The next time I come downstairs for lunch around one o’clock, I don’t see my parents anywhere. I look outside the window in the kitchen and see their cars are still in the driveway, so I check out the window in the living room and find them sitting on the front porch. They sit on the porch swing with their backs to me, so I close the curtain and go back to making myself food. Whenever they’re on the porch, it usually means they’re talking about something important. I hope it doesn't have to do with me.
Ten minutes later, I sit down to eat a bowl of ramen noodles when Mom steps inside. She looks at me, and my heart jumps.
“Come outside when you’re done eating,” she says. I swallow hard.
“Okay.”
She goes back outside and closes the door. This can’t be good. I don’t have the willpower to go through another panic attack or to cry or anything. I finish my lunch and walk towards the front door. As I open it, my heart starts racing, and my body is acutely aware.
Mom and Dad sit in the same place on the swing, and they look at me carefully. Mom pretends to smile, and Dad picks at his fingernails. I sit on a bench a couple feet away from them and place my hands in my lap without saying anything. I assume they’ll do all the talking as usual.
“Your father and I talked some more after last night’s conversation,” Mom begins, “and we felt pretty bad about what happened. We didn’t intend to make you so upset, and we’re sorry.”
“We might’ve reacted too quickly,” Dad says, “After talking some more, your mother and I have agreed that we were wrong. You know I don’t like to be wrong, and I don’t often admit it. But in this situation, I think you deserve to know that. So I’m sorry for making you upset, and we wanted to tell you that we’re not going to stop you from marrying Dane.” I’m shocked. They must be pulling some sick prank on me.
“You know, your mother and I got married when we were nineteen when your mom was pregnant with your brother, and obviously we didn’t get married just because of your brother. We’d been together for four years already, but we think it would be pretty hypocritical of us to prevent you from getting married young when we did the exact same thing,” Dad says. I didn’t even think about that, but he’s right. They’re not messing with me; they actually changed their minds. I almost want to smile and jump for joy.
“So, we still want you to go to college at some point. If that’s not next year, then that’s fine, but you’re much too smart to not go to college eventually. And if you want to marry Dane, then we’re not going to stop you, but I do have some requirements,” Dad says. He pauses.
“Okay,” I say.
“First and foremost, I want to walk you down the aisle. None of this ‘getting married at the courthouse’ like your mother told me about. You’re my daughter, and I want to be able to walk you down the aisle.” I nod and cover my smile with my hand.
“Second, Dane has to ask me for permission to marry you. If he wants to marry you, he’s going to have to be a man and talk to me about it first. I don’t know when he’ll be home next, but you tell him that because I expect to have a conversation with him man-to-man.” I look at Mom, and I’m sure she can read my mind. That will be terrifying for Dane because my dad can be a bit intimidating, but if he wants to marry me, I’m sure he’ll do it. I nod.
“And you’re finishing high school. I don’t care if you have to do long distance for this entire school year, but you’ve worked too hard to give it up for a boy. Well, not a boy, but you know what I mean,” Dad says.
“Yeah, I didn’t expect to do anything different,” I say.
“Okay, so those three things are what I expect from you two. You and your mother can figure out the details of the wedding, which we’ll pay for when the time comes, but I expect Dane to talk to me before any of that happens. Okay?” Dad looks at me with a serious face, but I can’t help but smile.
“Okay.” Dad smiles too, and I’m so relieved. He stands up to give me a short hug, and I hug Mom too.
“Don’t be so happy,” she jokes, and I smile bigger. I stop right before I open the front door to go back inside and turn towards my parents again.
“Thank you,” I say.
✦✦✦
I go back to school on Thursday, and I’m actually glad. My thoughts are focused on all the missing assignments I have to get from teachers, and I’m excited to tell people about my trip to Texas.
In first period, AP Research, we spend the day completing puzzles, and it’s so laid back that I hope the rest of my day is like this. One girl dropped the class since the last time I was here, so now there are only eight of us. When we finish our puzzles at the end of the class period, we realize they’re each missing pieces. Miss Peters lays out eight more puzzle pieces and tells us to find the one that fits our puzzle, and then we need to put our initials on it in sharpie. I find mine, write “PF” on it, and put it into place.
“Each of your puzzles represents your field of study, and all the missing pieces are gaps in the research that haven’t been filled. Your single piece with your initials on it is the gap that you will fill this year. Your research paper will fill that small space in your field of study, but as a whole, your research will make your field of study more complete,” Miss Peters says. I stare at my puzzle with awe and excitement. I don’t know yet what my research will be about, but I think it will be amazing.
When I get to math, my stack of missing assignments grows a lot, and I struggle to understand what Mr. Burch is teaching. My friend Courtney says she missed me, and at the end of class, she catches me up on all the drama going on in her life. She doesn't ask me about Texas, and although I want to be offended, I expected as much from her.
Courtney and I have been friends since elementary school, but it’s always been the kind of friendship where I give everything and she takes everything. She ditches me for the more popular people whenever she gets the chance, and I’ve gotten used to her blowing me off. Although I’ve disliked her a lot throughout the years, I can’t help but love her and want to be a person she can rely on, so I listen intently to her stories and offer input whenever the moment arises. Then, the bell rings at the end of class, and we head our separate ways.
