Notes of the Past (Lightning Strikes Book 2)

by Jodie Larson

  “Fine by me.” I move to the side, giving her room to go. She doesn’t even look back as she walks out the door. If there was ever a reason for closure, this would be it. Only is it what I want?

  Honestly, I don’t know.

  In all the months we’ve been touring, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a crowd like this one before. It’s nothing but a sea of bodies crammed together. Each of them chanting our names or screaming their heads off.

  “Quite the crowd. I hope Tatum doesn’t get nervous out there,” Kade says next to me.

  I blow a harsh breath out my nose. “She’ll live.”

  He turns to me and scowls. “What’s your deal? Haven’t you two kissed and made up yet?”

  Oh, we’ve kissed all right. But instead of heading to bed like we used to, it leads to fighting and yelling and, more recently, pain on my end. My fucking cheek still stings a little from a few hours ago.

  “I wouldn’t hold your breath on that happening anytime soon.”

  Kade grabs my shoulder, giving it a shake. “You need to grow up at some point. Have you even bothered to ask her what’s been going on?”

  “Don’t fucking talk down to me like I’m a child.” I shove his hand away. “Yes, I’ve asked her, and no, she hasn’t bothered to answer me.”

  The scowl on his face deepens. “I pray you asked her nicer than that.”

  “Kade, drop it. She and I have agreed to keep it civil for the tour and that’s as far as it’ll go.”

  Why is he pushing this so much? What does he know that I don’t? I realize this was all his master plan to bring her on the tour. Just like his nosey wife, he couldn’t help but stir the pot.

  The lights dim and she takes the stage from the other side. Cheers and whistles sound as the spotlight stills on her. It’s not only the spotlight that’s stilled. Pretty sure my heart has as well. She’s standing up there in the tightest pair of black leather pants I’ve ever seen, paired with a shredded white shirt that’s practically see-through. It’s not the shirt I have the issue with. It’s the fact I can see the neon yellow bra underneath, which means every other male in the audience can too.

  An instant headache forms, making me clench my fists by my sides.

  “Jesus, she’s killing it tonight,” Brecken says next to me. “Before you know it, she’s going to have her own tour and fans screaming her name instead.”

  Then she’ll take guys back to her hotel room and fuck them whenever she wants. Too many images flash through my mind. I need to get out of here.

  Before I turn to head back to the dressing room, I take one last look at the stage. Tatum leans down and takes the hand of a guy in the front row. In one swift movement, he hops the stage and grabs her face, kissing her hard.

  How can she go from kissing me back just hours ago to kissing a total stranger? Is this what she meant by coexist? If she thinks I’m going to stand back and watch her screw everything in sight, she’s crazy.

  As the dressing room door slams behind me, an idea pops into my head. She’s going to hate it, which makes it perfect. But it’ll give me the chance to keep a close eye on her. Not because I care, but because I know it’ll piss her off.

  “I’m sorry, come again?” I must have heard wrong because Kade couldn’t have said what I think he did.

  “We need you to move over to our bus instead of riding on the other one.”

  I slump into my chair, deflated. Why didn’t I head straight to the bar like I wanted to? Then I wouldn’t have to listen to Kade tell me things I don’t want to hear.

  “Why?”

  “Because if you ride with us, it’ll be easier to plan our sets and maybe we could help each other by bouncing ideas back and forth.” He shoves my shoulder. “Come on, it’ll be like old times.”

  Standing, I walk to the opposite side of the room and stare out the window. The city is quiet, dark, and sleeping. Most normal people are in bed right now, dreaming away or snuggled close to the ones they love. I’d rather be sleeping, only this is a waking nightmare.

  “You need to get over this whole ‘old times’ thing.” I turn to face him again, leaning against the desk. “It’s in the past. And you can’t go back and fix it. Things have changed. I have changed. Stop trying to fix what’s broken. You can’t. Let’s just figure out how to move forward with as little casualties as possible.”

