From the Heart

by Nora Roberts

  “Jordan!”

  Beatrice’s voice broke through the quiet. Jordan drew his mouth from Kasey’s without hurry.

  “Mother.” He glanced up, keeping an arm around Kasey.

  “Back so soon?”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Why, I’m swimming,” he told her easily. “And kissing Kasey. Was there something you wanted?”

  “You’re aware that we have servants who could wander out here at any time?”

  “Yes. Was there something else?”

  Beatrice’s eyes flared, but she kept her dignity. Kasey was forced to admire her for it. “Harry Rhodes phoned. He needs to see you in an hour on business. He says it’s quite important.”

  “All right. Thank you.”

  “You’ve made her angry, Jordan,” Kasey commented when Beatrice left them.

  “I’ll probably make her a good deal angrier,” he mused. It was time for some changes, he thought. Some definite changes. The house was his inheritance, but it might be wise to turn it over to her and take Alison elsewhere. And Kasey . . . Kasey was something else. Well, they had the whole night to talk about it, he decided and pulled her close again. “If you’re ready when I get back from talking to Harry, we can start early.”

  “Talk fast,” Kasey told him.

  Kasey had just dried her hair when the knock came at her bedroom door. “Come in.” She opened her closet. The green dress again tonight? she wondered and pulled it out. “Hello, Millicent.”

  The maid hovered in the doorway. “Miss . . .” Millicent folded her hands in front of her and looked uncomfortable. “Mrs. Taylor would like to see you—in her sitting room.”

  “Now?” Kasey fingered the material of the dress she held.

  “Yes, please.”

  I might as well get it over with, she thought and hung the dress back in the closet. It was going to be unpleasant. If she hadn’t known it already, the maid’s face told everything.

  “All right, I’ll go right now.”

  Millicent cleared her throat. “I’m to take you.”

  Kasey sighed. She could hardly blame the maid. “Lead on,” she invited, and followed her.

  Millicent knocked on Beatrice’s door, turned the knob, then hurried away. Kasey took one last deep breath and entered.

  “Mrs. Taylor?”

  “Come in, Miss Wyatt.” Beatrice never turned from her ivory toned desk. “And shut the door.”

  Kasey obeyed and found herself itching for a cigarette. The room was oppressive and, she thought, as difficult to live with as the woman. “What can I do for you, Mrs. Taylor?”

  “Sit down, Miss Wyatt.” She waved her hand toward an Edwardian chair. “It’s time we had a chat.”

  Kasey seated herself and awaited the inevitable.

  “You’ve stretched your time here as far as possible.” Beatrice turned to her now and folded her hands on the desk.

  “Are you concerned with Jordan’s research, Mrs. Taylor?” You can’t hurt me today, she told herself. It’s my last one. “Why don’t you tell me just what’s on your mind, Mrs. Taylor, and spare us both,” she said aloud.

  “I’ve checked your credentials.” Beatrice tapped a gold pen against the desk. It was her only outward sign of emotion. “You seem to be considered an expert in your field.”

  “You checked up on me.” Kasey could feel the anger rising and tried to stem it.

  “In doing so, I learned you’re Samuel Wyatt’s granddaughter. I’m slightly acquainted with his daughter, your aunt. There was quite a scandal years back concerning you. A very unfortunate affair.” She tapped the pen again. “A pity you didn’t stay with your aunt rather than being raised by your grandfather.”

  “Please.” Kasey’s voice had lowered. “Don’t make me angry.”

  Beatrice noted she had cracked Kasey’s calm. That had been her first objective. “You weren’t in your paternal grandfather’s will.”

  “You have done your share of checking.”

  “I’m a very thorough woman, Miss Wyatt.”

  “But not one to quickly come to the point.”

  “The point, then,” Beatrice agreed. “Apparently you’re financially solvent but hardly . . .”

  “Loaded?” Kasey suggested.

  “In your vernacular,” Beatrice conceded. “Your stay here has been a very lucrative arrangement for you. It’s quite understandable that you would pursue the possibilities of future rewards by ingratiating yourself with Jordan and with Alison.”

