Armed and Outrageous (An Agnes Barton Mystery)

by Johns, Madison

  She rocked on her heels. “Yup, but clearly a bad man. Maybe the world's a better place now.”

  Sheriff Peterson met us and cocked his head to one side, giving me an I-know-what-you-did look. How could he? I hadn't done anything; I had no hand in this man's death.

  “Should I even ask?” Peterson asked.

  Trooper Sales cleared his throat. “When we showed up, he ran. I chased after him, and... “

  “Splat,” Eleanor added.

  “I guess you won’t be questioning him,” the sheriff dryly said to me.

  “Nope, but now I know the goons are here to hunt. We just need to figure out who they’re hunting?”

  “Or for what they're hunting?” added Eleanor.

  “It does seem to be an odd spot. You’d think with all the tourists someone would have seen something,” the trooper said. “You might want to be careful. You have been shot at twice, had an intruder at your home, and now this! It must be getting expensive to keep replacing windows.”

  A half hour later, Eleanor and I sat on a bench rubbing our aching feet when Andrew’s Lexus pulled up.

  I stood on shaking legs and met Andrew. “How did you know where your LX was?”

  “William drove by the County Medical Center, and we saw it was there, but you two weren’t. I figured something had to be up.”

  “Not much of a stretch,” the sheriff said and snorted.

  Andrew raised an eyebrow. “I heard some half-baked story about you two being arrested, but when I went to the station, a deputy told me you’d be here.”

  Eleanor grinned. “I got frisked by the sheriff here, but he didn’t do that good of a job. I was so disappointed.”

  “Really?” Andrew asked.

  “Yes, I was hoping to be really man handled but nope, quite a disappointment after all I've heard.”

  I stood there with my hand on my hip, because it hurt again. “You’ll have to wait for the next card party I suppose.” I curled my lip into a grimace. “I swear I can’t take you anywhere.”

  Sheriff Peterson and Trooper Sales had remained to oversee the scene of the accidental death, and now Peterson approached us, asking me in a snide tone, “Don’t you have two more goons to kill?”

  “Not today. I was kind of hoping I could actually catch up with them before they died. It’s hard to question a corpse.”

  We walked toward Andrew’s Lexus and got inside. At least Trooper Sales had stood up for us. I always knew he was one of the good guys. I don’t remember dropping Eleanor off. My mind was in a whirl, trying to figure out where in the heck I could go from here.

  * * *

  I woke up the following morning with something prickly running across my arm. It must be Duchess. I felt cold, but I didn’t even have to check. I knew I was naked, thanks to Andrew no doubt.

  I still couldn’t make up my mind if it was a good thing or a bad thing. I felt it wasn’t smart to start counting on him to be here. I knew that he’d soon be leaving. He had no real ties with Tadium. I lay there thinking: When this case is resolved, he’ll be gone. I need to accept that and pull back from him before I get hurt.

  I slipped from the blankets and got a soft bite for my efforts. Duchess was too comfortable to be moved. She did miss me so, and I had been so neglectful of late.

  I threw on my bathrobe and strolled into the kitchen, guided by the smell of coffee and cooking bacon.

  Andrew turned toward me with a cup of steaming coffee in his hand, a warm, kind gesture again.

  “Thanks.” I took it and poured creamer into my coffee. I drank half the cup, dripping some onto my bathrobe. I was eager for the caffeine to revive me.

  I grimaced. “What time is it?”

  “One.”

  My eyes widened. “Like one o’clock in the afternoon?”

  “Sure, you are quite a snorer. I have Eleanor’s Cadillac here.”

  “I thought the window was still broken.”

  “I had that taken care of yesterday.”

  I bit my lower lip. “Are you leaving town soon?”

  “Depends on how long it takes to find Jennifer.”

  I nodded. “I know you’re only here to help your friend.”

  “I like it here, but I have a life in Detroit too.”

  My chest tightened. “I’m not quite the idiot you take me for.”

  He looked confused. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “I was just a lonely widow when I worked for you. But you never gave me more than a passing look.”