The rest of the day goes smoothly. I pick up all my missing assignments and chat with a lot more people than usual about my relationship. People are interested to know whether or not we’re still together, and random girls tell me our reunion video from BMT was cute. I smile and thank them each time.
At the end of the day, I head to my car and wait for Keagan to come out of school. Eventually, he joins me in the car, and we head home.
I spend the rest of the evening doing all of my makeup work. It takes hours, but it’s a nice distraction. I can’t text Dane and tell him about my day, and I can’t write him a letter either because I don’t know where he is. I hope he’ll get his phone back this weekend, though.
Overall, I feel good. I miss Dane, but our communication will be so much easier when he gets his phone. Then we can text, call, and even FaceTime whenever we want. School will keep my mind occupied, and maybe I’ll get close to some new friends this year. Since Lin and I stopped being friends, my social life has been pretty nonexistent, but hopefully, I can turn that around. I guess I’ll pray about it.
CHAPTER 17
Hey, it’s me. I got a new phone. The message makes my heart beat fast, but I smile and text back immediately.
Dane? It’s been a week since I saw him, and every moment since then, I’ve waited for this text like it was a million dollar prize.
Yeah. How are you? Dane texts back. I contemplate what to say. He doesn't know what happened with my parents, so maybe that’s where I should start. Or maybe I should start with the car accident. I start to type, but halfway through my message, my phone is interrupted by a call.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Hi.” It’s Dane. A huge smile breaks out onto my face, and I stand up to pace around my room.
“I missed you,” I
say.
“I’ve missed you too. So what’s new?” There’s so much to tell, so I start from the beginning. I explain the entire car accident and getting home to talk to my parents about getting married. Dane interjects a few times to express his sympathy, but in the end, he’s happy to hear about my parents’ change of hearts. We talk a bit about his move to Wichita Falls, Texas, but the conversation runs dry.
“Well, I’m going to call my mom, but I’m glad I get to talk to you every day now,” Dane says. His voice sounds distorted over the phone, but at least I get to talk to him. I can even see him if we FaceTime.
“I’m really glad too.” I wish he could see my smile through the phone, so he knows how happy he makes me. “I’ll talk to you later then.”
“Okay, have a good day, Penelope. I love you.” Those three words are what I needed to hear most.
“I love you too. Bye.” I keep my ear to the phone until Dane hangs up, and even then, I don’t want to put my phone down. Although we can talk now, it’s only a bandaid. The distance is still excruciating, but maybe now there is more hope.
✦✦✦
Going into September, Indiana finally starts to cool down. School continues to be stressful. Dane continues to be far away. I miss him.
“Where are you going?” Mom asks. I sit on the floor to put my shoes on and place my camera next to me.
“I have a senior photo shoot.”
“Really? With who?”
“Lisa Embridge.” Mom raises her eyebrows.
Since I’ve been back in school, a couple of people have asked me if I would take their senior pictures. Courtney was the first. She’s naturally pretty, so she doesn't have to try hard to model, which made my job a lot easier. Since I’ve posted her portraits on my Instagram, even more people shared interest in wanting pictures done by me.
Lisa was next. I’ve known her since elementary school, but we haven’t been close friends because she’s much more popular than me. But she offered to pay me, so I accepted. And today, I’m going to meet her at an orchard to take her senior pictures.
“Are you getting paid?” Mom asks.
“Yeah, well, I only asked for $40 since I’m new. But we’ll see how it goes. If I get better, I could start charging more.” I finish tying my shoes and stand up, grabbing my camera off the floor and my purse off the kitchen table.
“Cool. Well, good luck.”
“Thanks. See you later.” I smile and head out.
The drive to the orchard takes about half an hour, and at first, my stomach churns with nerves. But when I roll the window down and let the breeze hit my face, it calms me a bit more. Lisa wouldn’t have hired me if she wasn’t confident in my abilities. And I need to do this because doing something is better than sitting at home and feeling miserable for myself because of Dane’s absence. Feeling sorry for myself gets me nowhere. Putting myself in situations to grow is what I need.
Once I get to the orchard, I check the time and realize I’m twenty minutes early. I get out of the car anyways and walk around the orchard and park to scope out the spots I want to take photos.
It’s really beautiful. A ton of other people walk around or sit around picnic tables. A building stands in the middle where people can go inside to buy apple cider and other snacks. I walk across a bridge and find myself emerged in trees, but a minute later, I walk into an open field. On the right side of the field is a large pond where the sun glistens and the trees reflect. A few kids stomp through the water, causing their mother to yell and chase after them. I close my eyes and breathe in the crisp nature air, and peace rushes over me.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I take it out to see that Lisa has arrived. And she brought her mom and two friends. I swallow hard, feeling a bit anxious again, but head back through the trees towards where the cars are parked.
Lisa and her group meet me halfway, and we all smile and greet each other. Then, it’s time for me to do my job. Despite my fear of failing or looking ridiculous, I put on a confident face and take Lisa all around the orchard, posing her and taking her photo. Her mom helps pose her and fix small problems like loose strands of hair or wrinkled clothing, and honestly, it makes things much easier for me.
