Armed and Outrageous (An Agnes Barton Mystery)

by Johns, Madison

  I held my breath. She didn’t just say that, but she did, and I wanted to throttle her. “Ignore her,” I softly pleaded with Andrew. “You know she's just trying to get back at me.”

  I walked to the sink and washed my hands for at least ten minutes. Maybe Andrew would just leave because I sure as hell didn’t want to face him.

  I turned, and he looked more amused than ever.

  I strutted past him and walked to the door, flipping the open sign to closed. After all, it was after five. My lips suddenly felt dry for some reason. I turned, reaching into my pocket, and pulled my lipstick out to apply some, but I dropped the tube. It fell to the floor, and I heard a familiar vibration... I realized to my horror that it was the lipstick vibrator! The one I'd earlier bought. I must have put it into my pocket by mistake.

  I froze and wanted to die. I wanted God to take me this instant.

  I have never been so mortified as Andrew had immediately bent over, picked it up, and turned it off before handing it back to me. I stood there like a deer in headlights.

  “I think you dropped this,” he said.

  I snatched it from his hand. “We’re closed, maybe you should leave.”

  “Well that’s a hell of a business motto. What if I wanted to buy some worms?”

  “It’s Eleanor’s turn.”

  “How about going somewhere for a drink?”

  “I smell like fish.”

  “Really? Is that what that smell is?” His smile widened.

  I almost wanted to send Andrew into the back room. I wondered how much and how loud he’d scream.

  I bet the raccoon is hungry. I pulled a fish from the cooler and tossed it into the back room, slamming the door quick.

  “What in the hell is back there?” he asked.

  “You want to find out?”

  His smile faded.

  “It’s a ‘coon, a mean one,” Eleanor chimed in.

  “You mean a live raccoon?”

  “He has a real nasty disposition,” I added. “What are you doing here?”

  “I thought I’d check out the tip the manager at the bar gave us. William is recuperating in his room.”

  “It’s dirty business,” I said.

  “What is?”

  “This whole thing stinks to high heaven.”

  “You've lost me.”

  “We followed up on the same tip he was given, and there were goons here pounding Roy, but they ran off when we came inside.”

  “I shot one of ‘em in the ass,” Eleanor proudly added.

  “Eleanor, would you quit supplying him with information. For all, we know he’s somehow... some way involved.”

  “Is that what you think, Aggie? I’d be party to something like this.”

  “You’re his friend.” I reminded him.

  “And a former lawyer,” Eleanor added with a grimace.

  “Ahh, I see... Everybody knows lawyers are slime. Is that what you think?” Andrew asked.

  “You said it, not me mister,” Eleanor rejoined in the fray.

  Andrew stomped to the door where he did an about face before he left. “I thought you knew me better than that, Aggie.” He flung the door open, and it slapped the wall.

  When he tore out of the lot, it felt like a piece of my heart went with him.

  Chapter Eleven

  When we locked up Roy's Bait & Tackle shop, I was in a sour mood. Running a bait shop sure had its drawbacks. I still can't believe I touched a slimy worm. I hope the other girls don't hear about our adventure. The last thing I need was to be the talk of Tadium.

  “Oh, stop it, Aggie.”

  I glared at her. “It's all your fault and you know it.”

  “Who me? What did I do?”

  “You didn't need to blabber on like that in front of Andrew.” I limped toward Eleanor's big heap of junk Cadillac. “I'd never do anything – “

  “Oh, you better stop right now, you were the one that threw a worm down my shirt, remember?”

  She yanked the car door open and sat inside. When I joined her a few minutes later, she glowered at me. “Who cares what Mr. Fancy Britches thinks, it's not like he's interested in you.”

  “What makes you think that?”

  “Come on Aggie, you don't still have the hots for him, do you?”

  I glanced at my reddening face in the mirror and fanned myself. I felt like I was stricken with a hot flash, and Lord knows I haven't had one of those in years.

  I cranked up the air conditioning. “Okay, you win. I still have the hots for him, but I didn't want him to know. Certainly, you understand that, El.”