  “Future rewards?” Kasey felt the burning start in the pit of her stomach.

  “I didn’t think I’d need to be graphic.” Beatrice set down the pen and folded her hands again. “Jordan is a very wealthy man. Alison will come into a very healthy inheritance at maturity.”

  “I see.” Kasey struggled to keep her hands still. “You’re implying that I hope to benefit financially by developing a relationship with Jordan and Alison.” She gave Beatrice a long, level look. “You’re a hard lady, Mrs. Taylor. Doesn’t it occur to you that I’d care about them regardless of the size of their bankbooks?”

  “No.” Beatrice let the word hang a moment. “I’ve dealt with your type before. Alison’s mother was one, but my son wouldn’t listen. He chose to marry her over my objections and move halfway across the country. Of course,” she said as she sat back and eyed Kasey, “the problem is different in this case. Jordan has no intention of marrying you. He’s satisfied with an affair. Again, in your vernacular, you overplayed your hand.”

  Kasey wanted to throw something. She wanted to rip some holes in the perfection of white that surrounded her. She sat rigid with control. “I’m aware of the boundaries of my relationship with Jordan, Mrs. Taylor. I always have been. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

  “I’m not going to tolerate you under my roof any longer. Your influence on Alison will take months to repair.”

  “A lifetime, I hope.” Kasey rose. She had to get out of that room. “You’re never going to fit her into that mold again. She’s outgrown it.”

  “Jordan has custody of Alison.”

  It was the tone, not the words, that halted Kasey. She felt a quick thrill of fear. “Yes.”

  Beatrice turned a bit in her chair so she might face Kasey directly. “If you don’t leave today, this afternoon, I’ll be forced, for Alison’s sake, to sue him for custody of her.”

  “That’s absurd.” The fear came back, doubled in force. She felt the cold hit her skin. “No court would give you custody over Jordan.”

  “Perhaps, perhaps not.” Beatrice moved her shoulders elegantly. “But you know how distressing a court battle can be, particularly when there’s a child involved. Suing on the grounds of immoral conduct would make it particularly unpleasant.”

  “He’s your son.” The words came out as barely a whisper. “You couldn’t do that to him. To Alison. Jordan’s done nothing to hurt her; he never would.”

  “Alison requires protection.” She gave Kasey a cool glance. “So does Jordan.”

  “Protection? You mean manipulation, don’t you?” She crossed back to Beatrice. She had to be dreaming. But not even her nightmare hurt this acutely. “You wouldn’t do this to them. You couldn’t. She’s just a child. She loves him.” She wouldn’t cry in front of this woman. “You don’t have anything to gain from this. You don’t love Alison the way Jordan does. You don’t need her. If you could understand what it’s like to be fought over this way, you wouldn’t do it.”

  Beatrice took a small breath. “The choice is up to you.”

  It was incredible, impossible, but Kasey saw she meant every word she said. “I was going tomorrow,” she said quietly. “I’m not worth it, Mrs. Taylor.”

  “Today, before Jordan returns. You’re to say nothing of this to him.”

  “Today,” Kasey agreed. There were tears in her voice; she couldn’t prevent them. She struggled to keep them from her eyes. “Today, because I’m capable of something you’re not. Of lovi
ng them both enough to give them what they need. Each other.”

  Beatrice turned her back again. “Millicent will have your bags packed by now, and Charles will drive you wherever you’d like to go.” She opened her checkbook. “I’m willing to compensate you for your discretion and for your inconvenience, Miss Wyatt—”

  Kasey’s hand slammed down on the checkbook and cut her off. Beatrice looked up in surprise.

  “Don’t press your luck,” Kasey whispered. “I gave you my word. It’s free.” She lifted her hand slowly and straightened. “There’ll come a time when you’ll have to deal with what you did today. You’ve lost more than I ever had, Mrs. Taylor.”

  She made it out the door, then nearly doubled over with the pain. She needed time, a few moments, to pull herself back together. She still had to see Alison. She wouldn’t leave without saying good-bye to her. Let me find the right words. Kasey moved down the hall like a sleepwalker. Don’t let me cry in front of Alison.

