just like always, there was the sweetest sound ever. Smiling, she said, “The baby sounds good.”
“She sure does,” Eddie said, grinning. “We’re calling her Four.”
“For the record, Number Four’s heartbeat is strong, and your body seems fine. It’s just this lack of weight gain that’s a bit troublesome.” Making a notation in her chart, Dr. Axman said, “Here’s what we’re going to do. I’ll take some blood and make sure everything is how it should be. And just for this month, I want you to keep a food diary so we can see what you’re eating.”
“Everything?” How was she going to be able to write down the French fries she’d eaten just the night before? The whole plate of them.
“Everything. Don’t be shy. I’ve been pregnant and loved chocolate-chip ice cream. And I’ve had plenty of patients who’ve liked the darnedest things.”
“I’ll try.”
Eddie groaned. “Shawn, come on. Promise you’ll do this.”
“I promise I’ll do the best I can.”
Stepping toward the door, Dr. Axman directed a stern look her way. “The other thing is, I want you to promise that you sit down and relax more. Things with Four look good. This time it’s you I’m concerned about.”
“I’ll try and relax. I promise.”
“Good. Get dressed. Debbie will be in to take some blood in a few moments,” the doctor said before exiting the room.
When they were alone, Eddie handed Shawn her dress. “I hope you really will try to eat and rest more,” he murmured. “I’ll come by every day to help if that’s what you need.”
She was stunned into silence. Since Eddie still didn’t seem fazed by her body in any state of dress or undress, she loosened the ties and removed the gown. Before slipping on the dress, she looked down at herself as objectively as she could. “I don’t think I’m too thin, Ed. I mean, the rest of me looks like it always did. Right?”
Eddie stepped closer. Skimmed a glance over her thighs, then ran upward. So slowly, so thoroughly, she could practically feel his gaze brush against her skin.
Before she realized it, her mouth had gone dry and her skin felt sensitized. As if they had all the time in the world, Eddie curved a hand around one shoulder, then gently tilted her chin up with the other.
Their eyes met.
“You look great, Shawn. Perfect. Just like you always did. I just worry.”
About what? About the baby? Or her? “I promise I’ve been taking care of myself. I wouldn’t neglect Four.”
“I know that,” he murmured. “I promise I know that.” With a sigh, he slid his hand from her shoulder to the small of her back, seeming to enjoy the feel of her bare skin as much as she enjoyed his touch.
The yearning to lean against him was too strong to deny. Giving in, she closed the scant six-inch gap and rested her forehead against his chest.
Chuckling, Eddie wrapped his other hand around her.
Oh, his touch felt so wonderful. He smelled so good, too! Like starch from his uniform and soap and Armani cologne. Shawn closed her eyes and relaxed, giving in to the temptation to just feel Eddie next to her. To enjoy being held, to pretend that she wasn’t alone and that everything between them wasn’t so rocky. For just a moment, she let herself forget that she needed to go back to work. That she hadn’t done the laundry in four days. That she doubted she’d have much energy to cook up anything other than TV dinners for supper.
A brief rap followed by Debbie’s cheery greeting pulled them apart. “Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were still…getting dressed.”
The door closed with a hasty click.
Shawn was sure her whole body was beet red. “I can’t believe we were doing that, Eddie. I can’t believe I was sitting here in my bra and underwear hugging you.”
To her amazement, Eddie looked just as flustered as she felt. “We just can’t seem to stop sometimes, can we?”
Hastily she shoved her dress over her head. “I don’t know what happens.”
He glanced at her bare legs. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll get going,” he said quickly. “I’ll call you later.”
“Okay.”
“And I’ll tell Debbie it’s all right to come in now.”
Yes, her dress was now securely on and smoothed over her knees. “That would be appreciated.” Meeting his gaze, she said softly, “Bye, Eddie.”
He waved a hand and left.
Hardly a moment went by before Debbie entered with everything she needed to take Shawn’s blood. Shawn held out an arm.
There’d be no problem getting blood drawn today, she figured. After all, her pulse was racing.
