Rebecca studied his eyes as he spoke. “Why would I want to wait for any of that?” she said, reaching up to touch his face. “I would’ve married you the day you showed up in Boston.”
He grinned. “I would’ve married you the day you showed up at the ranch in your sneakers.”
They laughed and shared a soft, lingering kiss before Rebecca drew back. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too,” he assured her. “That’s why I’m always going to take care of you.”
Chapter 29
The screech of a low-flying seagull brought Alec back to the present. He wasn’t sitting in a restaurant in Las Vegas with his future wife; he was standing on a shoreline in Oregon, wondering if he’d lost her for good. The sun was making a steady descent toward the horizon, filling the sky with a thousand shades of orange and gold.
For the first time in a long time, he took a minute to admire it. Then he turned and stepped away from the water, making his way through the cool sand. At some point Shania had produced a worn blanket from her Jeep, and she sat on it now, sending him a dejected smile as he approached.
“Welcome back.”
Alec mirrored her smile as he took a seat beside her. “Ever notice how this scene keeps repeating itself?”
“What do you mean?”
“You and me, sitting on a beach trying to make sense of life.” He reached down and scooped up a handful of sand. “We’ve been doing this for thirty years.”
Shania gave a mirthless laugh. “You’d think by now we’d have something figured out.”
He was silent for a moment, watching the sand filter through his fist. A gust of wind whistled in from across the waves, carrying the grains right out of his grasp.
“I don’t have anything figured out,” he admitted. “The only thing I know for certain is that this has been the worst year of my life. I just barely got over losing my father. If I’m going to lose Rebecca, now, too…”
He forced himself to meet Shania’s gaze. “I’d have nothing left. If she leaves me, there’d be no reason to go on.”
She cringed. “Alec, don’t talk like that–”
“It’s true. She’s the only thing that matters. I’ve been thinking so long and so hard about our future and all the things we’ll be able to do once we’re free of the ranch. But what I forgot is that she still needs me in the meantime.” It was his turn to cringe. “I wish I’d had the clarity to tell her that. Now it’s probably too late.”
Shania didn’t respond right away. “You seem so certain that she wants to leave you,” she said softly. “But don’t you think you’re overlooking the other possibility?”
“What’s that?”
She pulled her knees to her chest. “You were talking about forgiveness earlier, remember? Let’s say you get home and find out that she has been with Tommy. But what if she realizes that it was a mistake? What if you walk through the door and she tells you everything and begs you to forgive her? Would you do it?”
For such a loaded question, it only took Alec a second to respond.
“I would,” he said. “Because I’m the one who pushed her away. I let everything else get in the way of us, so I wouldn’t have anyone to blame but myself.” His shoulders sagged. “Talk about history repeating itself.”
“What do you mean?”
“I did the same thing to you, didn’t I?”
She nodded.
“And what did it feel like?”
Shania didn’t divert her gaze. “It hurt like hell.”
She said it gently, but her tone did nothing to dull the sting of her words. Alec bowed his head and buried his face in his hands, as if he could hide himself from the truth.
“But at least in my case it only happened once,” she added. “You made your choice and I left and that was the end of it. But she’s your wife, Alec. She’s the one person on earth that you vowed to share your life with. How can you possibly do that if you won’t even share yourself?”
Out of nowhere, hot tears welled in Alec’s eyes. He hadn’t cried in months–not since the days following his father’s funeral–but right now he couldn’t help it.
He’d been so sure that he was doing the right thing by not burdening Rebecca with his feelings. Now he realized that it was the worst possible thing he could have done. He’d kept her at arm’s length, when what he should have done was wrap his arms around her and never let her go.
Shania placed a comforting hand on his shoulder but said nothing as he struggled to regain his composure. “This is the problem,” he said, angrily swiping the tears from his cheeks. “If I open up to her, this is exactly what she’s going to get…a sorry, pathetic, broken-down mess. I can’t let her see me like this.”
“Why not?”
Her question caught Alec off-guard. “What do you mean?”
“Why can’t you let her see you like this? This is real, Alec. This isn’t some façade you’ve been putting up since your father died.”
“You don’t understand, Shania. I have to put up that façade. It’s the only way I can stay strong for her.”
She gave him a pointed look. “And you think she can’t see right through your act?”
He grimaced and started to turn away, but Shania reached for his face. “Alec, look at me,” she said sternly, forcing him to hold her gaze. “You’re not going to like what I’m about to tell you, but you need to hear it. Your wife didn’t run to Tommy because he was stronger than you. She didn’t run to him because he had something you were lacking. She ran to him because he was there when you weren’t.”
Alec was grateful for her warning, because her words were undoubtedly the cruelest truths anyone had ever spoken to him. Shania seemed to realize that and immediately softened her tone.