  The sharp flash of pain had left her numb. She reached for the knob of Alison’s door with nerveless fingers.

  “Kasey!” Alison glanced up. The puppy was curled on the bedspread while Alison sat with him plucking at her guitar. “I learned a new song. Shall I play it for you?”

  “Alison.” Kasey came to sit beside her.

  “What’s wrong?” The child’s forehead creased as she studied Kasey. “You look funny.”

  “Alison. You remember I told you that someday I’d have to go.” She saw the look in the child’s eyes and touched her cheek. “It’s someday, Alison.”

  “No.” She set the guitar aside and grabbed Kasey’s hand. “You don’t have to. You could stay.”

  “I explained it to you before. Remember? About my job?”

  “You don’t want to stay?” The tears were starting. Kasey felt a moment of panic.

  “Alison, it’s not a matter of wanting. I can’t.”

  “You could. You could if you wanted to.”

  “Alison, look at me.” Kasey was on the edge and knew it. But there was no leaving her this way. “Sometimes people can’t do exactly what they want. I love you, Alison, but I have to go.”

  “What will I do?” It was almost a wail as she threw her arms around Kasey’s neck.

  “You have Jordan. And I’ll write you, I promise. Maybe in the summer you can visit. Like we talked about before.”

  “The summer’s months and months away.”

  Kasey hugged her tight, then drew her back. “Sometimes time goes quickly.” She slipped the gold band from her finger and pressed it into Alison’s hand. “This is for you. Whenever you think I don’t love you anymore, you can look at it and remember I do.” Rising, she walked to the doorway. The pain was festering, and her time was running out.

  “Alison . . .” She turned back with her hand on the knob. “Tell Jordan I . . .” She shook her head and opened the door. “Just take care of him for me.”

  There was only one small light on in her hotel room, but even that hurt her eyes. Kasey couldn’t summon the energy to walk over and switch it off. The weeping had drained her, left her sick and empty. She could hear the sounds of celebration from other rooms.

  It was nearly midnight.

  I should be with him now, Kasey thought. I should have had this one last night. What did he think when he came back and found me gone? Gone without a word. He’ll never understand. He can’t ever understand, she reminded herself. Will he be hurt or just angry? She shook her head. It was no use speculating. It was over.

  She heard the rattle of a key and turned. When Jordan walked in, she said nothing. Her thoughts were drowned in pain and shock.

  “You should use a chain when you want to shut someone out, Kasey.” He tossed the key onto a table. “Keys are easy enough to come by. Twenty dollars and a good story buys one. You know all about good stories.”

  She sat exactly where she was. Beatrice’s threat cut off her impulse to run into his arms. “How did you find me?”

  “Charles.” He turned and fastened on the chain. “Though I had to visit a few bars to find him. He had the night off.”

  “You seem to have put the time to good use.” He’d been drinking, she noted, if not heavily, enough to show. She had to keep calm. Her hands were beginning to shake, and she curled her fingers around the edge of the dresser behind her.

  Jordan glanced around the small hotel room. “You didn’t choose the Hyatt, I see.”

  “No.” There were going to be angry words, hard words. Kasey rose and reached for a cigarette. “Isn’t that ridiculous? Hotels are always leaving matches everywhere, and I can’t find one.” She caught her breath when he gripped her arms and spun her around.

  “Why did you leave?”

  “I had to leave sometime, Jordan.” Her voice tightened with pain as his fingers dug into her skin. “We both know the research was finished.”

  “Research?” If he didn’t keep his fingers tight, he was afraid he’d strike her. She’d hurt him more than he had known he could be hurt. She had opened him up for the pain. He gave her a savage shake. “Is that all there is between us?”

  She was beginning to tremble all over, but he didn’t seem to notice. She had never seen him like this—brutal, furious. She wished he would hit her if that would bring a quick end to it.

  “Damn you.” He shook her again, nearly lifting her off her feet. “Couldn’t you at least have faced me with it? Did you have to leave behind my back, without a word?”

