The Wreckage of Us

by Cherry, Brittainy

  14

  IAN

  When Hazel came back, she was in a frenzy, wiping fallen tears from her eyes at a rapid speed. I hopped out of the truck and raised an eyebrow at her. “Hey, you okay?”

  She didn’t say a word, probably because her emotions were too heightened. She toppled toward me as I caught her in my arms. She began to sob into my T-shirt, tugging me closer to her, and I allowed it. She was breaking, and I was the only thing keeping her from crashing to the ground.

  I didn’t know how long I held on to her. Five minutes, maybe ten. All I knew was I stayed as long as she needed me to be there for her.

  When we started our trek back home, Hazel remained pretty quiet, and I didn’t push her to talk. I knew she’d speak up when she was ready, and she did when the time came.

  We were about two hours into the drive home when she cleared her throat. “She’s taking the fall, so he’ll get out before her and be able to raise the kid once it’s born . . .” She cried harder. “It’s not right. No kid should be raised by Charlie. I’ve been through that. It’s not a good thing. And that kid won’t even have my mom by their side . . . even though she struggled, she was still a mom sometimes. That kid will only have the monster.”

  “Shit . . . I’m sorry, Haze. I don’t know . . . maybe there’s a way it can be proven that Charlie can’t have the kid . . .”

  “I asked to help her, but she doesn’t want my help.” She shrugged and looked down to her hands. “She said I was a mistake. She said I was the biggest fuckup she’d ever made in her life and she wished she would’ve aborted me when she had the chance.”

  Her head lowered, her tears returned, and I hated the fact that I was now on the freeway and couldn’t reach over to hug her again.

  “That’s a messed-up thing to say to a person. You didn’t deserve it.”

  “Maybe I did. What I did was awful. And now she’s going to be there longer, because I didn’t think it all through.”

  “What you did saved your mother’s life.”

  “I don’t know . . . each night I’ve been having nightmares. I twist and turn in bed at the thought of what I did. I wake up in a panic, because I can’t breathe. Then I can’t fall back asleep. I don’t think I deserve to sleep comfortably while she’s in such a terrible place. Why should I be able to sleep peacefully when she couldn’t do the same? I mean, what kind of monster would do that to their own mother? I figured she’d end up free . . .” She sniffled and wiped her sleeve beneath her nose. “I just didn’t want her to die.”

  I parted my lips to speak, but she shook her head. “Can we just listen to music? I don’t think I need comfort right now. I want to feel like shit for a while.”

  I agreed to her request and turned on Tool’s second album, my favorite one.

  We drove the remainder of the way in silence, even though I wanted to keep telling Hazel that the world was better with her in it. Even if it kept showing her reasons why she shouldn’t have belonged.

  I parked the truck in the driveway, and Hazel hopped out. She turned to me and gave me a smile, but it wasn’t a happy smile or anything. I didn’t know smiles could be sad until I saw the one resting on her lips.

  “Thanks, Ian. Sorry you wasted your day.”

  “It wasn’t a waste. I’m glad I could help you. If you ever need anything at all, I’m around.”

  “Thanks again.” She snickered to herself and brushed her finger across the bridge of her nose. “I thought seeing my mom today would’ve brought me a little bit more comfort with today being the day that it is.”

  “What’s today?”

  She rubbed the palms of her hands over her tired eyes. “My birthday.”

  “Shit,” I muttered. What a shitty birthday. What a shitty life. “Happy birthday, Haze. Sorry it was so crappy.”

  “It’s okay. At least I didn’t end up spending it alone.”

  Later that night, I heard her tossing and turning in her bed again. It made it impossible for me to fall asleep knowing she was in such distress. So without an invitation, I tiptoed into her bedroom. I quietly closed the door behind me and moved over to the distressed girl, twisting and turning in her sleep.

  “Haze. Hazel, wake up,” I whispered, nudging her in the arm. She sat up, alarmed and terrified.

  “What?” she screeched, covered in sweat.

  I shook my head a bit. “You were having a nightmare.”