  “I was married, Aggie, so why would I?”

  “Maybe you should go back to the bed and breakfast.”

  “How can you blame me for the past? Is it a crime to be a faithful husband?”

  I shook my head. I hurt more than I wanted to admit. I needed to lick my wounds, but it was hard to do with him standing so close. When all I wanted to do was kiss, hold, and make love to him. It was an illusion that I needed to forget. He was someone from my past that I should never have let into my present or dreams of my future.

  “All I am to you is a fling while you’re here, and once you're gone, I’ll be easily forgotten.”

  His eyes darkened suddenly. “Is that what you think this is?”

  I expelled a breath. I had to push him away before I got anymore vested, but in truth what I felt for him was real. I had felt it since I first met him.

  “Have your breakfast and go.” Tears threatened to surface, but I couldn’t let them. “I don’t need you or anyone else in my life. Tell William I won’t rest until I bring his daughter home.”

  I stumbled back into my bed and blinked the tears back. Oh Tom, how I miss you so, I thought. If only you hadn’t died so young, maybe then Sophia would still be alive. I had at last accepted the fact that she was dead and was never coming back.

  I had no idea why I was upset. I had gone all these years without a man, and it never bothered me. At seventy-two, I knew that women my age didn't get their hearts all tangled up over a man.

  I heard the front door close and the Lexus tear out of the drive, again taking my heart with it. I grabbed up Duchess and hugged her to me and asked her, “What good is a heart if it’s so damn fragile?”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  What in all hell was wrong with me? Why had I pushed Andrew away like that? Why had I acted like a twenty-something instead of in the manner of the mature woman I was? I'd moped around for an hour which was more than enough time to feel sorry for myself. Wasn't that what a younger woman would think?

  I put my gardening clothes on which consisted of worn denim pants and a blue, nearly threadbare man's shirt that I had picked up at a rummage sale. It was not like anybody could see me as my house stood behind a copse of birches and concealed from the road. I gripped my pink mud gloves and a kneel pad, and made my way outside and watered my plants. My tomatoes looked a bit wilted, so I paid extra attention to them. Duchess scampered out the door after me, chasing a butterfly, stalking it. She moved low in the garden, twisting and turning like a cat in the jungle.

  I was startled when I heard what sounded like a car tearing into my driveway, the sound of breaking glass, and after a few seconds... an explosion that rocked the Earth. I fell to the ground with its intensity and hid amongst the tomato plants.

  I looked toward my house and saw a huge fireball. My chest hurt like hell, and my eyes burned as I watched the fire spread from the front of my house, engulfing the entire house soon after.

  Someone must have thrown a Molotov cocktail through my window. If I had been back in my bedroom, I knew there would have been no way I’d ever gotten out of the house. I’d been trapped. All the other attempts were just that, attempts to scare me, but this time I knew with certainty – the goons wanted me dead.

  My car was parked in the driveway along with Eleanor's Caddy. They knew I was home; they must have been watching me! Were they still doing so? I thought it best to wait until the fire department arrived to be safe. I trembled but I knew this was the b
est place to be as the thick smoke drifted toward where I lay on the ground. If the fire department failed to get here soon, I feared as much for my life as the house.

  I felt something rub against my arm and jumped, but it was just Duchess. She trembled, apparently as freaked out as I remained. Everything I have worked for, everything for the last twenty years was evaporating before my eyes.

  I laid my head down and cried, for how long I didn’t know, but long enough for the thick cloud of smoke to shift toward me even more. I lifted my head. Tears clung to my lashes as I watched the flames lick upward.

  If the fire department didn’t get here soon, more than just my house would be lost. I had no way to call 911. I watched and waited helpless for the fire department to arrive, but the smoke was making it hard to breathe.

  I had to move.

  I had no choice.

  I heard a soft sound at first, growing louder. Could it be? Yes, sirens, and now I could see the flashing lights as the fire department arrived.

