Rapture (Hades Castle Trilogy Book 2)

by C. N. Crawford

  Lila stared at me, her dark eyes gleaming with tears. “I can read a bit better now. I read about the Harrower. I recognized her symbol, and I remembered seeing it here. She’s been knocking seven bells out of me. She says you will rip out my heart and throw my carcass into the moat. She likes to give me a taste of what that will feel like, with leaves in my throat, murky water in my mouth. She doesn’t feel I’m taking this particular threat seriously. If I turned into a demon, is that what you would do?”

  Dread slid over me, and an unfamiliar feeling like my heart was twisting. I lowered my eyes, trying to understand what this terrible feeling was. Shame?

  No. Guilt.

  I’d never felt guilt like this, a type of guilt I couldn’t escape. This was an entirely new and terrible feeling to me. I'd killed countless people in my time. I’d been crushed into dust, vaporized by demons in battle. I’d fallen from the heavens with my soul ripped out.

  But this was a new, unfamiliar, terrible feeling spreading through my body. I wanted to go back in time and change what I’d said. I wanted to believe her about the ghost the first time and stop this all from happening.

  “Lilith attacked you.” I reached for the side of her face, but then my fingers closed, and I pulled my hand away again. Did I have the right to touch her? I’d kept her here against her will, in isolation. Poisoned her with the pomegranate. I’d left her at the mercy of that monster Lilith. And now, by the haunted look on her face, I could see the Harrower had truly tormented her. “I should have believed you. Because I left you to her manipulations, and she got in your head. She is convincing you that you are a demon, that I will hurt you. None of that is true.”

  Lila brushed a strand of hair out of her face. “Okay. Tell me why she lived here.”

  “I was engaged to her.”

  I heard her exhale sharply.

  I glanced at the broken window, the thorny garden outside. A sharp ache wound through me, and my fists tightened. “I didn't love her. She was incapable of love, and in those days, marriages were how alliances were cemented. It was after my fall. We had been bitter enemies before my fall, but the marriage was supposed to stop the eternal wars between her kind and mine. But the night of our wedding, she drugged my tea. She sent a mortal woman to my room to try to seduce me. It didn't work, but I got the truth out of the mortal. After the seduction, she was supposed to kill me. Lilith wanted to take down the Fallen, one by one. She thought we were standing in the way of her slaughtering mortals.”

  Lila’s lip curled. “After what the mortals did to her, I suppose she would have been obsessed with revenge.”

  “What?”

  Her brow furrowed. “So you ripped out her heart, and threw her into the moat? She’s still angry about that. Very angry.”

  A sharp tendril of dread twisted through me when I thought of her. “She had a plan to raise an entire legion of demons from the earth. She wanted to kill each one of us and take over all of Albia, then beyond. She yearned to become a supreme Empress. She wanted to be worshiped, because when you have no soul, you have to fill the emptiness somehow."

  The cold wind played with Lila's hair. She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself again.

  I needed her to understand what Lilith was, that if her spirit lingered here, it was malign. That everything she said, everything she did was a lie. “She had to die for mortals to live. Someone has to do the dark and brutal work. And that person is me. That's why I was created. So when I realized that Lilith had to be destroyed in order to keep the world safe, I broke her ribs and ripped out her heart. I threw her dying body into the moat. I did what I had to do. And if I had not, she would have slaughtered every last mortal on earth who refused to worship her as a god.”

  A line formed between her eyebrows, and her eyes looked glazed. “She wanted me to know what it felt like.”

  “I should have listened to you.”

  “So you killed your last wife. You didn’t mention that when you proposed. She kept trying to warn me.” She glanced at the wall where I’d hung the drying flowers. “Now that we’re getting to know each other better, care to explain why you kept the boutonnieres?"

  I didn’t entirely know. I thought I’d kept them because they reminded me of Lila—how kind she had been to that little barefoot wretch, and how she must have been as a girl, barefoot and dirty and trying to scrape together pennies to eat. She was my emissary to the fragile, mortal world.