  Her breathing became more controlled as she combed her hands through her hair. “Oh.”

  “Here, move over.”

  “Why?”

  “When I was a kid, I used to have nightmares after my parents left. Grams would lie with me every now and again, and on those nights, the dreams weren’t as bad. It helped to have someone lie beside me.”

  Warily, she scooted over and lay against the wall. I climbed into bed beside her.

  As I lay beside Hazel, her body was trembling with nerves or fear or sadness. One of those things. Maybe all three.

  I wrapped my arms around her body and held her against mine.

  My eyes drifted closed after she felt safe enough to shut her own.

  15

  HAZEL

  “Hey, can you come help with something in the barn house?” Ian asked, popping his head into my bedroom as I was writing in my journal. “Big Paw has this big log he wants moved, and I can’t do it on my own. Meet me there in five?”

  “Sure.” I tossed on a pair of shoes to hurry off to help him. It had been a week since I’d gone to visit my mother, and for the past seven days, Ian had crawled into bed to lie beside me. I didn’t understand why he’d been so nice to me, but having him lying beside me made it much easier to sleep at night. Whenever I’d wake in a panic, he’d be right there, soothing my troubled heartbeats.

  I headed over to meet Ian at the barn house, opened the door—and gasped when I saw it decked out with decorations. Balloons, streamers, and a huge hand-painted banner that read, Happy Birthday, Hazel Stone.

  There was a table set up with a huge cake and minicupcakes around it. Along with pizza and snacks.

  “What is this?” I asked, my voice shaky as butterflies filled my stomach. Big Paw and Holly stood next to the table of food with smiles on their faces. Well, Holly smiled. Big Paw sported his grumpy face, which was one of my favorite looks on him. Beside them was Leah, looking as cheerful as ever.

  “Can’t you tell? It’s your birthday party. We even went all out and got you a band,” Holly said.

  Leah raced toward me and wrapped her arms around me. Over the past few weeks, she and I had been spending a lot of time together. I never thought I’d be one to have a girlfriend as cheerful as she was—but it was turning out that Leah was a light in my dark world. Laughing with her had become effortless.

  “Do you like it, Hazel? I did all the decorations myself, even though the boys tried to put in their input on it all. But I told them to stay in their lane and prepare their gift to you.”

  “Their gift to me?”

  Leah grinned ear to ear. “Oh my gosh, Hazel. You’re going to love it. It’s really special.”

  Before I could reply, Ian and his three bandmates walked out to the barn stage. My eyes were wide as they picked up their instruments.

  Ian wrapped his hands around the microphone and gave me a half smile. “The Wreckage has been together for years now, but we hadn’t truly tapped into the depths of our music until a girl dressed in black came around and helped open us up to the possibilities of what we could create. Hazel, without you, these songs wouldn’t exist. Without you, I would’ve never delved deeper into the music. These songs are for you; these songs are because of you. Happy birthday, Hazel Stone. I hope it’s as special as you.”

  He looked to his bandmates, and the four of them held a conversation with no words, and then Marcus began on the drums.

  It only took seconds for me to realize they were playing the songs Ian and I had been crafting over the past few weeks. They felt so unique and complet
e due to the way the band had pieced together the instrumentals. The passion they had for their music was showcased as I watched those four men fall deeper in love with their creation, and every inch of me belonged to Ian’s voice. He moved on the stage as if it were made solely for his talent. His voice dripped with charm, smoothness, and sex appeal. Oh, how he looked so good up there, singing those words that he was delivering straight to me.

  If I had a favorite day, it would’ve been that one. It was a memory I’d replay over and over again when my days got hard and my emotions overpowered me. I’d go back to that moment in time when Ian sang his songs solely for me.

  That band was going to skyrocket someday soon, and I knew I’d be their biggest fan.

  When the show concluded, everyone dived into the food and dessert.

  “Why did you do this?” I asked Ian as he stuffed his face with another piece of pizza.

  “Because you deserved a party. You deserved a good birthday. Sorry it’s a week late.”

