The Mindset

by Ace Bowers

  My relationship with each of my kids is very different. While the lessons and time I give each of them are equal, the way we bond and spend one-on-one time together is very different. You know why Noah is named Noah, but let me tell you the story behind my daughter’s name. Ariel means lion of God, and she certainly lives up to that title (in fact, several of her teachers have told me she is the “alpha” in her class). When she was born, Noah would try to say her name, but he must have struggled with those consonants, because it always came out as “YaYa.” It became her nickname from that moment on.

  Ariel is opinionated, direct, and not afraid to tell it like it is. I love that about her. I often tell her she’s going to be the CEO of a big company one day. Personality-wise, she’s Noah’s total opposite. Noah is reserved and introverted with his expressions. He is like me in that respect: I remember, on Noah’s eighth birthday we were dining out and he ordered a burger and fries with a side of apples. The food was delivered but they had forgotten his apples. When the waitress came back to check on us, she asked if everything was ok. My son, the cordial young man, did not call attention to this mistake. However, my daughter pointed out (quite fiercely!) to the waitress she had forgotten her brother’s apples. She also made it extremely clear that it was his birthday.

  Ariel and I share a very unique connection and many of the same interests. We both love cars. She can tell you the difference between American muscle and other classic sports cars. She also loves music as much as I do. My favorite singer is Frank Sinatra and her favorite song is “I’ve Got You Under My Skin.” When his songs come on the radio, she and I sing them together. Of course she knows every word. I see so much of myself in Ariel. Noah reminds me more of his mother because of his engineering mindset. They often see things in black and white. Ariel picks up on the gray areas of life like I do. She has a more abstract vision that will allow her more flexibility as she grows older.

  Noah and I bonded through baseball, much like how my dad and I did when I was younger. He always viewed baseball as America’s pastime and a crucial element of American culture. That was one of the best things my father did for me, and I cherished those memories. It’s something of a tradition in my family which has tied three generations together: my dad’s father taught him about baseball, my dad taught me, and now I teach my son. I've coached Noah's baseball team for six years now. I was there since the very beginning during his first year playing, when he was just five years old. My dad, who lives out in the countryside now, has driven over two hours just to come to Noah’s baseball games.

  If there’s anyone that loves my kids more than me, it has to be my mom and dad—their “Nana” and “Papa,” as they like to call them. Papa treasures his time with them. Every summer he looks forward to them spending a few weeks on the family farm he was able to acquire on a VA loan a few years back. They collect the eggs from the hens in the morning and my mom cooks them for breakfast. My dad has all his equipment from his days as a machinist in his garage. Noah, having an engineer’s mindset, loves to spend time with Papa learning how to use all of those machines.

  I took my family to Disneyland in 2013. Since the crushing blow I had felt during my own childhood trip from my mother’s meltdown, I wanted to finally have the resort trip of my dreams. With my wife and children, I was able to provide the experience for them that I had so dearly missed. Seeing the looks on their faces and the fun they had, I accomplished my childhood dream. I spared no expenses and we stayed in the Disneyland Hotel. This memory remains my proudest accomplishment as a father. My kids enjoyed it, probably not as much as I did, but being there with them seemed like my life had come full circle.

  Chapter 5

  Millionaire Moves

  One of the most beneficial things my father taught me as a child was how to play baseball. Not only did it teach me strategic principles I would later use in life, but I also loved spending that time with him. My dad taught me one of the most important fundamentals of the game, which is that home runs are not the most important thing when stepping up to the plate. Base hits were the main objective; actually getting on base was critical to scoring. This was achieved through small, yet consistent progress: it is the key to winning. This basic principle can be applied all throughout life but especially in your career, by learning to move forward in business or at work with small, significant steps, making progress each time. I want to show you in this chapter how I applied the principles of baseball to my life and turned them into millionaire moves.

  Even though my childhood was painful at times, it gave me the chance to develop some unique skills. Maturing at a young age in that type of environment, I became highly intuitive. I was very socially aware and developed skills that allowed me to read people accurately. I quickly learned how to read a room. Growing up, I didn’t have a choice. I had to learn how to navigate my parents’ emotional landmines to survive. I needed to be able to walk into a room and immediately discern the mood, so I observed people, not only by what they would say, but through their body language and nonverbal communication. As a result, I could easily adapt my personality to get along well with others by recognizing their silent thoughts and empathizing with them. And so I honed in on this skill set. I didn’t need to learn them, but rather, strengthened them until they became invaluable elements of my personality and propelled me towards success.

  You always hear the phrase, “Communication is key,” and that’s true. I value communication and my ability to interact and talk to people on different levels. You need to be flexible, capable of acclimating to various circumstances and unexpected change. Couple that with the ability to easily adjust to others and it’s a valuable, priceless tool in today’s business world. This would become one of my greatest strengths later on in my career.