  “At least the cat's out of the bag now, so dear, he won't forget you now for sure,” she said, patted my hand, and chuckled. “You should have seen the look on your face when the lipstick vibrator went to buzzing. I swear your face contorted like some kind of zombie.”

  “I'd rather not remember if you don't mind.” I turned up the radio loud enough to discourage Eleanor from further commenting on my embarrassing scenario. More blasted honky-tonk. It grated on my already frayed nerves, and my hip was beginning to nag at me.

  I drove Eleanor home for the second time today, and then made my way home. When I got there, I limped in the door and made my way toward my bathroom where I ran a hot bath. I noticed a large bruise along my right hip. “So that's why it hurt so damn much,” I said aloud. But the bruises to my ego, hurt even more.

  I brought my phone with me and sank into the tub.

  I heard my phone ring, and I saw Andrew’s name displayed on the caller ID, but I didn’t answer it. Let the answering machine get it. I had no intention of answering any calls from him just yet.

  I soaked for as long as I could but when the water became tepid, I rose from the tub and slipped into my dressing gown. From the bath, I walked into my bedroom. I eased myself into bed and fell fast asleep.

  I’m not sure how long I slept, but I awoke to the sound of my car alarm going off. I got up, retrieved my remote starter, and pressed it several times in an effort to stop the alarm, but it was no use, so I then opened the front door and hit a button again to silence it. I hadn't given it a second thought how dangerous that might have been. Someone could have been lurking in the darkness.

  I was, after all, investigating a disappearance, possibly a murder or two.

  I stumbled my way though the living room, as a sharp pain shot up my hip... I fell to the floor. I couldn't move, and crawling back to the phone wasn’t an option because I had left it in the damn bathroom. I closed my eyes while wondering if I would die on this floor. I had Eleanor's Cadillac. There was nobody to check on me. I had no one. A cold sweat crept over my skin, breathing became labored, and I fought to not faint but I could not be sure if I'd be successful or not.

  * * *

  I woke up confused, and I tried to get my bearings, although I hadn't opened my eyes yet. Where was I?

  My scrambled mind recalled the details. I’m not on the floor in my house though. I felt the mattress beneath me and knew I was lying on a bed, but it wasn't my bed. The mattress was much thinner and harder, and the blankets rough against my palms. When I opened my eyes, I saw Eleanor’s concerned face hovering over mine.

  “You’re not going to kiss me are you?” I asked.

  “Of course not,” Eleanor snapped. “You gave us quite a scare.”

  “Us?”

  “Yes, Andrew just left to get more coffee.”

  I gulped. Why is he here? “What happened?”

  “Andrew got concerned about you and tried to call you, but when you didn’t answer, he was afraid the goons were going after you next.” She took a breath, “So he stopped by to make sure you were, you know, okay.”

  “I don’t remember much, but yeah, he called when I was in the bath. I forgot to call him back. Went to sleep instead... “

  “When he came over with some lame excuse,” she winked on saying this, “he saw your Mustang’s windows were broken out, and he kicked your door in just like a he
ro in a film.”

  Andrew walked into the room and smiled, handing a coffee to Eleanor.

  “Why did you kick my door in?” My voice raised an octave.

  “You didn’t answer, so I thought something was wrong.” He took a sip of his coffee.

  Eleanor chuckled. “Good thing too because he found you passed out on the floor.”

  “My poor car.”

  “Your poor car? What about poor you? I’m just glad you are in one piece,” Eleanor said.

  “I remember hearing my car alarm, and I shut it off. I had an awful pain in my hip, and I fell. I left my phone in the bathroom, and I knew there was no way I could reach it.” I shuddered at the idea that whoever broke my car’s windows could have been outside when I opened the door.

  Andrew’s face looked solemn. “I think it was a warning shot across your bow, so to speak.”

  “It will damn sure take more than a broken window to scare me.” I’d be damned if they’d scare me off.

