Prayers and Lies

by Sherri Wood Emmons

  “Lord God, Bethany. How can he be that way?” She stopped in the road. “Oh, God. Bethy, it hurts so bad,” she whispered, collapsing against me.

  I wrapped my arms around her, and she cried until it seemed like she surely should run out of tears. Finally, she pulled away, straightened her shoulders, and snuffled loudly; we walked up the road, still holding hands, until we reached the dark little house she shared with Jolene and Caleb—her mother and her father’s brother. Latching the gate behind us, I followed her to the back of the house, and we sat down at the top of the steep stone steps that led down to the black, swirling river below. Neither of us spoke.

  Yawning mightily, Bo rose from where he’d been sleeping and lumbered over to lay his head on Reana Mae’s lap. She promptly buried her face in the dog’s fur and began crying again. I sat watching her, wondering what I could possibly say to ever make it better.

  Suddenly, an explosion filled the sky overhead, and then another. Across the river, the men had begun setting off fireworks. I watched in silence, while Reana Mae sat hunched over Bobby Lee’s old dog. Every time a rainbow exploded in the sky, poor Bo whimpered pitifully.

  Finally, after what seemed like a long time, the huge blasts stopped, the acrid smell of gunpowder drifted across the river, and the stars reappeared in their usual places, blinking as if blinded by their brighter cousins below.

  Reana Mae raised her head from Bo’s fur and wiped her arm across her eyes, sniffing. “How can he be so mean, Bethany?” she said, staring into the dark night. “How can he act that way to me?”

  “I don’t know, Reana Mae,” I whispered back, casting about for a reason, an explanation about it all. “Maybe he’s just playing with Nancy, you know?”

  “You don’t know nothin’, Bethany Marie,” she hissed savagely. “You don’t know nothin’ about it.”

  I sat up straight, pulling away from her, my feelings hurt. After all, wasn’t I the one sitting beside her in the night? Wasn’t I the one who had been defending her all summer long? Wasn’t it me that came when her baby brother had died, and me that wrote to her every week, and me that prayed for her every blessed night?

  “Oh, I know, Reana Mae,” I whispered, half to myself. “I do know.”

  I felt rather than saw her turn to look at me, felt her wide eyes staring at me in the dark.

  “You know what?”

  “I know all about it, Reana Mae,” I continued, still not looking at her, not wanting to see her eyes staring back at me. “We found your spot in the woods … me and Ruthann and poor Harley Boy. We found your blanket and the mattress and the packages … and your diary, too. We all know.”

  I heard her suck her breath in sharply.

  “Are you gonna tell?” she whispered the question finally—cementing the knowledge in my heart. For probably the hundredth time that day, I thought I might throw up.

  I sat there for a long minute, staring straight ahead of me, not looking at my cousin. It felt like a whole eternity. I wanted more than anything right then to be at home in my own bed in my mother’s tidy white house on a quiet street in Indianapolis. I wanted to be far away from Reana Mae and her terrible family. Far away from the Coal River Valley.

  Then, finally, I shook my head. Of course, I knew I should tell. I knew it’s what Mother would want me to do. I even knew it would be the right thing to do for Reana Mae. I knew my confession would take Reana far away from Caleb and Jolene—that it would be for her own good. But we were cousins, Reana and me … hell, we were sisters. And I knew I couldn’t tell, not then and not ever, no matter what.

  “No, I won’t tell,” I said.

  “Ruthann and Harley Boy?” Reana whispered.

  “I don’t know what they’re gonna do. I think Ruthann won’t say anything unless Harley Boy does. But if Harley Boy tells, you know Ruthann will back him up.”

  “They can’t tell, Bethany!” Reana Mae rose suddenly, pushing Bo aside as she stood. “I gotta find Harley Boy … I gotta find him right now.”

  “But Ida Louise took Harley home. You know you can’t get to him tonight.”

  Reana Mae stared down at me steadily for what seemed like a long time, then turned and ran toward the front of the tiny, shabby house. I stood uncertainly for a moment, then sighed heavily and followed her.