Chapter Twelve
Now that Eddie knew about the baby and was accompanying her to the doctor, Shawn knew it was time to tell the girls, as well. She’d briefly thought about asking Eddie to join her for the announcement, but after talking to him about the pros and cons, they’d both decided it would be best if she did this on her own. The girls were just getting used to their separation. Eddie had Jayne now, too. The last thing the girls needed was to view their parents as a couple again.
It was going to be a tough discussion, Shawn was sure of that. However, it was time to start planning for the future, instead of sitting around, regretting the past.
With that in mind, she joined Kit and Mary in the playroom. They were currently using old Lincoln Logs to make homes for tiny stuffed animals—all toys Eddie’s parents had collected and saved from Eddie’s and Melanie’s childhood. “Girls, come here for a moment, would you? Mommy needs to talk to you.”
“What is it?” Kit asked, her hand still clutching a tiny tiger.
Mary smiled hopefully. “Are we going to go to the zoo?”
Oh, the zoo was Mary’s favorite place in the world. “No, it’s something even more special than the zoo, if you can imagine that.”
After lowering herself across from them on the carpeting, Shawn crossed her legs and reminded herself to keep her voice even and neutral. It was tough because she was feeling nervous. This was an important event and how she broke the news to the girls was going to set the stage for how they felt about the baby in the months to come. “We’re going to have another baby in the family.”
“Whose baby are we gonna have?” Kit asked.
Well, that was something Shawn hadn’t figured on. “Mine. I’m going to have another baby. Mommy’s pregnant.”
Both girls stared at her belly. Mary scrunched up her face. “But we don’t need another baby. We have Elsie.”
“Elsie’s almost a big girl now. And, um, I guess other plans were in store for us. Come September, we’ll have another Wagner.” As the girls stared at her in wonder, Shawn shifted her position on the floor. Oh, how had this happened? In the past eighteen months she’d lost a husband and gained a baby.
“I don’t want her!” Kit cried.
“Me, neither,” Mary said with a frown. “Where’s she gonna sleep?”
Funny how even the girls assumed a girl was on the way. “She’ll sleep in my room for a time, then I guess we’ll see.” Thinking about logistics made it seem so much more real. “Either you two can share a room, or one of you can share with Elsie, and the baby will have the old nursery.”
“I’m the oldest,” Kit said. “I get my own room.”
“That’s not fair!” Mary teared up. “I wanna be the oldest.”
Kit raised her chin. “I’m always going to be the oldest. Always.”
When Mary started crying in earnest, Shawn leaned back against the wall. “Settle down now,” she said. “All this arguing is going to wake up the baby.”
Kit shook her head. “You mean Elsie. We’ve got a baby coming.” Still looking resentful, she added, “Another one.”
Sobbing, Mary threw herself into Shawn’s lap. Shawn caught her with ease, all the while wishing things were different.
Wishing she didn’t feel like the lone barrier between her precious daughters and the rest of the world.
Wishing someone was around to hold her.
Still holding the tiger, Kit said, “What about Daddy?”
There was a time for truth and a time to paint pretty pictures. “Daddy’s excited about the baby.” Well, that wasn’t necessarily a lie. He was sure to be excited once he had worked through his shock.
“So he’s coming back? Coming back to us?”
“No.”
Mary looked crushed. “Why not?”
“Because things between Daddy and me haven’t changed. Even though he’s excited, he’s not going to move back home. We’ll still live in separate houses.”
Kit looked around their bright blue-and-white kitchen. “It’ll still just be us here and Daddy at his place.”
Mary nodded. “Daddy has to stay in his green kitchen with the seashells across the top.”
“Uh, yes. But it’ll still be okay.”
“We know.”
“Mary, you sure?”
“You and Daddy said you don’t want to be married to each other. Not anymore.” The statement was almost exactly what Shawn had said a hundred times.
Now that Mary’s tears were finally dried up, Shawn got to her feet. “We’re going to be just fine,” she said. “I promise.”
Kit reached out and patted her stomach. “And the baby, too.”
Since the baby was moving, Shawn slipped her hand over Kit’s and moved it so she could feel the baby, too. “That’s right. The baby will be fine, too.”