  “It’s right on time.”

  “Oh! I almost forgot your presents.” He dropped his pizza onto his plate and hurried to the corner of the room, where he grabbed a wrapped—terribly wrapped—box and held it out to me. “Wrapping isn’t my strength, but it will do. Go ahead. Open it.”

  I raised an eyebrow and began unwrapping the package. When I opened the box, my eyes watered, and my chest tightened. There they were staring back at me—my combat boots. Clean as a whistle, as if they’d never stepped foot into the pigpens.

  “How did you . . . ?” I asked.

  He smirked and shrugged. “A lot of toothbrush scrubbing at first, until I found a shoe-cleaning shop. They did the hard work once I realized I couldn’t handle it myself. I know it’s kind of stupid and a cheap gift to give you something that was already yours, but—”

  I shut him up by wrapping my arms around his body. “Thank you, Ian. You don’t know what this means to me. What this all means to me.”

  “You deserve this, Haze. You deserve good things happening to you.”

  The party continued, and I received more gifts from Big Paw and Holly. They’d given me a cell phone so I would be able to get in touch with them at any time.

  “I think cell phones are the devil’s work, but Holly was determined to get you one,” Big Paw huffed. “And whatever the lady wants, she gets, so happy birthday.”

  I thanked them, feeling very undeserving of everything that family had done for me. At the end of the night, after the party came to an end, Ian pulled me out of the barn house for one last surprise.

  “You’ve already done enough,” I said, feeling so unworthy.

  “I haven’t done nearly enough, but I hope you like this last one the best,” he said. “Now, close your eyes.” I did as he said, and he led me toward the final gift. “Okay, you can open them now.”

  When I did as he said, I gasped as I looked at the formerly broken-down shed that had been fully remodeled.

  “What is this?”

  “Well, it’s your she-shed,” he explained. “I figured you could use a nice place to create. I know writing is a big deal for you, so I thought it would be nice. Plus, if you ever need a safe place to take a break and look up at the stars . . .” He swung the door open, and I gasped as I walked inside. The ceiling was glass, and I looked up to see dozens of stars in the sky. There was a nice twin-size bed that I could lie on if I wanted to, and two Shawn Mendes posters sat against the walls, making me laugh.

  “This is too much,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief.

  “You deserve it.”

  “I can’t thank you enough.” I turned to face him. “But I have this awkward fear of staying out here alone after all those weeks ago when these guys were outside the shed.”

  Ian bit his bottom lip and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Confession time—that was me and James trying to spook you to get you to come stay at the house with me.”

  My jaw dropped, and I batted his arm. “Ian Parker, are you kidding me? You scared me to death that night!”

  “Which was the plan . . . listen, to be fair, you were stubborn as ever, and if I didn’t get you in that house, Big Paw was going to kick me out sooner than later. So, desperate times . . .” He shrugged. “Trust me when I say this shed is safe.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “I want to be mad at you, but also, this is the best thing I’ve ever seen, so I’ll forgive you for now.”

  I moved over to the twin bed and lay down to look up at the stars. I patted the spot next to me, and Ian joined me.

  The bed was tiny, and our bodies were pressed together just to keep Ian’s big, broad frame from falling off the mattress.

  “Here, let me see your cell phone,” he said, reaching for it. He programmed his cell number into it and then sent himself a message. “Now I can send you annoying text messages that make you roll your eyes.”

  “Oh joy,” I joked, but secretly I loved the idea.

  I took the phone from him and laid it down. Seconds later, my phone dinged.

  Ian: Haze?

  Hazel: Yes?

  Ian: I hope you had a good birthday.

  Hazel: The best one yet.

  Ian: I have a secret to tell you.

  Hazel: What is it?

  Ian: I stole the cake from the grocery store.

  I burst out laughing and covered my mouth to shield my chuckles as I turned to face Ian. Jeez, how corny were we? Texting while we were right beside each other.

  “You didn’t steal it!” I whisper-shouted.