  “They broke all your windows,” Eleanor added.

  My head began to pound with every word they said, as if driving nails into my head.

  “You both need to be careful,” Andrew added.

  I folded my arms across my chest. “It all leads to William, but you know that, don’t you?”

  Andrew gave me a stern look and a shake of the head. “Let’s wait and see, Aggie. It could as well be someone else.”

  I felt a pang like a dart to the heart. He'd always called me Aggie in the old days. I gathered myself together and firmly replied. “Somebody else has an interest in Jennifer’s missing mother? Not likely.”

  I don’t know why Andrew continued to defend his friend. Who else would be interested in finding her this badly? I needed to find out additional information about Jennifer’s mother. There was a link, but what?

  “Roy’s room is down the hall,” Eleanor said.

  I struggled to rise, but an alarm sounded and two nurses ran into the room. “You need to stay in bed, Agnes,” one said.

  “Why?” I asked already knowing why. My head swam as if caught in a whirlpool.

  “You can’t get up without assistance.”

  “There is no way you or anybody else is going to tell me what I can and can’t do. I can walk just fine,” I stubbornly replied and swung my leg over the side of the bed and tried to stand.

  I watched the nurses as they were poised to intercede. I pushed myself up and felt dizzier still as a pain shot up my hip.

  I heard Andrew's voice over Eleanor's through what seemed cotton in my ears say, “Aggie, don't be a fool!”

  I sank back down. “Okay, you win. Will someone, please find a wheelchair because a good friend is down the hall, and I intend to see him?”

  “Chop, chop, get the woman a wheelchair,” Eleanor ordered.

  They didn’t move. Why're they making this so hard, I wondered. Can’t they understand how crucial this is? One of the nurses left the room and returned with a roller walker that only had wheels on the front.

  “Oh, no you don't!” I erupted. “There is no way I’m using any walker. I’m fine. I’m just weak,” I admitted and saw everyone in the room staring bug-eyed at me. “You can help me, but if you start counting to three, I’m going to start swinging.”

  So much was racing through my head and it all amounted to don't embarrass me in from of Andrew! The whole standing-on-the-count-of-three thing might be good for some people, but not for me. I know the cute young nurses think I'm a frail elderly woman, but they don't need to make me look worse than I am?

  I allowed them to place a gait belt around my waist, but even that made me feel degraded. They only use a gait belt in case your ass hits the floor. It was a safety requirement of any hospital these days if you happened to be a fall risk. The nurses failed to realize what Eleanor and I realized: that I’m an independent woman, and that was my problem... the same problem with anyone who got older or became sick. Everyone treated the likes of us as if we are suddenly so damn fragile. I looked down and saw the color coded bracelet that indicated I was a fall risk. This might be a reality for some, but not for me. “You know, dears, I-I didn’t fall. It was the stabbing pain in my hip that caused me to go down.”

  I stood with their help and moved the walker forward. I felt sore, but I wasn’t going to let that hold me back. Eleanor guided me down the hallway and finally into Roy’s room. The whole way Andrew held my arm like he too, thought me incapable of this simple task. I felt a single tear escape on the side of my face away from his view.

  Roy was ranting at a nurse so loud his face had turned red. “I need to go home, damn it! I have a business to run.”

  “The doctor will be here soon.”

  “You have been saying that all God damn day.”

  Roy smiled when he saw me, and I sat in a chair next to his bed. “Calm down, Roy,” I turned to look at the nurses. “Can you give us some privacy? I promise I’ll call when I’m ready to go back to my room.”

  They nodded, but I knew what with the way they shuffled toward the door, they didn’t want to.

  “I see they got you too,” Roy said.

  “No, THEY didn't get me. It's just that my hip is acting up.”

  He made a fist with his hand. “Once these doctors have you in their clutches, you’re doomed.”

  “Can you walk, Roy?”

  “Yes, they claim I’m getting released today, but my doctor is taking his sweet time getting here to sign me out.”

  I laughed. “Sounds like a doctor.” I paused. “Tell me, Roy, why were those men in your shop the other day?”