  I’d never before given a single flying fuck about what it must be like for mortals living in the slums. It was my job to kill the wicked, not to feed the hungry. But now, it had started to take root in my mind.

  And yet all those words seemed to catch in my throat. Perhaps because it wasn’t in my nature to care for mortals like that. I felt cleaved in two once again—but this time, it was a choice I had to make. Did I believe Lila’s warnings that she could be dangerous? Or did I believe my own instincts—that her heart, her soul were good beneath the rough exterior?

  I plucked one of the boutonnieres from the wall. I twirled it between my fingertips and said, “I thought I could improve it.”

  “You fixed up the boutonnieres because you thought you could do a better job than a child?” She took it from my hand. “Why do I feel like you’re not telling me the whole truth?”

  My smile fell. “I could ask the same question, really. Why are you so convinced you are a demon just because a malicious spirit said you were?”

  She held the boutonniere up to the light. “It wasn’t just the ghost. Mum said the same. And because I met the spirit of the Raven King. He confirmed it.”

  I stared at her, my mind roiling like a storm. “Every one of these things could be a trick. Tonight, you will sleep in my room. I’m not going to let her torment you further.”

  Lila took a step closer, peering up at me. “When the Free Men raise the Harrower from the dead, will you kill her immediately?”

  Shadows gathered in the corners of the room, darkness falling. My entire body felt cold. “Whatever happens, the Free Men will not bring her back unless they have a way to control her. I will do what I must to keep the city safe.” But with a growing sense of dread I knew that if somehow this turned out to be true—if Lila were going to turn into something dangerous—I would turn my back on my duty.

  It hit me like a fist to my throat: I needed her now. I was tied to her.

  Contrary to what I’d just said out loud, I would keep her safe first. I would protect her before I protected others. I would let the world around me burn to keep her from harm. Because she mattered more than everyone else.

  That was not how I was created. And yet here I was—falling all over again, losing myself. I knew how dangerous this was, and yet I couldn’t stop it. I was hers, and she was mine, and I had no choice in the matter.

  Lila bit her lip, looking out the window. “Let’s just hope this marriage goes better than the last time.”

  28

  Lila

  I sat on the edge of the bed in Samael’s room. This room was much smaller than his grandiose library room in Castle Hades. It was circular, with bookshelves curving around most of the walls. There were hardly any decorations in here, just a few stark, silky banners, embroidered with silver Angelic writing and symbols. Even the spines of the books seemed to lack color.

  A curving set of diamond-pane windows overlooked the moat, and the rambling ruins of an ancient church beyond that. Thorny vines grew over the stone walls, all the plants dead. Lilith would want to bring this place alive again. I guess I did, too.

  Ludd sat on the windowsill, a little calmer now.

  Nervously, I touched the acorn at my neck. I winced as I brushed my throat, where the bruises were still raw. Every time I swallowed, I grimaced at the fresh pain. If I was Lilith, how did she kick the shit out of me? I still didn’t understand. Her spirit should be in me, not lunging out of mirrors to batter me half to death.

  I rose from the bed, inspecting more of Samael’s room. To my lef
t, there was a door, and when I opened it, I found a small stone bathroom with a copper tub and a narrow mullioned window. Dusky light spilled over the simple room. I crossed back into the bedroom, trying to fight the feeling of panic still buzzing through me.

  I didn’t want it to be true. I didn’t want to be Lilith.

  A four-poster bed stood against one wall. There was nowhere else for me to sleep—not a sofa or armchair. Seemed we’d be sharing a bed.

  All this to keep me safe from … the ghost of myself. My mind was turning in knots trying to understand it all.

  In a former life, Samael had quite literally ripped out my heart. I had been in love with the Raven King. I had come back mortal, but I would soon turn into a demon again. Would I become Lilith completely—a new person?

