Prayers and Lies

by Sherri Wood Emmons

  I sat as close to the screen door as I could without them seeing me and listened intently.

  “It’s bad, Helen, real bad. Bobby Lee ain’t been home for months, and I hear tell he’s got an apartment in Charleston with some woman. And Jolene is takin’ it hard. Either lyin’ in bed stone-cold drunk or goin’ out God knows where drinkin’ whiskey with God knows who. She don’t talk to nobody ’round here—especially me and Loreen. Don’t cook, don’t clean, don’t take care of Reana Mae.” I heard him sigh. “Lord knows we tried. We been tryin’ all these years. But Jolene, she just don’t seem to care about no one but her own self.”

  “What about Reana Mae?” Mother asked.

  “Well, me and Loreen look out for her as best we can. She’s growin’ up fast, that one. Does all the cookin’ and cleanin’ that gets done down there. Course, there’s Caleb, too. He watches out for her. Between the two of ’em, they keep the house goin’. He works for me most days. Does a good job, too. Works hard. And Bobby Lee sends money now and then. He don’t come home hisself at all, but he does send money. I’ll give him that.

  “Me and Loreen try to help out. But Jolene, she don’t want no help from us. Blames me for her troubles with Bobby Lee, you know. Won’t let us do nothin’ for her. Damned, bullheaded fool—just like her mama.”

  “Well, we won’t give up on her just yet, Ray. We’ll keep praying and trying, and someday we’ll get through to her. She’s not a bad person, you know. She just had a hard start, that’s all.” Mother’s voice was firm.

  “Well, I reckon we’ll see, Helen.” Ray sounded doubtful. “I reckon we’ll see…. Now, what can I get for you and yours today?”

  Five minutes later, Mother and I were walking toward the beach, each carrying a bag from Ray’s store. By the river’s edge, we saw Nancy and Melinda lying on their towels, their portable radio blaring. Tracy sat on her towel, pen and paper in hand, composing another letter to Paul. Out in the water we could see two heads bobbing toward shore. As we got closer, I saw it was Harley Boy and Ruthann. I waved as they neared the shore, running down to meet them.

  “Hey, Bethany!” Ruthann slogged onto the beach and gave me a wet hug. “You’re here!”

  I grinned at her. At least someone was glad to see me. Harley Boy trudged up beside her, his eyes carefully avoiding Nancy and Melinda’s oiled-up bodies stretched out on the ground.

  “Hey, Bethany, how’s it goin’?” he mumbled.

  “Fine, Harley Boy.” I smiled at him. “Just fine.”

  “It’s H.B.,” he mumbled again.

  “What?”

  “He likes to be called H.B. these days,” Ruthann explained. “Thinks it makes him sound older.” She laughed as his cheeks reddened.

  I hadn’t seen Ruthann or Harley for nearly two years, but they looked about like I remembered them. Taller and older, but still like themselves. Still kids, like me.

  “Did you bring your swimmin’ suit with you?” Ruthann asked, flicking me with water as she toweled her dark hair.

  “It’s back at the house. But I’ll go get it.”

  Mother smiled and told me to go ahead. She was going to sit a while with the girls. I took both grocery bags and ran down the road, my bare feet stumbling now and then against a rock or stick. My feet hadn’t toughened up like they did every summer. Coming around the last bend toward our cabin, I caught sight of Reana Mae disappearing into the woods at the end of the road. I ran faster, calling out to her, until she finally turned. She wore tight shorts again, this time with a tiny bathing suit top. She smiled as I arrived before her, panting heavily.

  “Hey,” I said, smiling. “Where you been?”

  “I had chores to do,” she answered, not meeting my eyes.

  “You wanna go swimming? Ruthann and Harley, I mean H.B., are down at the beach.”

  “H.B.,” she snorted. “Like that makes him a man.”

  I simply stared at her, trying to catch my breath. I’d always thought she liked Harley Boy. I knew he liked her.

  “Anyway,” I finally gasped. “You wanna come?”

  “No.” She shook her head, glancing back toward the woods. “I’m gonna take a walk.”

  “But you’ve already got your bathing suit on,” I began. She shook her head adamantly.

  “Maybe later,” she said, edging away. “I’ll come later.”

  “Where you going, Reana Mae?”

