Gastien Pt 1

by Caddy Rowland

  Jean Luc had let Gastien know that the men would be over on the first Friday evening in June. Annah and the girls were going to the south of France for a long weekend of leisure with other wives and daughters. Jean Luc was going to have the cook put out a buffet dinner. All staff would be sent away for the evening, not to return until Saturday afternoon. He expected Gastien to join them for dinner and vin before servicing them.

  Gastien was instructed not to dress in the smoking jacket. That was for Jean Luc only, if he ever cared to see Gastien in it again. Gastien was to dress in one of the nice trousers and shirts that had been given to him. Jean Luc also commanded that he wear a gold chain necklace, along with two gold cuff bracelets that had all been gifts from Jean Luc. He was also to make sure he wore the cologne.

  Gastien did not know how he was going to eat with them, knowing what was going to happen, but he did not have any say in the matter. He supposed he could move food around on his plate. The vin he would indulge in. It would help him not be so frightened. At least he hoped so. After finding out the details, he tried to push it from his mind until the day it would actually occur. It was too awful to think about.

  At the end of the week, his throat hurt him quite noticeably. He was too proud to ask Jean Luc to lighten up. Besides, he suspected it would do no good. Gastien now understood that Jean Luc had a fierce temper. Until he burned out that anger, Gastien just had to put up with it. He also did not appreciate being woke up at 3am to get on his knees, but said nothing. Why make it harder on himself by giving Jean Luc the satisfaction?

  On Sunday, offices were closed, so he could not go see the doctor. He did go to the 6th and found some friends to talk art with, but found his heart was not really in it. He had reached a new low upon agreeing to this situation. Horribly depressed, he went home to paint and read.

  XXIV

  On Monday, he went into the 6th and stopped by Dr. Morel’s office. The doctor remembered him from over a year ago, when he treated him for lice. He had seen Gastien around the 6th periodically, and had been pleased to see that he was working at Le Procope. He knew the young artist had left the restaurant, and wondered what had happened to him. He was glad to see that Gastien was still around. Not only that, but by the look of his clothes, doing very well. Unfortunately, as he looked harder, he saw that Gastien appeared to be very unhappy, although he was doing his best to hide it.

  “Good to see you again, Gastien. How have you been and what can I do for you?” inquired Dr. Morel.

  Gastien looked at the doctor. He said expressionlessly, “I am wondering if you can tell me what to get at the apothecary shop for a sore throat. Other than that, I am fine.”

  “Well, it depends. Do you think you have strained your voice? Or are you sick? It makes a difference. Please sit down, so that I can take a look at your throat. By the way, how is your painting coming?”

  “Fine, merci. I have been painting on property for a family since last September. I will be done by August or September. After that, I will go to Montmartre to live.” He sat down.

  “I am glad to hear that you seem to be making headway. Painting can be a tough life. Open your mouth wide, please.” As the doctor examined Gastien’s throat, he became concerned. The throat and tonsils looked awfully sore. There was no drainage, though. This was not from a sickness. It was from some kind of stress or abuse. As he thought about it, he realized how Gastien had gotten his expensive clothes. He sat down and pondered how to address the situation. Finally, he turned to Gastien.

  “Do you want to tell me about it?” he said kindly.

  Gastien would not look at him. “There is nothing to tell.” His face and neck were bright red. Dr. Morel sighed. Life had not been kind to this young man. It did not surprise him that Gastien would resort to this in order to survive.

  “Gastien, listen to me. Your mouth and the top area of your throat are quite swollen. Now, we don’t have to discuss how it happened, but I want you to know I am not a fool. If someone is using you, that is wrong. I don’t care how much money you are making. You look awful! Your eyes are so sad. You hold yourself so tensely that you look like you will snap any minute. You were clenching your jaw when you walked in. You won’t even make eye contact with me now. If you can’t look people in the eye, doesn’t that tell you that you are doing something that is wrong for you?”