  “Okay, no. I did think about it, but there wasn’t a good pasta sauce display going on.”

  “You’re a dork.”

  “You’re beautiful.”

  What?

  My eyes fell to his lips to make sure those words had escaped him. My pulse heightened as I became unable to think straight. What had he said? And he’d said it to me? No way. I’d been called a lot of things in my life, but beautiful hadn’t ever been one of them. I had to have imagined it. There was no way Ian would’ve ever said those words and directed them toward me.

  “I hate myself, you know,” he whispered, “for the way I treated you when we first met. I was a complete dick, and you didn’t deserve that, Haze. I judged you without knowing you, and that was a shitty thing to do.”

  “You don’t have to keep apologizing for that. We both came in with our thoughts on one another.”

  “Yeah, but you only responded to my idiotic ways. You didn’t come in swinging the way I did, and for that, I’m sorry. I’m going to keep apologizing, too, no matter what. So just let it happen.”

  As we lay in bed together, he moved in close, keeping me warm and keeping my heart racing. In the past few nights, I’d felt his hardness pressed against my behind when we’d cuddled, and I was beginning to fully understand why women seemed addicted to finding their way into Ian’s pants. A pool of heat flooded my center, and flutters attacked my stomach. I tried my best to not think about it as his warm skin pressed against mine.

  “Ian?”

  He yawned. “Yeah?”

  “You’re my new favorite musician.”

  He snickered. “I bet you say that to all the boys who throw you parties, build you she-sheds, and clean shit out of your boots.”

  I laughed.

  “I like that,” he whispered. “Your laugh is my new favorite sound.”

  Butterflies, butterflies, oh, the butterflies.

  I turned toward him and looked into his brown eyes. Then I looked down to his lips. His lips that had small breaths falling from them every few seconds. His lips that had a perfect Cupid’s bow and were flesh colored. His lips that looked so soft.

  So very, very soft.

  “Ian?” I said once more.

  “Yeah?”

  “I love the new songs. They are perfect.”

  “It’s all because of you. Those songs only existed because of you.” He gave me a sleepy smile, picked up his phone, and began typing.

 
Ian: Good night, Haze.

  Hazel: Good night.

  He fell asleep before I did that night, because for the first time in ages, being awake didn’t feel like a nightmare. I stayed frozen in place as his body warmed mine, and I tried to collect all the information of what had gone down over the past week.

  Number one: Ian had slept beside me to help keep my demons at bay.

  Number two: he’d built me a freaking she-shed so I could look up at the stars.

  Three, four, and five: he’d watched over me, he’d shared his secret confessions, and he’d listened to mine.

  Lastly, there was number six: the butterflies he left floating in my gut.

  Oh yes.

  We couldn’t forget about the butterflies.

  16

  HAZEL

  “Two words for you: Bon. Fire,” Leah gleefully expressed, waving her hands in the air with excitement. She’d been stopping by the ranch to visit me—and the horses—almost every day since she’d picked me up on the side of the road. I would’ve tried to push her away, because I had a fear of letting people get close to me, but Leah was like a burst of sunshine on the cloudiest day. I couldn’t keep her away if I wanted to.

  “I think bonfire is one word,” I joked, feeding Dottie an apple.

  Leah rolled her eyes. “Don’t be a smart-ass, Hazel. Two words, one word—it doesn’t matter. There’s the annual bonfire happening this weekend at the lakefront, and you need to be there with me.”

  “Are there going to be a lot of people?”

  “Tons of people!”

  “Partying and dancing?”

  “So much partying and dancing!”

  “And you said a ton of people, right?”

  She grinned wider, as if she were going to explode from the excitement of it all. “Yes, yes! Pretty much everyone in town goes to the summer bonfire—one word, not two.”

  I laughed and shook my head back and forth. “Then go ahead and count me out.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “What? No way. You have to come, Hazel. It will be so much fun.”

  “I’m not really a big people person, so being around all those people seems somewhat like a nightmare to me. The only kind of people I really like hanging out with are fictional and live within the pages of a book.”