  “Like I said, I’m gonna take a walk.”

  “You want me to come with you?” I asked, knowing the answer would be no.

  “Naw, that’s okay, Bethany. You go on down to the beach with the kids. I’ll come later.”

  Looking up, she suddenly colored slightly, grabbed my hands with both of hers, and said earnestly, “I promise! I’ll be there in just a little while.”

  Then she turned and ran toward the woods, disappearing almost immediately into the thick brush.

  I stood in the road and watched her go. Where was she going in the woods? Why didn’t she want me to go with her? Where had the old Reana Mae gone? And who was this new girl-woman in her place? I shook my head as I pulled on my bathing suit. Well, at least Ruthann and Harley Boy seemed glad I was there. At least they still wanted me.

  “What’s up with Reana Mae?” I asked cautiously, lying on the wooden raft that floated halfway out in the river.

  Ruthann leaned up on one elbow to look down at me. “Caleb Colvin,” she spat. “That’s what’s up.” She grimaced at his name. “Ever since he came back, Reana Mae don’t do nothing with us anymore. It’s always Caleb. I reckon she’s purely in love with him.”

  I laughed. “Oh, Ruthann, that’s just silly. She’s not in love with Caleb!”

  Ruthann didn’t answer. She just shook her head knowingly.

  “Oh, come on,” I pleaded. “He’s way older than her. Why, he must be eighteen, at least. Plus,” I added triumphantly, “he’s her uncle. How could she be in love with her own uncle?”

  “Happens,” Ruthann said grimly. “Happens sometimes. Anyways, it’s God’s own truth, Bethany. Ever since he came back, Reana Mae don’t want nothin’ to do with me … or with H.B.” She glanced down at Harley floating on his back in the water. “Poor Harley Boy,” she continued in a whisper. “He’s plain crazy ’bout Reana Mae, always has been. And she won’t even look his way. Not since Caleb came around, leastwise.”

  “She sure seems different,” I muttered.

  “You got that right. She is different, and that’s the Lord’s own truth. She don’t like school no more—not even English class—and she don’t even go half the time. Hides out in the woods till the bus is gone.”

  I stared in disbelief. “She skips school? What does Jolene do?”

  Ruthann snorted. “Jolene? Well, she drinks liquor, that’s what she does. She drinks herself dead drunk.”

  Ruthann sighed, shaking her head. “I guess it must be hard on Reana Mae, what with her mama bein’ that way and her daddy always gone. Still,” her voice sharpened as it rose, “she don’t need to be so hard on poor H.B. It surely ain’t his fault.”

  Late in the afternoon, just as I was thinking of heading home, Reana Mae walked onto the beach, stripped off her shorts, and dove into the river, swimming cleanly out to the raft.

  “Hey, ya’ll,” she said, not even out of breath as she pulled herself onto the raft.

  “Hey, yourself.” I smiled at her. With her hair plastered to her head and her bony hips showing, she looked more like the Reana Mae I knew. More like a little girl. Then she arched her back to squeeze out her braid, and her small breasts stood erect, straining against the tiny bra of her bikini. On her other side I could see Harley Boy staring at them intently. I looked away.

  “Where you been all day?” Ruthann asked, squinting at Reana Mae in the late afternoon sun.

  “Helpin’ out at the store.”

  She said it so smoothly, so easily, it sounded just like the truth. I stared at her, my mouth slightly open, and she returned my gaze steadily.
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br />   “Granpa needed some extra help today.”

  I saw Ruthann shoot a glance at Harley Boy, and I knew they didn’t believe her.

  “Ruthann says there’s a new drugstore open up by Crayville. You wanna walk up there tomorrow and see if they have any good comic books?” I asked, praying she’d say yes.

  “Sure,” she said lightly, dropping her arm across her eyes as she lay back on the raft. “That’d be fun. They got real good makeup there. I need some new eye shadow.”

  “You know your daddy wouldn’t let you wear that.” H.B. leaned over her. “You know he wouldn’t want you to.”

  “Well, if he ever comes back home, he can tell me that hisself, Harley Boy. Meantime, why don’t you keep your big ole nose in your own goddamned business?”

  The anger in her voice hit me like a shock wave. I could only stare at her.

  H.B. looked at her miserably for a minute, his cheeks reddening. Then he rose abruptly and dove into the dark water, swimming furiously for the shore.