“There is a time to be strong,” she assured him. “But there’s also a time to drop the pretense and just be yourself. Even if you’re afraid. Even if it scares you to death, you have to try. Because that’s all she wants, Alec. That’s what she needs from you more than anything else. And if at first all you are is a broken-down mess, then so be it. My guess is that she’ll be more than willing to help you pick up the pieces.”
*
After a few restless hours on the couch, Alec pushed off the blanket and rose to his feet. It would be daybreak soon, so he might as well get on his way. He had a nine-hundred-mile drive ahead of him…and that was sure to be the easiest part of his day.
He walked over to the bedroom door and gave a quiet knock. When there was no response, he silently pushed it open. Shania was sound asleep, her long black hair splayed across her pillow.
Alec approached the bed and reached out to touch her shoulder. “I’m going to start heading back.”
Shania stirred and squinted an eye open. “What time is it?”
“It’s early.”
She pushed herself to her elbows. “Let me at least make you some coffee–”
“I’ll get some on the road. You’ve done more than enough.”
There was just enough light in the room for him to discern her frown. “Are you going to be alright?”
He swallowed hard. “I don’t know. I hope so.”
“I worry about you.”
“I know you do,” he said, sending her a grateful smile. “Thank you for everything.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Yes, you did. More than you know.”
Alec stopped at the service station at the bottom of the hill and purchased two large coffees before he pointed his truck east. He drove all day, stopping for a late lunch and a needed nap in his truck in Boise, Idaho. It was nearly dark when he struggled back to alertness, and he still had a solid five-hour drive ahead of him.
His stomach clenched as he drove past the sign that read Welcome to Wyoming and began the steep ascent up Teton Pass. He paused briefly at the summit to study the spread of Jackson Hole before he turned his gaze northward. He couldn’t see the ranch from here…but he knew it was there.
Alec pulled onto the highway again and guided his truck down the winding switchback turns of the pass. It was just after eleven when he reached the valley floor; it was approaching midnight when he passed beneath the wooden archway that read Flying W Ranch.
He passed Tommy’s cabin first; Tommy’s truck was parked outside but there was no sign of Liz’s car. As he pulled closer, he saw that Rebecca’s truck was in the driveway, but all of the lights were off inside the farmhouse. Just as he shifted into park and killed the engine, a cloud drifted in front of the moon, plunging the landscape into darkness.
An omen, perhaps?
He wasn’t sure. Not that he believed in omens, anyway, but that didn’t stop the gnawing sensation in his stomach as he stepped outside. He’d had plenty of time to think about how he was going to explain his absence, but he was no closer to an answer now than he’d been this morning. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, there was a very real possibility that nothing he said would matter, anyway.
He mentally prepared himself for whatever was about to happen as he stepped onto the porch. He placed his hand on the doorknob and started to turn it, but something made him pause.
This is it, he realized. The second he set foot through this door, his entire life was going to change.
And there wasn’t a thing he could do about it.
His heart hammered inside his chest as he opened the front door, lifting it from its hinges so it wouldn’t squeak. Dakota was there to greet him, wagging her tail as she clambered for his attention. He leaned over to give the dog a distracted pat before he felt another set of eyes on him. When he lifted his head, he saw his wife standing at the top of the staircase, wearing the silk robe he’d given her for their last anniversary.
“You’re back,” she said.
Alec gave a cautious nod. “You’re here.”
Rebecca took a hesitant step forward. “Where did you expect me to be?”
It was the moment of truth–perhaps the greatest moment of truth he’d ever face. For a brief second, he wondered if he needed to know. He’d already decided, no matter what had happened, that he was going to forgive her.
Since that was the case, did he need to ask? Did he need to know?
Yes. Even if it hurt, he had to know the truth. Otherwise he would always wonder and it would eat him alive.
“I thought…” His voice broke, and he paused to draw in a silent breath. “I thought you’d be with Tommy.”
She stared back at him unblinking. “Is that what all of this was about?” she asked as she started down the stairs. “That’s why the two of you fought? You thought that I was…”
When her voice trailed off, Alec dropped his gaze. He was so certain that he was going to lose her that he hadn’t even stopped to consider the alternative. He hadn’t considered the possibility that nothing at all had happened; that she’d merely been sitting here, waiting for him to come back to her.
“I didn’t know what to think,” he admitted.
Rebecca paused on the bottom step. “Where have you been?”
Alec had been dreading that question, if for no other reason than he knew exactly how it would look. He was almost tempted to tell her something else; that he drove to Laramie or to Salt Lake or he holed up in a hotel in town.
But he couldn’t lie to her. She needed to know the truth about him as much as he needed to know the truth about her.
He lifted his face and forced himself to meet her gaze. “I went to Oregon.”
Her expression didn’t change. “Did you see Shania?”
He had no choice but to nod.
Rebecca inhaled sharply and spun on her heel, bolting up the stairs before he could respond. Alec caught up with her at the top and reached for her hand, but she yanked it from his grasp. Then she turned and shoved him against the wall with such force that the painting behind his head rattled from its hook and crashed to the floor.