  We ran down the hard-packed dirt road, Reana Mae and I, finally turning onto a path that led up the hill toward Brother Harley’s parsonage and Christ the King Baptist Church. Panting and swearing mightily at my bruised, bare feet, I struggled to keep pace with my cousin. She ran like she was in a race for her life, and I guess she probably was. When we reached the church, we veered left and ran toward the small parsonage. Silently, I watched as my cousin deftly climbed the tidy wooden fence that surrounded the house. I stayed behind on the dirt road while Reana Mae padded across the yard, stooped to pick up a handful of pebbles, and climbed into the stunted, gnarled apple tree in the yard. She moved gracefully and quickly, finding foothold after sure foothold. I could tell she’d climbed that tree before.

  Holding my breath, I watched as she crawled out onto the narrow limb nearest the house and pitched a stone at a darkened window on the second floor. Downstairs, several lights burned brightly. I could see Ida Louise moving about in the kitchen, dishrag in hand. I saw Reana Mae throw a second pebble at the second-floor window. Then I saw him.

  Harley Boy opened the window slowly—it creaked loudly, and I glanced again toward the kitchen below. But Ida Louise kept right on washing dishes.

  “Come out, Harley Boy,” I heard Reana Mae’s voice pleading. “Come on out and talk to me.”

  “I can’t,” he hissed at her. “Grandmaw’s downstairs. And anyway, why should I?”

  “Because you want to,” Reana Mae’s voice was soft and cajoling now. “And because I want you to,” she whispered urgently. “Come on down and let me talk to you … just for a minute?”

  Just then, the light in the kitchen went dark. Reana Mae crawled farther out onto the limb. “She’s gone into the front room now, Harley. Come out … please?”

  Harley Boy’s face disappeared from the window, and Reana Mae edged carefully back toward the tree trunk. By the time she had climbed down from the tree, Harley was rounding the back of the house. The two of them walked quickly away from the house, toward the darkened church and its even darker graveyard. Unable to take my eyes from them, I followed along the dark road.

  “She beat you bad?”

  Reana Mae reached out to touch Harley Boy’s face just below the purple, swollen eye. He pulled away from her.

  “She’s done worse, I guess.”

  They dropped down onto the church steps. Still, I watched them from the road. Neither of them ever once looked my way. I think Reana Mae had forgotten I was there.

  “You acted like a damned fool tonight, Harley Boy. You know that? You acted crazy.”

  “You’re the one who’s crazy!” Harley’s voice sounded sharp and hurt. “You’re the one who’s goin’ right straight to hell! What are you doin’ with that man, with your own blood-uncle? That man is old enough to be your daddy!”

  “But I love him, Harley.” Reana Mae’s voice carried across the dark yard, calm and steady. “I know I ain’t supposed to, and I know you think it’s a sin. But I love him, anyways. He’s the only one that truly knows me. He’s the only one that loves me back.”

  “That ain’t true.” Harley Boy’s voice shook. I nodded along with him. “It ain’t true, and you know it—or at least you ought to! Belle loves you, and Helen and Bethany love you, and your daddy does, too.”

  “My daddy?” Reana laughed disdainfully. “Oh yeah, my daddy loves me right good! He loves me so damned much he can’t stand even to be in the same state as me.”

  “That ain’t because of you.” Harley Boy spoke confidently now. “It ain’t you he hates, and you know that, don’t you?”

  He leaned forward and took both of Reana’s hands tightly in his. “It’s your mama that he hates,
Reana Mae. And you know why, don’t you? Don’t you even know why your daddy hates Jolene?”

  Reana sat back, trying to pull her hands from his. But Harley Boy held on, staring straight into her eyes.

  “He hates her—he hates his own wife—because of his own damned brother. It’s all because of Caleb. It’s because your mama acted like a whore with Caleb. That’s what Bobby Lee can’t abide. And now you, Reana Mae … now you’re carrying on with Caleb, too? Can’t you see how that’s gonna hurt your daddy? Can’t you see how that makes you just like your mama?”

  Reana Mae stood abruptly, pushing Harley Boy away. “I ain’t a bit like my mama,” she spat at him. “You take that back right now!”

  “But just look at it, Reana,” Harley pleaded softly, urgently. “I ain’t saying you’re exactly like her. But you’re carryin’ on shameful-like. And can’t you see how folks are talking about it, all up and down the river? Grandmaw says it’s so, and that’s the Lord’s plain and honest truth. They’re talking, and you ought to know it!”

