Love Lasts

by Savannah Totten

  “So you don’t want to spend any time with me?”

  “That’s not even what I said. Just follow us and stop crying,” Dane says and hangs up. I look at my phone in shock, and then I tell Mom to follow them to the restaurant. Meanwhile, I break down in tears.

  “What did he say?” Mom asks. So I tell her everything else he said, and she shakes her head. Her voice is full of anger when she talks. “You know what, we can just drive home right now if this is how it’s going to be for the rest of the trip. So far all you’ve done is cry, and I’m not saying it’s your fault. But I’m really tired of it. Maybe he’s changed, and you guys shouldn’t be together anymore. If he’s not going to spend time with his girlfriend who drove hundreds of miles to see him, then there’s obviously something wrong.” I’m sobbing uncontrollably, and it’s loud. I feel like I’m taking up too much space, and I want to disappear so this can be over.

  “I don’t think I should even let you be with him if this is how he’s going to treat you. I really thought he would be better than this. Maybe you two need to break up.”

  “NO!” I yell. I say it over and over again, as I’m bawling. My whole body hurts, and I become lightheaded from the excessive crying.

  “You’re being ridiculous right now. You need to calm down right now.” Neither of us say anything to each other for a few minutes, while I calm my sobbing and sniffles. I feel dizzy and lean my head against the passenger side window. We don’t talk to each other until we get to the restaurant, and then Mom looks at me seriously.

  “You need to pull it together. If we’re going to stay, I need you to work this out or get over yourself. Nobody said this was going to be easy, but you’re making it harder for the both of you. Now, dry your eyes and let’s go.”

  We get out of the car and meet Dane and his family outside the restaurant. It’s awkward, but Pam tries to fill the silence. We go inside to eat, and slowly, I start to become more of myself again.

  Afterwards, we head into San Antonio and walk the streets. Dane and I seem disconnected, but we still take photos together and walk near each other. As we’re walking in front of everyone, he looks at me.

  “I’m sorry,” he says, “I shouldn’t have said those things to you. I want to spend as much time with you as I can. Okay?” I nod, and a bit of the pressure between us disappears.

  “I love you,” he says.

  “I love you too.”

  We walk down the San Antonio Riverwalk and into a small festival where Dane and I get a caricature drawing done. When we’re done and walk away, I hold the picture to my chest like it’s the most valuable thing I have. The chaos of earlier is forgotten, and we spend the rest of the day, having fun, chatting, and enjoying ourselves.

  The next day, Dane and I get to spend the whole day together in San Antonio, while his family and my mom do their own thing. I’m grateful for the alone time, but it feels weird. We’re not as comfortable around each other as we once were.

  We explore the Alamo and then walk the streets of San Antonio. We find an antique store, one of our favorite places to explore back home, and spend a while searching through the random items.

  When we’re upstairs in one of the rooms, Dane grabs me by the waist and pulls me close. My heart beats fast, and the connection between us is ignited again like a candle wick. He kisses me slowly and passionately, and it makes me smile. My smile breaks our kiss, so I walk away, only looking back at Dane to smile mischievously. His eyes watch me for a minute, but then he goes back to exploring the antique shop with a cheeky grin on his face.

  And I realize that all my worries were pointless. He’s still the man I fell in love with a few months ago. His kisses still light my heart on fire. His jokes still make me laugh hard enough that happy tears fill my eyes. His voice still soothes even my deepest emotions and my deepest worries. And he’s still the man I want to spend my life with, going on adventures to explore the world, creating a family one day, and growing old and grey together. All it took was a day alone to remember that.

  CHAPTER 15

  Dane and I walk to the mall and explore stores we’ve never been to before. And then, one store seems to catch Dane’s eye. He stops in front of it and looks at me with a mischievous smile. I’m confused, but I follow him into the jewelry store anyways. A man greets us near the entrance.

  “How are we doing this morning? I’m Frank. Nice to meet you,” the man says. He shakes Dane’s hand and then mine, while Dane introduces us.