  I stood and rose out of the blackest of smoke and moved toward the sound. From the way they looked at me... I must have looked a fright. Looking down, I saw squashed tomatoes smeared on my clothing, but all I could think about was how damn lucky I was.

  I coughed and stumbled out of the way, and a fireman helped me to sit. Well out of range of the blaze now, the fireman applied an oxygen mask over my nostrils and mouth. The fireman asked, “Is anyone in the house?”

  I shook my head.

  Firefighters assembled the hoses that snaked across the ground. Six firefighters sprayed along the ground and toward the tops of the trees surrounding my house. They knew, as did I, my house couldn’t be saved. It would be a greater loss if a fire spread into the woods. At least I had insurance; not that losing everything I owned could ever be replaced.

  More fire trucks blazed up my drive from six neighboring communities, followed by an ambulance, the sheriff and two state cruisers.

  The sheriff made his way toward me. “We need to get you to the hospital,” the sheriff said. I didn’t glance toward him. My eyes were glued to my house, what was left of it. “Agnes, you need medical attention.” Peterson's voice sounded sympathetic to my plight.

  I nodded. “But what about my cat, Duchess? She’s out here somewhere. I can’t just leave her here.”

  Trooper Sales walked forward, holding Duchess, and for once, she had allowed a stranger to hold her. “You go to the hospital, and I’ll look after the cat.”

  “Are you sure?” I cried. “She can be so fussy sometimes.”

  “I promise.”

  My chest felt tight, and I tried to choke out another word but couldn’t. I was loaded into the ambulance, but I had more problems catching my breath, even with the oxygen applied.

  I felt a burning sting of an IV needle enter my arm and saw the IV bag dangling above my head.

  I glanced down and saw the soot covering my clothing and skin. Rubbing my hand across my face, I saw it was as equally dirty.

  “Calm down ma’am,” a paramedic said. Her young face looked blurry. “It’s going to be okay. Remain calm and all's going to be just fine.”

  Being strapped to a gurney reminded me of my last ride in an ambulance. This wasn’t my first trip to the hospital, nor would it be the last.

  Andrew was in my thoughts. What if I hadn’t thrown a fit and told him to leave? What if I hadn’t gone outside to water my plants? What if Duchess hadn’t followed me outside? The strange part was my insane worry over whether the mice had gotten out too. Sure, I wanted them out of the house, but I didn’t want them barbecued.

  The sheriff’s concern seemed genuine. Maybe I had been focusing on him a bit too much. I also know it was perfectly normal not to mesh well with everyone.

  I was always a firm believer that not everyone has compatible personalities. Mine could be a bit harsh for people, and my know-it-all attitude could be a bit annoying. I knew that I was more like that than I'd ever admit. In times like this, I saw more clearly all my faults, and I admitted to myself that I had plenty.

  I wondered if these were the kind of thoughts a dying person has, forgiving everyone that wronged you while facing your own vulnerability.

  Andrew remained one of the most caring men I had ever known, and all I had accomplished in that regard was to push him away. Maybe it would be best if everyone thought me dead. Tears came to my eyes, and I felt like going to my knees, and I would have if not hooked up to an IV.

  I yawned and hoped I wouldn’t fall asleep. I had to let Eleanor know that I was alive. I’d hated the thought of her going over the deep end. Who knew what the poor dear would do?

  I tightly closed my eyes; I felt so tired that I couldn’t fight it anymore.

  * * *

  I woke up to the smell of coffee. There’s not another reason for me to open my eyes.

  I looked straight into Andrew’s eyes. He smiled wide, but it was more of an are-you-okay smile, not the usual warm smile.

  “You okay?” I asked him.

  He shrugged. “If you call waiting at your bedside for two days for you to awaken then I’m – “

  “Okay?”

  “Worried. You gave me quite a scare, and I still can’t get the sight of your house in flames out of my mind.”

  “Me either. Did the police call you?”

  “You left your purse in my Lexus. I returned to bring it back to you, but I saw your house burning, and I thought... “

  “That I was dead?”