  Gastien looked at him then. His eyes were dead. “You would not believe the money I have been paid. I will own my studio, free and clear! What choice did I have, really? And, besides, you know nothing about what I have or have not done. Just tell me what to get for my throat. Please!” His voice had started to tremble so he stopped. He stared at the doctor, and then looked away as tears started to form.

  The doctor sighed. “Your throat just needs rest, Gastien. It needs to not be treated roughly. If you are with one person, perhaps at least you can talk to him about being easier on you. Can you do that?”

  Gastien nodded. He was afraid to speak.

  “That is not what concerns me the most. Your mental state is very fragile. I want you to listen very carefully to me. If you don’t take some time, real soon, to get away by yourself and just rest, you are going to have a breakdown. All of the indications are there. How well are you being paid? Will you have money to get away for awhile? Will he leave you be when you are done painting there?”

  Gastien nodded again.

  “Well, then I hope you go away somewhere to rest for awhile, or you won’t live long enough to even enjoy your studio. I won’t judge you, because I know where you have been. I understand hard decisions and making them out of fear. But, Gastien, I hope for your sake this behavior discontinues once you are done wherever you are at. Besides the stress, there is a very real chance of disease, if you are renting yourself out to multiple strangers.”

  Gastien got to his feet. “You are mistaken. I don’t “rent myself out” to strangers.” He stood up. “So there is nothing I can buy to make it get better?”

  The doctor wrote down some herb names and Gastien turned to go. “Merci, doctor. How much do I owe you?” After paying, he simply turned and walked out. The doctor felt bad for Gastien. It disgusted him that people used young men and women in this way. If that boy did not get out soon, he would end up locked away by the end of the year. It was obvious he was already shutting down major areas in his mind.

  Gastien got his herbal medicines and then went to eat, somewhere small and out of the way. He wanted to die that Dr. Morel had figured it out. He was so ashamed. Now the doctor probably thought the lowest possible things about him. After eating, he went back to his cottage. He did not want to see anyone he knew. They might be able to tell from his face what he had agreed to become. He concentrated on pushing it back into the recesses of his mind.

  One thing he did realize is that he would have to ask Jean Luc to be more considerate. He wondered if it would do any good. Even if Jean Luc decided to treat him less roughly, he doubted the men he would be servicing soon would have any gentle feelings toward him. He shivered. Maybe he should just back out.

  Then, he saw a couple street people, digging through garbage. Another was being held by knifepoint, while a couple others stripped him of his few meager belongings. He did not want to end up back in the alleys again, ever! He was tired of struggling. Nothing would guarantee him permanently avoiding that unless he owned his own studio, while keeping the other money he had been earning from painting and servicing Jean Luc. Non, he thought, I am not backing out. I am already being used, what difference does one more night make?

  XXV

  That evening Gastien opened the door as soon as Jean Luc knocked. He expected to be told to get on his knees. Seeing how sad and weary Gastien looked, Jean Luc’s anger faded.

  “Gastien? Are you all right?” he asked worriedly. “You look ill!”

  Gastien was surprised. He looked cautiously at Jean Luc “I have a problem with swelling in my throat. It hurts, Jean Luc. You have been too rough on me! Are you sti
ll so angry that you will continue to hurt me? I don’t think my throat can take much more.” He hoped that Jean Luc would understand and back off a bit. Jean Luc relented.

  “I am not angry any more, Gastien. I am not happy, but I no longer want to use you like that. It is not nearly as enjoyable as when I let you control it. Do you want me to refrain totally for a few days? “

  Gastien assured Jean Luc, “Non. I need the money. I think that if you give me back control I will be able to heal and still make you happy.”

  “I am not an animal, Gastien. I will still pay you this week. Let’s take a break tonight. We will see what tomorrow brings. Let me look in there.” Jean Luc shuddered when he saw how sore Gastien looked. “Oui, it looks very sore! I am sorry that I was that hard on you.” Jean Luc looked embarrassed. Sighing, he admitted, “I find that I am still in love with you, Gastien, even if I dislike how heartless you are. Please forgive me for hurting you.”