“Don’t you dare touch me!” she hissed. “Just looking at you makes me sick.”
Alec gulped in a breath as she stomped down the hall. He figured he’d have some explaining to do, but he had no idea that her reaction would be so heated.
“Rebecca, listen to me,” he called after her. “I thought there was something going on between you and Tommy–”
“Oh, so you figured that screwing Shania would settle the score?” she retorted. “Well, she can have you.”
“It wasn’t like that–”
“Spare me the details.”
She disappeared into the bedroom and slammed the door shut, leaving Alec alone in the hallway. He heard an assortment of thumps and bangs coming from the closet, which told him that she was pulling her suitcase from the shelf. Quickly he strode down the hall, only to discover that she’d locked him out.
He clutched the doorknob with white knuckles, weighing the two options before him. He could fight for her…or he could let her go.
Well, he sure as hell hadn’t come this far to let her go.
Chapter 30
Alec stepped back and steadied himself before he lifted his foot and launched a swift kick at the door. Once was all it took; the old wood splintered beneath the heel of his boot as the door swung open and slammed into the opposing wall.
Rebecca was ripping her clothes from the dresser and stopped midmotion when Alec appeared in the doorway. “Are you insane?” she cried.
“I must be!” he shouted. “Only an insane person would have to kick down a door to talk to his wife!”
“Oh, now you want to talk?” she threw back at him. “I have been trying to get you to open up to me for six months, Alec. But you completely froze me out. You haven’t talked to me. You haven’t touched me. You’ve barely even looked at me! Now you just disappeared for four days with your old girlfriend–”
“Do you know why I went there?” he snapped, reaching out to grasp her shoulders. “Do you know why I went to see her? Because everyone else was only telling me what I wanted to hear. They told me that this was just a rough patch and that you and I were going to be fine. Even you didn’t have the guts to tell me the truth.”
Alec knew he had her attention now. Instantly she stopped squirming and stared back at him with wide, unblinking eyes.
“I needed someone to level with me,” he continued, his tone softer now. “And Shania wasn’t afraid to do it. She had no problem telling me that I was the one who was in the wrong. She had no problem telling me that I was going to lose everything if I didn’t open my eyes and see what I was doing to you. And she had no problem telling me to go home and get my act together before it was too late.”
One tear leaked out of Rebecca’s eye and dripped down her cheek unchecked. To Alec’s relief, she didn’t recoil when he reached up to wipe it away.
“I didn’t touch her, Bec. I didn’t even think about touching her. I could never betray you like that.”
Her chin trembled against his palm. “So why would you think that I could do that to you?”
Alec swallowed hard. This is it, he realized. No matter how scared he was–and no matter what happened afterward–this was the moment to drop his façade.
“Because I haven’t been fair to you,” he admitted. “I’ve been so consumed with the past and so focused on the future that I forgot all about the present. I lost sight of the one person I vowed to place above all else.”
She cringed and started to look away, but he grasped her chin and forced her to hold his gaze. “I did a lot of things that hurt you. I took you for granted and I closed myself off when you needed me most. And I can’t promise that I’ll never make another mistake, because at one point or another, I will. But what I can promise is that from now on you are always going to come first, no matter what else life throws at us. I can promise that I’m not going to shut you out the next time things get tough. And I promise you, Bec…if you can find it in you to forgive me, I promise that you will never, ever spend another night a
lone.”
Rebecca gazed back at him for what felt like an eternity. Just when he was certain that she would turn and walk away, she stepped closer and buried her face in his neck. Every ounce of tension drained from his body as he released a haggard breath and enveloped her in his embrace. She sniffed and returned the gesture, clutching his shirt in her fists.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “When I was driving home today I was thinking–”
“Shhhh.”
Alec took the hint and shut his mouth as he tightened his arms around her. He didn’t know how long they stood that way before he felt her lips against his throat, kissing one side of his neck, then the other. He tilted his head back and waited for the noise to start inside his mind–the maddening static that always interfered with moments like this–but tonight there was only silence.
Sheer, overwhelming, blissful silence.
Her hands were on his chest now, unfastening the buttons on his shirt. Was this really happening? Did she really still want him, after all the hell he’d put her through?
If the way she was kissing his neck was any indication, she did. He shuddered when she reached the final button and pushed his shirt from his shoulders, trailing her fingertips down his arms.
“You’re shaking,” she whispered.
He didn’t trust his voice, so he nodded instead. It was Rebecca’s turn to shudder when Alec untied the knot in her robe and slid his hands around her waist. He caressed the small of her back and the contour of her hips, and his heart rate doubled when he realized that she wasn’t wearing anything beneath the robe.
She leaned into him and eased her arms around his neck, giving him free rein to touch her wherever he desired. On any other night, he would have taken his time with her–the way she liked it.
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