  He nodded, and I saw a flicker of emotion, but he held it in check. “Yes, Trooper Sales stopped me from running inside the blaze. He told me you had just left in an ambulance.”

  “Someone threw a firebomb inside while I was outside watering my plants.”

  “That’s what the police think too. I wouldn’t worry about your plants this year though.”

  I sat upright. “Why?”

  “I hate to tell you this but they were trampled by the firefighters and police. Did you know you had marijuana plants growing on the edge of the woods?”

  I rolled my eyes. “No!” Peterson will have me in jail for that for sure!

  “The police confiscated the plants.”

  I sighed. “Good thing for me that I have other connections.” I winked. “You look awful.”

  “Thanks, Agnes. I sent Eleanor home yesterday. She needed to be medicated.”

  “She must be out of her mind with worry.”

  “I think it was time for her medication, and I’m sure she was out of her mind. She babbled some nonsense about hunting the goons down herself.”

  I sat up, pulled my legs off the bed, and stood. “What are you waiting for Andrew? We have to go find her before she gets into trouble.”

  “You’ll need some clothes unless you want to sport your bare butt all the way to the door.”

  “Where are my clothes?”

  “They cut them off, as far as I know, standard procedure.”

  I looked down at my hospital bracelets and gasped. “Why am I wearing a do not resuscitate bracelet?” I squeezed the purple bracelet over my hand.

  “Oh that, Eleanor carried on how you always said if your heart stopped, you didn’t want to be worked on, claimed it was against your religion.”

  I felt steam rise, and I stomped my way to the nurses’ station and waited until a nurse looked up. Her eyes grew round as saucers. Obviously I'd interrupted her from lunch, as the aroma of Chinese food filled the air, and stains covered her light blue scrubs that identified her as an RN.

  She stammered, saying. “Wh-What are you doing out of bed?”

  I scanned her nametag. “Cindy, I would like to sign myself out of the hospital.”

  “But I don’t think... “

  “You just call the doctor ASAP and get the paperwork started. Don’t give me any excuses or backtalk either. I’m a patient and have rights. I insist, no, I demand that you release me now.”

  I knew I was being unreasonable, but I needed to get out
of here to check on Eleanor.

  Cindy ran to the phone, made a call, and a security guard approached a few minutes later. “Ma’am I think it would be best if you go back to your room now. There are patients trying to sleep.”

  The young man talked in a soothing tone of voice, but he had no idea who he was dealing with.

  “Back the hell off. I have important business to attend to. A friend of mine needs my help.”

  His eyes widened. “Calm down. I don’t think your friend would like it if you stopped by at two in the morning.” He tried to reason with me.

  I jacked my head to one side. “It’s two?” I glanced at Andrew. “Why in the hell didn’t you tell me it was two in the morning?”

  “You were so gung-ho on leaving I didn’t have a chance to say anything.”

  “Did you want to watch the man over here slap me into restraints first?”

  Andrew laughed. “I’d love to see you slapped in leathers.”

  He may've thought himself just being funny, but I didn't think it sounded a bit funny. I narrowed my eyes and walked with my head held high back to my room. I didn’t bother trying to cover my ass either.

  Cindy snickered behind the counter.

  Once in my room, I climbed into bed, and pretended to go back to sleep.

  “What’s the plan?” Andrew asked.

  “Wait thirty minutes and go downstairs. I’ll meet you in the car; you're going to pull to the front door.

  “They’ll be watching you.”

  “No, they won’t.”

  Just then a large woman strolled into my room and sat down. “Hi, I’m Connie. I’ll be sitting in your room until morning.”

  “Why?”

  “I have no idea. I was just told to come here.”

  I looked at her pudgy cheeks and saw her Cheetos-stained lips. She pulled out a book with a garish cover of Robert W. Walker and began to read, but her eyes looked heavy to me.

  Andrew smiled. “Okay, Agnes, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He rushed out of the room.

  I flipped my eyes toward Connie and feigned sleep until her head began to rock forward, and she began to snore over Walker's crime novel. Some sitter.