  Gastien just looked at him. “I just don’t feel very charitable toward you, Jean Luc. I do appreciate your effort to make peace. Let’s call a truce. If you give me tonight, I will be fine tomorrow night.”

  Jean Luc almost decided to tell Gastien he would call off the dinner and “party” afterwards, but didn’t. How could he go back to his friends now and tell them it was off? Besides, Gastien wanted the studio more than anything in the world. This was a way to get it. He would be right there, making sure they did nothing to hurt Gastien. Furthermore, he was selling that space to Gastien at a low price. He could get more. Even though it was an ugly arrangement, it did achieve what both parties wanted. Gastien did not care for him, so why let emotion get in the way?

  “Agreed. May I sit here and read, while you rest your head on my lap? I want to just be with you,” Jean Luc asked.

  Gastien looked at him, again with dead eyes. “As you wish.”

  XXVI

  The next morning, Gastien continued painting the family portrait. It was no surprise that everyone was on good behavior, being the whole family was around. Jean Luc always joined after lunch, doing business in the mornings. Gastien simply waited until afternoons to work on the part with Jean Luc in it.

  Over the last several months, Vivienne had always been kind to Gastien. She never again had brought up him being “Prince Charming”. He did see her mooning over him when she thought he was not looking. Véronique, though, continued to be a thorn in his side. Whenever their paths crossed, she enticed him, knowingly pushing to the limits exactly how far she would go.

  He had taken to avoiding both girls months ago. If he saw them outside, he went in. He had been shocked to see Véronique watching him outside his window while he painted one evening. He walked over and calmly closed the shutters. She had not done it again that he knew of.

  During the morning, Jean Luc had called on his friends, again stressing that Gastien was not to be handled roughly, that they could not use him like a woman and, lastly, he asked Sébastien if he could ask his doctor friend for something to put in Gastien’s vin.

  “Be sure not to use too much, we don’t want him sloppy. I know he will be scared, though. He has only been with me. I just want enough to calm him, making it easier for him.”

  Sébastien hesitated. “That should not be a problem. I am sure my friend will help me out.”

  XXVII

  As the week went on, Jean Luc did visit Gastien every night. Although Jean Luc professed to loving Gastien, and not wanting to misuse him, it was not true. He was obsessed with Gastien, but did not love him. If he had, he would have left him alone to heal. Then again, he would not have manipulated him into sex in the first place.

  At least he let Gastien be in charge now. Gastien made sure that he did not make his throat suffer. He used his hands more in order to control how far he went with his mouth. With the smoking jacket and gold wrap on, Jean Luc was so worked up that it hardly mattered.

  Gastien noticed that his hands now trembled at times. He was just so wound up! This scared him. How can I paint if I shake, he worried. Whenever that happened, he would go to bed. Unfortunately, Gastien found that he could not sleep decently. As the fateful evening approached, he got more and more scared. Finally, he started to smoke some hashish before retiring. That seemed to help him sleep through the nights.

  As Friday crept ever closer, Gastien became more and more anxious. He was now wishing the night would just be there, so he could get it over and done with. Jean Luc, of course, visited him every night leading up to it. He would make Gastien lie with him afterwards for long periods. Jean Luc alternated between not being able to get enough of Gastien and becoming cold, almost businesslike.

  When he was in a tender mood, he would constantly touch Gastien’s body and hair, kissing him and whispering endearments. When he became cold, he would tell Gastien that he was lucky that Jean Luc had made the upcoming arraignment possible. Gastien thought Jean Luc might be insane. Those thoughts he kept to himself. He needed an ally in Jean Luc Friday night.