EDDIE HAD PUT IT OFF as long as he could. He’d dodged dates with Jayne by citing problems at work, visits with the girls and sheer exhaustion.
But he couldn’t do it any longer. No one had to tell him that he had to break the news to Jayne. If he ever wanted their relationship to be stronger, he had to trust her to accept his past and all the baggage that came with it.
She was a mature, confident, together person. He was sure they could weather this latest bit of news. Somehow.
But still, without a doubt, he had definitely picked the absolute worst time to tell Jayne about the baby. No, that wasn’t true. He hadn’t actually picked the time—he just couldn’t take it any longer.
Time couldn’t go any slower. And his starched collar felt tight, like it had him in a choke hold. The whole affair, an engagement party for a woman Jayne taught with, was too extravagant for his tastes. Champagne flowed, the scent of roses was so thick you could almost taste it, and Jayne clung to his arm like she was looking forward to announcing their engagement soon.
Talk of love and newlyweds and honeymoons filled the air, making Eddie feel even older and more jaded than he already did.
Dressed in a sequined black chiffon gown and her beautiful hair twisted into some kind of crown at the top of her head, Jayne looked like a princess.
As they moved from group to group, Jayne introduced him, smiled flirtatiously and made sure everyone there knew he was hers. “He’s a sergeant, you know,” she said time and again, clutching his hand in hers. “And he was an officer in the Army for years before that.”
The men and women all nodded a welcome, or worse—looked like he was about to write them a ticket and stuttered out something nonsensical.
He, in turn, pretended he was having the time of his life.
It was damned awkward. He should have begged off, instead of feeling so obliged to attend. It shouldn’t matter that he’d said yes a month ago, when things in his life were far different.
Two months ago, he would have felt proud to be by her side. Now, though, he was a bit uncomfortable.
Yes, that had to be the reason for his unsettled feelings. Not the fact that he couldn’t completely put out of his mind the memory of holding Shawn at the doctor’s office. Surely, as soon as he revealed the news to Jayne, they’d be back to moving things forward again. “How much longer do you want to stay, Jayne?”
“Oh, Eddie, are you ready to get out of here? So soon?” Promise lit her green eyes. In spite of the direction his mind was going, parts of him still perked up, which really made him feel like a jerk. He should have more control.
But…damn. She was an attractive woman, and that was a fact.
Though, if his behavior in her doctor’s office was any indication, there certainly was still that.
He felt like his future had just been decided without any say-so from himself. And it was aggravating and made him feel like a rookie cop reporting in the first day on the job.
“I want to talk to you about something. It’s kind of important.” Eddie barely refrained from rolling his eyes. His news was “kind of” real important.
“I’ll get my wrap.”
Thirty minutes later, Jayne was looking at him like he’d just sprouted horns on his head. “I’m sorry, but I still don’t understand. You said you’d moved on.”
“I had.” Feeling ineffectual, he shrugged. “Believe me, there’s nothing you could say that I haven’t said to myself already.”
“Are you sure you’re ready for another relationship?”
That, he could answer. “Definitely.”
Jayne looked him over again. After a moment she sighed. “Eddie, I’m going to be honest with you. I thought we were heading toward marriage. Not next week or anything, but I thought you cared about me. I thought we had a future.”
“I do care about you.” At least, he thought he did. He wasn’t ready to lose her. “You know, there’s no rush, is there? Maybe we can slow things down. Take things one day at a time.”
“I don’t know if I can do that.” Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I’ve fallen in love with you.”
He hugged her because he wasn’t sure if he felt the same way and he didn’t want to lie. But, Eddie thought, he could love Jayne. One day.
Maybe.
When they parted, he murmured, “If you want to break things off, I’ll understand.”
“I’m not sure what I want.” Wiping her cheek with a knuckle, she murmured, “Maybe I just need some time.”
“You’ll have it.” As he looked at her again, at her pretty features, at her tremulous smile, he felt completely at a loss. With himself, with the circumstances. “It’s no excuse, but I want you to know that I didn’t mean for all this to happen. It was just one night. And it was an accident.”
Baby Makes Six Page 10