  “So what are you two looking for today? Birthday present? Promise ring?” Frank asks.

  “Do you have engagement and wedding rings?” Dane asks, and I tilt my head at him. Dane smiles at me, and Frank looks between us like he’s a bit confused too.

  “Of course, we do. Right on over here.” He leads us to the cases of rings, and Dane starts to look through them. But I stare at him in confusion. Finally, he addresses me.

  “I thought maybe we could look at these. We don’t have to buy anything today, but I want you to know how serious I am.” I don’t know if this is about yesterday’s hysteria or the day before’s, but this was not what I expected to come from those conversations. While we talked about getting married multiple times in our letters over the last two months, I never expected it to become a reality so quickly. I’m a bit overwhelmed but also concerned that Dane isn’t thinking this through.

  Regardless, I lean over the glass cases and start to look at the rings. They’re beautiful and sparkly, and Frank helps me try on a few that I like until I find one that is perfect. It’s rose gold with a simple display of diamonds. I look at Dane, and he looks nervous and overwhelmed. But he asks, “How much?”

  “I can go check.” Frank goes to check on his computer and comes back. “With both engagement and wedding band, it would be $2,800.” I laugh.

  “Okay, do you want it?” Dane asks me. I narrow my eyes at him.

  “Can we talk for a second?” I ask Frank, and he nods and walks away. “Are you crazy? You should not spend that much on two rings.”

  “But we’re going to get rings eventually, so I might as well get them now. I have enough money. Do you absolutely love them?” Dane asks. He looks like a ghost, and I shake my head at him.

  “Yes, I love it, but I want you to think this through.”

  “I have.” He starts to walk back towards Frank, but I stop him.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” This is a commitment to marry me and be with me for the rest of your life, I want to say. Are you sure you want that?

  “Yes.” He takes another step, but I stop him again.

  “Are you a hundred percent sure?”

  “Yes, now come on.”

  I step out of his way and watch him talk to Frank. I feel like an outsider, watching through a one-way glass, and Dane is doing something irreversible that I can’t do anything about. I don’t necessarily want to stop him, but this decision is so sudden and serious. And while it makes me feel loved, it also terrifies me.

  Dane sits at the computer with Frank for awhile, and when they’re done, Dane walks to me and hands me a teddy bear dressed in Air Force blues that Frank gifted him. We walk out of there in silence. Dane looks like he’s in shock, and that seems like a bad sign. But we joke around a bit and get back to usual.

  “I’m going to tell my parents tonight,” Dane says. He’s going with them to a soccer game, while Mom and I go do our own thing. And the realization that I’m going to have to tell my mom suddenly makes me very anxious.

  “How am I supposed to tell my mom about this? She’s going to freak out.”

  “We can tell her together if you want. My parents leave tomorrow morning, so it’ll only be you, me, and your mom hanging out. We can tell her then,” Dane suggests. My heart beats fast, and I look down at the teddy bear in my hand.

  “How do I explain this?” I hold it up to Dane.

  “Tell her we bought it. We’ll tell her the truth tomorrow.” So now I have to lie.

  O
nly half an hour later, Dane’s parents come to pick him up, and Mom comes to pick me up too. Dane and I smile nervously at our parents, and I hope it’s not obvious we’re keeping a secret. My insides churn with nerves. Dane and I kiss and head our separate ways.

  My stomach is full of butterflies for awhile, but the more Mom and I talk, the more I forget about the conversation that looms on the horizon.

  The next day, and our last day in San Antonio, Mom and I wake up in our hotel room for the last time and head to base. We meet the Sutton’s on base for one last goodbye, and Pam is especially teary-eyed.

  “We’re so proud of you,” she tells Dane. Dane hugs each of his family members slowly, and it makes me glad we’re not leaving until this afternoon.

  “I love you guys,” Dane says. His voice cracks, and his eyes are full of tears too.

  “Can we pray for everybody?” Pam asks the group, looking at my mom extra long. Mom nods and smiles, so everyone joins hands in a circle and bows their head.