  “They wanted information.” He shrugged and scratched his head and eyed Andrew suspiciously. “Who’s that?”

  “He’s an old friend.”

  “Can you trust him?”

  “Yes, he was the one who found me passed out on the floor at home. The goons came to my house and broke out on my Mustang.”

  “Bastards.”

  “I guess they don’t like my meddling.”

  “You’re meddling? No, not you, Agnes.” He laughed but then became serious. “Agnes, they’re looking for Stella, and there is no way I can let them find her.”

  “Stella?”

  “She’s a woman that moved here ten years ago. Her husband tried to kill her, and she took off, wound up here.”

  “Hold on, took off?”

  “Yeah, fast, leaving her daughter behind.”

  “Jennifer?”

  He nodded. “Stella's husband was into something big, but she never exactly gave me the low down. She told me if he ever found her – she’s as good as dead.”

  “We were told Jennifer came looking for her mother. Did she come to your shop?”

  “Yes, and I should've called the police because I think somebody followed her there. I remembered seeing the same black Impala that came to my place the other day.”

  “Did you tell Jennifer where to find Stella?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, but she never made it to Stella's place.”

  “You need to tell me where Stella is.”

  “I can’t, Aggie.”

  “Made promises, eh?”

  “They find her, they'll kill her. I know that for sure. Look what they did to me?”

  “Jennifer’s dad pushed me down, and I see him capable of just about anything.” I eyed Andrew and rubbed my hip because it was aching again. “I need to find out who the goons are, and who they are working for, and why in the hell they’re trying to stop me from poking around? I’m beginning to wonder if Jennifer is even alive.”

  I stood with Andrew’s aid and walked back to my room, Eleanor bringing up the rear. If Roy knew where Stella was, his life could be in jeopardy. I wondered how he knew Stella and what other information she shared with him and why? It didn't take a brain surgeon to know he was holding back important details.

  When I got back to my room, my doctor was waiting for me.

  “Hi doc,” I said.

  Dr. Thomas had
a reputation as the best doctor around these parts. He stood six-foot-three with sandy blond hair and piercing green eyes ... damn good eye candy.

  I sat down. “So what’s the verdict?”

  “You bruised your hip? Did you fall?”

  “I was pushed down yesterday, and afterward my hip started hurting something fierce. I didn’t really fall. I just slipped to the floor, and I couldn't get back up.”

  Laughter filled the room and I glared at Eleanor until she stopped. “Sorry... just pictured you in an ad for Life Alert.”

  “It’s not so funny now that it's happened to me,” I said.

  “I see. Did you report it to the police?” asked Dr. Thomas. “Being knocked down?”

  “Yes, but the trooper that showed up didn’t do a damn thing.”

  “I whopped the sucker over the head,” Eleanor added.

  Dr. Thomas laughed. “Somehow I can see that, but someone that knocks down a woman needs to be in jail.”

  I loved that he didn’t use the words old woman because I’m not old, not yet. I’m younger than Eleanor. He knew how to talk to his patients, most of whom were older.

  “I’d like you to stay here a few more days until you feel a little stronger.” He glanced at the clock. “You may want an orthopedic surgeon to look into your hip problems.”

  “Did the X-rays indicate that?”

  “You didn’t break anything. That’s the important thing.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “Be careful, Agnes. I sure hate to lose a patient like you.” I felt a tingle when he touched me. It felt good.

  Dr. Thomas left the room.

  “You can quit gawking at him, Aggie. You know very well he’s gay,” Eleanor scolded.

  “He’s still damn good eye candy. Let me have my fantasies.”

  “I think you might want to get one of these little gadgets,” Eleanor said, swinging her lifeline alert necklace in my face.

  I cringed, but I knew she was right. It might be time, but for so long now I had prided myself on dodging AARP, and now this?

  “I know of someone who has one of those gizmos hooked up to GPS,” Andrew said. “That way if you get into trouble anywhere, I could find you.”