  “You think I give a shit what folks on this river say about me?” Reana Mae’s voice rose.

  “Well, you ought to give a shit. Lord knows, you ought to. ’Cause this time they’re right. You’re eleven years old, Reana Mae Colvin. And Caleb, why he’s near onto nineteen, if he ain’t already. He’s a growed-up adult. Plus he’s your own blood-kin. That’s wrong, Reana. It’s purely wrong.”

  “Okay, look, it ain’t wrong.” Her voice was soft and pleading now. “I promise you, Harley, it ain’t so very wrong. ’Cause Caleb loves me. He’s gonna marry me. Don’t you know he’s gonna marry me as soon as I get old enough?”

  “Good gracious God, Reana Mae! He can’t never marry you.” Caleb sounded tired now. “Don’t you know that the state of West Virginia won’t never let you marry your daddy’s own brother?”

  “But Caleb says …”

  “Oh, well, Caleb says … That’s a real good one. Caleb says … like Caleb’s word is worth a piece of shit … like it’s just Caleb’s mouth to God’s own ear.”

  Harley Boy rose as he spat the words. He looked wiser and more grown up than I’d ever seen him.

  “Listen, you cannot marry your own uncle. Not in West Virginia, and not anywhere else in the whole United States of America,” Harley spoke confidently. “And Caleb damned well knows it! He just wants you to think he’s gonna marry you so you’ll let him do whatever he wants to you.”

  Harley Boy’s words came tumbling out in a jumble of fury and pleading. He grabbed at Reana’s hands again, pulling her close to him on the church steps.

  “He ain’t never gonna marry you. He just wants to do it with you. And you … dear God, Reana, actin’ like you are … why, you’re no better than your own sinful mama. You’re actin’ like a whore for him. And if you don’t stop it right now, you’re gonna go straight to hell, just like your grandma and your mama before you.”

  “You just leave them outta this, Harley Boy. Do you hear me? You leave my mama and her mama out of this.”

  Abruptly, Harley Boy dropped back onto the wooden steps of the church, burying his face in his hands. Reana Mae dropped down again beside him, touching his shoulder tentatively; then she leaned against him, her arm circling his back.

  I held my breath in the dark, afraid even to breathe. Leaning heavily against the old wooden fence, I heard Reana Mae whisper, “Oh, Harley Boy, I know you love me. You told me so right and plain last winter. But, Harley, you just ain’t the one for me, and you know that’s true. You know straightaway that I’m meant for Caleb, and you’re meant for Ruthann. That’s just the way it is.” She sighed then and leaned closer into him.

  “But you can’t tell on me, Harley. You can’t tell your grandma or no one what you know…. Hush now, don’t you go to arguin’ with me.”

  Reana Mae knelt before him on the ground, raising his chin with her hands so that he had to look her straight in the face.

  “Look, Harley, if I’m goin’ straight to the devil’s own hellfire … well, then, I’m goin’ to hell. There ain’t nothin’ you can do about it. You know that’s the Lord’s own truth, don’t you?” She was insistent now, knowing she had won.

  Harley stared at her in a palpable mute anguish, but even I could see that Reana Mae was winning.

  “You know that’s the truth, and you know I’m right. I am who I am—and maybe I am my mama’s own daughter and maybe I am going straight to hell. But I love him, Harley. I know it hurts you, and I’m sorry … truly and honestly I am. But I can’t help it. I love Caleb with all my heart.

  “So promise me, Harley. Promise me because you’re my only real friend in the whole wide world. Promise me you won’t tell. ’Cause if you tell, Aunt Belle will have them take me away to Charleston or Huntington or somewhere else, and then you won’t never see me again. And I’ll be living in some house with people who don’t even know me, people who aren’t my own.”

  He stared at her steadily now. I could see the pain written across his white, freckled face.

  “Don’t you see what will happen? They’ll take me away … from the river and from Mama and from you. Don’t do that to me, Harley. I’m beggin’ you, don’t do that to me.”

  “I won’t.” He whispered it so quietly I could barely hear him. “I won’t let them take you away.”

  “You just keep your mouth shut, then, you hear me?” She leaned forward and kissed his freckled forehead, smiling at her victory.