  “We thank you, Lord, for the time we’ve been able to spend together. We thank you for keeping Dane safe throughout all of this and for molding him into the man you want him to be. We pray for a safe flight home and a safe drive home for the Freeman’s. Protect each of us as we travel to the next place. I pray for blessings over Dane, as he continues his journey into the Air Force. And we thank you for all that you’re doing in his life, Lord. We pray in Jesus name. Amen.”

  Everyone murmurs an “amen” before lifting their heads and looking around. The Sutton’s give Dane one last hug before leaving, and then it’s only Dane, Mom, and me. Since we can’t go off base today, we decide to go eat at one of the only fast food places on base, Popeyes, for lunch.

  We tell my mom what we want to eat, and while she waits in line to order, we find a table to sit at. I’m full of nerves, and Dane seems nervous too. But he also seems a bit distant, which is understandable.

  “How did it go last night?” I ask him.

  “They were pretty in shock. They didn’t say anything for a few minutes, but I think they’re coming around to the idea. I told them we probably won’t get engaged until I come home next.” I look over at Mom, and she’s oblivious. I feel a little guilty for not telling her last night, but there’s no way I could’ve. Dane is so much better at communicating than me, so he needs to break the news.

  Ten minutes later, Mom finally comes to our table with trays full of food. I grab my food and place it in front of me like this conversation isn’t about to happen at all, but Dane looks at me and then at my mom. She seems to catch that something is going on.

  “What is it?” She asks. Dane looks at me, but I keep my mouth glued shut. My stomach swirls, and I begin to play with my french fries.

  “We have something to tell you, and no, she’s not pregnant.” Mom looks between us with a look of concern on her face. I can’t bear to make eye contact or speak at all. Dane continues, “We bought an engagement and wedding ring yesterday at the mall. We want to get married.”

  “Are you already engaged?” Mom asks.

  “No,” both Dane and I say.

  “We probably won’t get engaged until I come home for Christmas, but we wanted to tell you now since we bought the rings,” Dane says.

  “Do your parents know?” Mom asks.

  “Yeah, I told them yesterday. They were pretty shocked, but they took it well.” Mom looks at me.

  “So that’s why you were acting weird yesterday. Why didn’t you tell me?” She asks me.

  “Well, I knew we were going to tell you today.” I try to seem as small as possible, which isn’t hard with Dane sitting next to me. He sits tall and confident, and I wish I could be that way too.

  “Well, while I can’t say I’m completely surprised, it is a lot to take in. You know I’m going to have to tell your father about this,” Mom says. I nod.

  There isn’t much else to say, so we spend the rest of the meal eating with only brief comments made in between bites. I feel nervous to find out what my dad will say, but it’s all out of my hands now.

  When we’re done eating, Mom says she’s going to call my dad, so Dane and I head to the bowling alley. There’s a wait for a lane, so we find a place to sit and talk for awhile.

  “What do you think your dad will say?” Dane asks.

  “I honestly have no idea.” Nothing good most likely.

  We finally get a lane and bowl, and I lose horribly to Dane. And then, we walk back to Popeye’s where Mom is still sitting in the car. She looks upset, and it gives me a horrible twinge of pain in my chest. We go sit on a bench until Mom gets out of the car and walks over to us. Her eyes are glassy, and her face is flushed. She smiles, but I can tell it’s forced. My chest hurts.

  “How did it go?” Dane asks bravely.

  “Let’s just say there will be a lot to talk about when we get home.”

  “So not good.” Dane looks disappointed. Mom looks at me, and I can read her face. It went horribly. There was probably a lot of yelling, and it’s all my fault.

  “It’ll all be okay,” Mom says.

  We leave the conversation at that and realize we only have an hour left until we have to leave. We head to the BX to say our goodbyes and leave Dane. Mom doesn't get out of the car.

