Documentary

by Sand, A. J.

  “Uh…I was actually hoping that I could just walk you to class…” Kai said with his eyebrows raised as he sauntered up next to her. “But if you insist…” He was smiling. At her. A blast of heat exploded all over Dylan’s skin and she laughed nervously.

  “Oh. Hi. Sure,” Dylan said because they were the only words she could speak while thinking about how it was possible that Kai White was strolling alongside her like it was completely normal for the two of them to be doing so. Then, she blushed. “Sure about the walking, not the, um, other thing. Even though I know you were joking.”

  Kai grinned. “What was that about?” he asked, lifting his chin at her cell still clutched in her hand. Dylan’s gaze bounced down to her own hand for a few seconds to remind herself of what she had been doing before he ambushed her as a companion.

  Dylan twisted her face in annoyance, directed at the not-present Kate, as she shoved her phone back into her bag. “Oh, my school has this tradition called the ‘Screw Your Roommate’ dance, and it’s when one of your friends or your roommate sets you up on a blind date with someone with the help of their roommate. The two of them pick complementary costumes for you to wear, and you have to use your costume as a clue to figure out who your date is at the dance. Most of the time they set you up with someone they know you’re going to have a good time with but, occasionally, they play a trick.”

  Kai, who had been laughing before she even started the explanation, was laughing harder than before. Dylan was already starting to like the way it sounded and that he was doing it because of her.

  “What’s so funny?“ she asked, bumping him with her elbow. She got sheepish immediately. She was used to doing that with her friends out of habit, and they barely knew each other, but he hardly seemed bothered by the contact.

  “That’s a really misleading name for a dance,” Kai said, turning his body toward her slightly when he spoke. They crossed through the pedestrian gate at CSFC and moved toward the center of campus. She was amazed that Kai had actually walked back with her, and in such a non-celebrity fashion, without bodyguards or an entourage or anything to draw any attention to himself.

  “Well, Kate is going to screw me in a way I won’t like,” Dylan said, laughing lightly. “She said she found my costume, and now I’m scared. She claims I agreed to this a while back.” Dylan sighed. “No memory of this occurring.” And that was because it probably hadn’t. It sounded like a concerted effort between her friends to get her back into CSFC’s social scene.

  “Are you gonna go?” Kai asked.

  Dylan shrugged with one shoulder. “Doubt it. It was fun freshman year, but it’s not really my thing anymore.” Disappointment crept in when she neared the building where her class was held. She stopped at a bench in front of it and dropped her bag to the seat. “Well, this is my stop.”

  “Oh.” Kai looked from her to the stucco structure in front of them, and she could’ve sworn she saw disappointment in his eyes, too. “If it’s any consolation, I can’t imagine the guy feeling like he got screwed. I can see him being pretty cool with it,” Kai said, still flashing that amazing smile at her. “Thanks for letting me walk you.”

  “Thanks for walking me,” she said as she heaved her bag back onto her shoulder. Kai waved before he turned to go. Dylan sighed. The wait to find out whether she got the job was going to be excruciating.

  Confusion – Chapter 3

  A week passed without a single word from Nina or Kai, but the job was all Dylan could think about, mixed in with a few memories of Kai that wiggled their way into her head when she was in a class, and she found herself smiling for no other reason. On the weekend during her morning run, she decided to tell her parents about it. She had thought about waiting until she had a definitive ‘yes,’ if it came, but who knew when that would be. Getting the job would mean not going home for Christmas, which she was guiltily okay with. A first Christmas with an incomplete family, a puzzle piece that would never be put in place, was not something she was ready for. After her shower, she realized that the dining hall would close soon, so she grabbed her keys and dashed out of the dorm, pressing out an email as she went. A sense of dread rose up from the pit of her stomach, mushrooming immensely until it hit her heart.