  Suddenly, he lunged toward her, grabbing her face in both his hands and pulling her toward him. I watched him kiss her hard on the lips, and she never struggled, not even once. She only leaned in, letting him kiss her again and again. When he finally released her, she sat back slightly, smiling.

  “You just keep your mouth shut, okay?” she repeated, licking her lips quickly.

  I saw Harley grimace, clench his fists tightly, and slowly nod.

  He wouldn’t tell. Not now, maybe not ever.

  Reana Mae rose, smiling down at him. Kissing the top of his red hair, she turned and ran silently back toward the dirt road and me.

  Joining her on the path, I turned back to see Harley Boy still sitting on the church steps, his head buried in his hands. He wouldn’t tell on Reana Mae. I was sure of that, and so was she. But at what cost?

  Turning briefly to smile at me, Reana grabbed my hand as we pounded down the path toward the road. For the moment, her agony over Caleb and Nancy was at bay. She had won Harley Boy’s silence, and with it Ruthann’s. And she knew she had mine.

  She was safe, then, for the moment, in the love of her friends … if not safely in Caleb’s.

  19

  Cool Water

  The next morning, Ruthann knocked on our door early. Moments later, I was walking down the road with her toward the beach. Neither of us spoke about the day before, about Harley Boy or Reana Mae or the mattress in the woods. Instead, we talked about the fireworks and the cookout and, briefly, about Nancy and Caleb.

  “He surely seems taken with her,” Ruthann said, glancing sidelong toward me.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Who knows?” I said as lightly as I could.

  “I wonder what Reana Mae thinks about that?”

  I stopped to pull a small rock from my sandal, unsure what to say. Thankfully, I was spared a response when Harley Boy came running down the path toward us.

  “Hey, ya’ll,” he said, pulling up short beside us. “What are you up to?”

  Ruthann glanced silently from him toward me, waiting for some kind of signal, I guess. Then she shrugged elaborately. “Nothing, I guess. Just goin’ to the beach.”

  I straightened up and smiled at Harley as we walked toward the beach. When we passed Reana Mae’s house, I glanced at Harley and saw him looking toward the cottage and trying not to. I wanted to touch his arm, but I didn’t dare. Instead, I said brightly, “Those sure were some fireworks last night, H.B. What did your grandpa say about them?”

  He shook his head, red hair h
anging thickly over his forehead. “I went to sleep before he got home. But I know they was good, ’cause I helped pack them.” He knelt down to pick up a small, flat stone. “Did ya’ll like them?”

  “Sure,” Ruthann lied smoothly, glancing at me. “They was plain gorgeous.”

  I simply nodded in agreement. I certainly did not want him to know that I’d been with Reana Mae the night before in the churchyard.

  We spent that morning as we had every morning—lying on the beach, swimming out to the raft, lying in the sun there, then swimming back to the beach. By now, it was almost a ritual, but this morning it felt different. Every little while, I turned my eyes toward Harley Boy, wondering how often he had snuck out of his bedroom in the night to meet Reana Mae. I was certain the night before had not been the first time.

  Along toward noon, I heard Melinda’s voice float out toward the raft—the words unclear but the voice unmistakable. Ruthann raised her head, too, glancing toward Harley as she said, “Looks like the reinforcements are here. What do ya’ll want to do about lunch?”

  I watched as Harley leaned forward, straining his eyes toward the shore. In a minute, he flopped back down onto the raft. “I don’t care.” He sighed. “What do ya’ll want to do?”

  I lay in silence, knowing that if Reana Mae was on the beach, Harley would be up in an instant. Finally, Ruthann sighed loudly.

  “Okay,” she said, standing and pulling at her swimsuit, “let’s swim back and eat.”

  I looked from Ruthann to Harley Boy, feeling sorry for both of them. I knew how Ruthann felt about Harley by then—it probably was clear to anyone who spent five minutes with them. And I knew how Harley felt about Reana Mae.

  We swam back to the beach and unwrapped the peanut butter sandwiches we’d packed. Nancy and Melinda were bickering over which radio station to listen to. Tracy was nowhere around.

  We ate our sandwiches in silence, listening to “Mr. Bojangles” on the radio. Just as we were wiping away our crumbs, Tracy appeared, carrying her towel and stationery box. But instead of settling down beside Nancy and Melinda, she threw her towel down by me.