  Kade closes the distance and wraps me up in his arms. “You know I love you and will always look out for you.”

  “I know. You can’t help it.” I squeeze him back. “But please, let it go. Maybe over time we can get back to being friends. Don’t hold your breath, though. Otherwise you’ll never see your little one being born.”

  He laughs, which was my intention. I don’t want to talk about Myles or our dysfunctional relationship. All I want to do is go to sleep and pretend today never happened, even if I did have the best set of my life on stage.

  “Can’t have that. Adrienne would bring me back to life only to kill me again.”

  I shake my head. “See. I’m looking out for you now.”

  Kade knocks my chin with his fist. “This is why you got straight A’s in school and I didn’t.”

  “Yeah, that’s why,” I say, rolling my eyes. “Or it was because I actually applied myself rather than try to get into the head cheerleader’s skirt.”

  “Jamie Waller was the bomb. Everyone wanted her.”

  Not everyone.

  I shove Kade to the door while chuckling. “And now she’s married with five kids and a botched plastic surgery incident involving her most prominent feature,” I say, pointing to my chest.

  Kade raises a brow. “How do you know?”

  “It’s called Facebook. I do talk to people from high school on there. If you’d like, I can show you pictures.”

  “No, I’m good.” Kade holds up a hand as a shudder runs through him. “And now I’ll need to call Adrienne to keep me from having nightmares.”

  “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” With a wink, I shut the door behind him and fall back against it, sliding all the way to the floor.

  Why now? Kade was so adamant on me not riding their bus in the beginning to avoid any unnecessary interactions. Now I’m supposed to join them, be even closer to the one person who can’t stand me? I need to slap some sense into that boy. He’s off his rocker if he thinks this is a good idea.

  The thought of being that close to Myles outside of the show has both good and bad tingles running up my spine. Why is this so hard? We’re two people who need to coexist in a small space for the next two months and can barely function out in the open for more than five minutes. Kade must have been drunk when he thought of this plan, even though he’s taken a vow of abstinence with alcohol since Adrienne has to do the same.

  Picking myself off the floor, I wander back to my bed and fall face first into the fluffy comforter. Tonight was amazing. For the first time since joining the tour, people were cheering my name. It was surreal at first, but soon the crowd was so energized that I matched their energy beat for beat. I even got so bold to grab the hand of a guy in front of me, who shocked me when he kissed me after hopping on stage. I didn’t know what to do, so I humored him and let him slobber all over me before kindly pushing away with a thank you. The crowd ate it up, cheering even louder than before. Of course, security escorted the guy away and stayed put near the stage to make sure no one else tried that.

  Yet the only person I could picture was Myles. After our run in earlier today, I couldn’t stop thinking of him, especially during my shower. His toned body kept sneaking in, crawling it’s way into my thoughts as I tried to wash the memory away. Memories are a little different than soap; they don’t just wash down the drain and disappear forever. No, every moment I’ve ever spent with him lives vividly in my mind, always sneaking up when I least expect it. Kind of like him these last few weeks. We agreed to be civil, but obviously that can’t work. Myles is still hell bent on making me suffer. Not saying it’s not justified�
��to an extent. If he’d stop acting like an ass for more than two minutes, I’d gladly give him the answers he seeks.

  But then what? Am I expecting him to act differently when he knows the truth? Do I think he’ll run into my arms and forgive me? This is Myles we’re talking about. Only one person can hold a grudge longer than him and that’s my mother. Though after these last few years, she’s let that go. There’s more to life than feeding the hate monster.

  Sleep hovers and I relax into the bed, dreaming of swirling lights, cheering crowds, and a certain brown-haired man greeting me with open arms after it’s all said and done.

  Okay, this bus is way bigger than the one I was traveling in. It’s like a damn mini apartment. Modern kitchen, a full-sized couch and two chairs make up the main cabin. On one end there are two bedrooms, separated by a Jack-and-Jill bathroom, and containing one set of bunk beds each. The master bedroom is on the other end, featuring a queen bed and hotel-like bathroom, including a glass shower. We’re cut off from the front of the bus, which is nice. More private, giving us a better layout. Probably better for the driver too, so he doesn’t have to listen to our instruments all the time.