  “Mac, it’s crazy how you kind of foresaw that something awesome was going to happen to me. How do you always manage to be right? I’m sure you would’ve cracked up at how nervous I was around Kai White, but I pulled it off. I love you.” Dylan’s finger hovered over the ‘send’ key. There was a place to send it, Mac’s email account had never been closed, but she would never get a response anyway. She knew she needed to let go of this morbid habit, but it was a hard one to break. They had been texting each other hours before the seizure in the hospital that led to the coma he would never wake up from. There were just too many words left to say, and the things she wanted to tell him never lessened, they only multiplied until she thought she would scream. She was sort of embarrassed of it too, so she never told anyone. Typing to him usually helped her calm down. She saved the message as a draft, like she always did. As the choking feeling subsided, she dialed her house.

  “Hey, Dyl.” Her sister Taylor picked up after two rings. Her little sister was a sophomore in high school and Dylan’s physical twin, except for the light brown eyes that Taylor shared with Mac and their dad.

  “Tay, is Mom or Dad there?”

  “Mom is. Hold on.” Taylor noisily put the phone down. Dylan waved to a few people she knew from her floor who were still lingering in the nearly desolate dining hall as she stacked up on the bare assortment of fruits left. Even though they weren’t supposed to take food out of the buffet service-style dining hall, the staff usually tolerated people doing so with fruit. After swiping her student ID card with the cashier, she found a quiet place outside to sit just as both her mom and Taylor returned to the phone. Taylor was nosy that way.

  “Hey, Mom, how are you?” That question had taken on a different meaning in the aftermath of Mac’s death. Dylan bit off a large chunk of banana to quell the pinching gloom in her chest.

  “I’m great, sweetheart,” her mom said as cheerily as she could. It sounded a little forced. “How are you?”

  “I’m good. I was calling to tell you and Dad some good news. Professor Jordan got me this amazing job for over the break. Well, I don’t have it yet. But I interviewed for it and I think it went really well.”

  “That’s amazing, Dyl,” her mom said with so much delight that Dylan had to pull the phone away from her ear. “How long?”

  “Well, it’s going to be over the entire break. I’d miss Christmas though…” She winced, expecting another earful that wasn’t quite as positive. She hoped her mother wouldn’t push the issue. It would be unfair to bring up, but Dylan had been so active in planning Mac’s funeral, ironically because it had kept her mind off his death, and all that time spent driving back and forth to the funeral home, and picking up a suit and the service programs, had left her hometown feeling like a foreign place. She didn’t want to go back for all those weeks. She’d go for Thanksgiving, but the longer she had to be in that house, the more she’d focus on his irreparable absence.

  Her mom gasped like a wind gust. “What? Your Meemah is coming all the way from Austin this year. She’ll be so disappointed. Dylan, I don’t know about this.”

  Her Meemah came every year, so she figured this was beyond just a visiting grandma. Her mom had broken down in tears at the airport when they had dropped Dylan off for her return to school. That had never happened before. “I know, Mom, but it’s a huge opportunity. I would be working with this singer named Kai White—”

  “Kai White?” Taylor was screaming. Her voice invaded Dylan’s ear and hammered through her ear canal. “Holy crap. Kai White? Like the Kai White?”

  “Who is that?” Mom said, but she was muffled which meant she was really asking Taylor. Dylan tried to jump in, but Taylor commandeered the explanation.

  “Mom, he plays the guitar and
sings in this really sexy voice. He’s kind of a hot head though, and he sleeps around a lot. He’s a ho.”

  “Don’t use that word, Taylor.” Their mother huffed in offense. “How do you know he does that, Tay? Have you seen him sleep around? Checked out his bed? And so what if he does?”

  Taylor huffed back. “Mom, he does. You know that one show I’m always watching? All the girls on it. All of them.” Taylor was grating her nerves, and Dylan had to fight the impulse to defend Kai. It felt personal.

  “Anyway, Dylan…what will you be doing if you get it?” her mom asked.

  “Mom, he’s slept with a bunch of actresses. Name an actress. Name any actress,” Taylor ordered. “Any one. Go for it.”

  “Taylor, this is inappropriate,” their mom countered. Their parents had been very candid with them about certain topics growing up, like sex and drugs, but she probably didn’t want to chat right then about a complete stranger’s love life.