  I stood by the curving window, peering down at the murky moat beneath me. I touched my chest. It felt hard to breathe. No matter what, it very much seemed like I was going to die. Either Samael would kill me, or I’d turn into a broken monster.

  I needed to tell Samael the rest. It wasn’t just that I was a demon. I was Lilith herself. I was scared of how he might react, but he needed to understand it.

  If I could truly be used as a dangerous weapon, one who would bring hell on earth, I should be locked up.

  As darkness gathered in the sky, I realized I’d been standing at the window for ages, going numb. When was Samael coming back? And what was he doing?

  I turned back to the bed. It smelled of Samael. I lay flat on my back, and closed my eyes.

  As soon as I did, I heard her voice whispering in my mind. You must be ready to kill him, Lila. You must find a way to get the upper hand. Seduce him now, Lila, and kill him, because he will show no mercy. You’re still mortal. You can still kill him.

  “Shut up," I snarled, touching the acorn at my neck.

  I rose from the bed and crossed back into the bathroom. I turned on the water, and steam rose into the air, clouding the window. I touched my throat again.

  I supposed it made me a little more sympathetic when I knew what humans had done to her. To the old me. I could only thank God I didn't have her memories.

  As the bath filled, I lowered myself into the hot water, letting it soothe my tense muscles. I grabbed the soap, running it over my skin. It smelled of rosemary, soothing. The dying sunlight angled into the room, glinting over the bathwater with orange hues.

  Determination began to bloom in me. There had to be an answer. I’d always found a way out of things, hadn’t I?

  "Liiiiiila….” Lilith’s singsong voice rang through the stones, and my breath caught. “Lila, dear, don't you want to see what's in store for you?"

  I touched the acorn at my neck. I guessed it wasn't working that well anymore.

  When she appeared before me, the air went out of my lungs. This time, she looked beautiful. Her hair was auburn, her eyes black as night. Her high cheekbones and lips shimmered with gold, and bracelets of the same color encircled her wrists, glittering in the dim light. She was taller than me, powerful. She wore a long white gown, like a bride, with red flowers threaded into her hair.

  I hugged my knees close to my chest. “Lilith. We must stop meeting like this.”

  She smiled at me. “Do you want to see what he’s going to do to you?”

  “I’ll tell you what I want to know. Is it true that I’m you reincarnated?”

  She nodded. “Yes, and that’s why I want to keep you safe.”

  I arched an eyebrow. “It really hasn’t felt that way.”

  Her hair began to wave around her head once more, like she was underwater. “He’s your enemy, whether you like it or not. You need to feel that viscerally.”

  I slid down deeper into the bath. “And how do I know you’re not lying?

  Her eyes were growing sunken, skin gray. “Some knowledge comes from books. Other knowledge comes from within.”

  “No,” I shot back.

  Her lip curled. “That magic you used, summoning trees and plants? That is Lilith’s magic. My magic.”

  When I closed my eyes, I could remember exactly how it had felt to fall from that window—and the flicker of betrayal that had burned in me. Somewhere, buried under layers of ice, my emotions had been alive.

  I opened my eyes, and my heart raced at the sight of blood dripping down the front of her gown from a gaping cavity in her chest.

  Her expression was anguished, panicked. She stood with hunched shoulders. “Don’t look away from me. This is your future, too, if you don’t grow a spine. When my spirit comes alive in you again, Samael will kill you. Just like he killed me. You have the chance to stop him first.”

  I felt as if the bathwater had turned murky and cold, even though steam still rose from it.

  “Come with me.” Her voice rang in my head, and I felt it down to my marrow. She was me—powerful and terrifying. The source of my magic. The reason I could call plants from the ground to murder people. She was the reason I was so connected to the Raven King. Finn had been willing to kill me before. I wonder at what point they learned the truth—who I really was.

  As if in a dream, I found myself rising from the tub, icy water dripping down my body.

  In a trance, I followed her into the bedroom. And there before me, I saw a vision of Samael, towering over me. His wings were spread out behind him, and fiery chains wrapped around his powerful body. Golden whorls slid over his cheeks, and he was reaching for my chest—

  The sound of an opening door made the image disappear again.