  Looking back, I realize I made some serious mistakes growing up that led to my own self-destructive behavior. In my mind, I was always feeling sorry for myself and ashamed of my family. This thinking led to the development of a massive chip on my shoulder: the more embarrassed my family made me, the bigger the chip became. I lived under the assumption that all my friends had it so much better than I did, and my unstable environment only further fueled my self-pity. If I wanted to grow into a better person, the first move I needed to make was overcoming this mindset. Mindset is everything. Endlessly complaining about what I didn’t have would get me nowhere; instead I had to start going after what I wanted. Of course, this was a task easier said than done, and it can be incredibly overwhelming when you’re faced with so much to change about yourself. It’s just as easy to quit while you’re ahead.

  I tackled what I had direct control over first: my unhealthy habits. All it took was discipline and a determined mindset, and over time as my confidence increased, I realized that I had control over many more facets of my life. All these things built momentum which allowed me to accomplish the rest of my goals from then on. Not only should you keep a positive mindset in attempting to alter your lifestyle, but you must stay open-minded. Mindset is a key component in your pursuit of success, for it is essentially the way you perceive yourself and your current circumstances. Motivation is everything.

  To make sincere millionaire moves, you must be motivated. You cannot rely on others to motivate you—rather, find a means to discover your own motivation. One of the biggest ways I found mine was by using the very thing that hurt me in the first place. When I found out I was going to have a baby, my painful childhood recollections came rushing back. They crushed me with misery, embarrassment, and shame. And in that moment, I knew I never wanted my child to experience the pain I had endured. Instead of dwelling in pity all over again, I made my past work for me, not against me. I used every last biting memory as motivation to fuel my endeavors and inspire me to create a better plan for my family’s future. I had found my reason to succeed: it was my child, in the family I was building with Yuka, and in my need to reap some benefit from my unpleasant past.

  After I adjusted my mindset and fo
und my motivation, I needed to tie everything together with goals and a plan. I had short-term goals—things I needed to do right away—and some long-term goals that demanded I work my ass off. I also had to face many past failures: sometimes we fail at something and give up. We often abandon that goal, either out of fear, or out of frustration. If I was going to put my best foot forward, I would have to acknowledge my mistakes, one way or another.

  So, the instant I found out that Yuka was pregnant with Noah, I quit smoking. I had previously attempted to stop smoking, but it wasn’t until I was sparked by the news of becoming a father that I finally quit for good. There was no patch, no gum, no magic pill, but rather the willpower and determination to be the kind of father I wanted my child to have. I made up my mind: it had to stop now. There were two reasons this was important: first, because I had made it a habit to purchase a pack a day, and I couldn’t afford to waste money on nonsense. Second, because smoking was bad for me, it would be bad for the baby, and I needed to be my strongest self to raise this child.

  The next thing I needed to do was lose weight. I was very heavy for my size, at 5’10” and 230 pounds. My knees hurt daily, and walking upstairs to my apartment made me winded. I never exercised—I had when I played sports in school, but that wasn’t on purpose. I hated exercise and frankly, I never had time for it. I wanted to lose weight but I didn’t know how: I didn’t know what calories were, much less what to read on food labels. I saw food as a friend. It would comfort me during bad times and good times, and it made me happy.

  I had to change the way I looked at food—I should eat to live, not live to eat. I know that sounds cliché, but it’s true. I needed to be mindful of what I was eating, especially since I didn’t like to exercise. I learned to count calories and forced myself to drink only water. This was all part of my plan to get healthy. I didn’t feel good, and if I didn’t feel good, it would be too hard to stay motivated. Getting healthy not for vanity, but to reach a place where I felt good, took me farther than I expected. When all was said and done, with my new mindset, I was able to lose 85 pounds in four months.

  You must first develop a plan, something to work towards. My goal was to save money, make a six-figure income, and build wealth for me and my family. I didn’t want my kids to know what it felt like to be poor, and in order for me to do that, I had to stay committed to my goals and uphold a strong work ethic. Lazy people will never succeed, and in order to work towards the life I envisioned for my family, I couldn’t be afraid of hard work. No matter where I was employed, I had two rules of thumb that I always followed: first, I made it a habit to know more than I needed to know and to take the initiative to learn anything that could help me succeed on my own. Second, I always did more than what I was paid to do. I volunteered for projects and took on extra loads. I often worked two jobs for extra income and experience. My efforts helped me stand out as a great collaborator and a valuable part of the team.

  This drive led me through a series of employers, wherein I never settled and defiantly propelled myself to do more than was expected. This journey began with me as a lackluster janitor. When Yuka and I moved in with my parents, I started working as an “on call” security guard, ready to fill in for any shift, at any time. This included holidays and graveyard shifts. While making $12 per hour at this job, I was also studying for my insurance exam. In the second chapter of this book, I mentioned my attempts—and failures—at becoming an insurance broker, before subsequently giving up. This was my third attempt. Quitting this goal had never sat well with me, and now it was time to face my failures head on. But this time around, I was not alone. I had Yuka. She helped me study and after tirelessly poring over textbooks and flashcards together for a month, I finally passed in 2007. I could now sell insurance while still maintaining my position as a security guard.