  Dylan pressed the keys on her cell phone to redirect the conversation. “I’ll be filming a web series starring him. Not as an assistant, but actually filming and writing, and it’ll be my thing to do.”

  “Mom, name an actress. Come on…” Taylor’s demand was growing more and more petulant. She was the baby and it usually worked on their parents. But to Dylan, it seemed to have intensified in the wake of Mac’s death. “Name anyone. I bet you he’s slept with her. Just do it. Please.”

  Their mom sighed in defeat. “Sorry, Dyl. Fine. Meryl Streep.”

  Dylan burst out laughing, launching a piece of banana out of her mouth.

  “Oh my God, Mom. Meryl Streep? Seriously, Mom? Meryl Streep?” Taylor was angry now, which made Dylan laugh even harder.

  “You said to name any actress,” their mom answered. She barely got the sentence out without a teasing chuckle. “That’s the actress that came to mind. And she’s a beautiful lady.”

  “She is, but she’s—”

  “If you say ‘old,’ I will ground you so help me.”

  Dylan groaned and pushed the keys again until they got quiet.

  “Dyl, if you do that again, I’m going to fu—”

  “Taylor Price Carroll!!” Their mom’s tone was serious now, and it edged up as a warning to Taylor.

  “I was just going to say that I’m going to forget to buy you a Christmas present,” Taylor whispered timidly. A notification buzz on the phone startled Dylan when it hit her ear. Was it the email? She didn’t want to check while on the phone. Her pulse quickened. This was how she had been reacting every time her phone made a sound.

  “Mom, I really want to go.”

  Her mom sighed. Their parents had never been clingy before Mac died, and they had all pledged to adjust as seamlessly as possible without uprooting or changing each other’s lives more than they had been forced to by the loss. But theory and practice were often polar extremes.

  Dylan peeled her second banana and bit it in half, waiting for a particular, resistant tone from her mother that she disliked. If it came out, which it did rarely, only a limited amount of persuading could undo it. She had only heard it two other times before: 1) when she got invited to Kent Barkley’s middle school co-ed sleepover and 2) after her request to stay out overnight at a hotel with her high school boyfriend following prom.

  “I suppose. And it is for your future.”

  “Really?” Dylan and Taylor said in unison.

  “She gets to go, just like that?” Taylor asked with mild spite.

  “Well…yes, I guess so. Yes.” The words seemed to have come out faster than her mother had processed them, but once the full statement had landed, she was okay with it. “Yes but, Dylan, can we have a bigger family discussion about it? With your dad?”

  Dylan pumped her fist in triumph. He was the easy one. “Okay, Mom. Thanks. Definitely. Tell Daddy I love him,” Dylan said as another buzz went off in her ear. Maybe that one was really the email she wanted.

  “Really? She just gets to go? You said no to Candice’s party, Mom,” Taylor said, growing more disgruntled. “Her house is ten minutes away—”

  “Love you, kiddo. Be safe. Let us know how it goes.”

  “Love you, Mom. Love you, Tay.”

  “Love you back, Dildo.”

  “Taylor Price—”

  Dylan hung up, laughing softly. When she lowered the phone, she saw that the number of emails in her inbox had increased. Her cowardly decision was to wait until she was back in her room before finding out what the new ones were. She would know about the job one way or the other pretty soon, so she could put it off for another few minutes. She jogged to stay warm and was thrilled for the blast of sun on her shoulders when the clouds passed.

  Dylan’s heart was racing when she walked into her room. City Apartments was the coveted two-bedroom apartment-styled dorm that provided the best of both worlds. She and Grace had more personal privacy than a dorm room—more space to stay out of each other’s way, and the college had provided all the furniture—but the camaraderie and social life of the building still resembled the dormitories she had lived in previously. This was the first year she hadn’t been on a dorm committee, and people who lived in City Apartments and who remembered her participation in other dorms were always lauding her for the social and group events she had put together back then. She had decided not to participate this year to focus on school.