  Ruthann eyed Reana Mae coldly. “Why do you have to treat him like that?”

  “Why does he think he has to pry into other folks’ business?” Reana spat back.

  Ruthann stood, too. “I’ll see you later, Bethany.”

  She dove into the water and swam toward shore.

  I sat quietly for a long minute before venturing, “I think he’s right, though, Reana. I think Bobby Lee wouldn’t like it if he saw you wearing eye shadow.”

  She turned to squint at me, shading her eyes against the sun’s slanting rays. “I reckon you’re right. Probably he’d hate it. But he ain’t here, is he? He ain’t here to tell me nothin’. And Harley Boy.” She sighed, flopping back onto the raft. “Well, he just needs to stop pesterin’ me, that’s all. Always followin’ me around, tellin’ me I’m going to hell if I don’t straighten up. He’s got just like Ida Louise.”

  “I think he just likes you.”

  “Yeah, well, he better get over that, right quick. ’Cause I ain’t never gonna like him, not like that.” She laughed derisively.

  We sat on the raft a while longer, neither of us speaking. I felt like I was in a foreign land, unsure of the landscape. Why was Reana so angry with Harley? Why had she been so mean? She of all people knew what it felt like to crave affection. This angry young woman was a stranger to me.

  We finally swam back to shore as the sun dipped behind the hills.

  “You wanna come home with me for supper?” I asked, toweling myself dry.

  “No, thanks. I gotta cook dinner at home. If I don’t cook, dinner don’t get made.”

  “But if you come home with me, you don’t need to cook dinner. Jolene’s not there, is she? You can just eat with us.”

  “Bethany Marie, if I don’t cook, what’ll Caleb do for supper? A woman’s gotta cook, or a man don’t eat.” She smiled. “That’s what Caleb says.”

  I shook my head in frustration. I wanted to shake this woman-child and demand the return of my Reana Mae. She must have seen something in my face that reached her, because suddenly she broke into her old grin and grabbed my hand. “Come on! Let’s race!”

  We ran headlong down the road, laughing like little girls, until we came to the cabin she shared with Caleb and Jolene. Panting slightly, she grabbed me in a quick, tight hug.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Bethany. Okay? I promise!”

  I watched her disappear into the house, her small hips swaying. When had she gotten so grown up? And why was she doing it so fast?

  I shook my head hard, my wet hair slapping my cheeks. Then I ran toward home and supper, where everything still seemed familiar.

  16

  Another World

  A few nights later, Mother convinced Reana Mae and Caleb to eat supper with us. Daddy had already gone back home, so Caleb was the lone male at our table, a position he seemed not to mind. He ate four helpings of meat loaf and mashed potatoes before pushing himself back from the table.

  “Thank you, ma’am,” he mumbled toward my mother. “That was real good.”

  “I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Mother smiled.

  “Lord knows he ate enough of it,” Melinda whispered at Nancy as Caleb rose.

  Mother shot a quick warning glance at them before continuing, “I hope you saved room for some pie.”

  Caleb grinned at her then—the first smile we’d seen from him all evening—and sat back down. He didn’t look menacing at all when he smiled. In fact, he looked almost like Bobby Lee. Glancing across the table toward Reana Mae, I was startled to see Nancy’s eyes scanning Caleb quickly, as if reappraising him.

  “Let me help you with those dishes, Aunt Helen.” Reana Mae rose and began stacking plates.

  “Now, you just sit down, Reana Mae. You’re our guest tonight—no dishes for you!”

  Mother turned and looked meaningfully at Tracy and me. Tracy pretended not to notice as I rose and took the plates from Reana.

  Sighing, Mother tried again. “Tracy, will you go out and get some water from the pump, please?”

  “I’m not finished with my dinner, Mother.” Tracy smiled sweetly at Mother and pushed a small puddle of potatoes, peas, and butter around her plate.

  Mother frowned slightly, then turned to the older girls. Before she could speak, Nancy rose gracefully, laying her napkin on the table. “I’ll go, Mother.”

  She smiled down at Caleb and said, “Apparently, my little sisters need to brush up on their company manners.”

  Tracy stared at her balefully, but she still made no move to rise. I stifled my own protest at being included in the indictment. After all, wasn’t I carrying dishes to the sink at that very moment? And wasn’t it Nancy herself who sidestepped chores at every opportunity?