Lisa changes three times into different outfits, but since there isn’t a real bathroom here, she changes in a portapotty and in her car. I feel bad, but it gets the job done.
“Do you want anything else specifically?” I ask after two hours of shooting. Lisa looks to her mom, and they both shake their heads.
“I don’t think so. Thank you for doing this, though. Mom, do you have the money?” Lisa looks to her mom who nods and reaches into her purse, pulling out a fifty dollar bill. She hands it to me with a smile.
“There’s a little bit of a tip too. We can’t wait to see all the photos whenever you get them edited,” Lisa’s mom says.
“Thank you. They shouldn’t take more than a few days,” I say, shoving the fifty dollar bill into my back pocket.
“Sounds good. Well, thank you again. I’ll see you at school,” Lisa says.
“You’re welcome. See you later,” I say. Lisa, her friends, and her mom wave goodbye and head to their car, and I do the same. When I get in the car, I pull out the fifty dollars, and a huge smile breaks across my face. I could get used to this.
I pull out my phone and take a photo of the bill, sending it to Dane. He responds quickly for once.
Wow, you’re rich. I made almost $2,000 this month. My face falls into a frown, and I grit my teeth together. Only he would turn my proud moment into a moment for him to brag. My fingers type fast before my logical brain can stop me, and I press send.
Why do you always have to brag about your money? I get it. You make a lot more money than me, but why can’t you just be happy for me for one second? My heart beats fast in my chest, and I embarrassingly start to sweat. I tap my foot up and down, waiting for his response. A minute later, it comes through.
Calm down. You always blow things way out of proportion. Anger runs through my body like electricity, and I want to scream. Only Dane can manage to flip my mood upside down so quickly. I don’t even know what to say to him to win this argument, so I text back one letter with a period and throw my phone into the passenger seat. I finally start my car, pull out of the parking lot, and begin my drive home with the radio blasting loud enough to quiet my thoughts.
✦✦✦
By October, I’ve done a few more photo shoots and gotten paid each time, and I’m starting to think I could make photography my part-time job instead of working at the movie theater. The truth is that I hate going into work. I would rather work on my own schedule instead of being forced to go to work when I feel exhausted, depressed, or stressed. Unfortunately, the real world doesn't care much for granting time off for mental health reasons.
“Chandler, I need to talk to you,” I say to my manager. It’s a Sunday, and the flow of customers is slow. She faces me and crosses her arms. I avoid making eye contact.
“What’s up?” She asks.
“I have to put in my two weeks notice,” I say. My body fills with anxiety.
“Okay.” I look at her, waiting for more, but she doesn't say anything else.
“That’s it? I don’t have to do anything like sign some papers?”
“Nope. That’s it. I’ll tell Margie to take you off the schedule,” Chandler says. I let out a heavy breath, and Chandler walks away.
When I get home from work, Mom asks how my day was without breaking eye contact from the television. Dad looks like he’s knocked out in the chair next to her.
“Good. I put in my two weeks notice,” I say. Her head quickly turns to look at me.
“Really?”
“Yep. I figured I could make just as much money doing photography, and it hasn’t been the same since Kevin left.” Mom nods, and I throw my work shoes into the chest by the door.
“Yeah, well, I guess it was a good first time job, but now you’re ready for bigger and bett
er things.”
“I guess so.” I shrug and step towards the stairs.
“Well, I’m sure it’ll be weird for there to be no Freeman’s working at the theater,” Mom says.
“Oh yeah, I’m sure.” I step towards the stairs again. “Well, I’m gonna head to bed,” I say.
“Okay, well give me a hug,” Mom says, getting up from her chair and walking over to me. She wraps me in a hug, and the day’s stress drains from my body. Then, she lets go and smiles.
“Goodnight. Love you.”
“Goodnight. Love you too,” I say. She goes back to her chair, and I go upstairs to text Dane.
Jessica is already asleep when I get to my room, so I stumble through the darkness to the bathroom and close the door to change. Once I’m in some sweatpants and a t-shirt, I jump in bed and pull out my phone.
I just put my two weeks notice in at work. I stare at the blue message for a long time, waiting for those three dots to appear on the left side of the screen. But after five minutes, I exit out of the app and scroll through Instagram. After another fifteen minutes, I check my messages again, but I already know there isn’t anything from Dane.
It’s almost midnight here, but in Texas, it’s only eleven pm. He’s probably with friends, having fun. It makes my heart ache, and it makes me jealous. It’s not fair that I’m stuck here, suffering over his absence, while he couldn’t care less. I shake my head to myself, jealousy turning into anger. But I can’t let it spill over. I can’t start a fight over nothing, so I turn my phone off and curl up into my giant teddy bear.
Tears fall down my face, and I don’t know if they’re from anger, sadness, or stress. But they’re becoming familiar.
✦✦✦
By November, the anticipation of Dane coming home in a month makes me want to crawl out of my skin. All I want to do is fast forward time, but I know I shouldn’t want that. I should be enjoying my senior year.
Love Lasts Page 19