  Entering her private room, she pressed her back against the door. Her stomach bubbled uncomfortably; the sudden pain was gripping. Dylan opened her email inbox and sucked in a breath when she saw the unread message from Nina Sanchez. Dylan reassured herself that the “uninterview” with Kai had gone spectacularly well. Best-case scenario, she had the job. Worst-case scenario, she was in a tie with someone else and there would be a gladiator-style fight to the death. She held her breath when she read the email, her stomach tightening more with each word. She read it over and over, until the intelligible language turned to Gobbledygook. Then, she bawled.

  Professor Jordan offered Dylan a supportive smile at nearly every pause she took in her lecture, but Dylan was already trying her best to nurse the disappointment of not getting the job back to hopefulness for something bigger. So maybe it wouldn’t be in Hawaii and on a music tour, but it was one job and it was replaceable (hopefully), right? She would have the chance at another opportunity, even if it turned out to be just an internship. D.C. was a great place of possibilities and the location would work for over the holiday break, but deep down, she knew getting over the trip wasn’t going to be the hardest part. Kai was nice and far more down to earth than she had imagined. She couldn’t stop thinking about him.

  Also, she was still haunted by Nina’s email to her. Although you exhibited exceptional skill, I regret to inform you that you were not selected for the web series director position. Thank you for applying, the stock words had said. She had known going in that she was the underdog, but now the sting of elimination was taking some time to recede. Why had she gotten her hopes up about it? She had let herself get wrapped up in the little time she spent with Kai White and created a situation in her mind where it had mattered to him, too. Oh well, other opportunities would come. Kai won’t be there though.

  “Now, we’re going to watch The Fall of the Romanov Dynasty—” The entire class turned toward the open classroom door when a gaggle of excited students reached the second floor landing, which their classroom faced. Professor Jordan pressed her lips together in frustration until they bleached over as she waited for the noise to pass. It was the third interruption in fifteen minutes from students coming in from the quad. Something was going on out there.

  Their classroom didn’t have windows so the open door helped to keep air flowing, and Professor Jordan also kept it open so that the sound of the door opening and closing when students had to step out wouldn’t become a nuisance.

  Dylan read the waiting G-chat message on her computer screen from Winslow. “Would Kate be okay with Ryan coming to my T’giving shindig, you think
?”

  “I can’t say for sure. She was pissed at him the last time I asked how he was,” she replied. Winslow was throwing a pre-holiday party because she was staying on campus for Thanksgiving, even though both Kate and Dylan had repeatedly offered her room at their homes, but she had insisted on remaining. Dylan knew that it was a question of finances—and pride about finances—so she didn’t push the issue. Winslow could be stubborn sometimes. At least she was going to her husband’s family’s house for part of the Christmas break.

  “Fuck it. I’m just going to uninvite him. LOL,” Winslow typed.

  “Do you know what’s going on in the quad?” The entire classroom’s interest was piqued, but no one dared leave Jordan’s lecture to investigate the commotion.

  “Nope. Still in my apt.”

  Dylan had a limited view of the outside from her seat through the tiny windows that ran across the front of the building on the wall above the staircase, but they only allowed access to a view of the building across the quad. She didn’t bother to try Kate, who was always online, but kept her status at “busy.” She rarely responded to chat prompts during classes.

  “This film dates back to 1927, so you’ll actually be forced to pay attention with your eyes because it’s silent, so you can’t rely on your ears as you G-chat or read Perez Hilton through it. Next class period, we’ll discuss whether Shub broke any rules of documentary filming—even though in this case she was using already existing footage—in her depiction of Czar Nicholas II’s relationship with the people he ruled over. And it will be part of the final.” The class, as expected, groaned.

  Professor Jordan tinkered with the large electronic display that controlled the projection screen, pushing a few buttons. More students trickled up the stairs, speaking as though classes weren’t in session. “Well, at least we have something of a soundtrack.” The class offered feeble laughter in unison. Someone got up and switched the lights off. On her computer, Dylan broke the news to Winslow that she had to take notes.