  “It was great seeing you Dane. Don’t worry about Penelope’s father. We’ll get it all figured out. Okay? And be safe out here. I hope we’ll see you back home soon,” Mom says. Dane says goodbye, and we get out of the car and head around the side of the BX, out of view of my mom. We sit down on a bench, and the realness of this situation hits me.

  My heart beats hard, and I daringly intertwine my fingers with Dane’s. He allows me to for only a few seconds before he squeezes my hand and lets go. I tell myself I’m not going to break down this time. I have to remain strong for once.

  “The time will go by faster than we think, and I’ll have my phone back in a few days. So we can text and call and FaceTime. It’ll be a lot easier this time,” Dane tells me. I look into his eyes, and they shine as bright as the first time I met him. I look away.

  Two airmen walk past us, looking like they’re attached by some kind of rope. They don’t look at us. I look up at the bright blue sky and allow the sun to heat up my face. I want this moment to last forever if it means I never have to actually leave.

  “I don’t want to say goodbye,” I say. A rock forms in my throat, and I try to swallow it. I hold in all the emotions brewing right below the surface.

  “Well, it’s not goodbye, it’s‒”

  “See you later,” I interrupt and smile. I shake my head, and my face falls. I lean my head onto Dane’s shoulder, ignoring the PDA rules, and Dane doesn't seem to care about the rules right now either because he wraps his arm around me. We sit that way for a minute and break apart when someone turns around the corner to walk past us.

  “I love you, Penelope,” Dane says when we’re alone again. He looks into my eyes, and I can’t help but smile, even though I’m sad. I know he loves me. His eyes tell me so.

  “I love you too. I love you so much,” I say. Dane stands up, and my whole world tips. I stand up too in order to balance it again for a second. I look around his face, trying to memorize it all‒his freckles, his hazel eyes, his thick eyebrows, his lips. I wish I didn’t have to memorize him, but I think I might lose him if I don’t.

  This will be the last time we see each other for months. This will be the last time I can touch him, hug him, or kiss him for months, and it’s so unfair. His eyes droop, but he smiles at me. We’re both pretending to be strong, but I wish we didn’t have to. I wish I didn’t have to leave.

  He wraps his arms around me, and I wrap mine around him. I bury my face in the chest of his uniform and breathe deep. My heart beats faster, as if it knows this moment is about to end. It knows I’m about to be gutted and heartbroken, but there’s nothing I can do to stop it. It’s what I signed up for when I started dating him and when I chose to come here to San Antonio. The
pain was always inevitable.

  His hug loosens, and my arms fall. But his hands touch my face one more time, as he kisses me deeply. It lasts only a second, and when he parts, his absence is heavy. My eyes well up with tears, and his do too. But we both hold them in.

  “I love you,” I say. My voice cracks.

  “I love you too,” Dane says.

  I look at his face and down his body once more in a last ditch effort to remember everything about him, and then I turn around and walk back to the car. I don’t look back. I don’t turn around one last time and tell him that I love him, and I don’t give him one last hug or kiss because none of it will ever be enough. I’ll crave everything about him a thousand times in the next few months, and one last “I love you,” hug, or kiss won’t bring me any more comfort in those times.

  So I get in the car and shut the door, and as Mom backs out of the parking lot, I finally look through the window and see that Dane isn’t there by the bench. The front door of the BX is slowly closing, and the image of Dane walking through it is all I have.

  He’s gone, and the tears finally fall.

  ✦✦✦

  Mom and I don’t talk much during the drive home. She tells me not to worry about anything, and honestly, I’m not even thinking about what my dad will say when we get home. All I can think about is the dark emptiness I feel inside my heart right now.

  After we left base, we went to our hotel and packed all our things. Now we’re on the road for another twenty hours, and I really just want to be back in Dane’s arms. And if I can’t do that, I want to be in my bed, sleeping for a long time. But I must take turns driving.

  We get through the busy cities of Texas, and it starts to get dark. Night time in Texas brings an eerie peacefulness that drastically contradicts the hecticness of day time. Mom drives, even though she can’t see well at night. Luckily, there aren’t many cars on the road, so we drive fast.