  Kasey gripped the dresser edge again. The sickness was rising back to her throat. “It’s better this way, Jordan. I—”

  “Better?” The word exploded from him. Kasey jumped. “For whom? If you didn’t have the decency to think of me, what about Alison?”

  That was almost too much to bear. Kasey closed her eyes a moment. “I thought of Alison, Jordan. You must believe I thought of Alison.”

  “How can I believe anything you say? She was devastated. Look at me.” He took her hair and pulled her head back. “I spent an hour holding her while she cried trying to make her understand what I couldn’t.”

  “I did what I had to do.” Her head was beginning to spin. She had to make him leave, and quickly. “Jordan, you’ve had too much to drink.” Her voice was amazingly calm now. “And you’re hurting me. I want you to go.”

  “You said you loved me.”

  Kasey swallowed and straightened. “I changed my mind.” She watched the color drain from his face.

  “Changed your mind?” The words came slowly, with no understanding.

  “That’s right. Now go and leave me alone. I’ve a plane to catch in the morning.”

  “Bitch.” He whispered the word as he dragged her against him. “I’ll go when I’m finished. We still have a date.”

  “No.” She struggled against him in quick panic. “No, Jordan.”

  “We’ll finish what you started,” he told her. “Here. Now.”

  And his mouth was on hers, cutting off her protest. Kasey pushed against him, wild with fear. Would even this be taken from her—the memories of the joy of loving him, being loved by him. He was dragging her toward the bed, and she fought, but he was strong and senseless with rage. What are we doing to each other? Her mind dimmed as he ripped the shirt from her shoulders. His hands were everywhere, pulling, tearing her clothes as she struggled against him.

  The memory of Beatrice’s calm, cool face floated behind her eyes. I won’t let you do this to us.

  Kasey stopped struggling. Under Jordan’s mouth, hers softened and surrendered. I can give you this, she told him silently and felt her panic subside. One last night. She hasn’t taken it from us, after all. She stopped thinking and let herself love.

  14

  Kasey awoke to full, blinding light. She moaned in automatic protest and rolled over. Her hand touched the emptiness beside her. She opened her eyes. He was gone. She struggled to sit up, scanning the room quickly for some sign of Jordan. When she laid her hand on the pillow beside
hers, she found it cool.

  When had he gone? She remembered only that they had loved each other again and again in the night, in desperation and in silence. She thought he had slept, was certain they had had a few hours of total peace together. She needed to know they had.

  No one could take those last hours from her. If there hadn’t been tenderness, there had been need. He won’t hurt anymore. Her last hope was that the night would have purged the pain from him, if not his anger. She doubted Jordan would ever forgive her for her method of ending it. Kasey rose from the bed. She still had a plane to catch.

  When she saw the note on the dresser, she stared at it. It might be better not to read it, to pretend she hadn’t seen it. What could he say to her now that wouldn’t bring the pain flooding back? But she reached for it before she could stop herself. She opened it and read:

  Kasey,

  An apology for last night would mean little, but I have nothing else to offer. Anger is no excuse for what happened. I can only tell you I regret it more than anything I’ve ever done.

  I’m leaving you a check for your services of the last month. I hope you realize what you’ve given me, because I don’t have the words to tell you.

  Jordan

  Kasey read the letter through once, then again. She’d been right to think it would bring pain. She crumpled it in her hand, then dropped it on the floor. Regret it, she thought and slowly picked up the check that had been laid beneath the note. She was cold now. She had little emotion left to spend. Briskly she scanned the amount and gave a quick laugh.

  “Generous, Jordan. You’re a generous man.” She tore the check methodically into tiny pieces and let them drift to the floor. “That ought to drive your accountant crazy.” She wasn’t going to cry again. There weren’t any tears left. With a shuddering sigh, Kasey reached for a cigarette.

  “Montana,” she decided all at once. “Montana will have six feet of snow and be cold as hell.” Now wasn’t the time to go home, she thought. It would be too easy to fall apart at home. Dashing to the phone, Kasey prepared to change her plans.