  “Kade has the master bedroom,” Breck says after giving me the grand tour.

  “I figured as much. Easier for him and Adrienne to be alone when she joins you guys on tour?”

  They haven’t said so, but I’m guessing she comes along whenever she can. Kade told me she works in the movie industry, playing scores for feature films. I’m guessing it’s not always easy to get away. At least it’s a cushy job, one that won’t give her too much trouble as she gets further along in her pregnancy.

  “More to save the rest of us than giving them privacy.” We laugh and settle into one of the leather chairs. “I’m glad you came over here. This will be good.”

  I look around, still amazed by the sheer luxury. “We’ll see.”

  Breck leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I know Myles is being difficult.” I scoff. “Okay, he’s over the top, but deep down he’s glad you’re here.”

  “Sure has a funny way of showing it.” Not all the time. Only when he’s trying to maul me against a wall. Then he exerts his prowess on me, knowing I can’t resist. It was impossible growing up, even more so now as an adult. The years away from each other didn’t lessen his attractiveness. Myles grew more masculine, more defined and chiseled. So different than the lanky boy I knew. His hair may be a little shorter, but still styled in that same messy way, like he just stumbled out of bed. And his brown eyes still follow my every movement. I’m sure he doesn’t think I notice, but it’s hard not to. When Myles Donovan enters a room, you’re always aware of what he’s doing. It’s his charisma, his personality, bigger than anything else. No wonder girls are constantly throwing themselves at him.

  The thought leaves a heavy rock in my stomach. I don’t want to think about those other women. Not right now.

  “Tay, I know you have a right to your past and don’t owe me anything, but I gotta know. Why’d you leave?” The seriousness in Breck’s eyes threatens to crumble my resolve. Kade figured out a small part of why I came back, but he doesn’t know why I left.

  Shaking my head, I sigh. “Not yet. Maybe another time.”

  Breck places his hand on my knee and gives it a squeeze. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”

  I place my hand on top of his. “Thanks.”

  The door flies open and the brown eyes that haunt my dreams narrows on the spot where our hands join. Myles’ demeanor instantly shifts. Two seconds ago, he was laughing and smiling. He looks between me and Brecken, a scowl firmly lodging on his face.

  “Isn’t this cozy?” He slams the door shut, making me jump back in my seat. Brecken stands and starts walking toward him.

  “Look, it’s not—”

  Myles shoves Brecken’s hand away. “Really? She’s been on the bus for all of three seconds and you’re already putting the moves on her? Maybe you two can share a bed.”

  The temperature in the room drops a few degrees. Where’s this hostility coming from? And why on earth would he think there’s anything going on between us?

  “Brecken’s my friend. Quit being an ass.” His attitude is getting on my nerves. How are we supposed to cohabitate peacefully when he’s instantly picking fights as soon as we see each other?

  “I’m being the ass?” Myles steps around Brecken to stand in front of me. “Don’t push me.”

  A sneaky smile creeps on my lips as I stick a finger out and push on his shoulder. “Push.”

  The corners of his lips twitch, fighting the smile that wants to break out. This was the game we used to play. We called it buttons, seeing how far we could press each other. It always ended the same way: us in bed. Somehow I doubt this will have the same result.

  “Funny girl.” This time the smile breaks through, lighting his whole face. I’ve missed his smile. It always made my insides turn liquid, warming me like a thousand suns. Myles has been the only person to ever make me feel this way. He takes a step back and looks around. “All your stuff moved over or do you still need some help?”

  I blink several times, stupefied he’s offering me help. “Um, no. I got it all. Didn’t have much to begin with. Just those two suitcases over there and another bag.” I point to the pile of bags sitting in the corner.

  Myles raises an eyebrow. “That’s it? I thought you’d have your entire bedroom with.”