  Whenever I wasn't scheduled to work a security guard shift, I would throw on a tie and sell insurance door to door, cold calling people. I visited small used car dealerships to leave my name in case anyone was buying a car and needed insurance, asking that they call me. And they did call me. A lot. Selling insurance became a tremendous source of income for me. I was making good money as an insurance agent, and I could have stopped hustling right there to live comfortably. But I didn’t.

  I would not allow pride to get in the way of providing for my family. Even though I already had two jobs, I refused to be complacent. I flipped cars and painted houses with my brother (who now worked as a house painter) on weekends. We could paint an entire house in a day or two, and he would compensate me in cash. I bought cars that needed work, negotiated a discount, repaired them, and then sold them for a profit. And so, I managed to save a lot of money and began to pay off my debt and repair my credit. After about a year of nonstop hard work, we bought a starter house with the help of a loan from Yuka’s parents. The financial crisis of 2008 had made it almost impossible to get a bank loan, and with my credit in disrepair and all the side jobs that paid in cash, I knew getting a loan was out of the question. We paid our mortgage to Yuka’s parents, instead of to the bank.

  After about a year of working as a security guard, I was promoted to security guard supervisor at a Silicon Valley tech company called TiVo. I was now making $15 per hour. By this time, I had saved enough money to start investing in stocks, and by 2010, I got an entry-level job at that same company as a manual software quality assurance (QA) tester.

  My security boss knew I was destined for greater things, and she often told me that I could, and should, be doing so much more than working as a security guard. She even encouraged me to explore something inside of TiVo if I could; she said that she would support me 100%, even if it meant losing me. It followed that the QA director at TiVo became the first person to give me the chance at entering the tech industry. Being a manual QA software tester was the lowest position at the entire company. It paid a mere $16 per hour—a dollar more than my security job, but that’s all I needed. If I could get my foot in the door, I would let my work ethic, attitude, and personality speak for themselves.

  To this day, I still remember that my interview was at 3:00 p.m. and that I ended my security shift at exactly 3:00 p.m. I closed up the security office and rushed down the hall to one of the meeting rooms where the director and a member of her team were waiting for me. I was so nervous and even apologized to them for the fact that I was still wearing my security guard uniform. But I passed the interview and got the job.

  When I made the transition from security guard to low-level software tester, I learned that the tech industry, in general, lacked people with great social skills and personality. I realized then that my personality and ability to communicate well could take me very far. I learned as much as I could about software, and though I didn't learn to code (I didn't want to be a programmer), I took a class on coding for beginners. I knew that if I wanted to work closely with engineers one day, I would need to know the basics of coding and how to think like a programmer to communicate better with them. I read books at night about building software, testing software, and software processes, which helped me in my career immensely. I took it one step further, and went to night school to become certified in QA software testing. I worked all day and went to school all night, but I finished at the top of my class. I must have made an impression, because about a year later they asked me to come back and teach the class.

  I worked at TiVo as a software QA tester for about a year. I now had a year of software testing under my belt, and as an added bonus, a QA certification after five months of night school. I was eventually hired as a contractor inside of Yahoo for a job that paid $36 per hour. Keep in mind, I was still flipping cars and investing in stocks. By the end of 2011, I was making some pretty good money and was ready to sell our starter home. Noah would soon be going to school, and I wanted to buy a home in a better neighborhood with a better school district.

  While I was at Yahoo, an agency contacted me to do QA at Google. This was the chance of a lifetime for me.
Google was a matchless opportunity and I would take full advantage and learn everything I could from the Ivy Leaguers around me.

  I will never forget the day I interviewed: it was my first time ever stepping foot onto the Google campus. I was scheduled to have an interview with a few of the engineers and would meet my soon-to-be boss shortly after. He was the type who didn’t mince his words, who held extremely high performance standards. His motto: “If you’re comfortable, you’re not growing.” Fortunately, I passed the interview with him as well, and was offered the job. The team later told me that I had competed with, and beat out, almost fifty other candidates for that one opening! I worked at Google as a contractor, not a direct employee—but realistically, it was hard for me to see any difference between the two, other than the color of our ID badges.

  Over the next six years at Google, I quickly learned that most employees didn’t last under my boss’s management style because he demanded and expected excellence at all times. Under his leadership, everything was to be perfect, and the high workloads he delegated were to be fulfilled without a hitch. He had extremely high performance standards and would routinely push you to your breaking point—but, if you managed to pull through and come out the other end, you would have learned and grown exponentially.

  Working for him, I dealt with several different employees with varying, incongruous agendas, who all communicated differently. From the first day on the job, I was expected to know everyone’s agenda and expectations, and resolve any conflicts that arose. The task was easily overwhelming, but fortunately, my aptitude for communication got me through it. The discipline I developed had certainly helped, as well as the plain truth that I simply wouldn’t quit. Yet, for one reason or another, many of my previous colleagues never came out the other end. After working with my boss for a year or so, he once said to me: “You’ve got something special in your personality and a work ethic that is hard to find. I need more people like you, Ace.” That was high praise, coming from him!