  Gastien ate very little on Wednesday or Thursday and nothing on Friday. He just could not force himself to eat. He was so scared that his painting was poor at times, due to shaking. He had to remove paint and start parts over several times. If the family members noticed anything out of the ordinary, they did not comment on it. Gastien doubted the girls realized anything was wrong. Jean Luc, of course, was well aware. As for Annah, Gastien caught her looking at him with puzzlement several times. She probably wondered why he was not interested in her for the past couple of weeks.

  XXVIII

  Finally the day arrived. There would be no sitting for the portrait that day, as Annah and the girls were leaving at nine o’clock on their journey. When Gastien saw them go, he wanted to call out to them to turn around. With them at home the event could not take place. He forced himself to remain silent.

  After they left, Jean Luc then took Gastien to the bank as promised. The money was now in his bank box. They rode home in silence. Spending the day by himself, Gastien found he could not concentrate to read, his hands were shaking so he could not paint, and he did not have an appetite. He walked the property for awhile just to pass some time before returning to his cottage.

  Jean Luc was there, explaining that he was checking on Gastien to make sure he was going to be all right. In reality, he wanted sex with Gastien before the others arrived. This would be the last time that Gastien would be only his, he reasoned. Gastien wanted to kill Jean Luc for asking him to put on the smoking jacket and gold cloth. Did the man have no heart at all? How could he profess love and then be so horribly unaware of how inconsiderate he was? Of course, Gastien complied. At least it would pass the time. He kept trying to go away somewhere deep in his mind, so that he would not be present at all, but found he could not master the technique today. He thought he would be driven crazy by the voice inside him that was begging him to call it off.

  After Jean Luc left, Gastien finally smoked some hashish. That helped dull the voice. He took a long bath, washed his hair, shaved, and got dressed. It was finally time. After putting on the cologne and jewelry, he checked himself in the mirror. He looked very handsome, even though he felt anything but. And very vulnerable. Unknown to him, that look would only serve to make the men desire him more. Gastien stood soberly looking at himself for several minutes. He wondered if he would ever feel good about looking at himself again.

  Taking a few more hits of hashish, he left the cottage. Jean Luc had told him just to come in, and then go down the hall, to the third door on the right. It was Jean Luc’s huge den. The buffet would be set up in there, along with a table and chairs. It created a more intimate setting than the huge dining room.

  At one point while walking the long drive, Gastien stopped for a moment. He had an overwhelming desire to turn and run. He almost did, but then he stopped himself. Think about the studio. Think about the color. Just think about the paints, he told himself. Taking a couple of deep breaths, he walked up to the house.

  He entered
the door. Walking down the hall, he found that his legs were shaking so badly that the fabric of his trousers shook. Again, he paused. He heard talking and laughter behind the door. They must already be there. He would have to walk in under their scrutiny. It’s all about the color. Think about the studio, think about the paint.

  That “loaded gun” that Gastien had been playing with for the last few months was now cocked. He opened the door. The hammer of the gun was released.

  Gastien entered hell.

  The Final Payment

  I

  All talking stopped when Gastien entered the room. As he met their gaze, they seemed to collectively draw in their breath. Unbeknownst to Gastien, he was everything a predator dreamt of. He was young, incredibly handsome, with huge frightened eyes, and reeked of fear. They could see him shaking.

  The men were spellbound. Gastien appeared to be even lovelier than Jean Luc had bragged about. The gold around his neck and wrist accentuated the gold flecks in his lovely brown eyes. His lips were full, ripe, and moist. Each man could not wait to get their turn with him.

  “Mon Dieu, I have never seen a boy so stunningly beautiful!” one of the men whispered in awe.

  Gastien thought he was going to faint. Gastien’s mind cried, what are you doing here? This is so wrong, you better run, think of your studio, think of the color, this is so wrong, you better run, it’s all about the color, the color, all about the color…..

  Jean Luc stood up, beaming. “Gentleman, may I introduce my lover, Gastien? I hope you find him as appealing as I had promised.” He looked at them happily. He knew they wanted the young man badly. How could they not? Gastien looked even more beautiful when he was afraid. He turned to Gastien.