  Shrugging, I sit back down. “Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect so I packed light. Figured I could always buy what I needed down the line.”

  “Probably a good idea. The less stuff to travel with, the less to pack up after concerts.” Good point.

  A few awkward seconds pass where no one speaks. Brecken toes the floor while Myles stares at me. Okay, this is uncomfortable. We never used to have these lulls in conversations. I guess this is part of our new normal.

  Clearing my throat, I stand and start walking toward my stuff. “Where am I going to sleep? Kade never said anything about the arrangements, just that I needed to be on the bus.”

  Maybe he’ll give up his private bedroom for me and join the guys in the bunks. Doubtful, but I can hope.

  Brecken opens his mouth but Myles interjects. “The only available bunk is in my room.”

  What? He can’t…he can’t be serious.

  “I don’t want to be a burden. Does the couch pull out?”

  Brecken shakes his head. “You can take my bunk and I’ll crash with Myles.”

  “Like hell you are. I’m not sharing a room with your snoring ass.” He looks to me and smiles. Twice within a ten minute period must be some sort of record for us. “She’s staying with me.”

  Heat rises up my neck, making my whole body warm again. “Are you sure? If it’s not, I’ll figure something out.”

  “For fuck’s sake, yes. I’m sure.” Myles walks over and grabs my suitcases, dragging them behind him to the bedrooms. I follow from a distance, looking back to Brecken, who just smiles and shakes his head. I almost wish I was rooming with him instead. At least then I’d know there’d be less hostility and awkwardness.

  The room is dark but brightens with a flick of the switch. It’s tiny, but it’d have to be. Not a lot of room to move around. Unlike his garage apartment, this space is clean; free of piles of dirty laundry and stacks of DVDs. Everything is neat and organized. Even his bed is made. His mom tried to get him to do that for years. A few months on the road is all it took. I’ll have to let her know the next time I see her. If I see her.

  Let’s not get ahead of myself here. We’ve had one civilized conversation. Not exactly something to celebrate yet.

  I walk farther into the room, my arms wrapped around my stomach. “Thank you, Myles, for letting me stay here with you.” Sitting on the bottom bunk, I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees. Myles sets my stuff in the corner and turns to face me. When he shoves his hands into his jeans pockets, it makes his biceps bulge, drawing
my attention instantly. They’re not huge by any means, but he has guitarist’s arms. Lots of corded, lean muscles from using them for hours a day. His taste in shirts hasn’t changed, which makes me happy. Vintage tee’s were always his thing. Pretty sure he’s had this Atari shirt for as long as I could remember. It’s always been one of my favorites.

  “It made the most sense since I was bunking solo.” He shrugs. “Also less chance of you getting mauled by one of the other guys.”

  The crack in my heart widens with his jab. I don’t know if it was intentional or not, but his message was loud and clear. Nothing will happen between us. He’s not interested. At least now I know.

  “Right.” Slapping my hands against my thighs, I look around the room again. “Which bed is mine?”

  Myles steps closer. “I’ve got this one.”

  “You always did like being on top.” It takes me a few seconds to realize what I said. As soon as I replay the words in my head, I cover my face with my hands. Myles just laughs.

  “Phrasing.” That makes me laugh even more.

  “Oh God, I can’t believe I just said that out loud.” Tears threaten to leak out of my eyes. My stomach hurts with each contraction. It’s been way too long since I’ve laughed like this. Myles is laughing too, wiping at his own eyes.

  “Only you, Tay.” Our laughs quiet down, silence falling over us as we stare at one another. Three feet separate me from the owner of my heart, only I can’t do anything about it. He doesn’t know he still has it, nor will he. Instead, I’m thankful for this moment of peace and normalcy between us.

  “Yeah.”

  Myles takes a step closer and leans against the bed. “We’re getting ready to leave in a few minutes so why don’t you unpack before our morning meeting. Kade has a schedule he makes us keep. You’ll get into the swing of things.”