  Nancy took the chipped enamel dishpan from Mother, then turned and asked in a breathy little voice, “Caleb, would you pump the water for me? That darned thing is so rusty, it really needs a man to work it.”

  All of us were staring now. Why, I could make that pump work with just one hand. Nancy had certainly never had trouble with it before.

  Caleb rose and grinned down at her. “Sure,” he agreed. “I’ll get it goin’ for you.”

  I glanced back at Reana Mae, who sat frowning slightly as she watched them walk out the door. Nancy had turned eighteen that spring and was just done with high school. She was very pretty, with a small but curvy frame, dark hair, and flashing black eyes. Nancy had broken off with her latest beau just after the senior prom. It seemed like she was always breaking some boy’s heart. For the moment, at least, she was unattached. And Caleb apparently had just registered on her feminine radar.

  When they returned from the pump, Caleb was carrying the dishpan splashing full of water, and Nancy smiled brilliantly up at him.

  “Thank you, Caleb,” Mother said as she took the dishpan from him. “But you’re company tonight. No more chores for you.”

  She handed Nancy a dishrag and slightly shoved her toward the kitchen. “Now, how about some pie?”

  So Caleb and Reana Mae ate pecan pie while Nancy and I washed the dishes. That is, I washed dishes. Nancy rinsed and stacked them haphazardly on the counter, fuming at Mother. By the time we finished, Caleb and Reana Mae had risen from the table and were edging toward the door.

  I had just cut myself a piece of pie when Mother asked, “Where’s your mama tonight, Reana Mae?”

  Reana glanced at Caleb first, then shrugged. “Oh, you know, Aunt Helen. She’s got herself some friends up in Crayville. She’s probably havin’ supper with them.”

  “Will you tell her I’d like to see her tomorrow?”

  Reana Mae nodded quickly, then leaned over to kiss Mother’s cheek. “I’ll tell her, Aunt Helen. But I can’t make you a promise she’ll come.”

  With that they left, walking back up the road toward the cabin they both called home. Mother watched them from the porch, her eyebrows knit tightly together. I watched her watching them, then turned toward Nancy.

  “Reana
Mae said Caleb helped her swim all the way across the river. You should ask him to help you do it, too.”

  Nancy had never been a strong swimmer, and she had taken loads of grief from Melinda every summer because she couldn’t swim across the river. Melinda had even formed a “there-and-back” club, just for kids who could swim across the river and back—a club Nancy couldn’t join.

  “Maybe I’ll do that, Bethy,” Nancy purred at me, smiling.

  Good, I thought grimly. Take all the time in the world. Just keep him away from Reana Mae.

  But Nancy didn’t seem overly anxious to join the there-and-back club. For most of June, at least, she seemed content to bask in the sun, reading fan magazines and drinking Tab colas. Some days Caleb joined us by the river, cutting cleanly through the dark water, throwing younger kids out into the deep, diving off the wooden raft, then dropping down beside Nancy and staring hungrily at her tiny waist and rounded breasts when he thought she wasn’t looking.

  Whenever Caleb came to the beach, Reana Mae was right behind him. She struggled to keep up with him in the water, matching him dive for dive from the ramp. But back on the shore, she could only sit unhappily in her own tiny bikini—the kind Mother would never let any of us wear—and watch Caleb stare at Nancy’s breasts rising under the tight black nylon of her swimsuit.

  Otherwise, I didn’t see much of Reana Mae. Most days she worked, either at Ray’s store or at home. I stopped by her house almost every day, anyway, sometimes staying to help with laundry or cleaning. Once I even helped her bake bread, and took a loaf home to Mother, receiving a kiss in return. Some days, though, Reana was neither at the store nor at home. Invariably, those were the days Caleb had off work. Sometimes on those days the two of them would show up in the late afternoon at the beach. But sometimes they never came at all. We didn’t know where they were, and I never asked.

  Jolene finally showed up at our house a couple weeks after our dinner with Reana Mae and Caleb. It was late morning and I was at home, nursing cramps with a hot water bottle and aspirin. I’d been having my period for several months now. It was the only time when Mother let me lie about in bed, reading or listening to the radio, while she brought me crackers and hot tea.