  Now, the real Samael was standing before me. He wasn’t wearing his cloak, just form-fitting black clothes. He’d gone eerily still, like an animal about to pounce, eyes like shards of ice as he stared at me.

  My blood was still roaring in my ears, heart still pounding.

  Samael’s gaze slowly swept down my body. And it was only when I looked down at myself that I realized I was stark naked, a small pool of bathwater at my feet. I jumped backward and grabbed a curtain to pull over myself. “I thought you were going to keep me company so the ghost didn't return.”

  Samael remained frozen in place, flames flickering in his eyes. “Did she return?"

  “That is why I’m standing here naked.”

  He arched an eyebrow.

  I didn’t want to keep this secret anymore. Mum was right. Secrets buried you alive, and I was suffocating under the strain.

  “Lilith seems to think you will end up killing me. And if what she says is true, maybe I need to be …” I trailed off. I couldn’t bring myself to finish the thought. “I need a way out of what’s going to happen. I might need you to stop me from what I’ll do.”

  At last, he moved, prowling closer to me. “I told you. She’s messing with your head. That’s what she does. You thought Finn was manipulative? Finn had nothing on Lilith. He was an idiot nephilim. She’s an ancient master of deception. Whatever she told you is probably a lie.”

  I cleared my throat. “She thinks I’m going to become a demon. I was born a mortal, but the Free Men will summon me to kill. I don’t want to do that, Samael. I don’t want to be a monster. Do you understand? Of course I don’t want you to kill me. But maybe you have to stop me.”

  He stood over me, a line between his eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”

  “You might have to chain me down if I turn evil. I’m warning you now. And I’m telling you I would rather die than be used as an instrument of the Free Men.”

  He frowned. “You won't turn evil. I am telling you that Lilith is trying to poison your thoughts.”

  “You told me," I said, "that you’re the person who does the brutal work. Have you ever heard of a demon being reincarnated? I might be the reincarnation of Lilith. Born mortal, but her memories and power will be summoned again.”

  I took a deep breath. Maybe I should tell my secrets more often. Just getting this out felt like an enormous weight off my chest. I guess I had faith in Samael to do the right thing.

  He went very still for
so long it unnerved me. His gaze slanted out the window, dusky light shining in his eyes. “Perhaps it’s possible. But I think whatever Lilith has said, you should assume it’s a lie. I’m just going to hazard a guess that she wants you to seduce me and kill me. And it hasn’t occurred to you that maybe she’s using you to get revenge on me?”

  I stared at him for a long time, clutching the curtain hard, knuckles white. What was the truth here? Lilith had wanted me to seduce him and kill him. “She’s convincing. It’s all very dramatic. There is a lot of blood and water and theatrics.”

  His features softened. “I have no doubt. But if she had a soul, and that soul were inside you, she wouldn’t be appearing as a ghost, would she? Her soul would inhabit you.”

  My grip loosed on the curtain. “Well, I did wonder about that. I’m just not certain of anything.”

  “I will assign some of my most discreet spies to research demon reincarnation, if you like.”

  I swallowed hard, hoping more than anything that he was right. “I think it’s a good idea. And maybe we should wait on the wedding until you know whether or not I’m going to turn into a monster. I mean, you don’t know for sure.”

  He studied me carefully, his pale eyes gleaming with a divine innocence. “No. I don’t think I want to wait. In fact, maybe this will help prove to you how little mind I’m paying to the cautionary words of Lilith’s ghost: I think we should marry tomorrow night. If you will accept someone mediocre.”

  At least he had faith in me. “If you’ll accept any old mortal like me. And as soon as we marry, you become king,” I said. “A leader of the Fallen.”

  He went quiet for so long I was wondering if I’d said something wrong.

  His gaze searched mine. “Out of the two of us, I think if someone were going to turn evil, it would most likely be me.”