The Doctor's Double Trouble

by Lucy Clark

  ‘If you can think of another way to turn my home into a magical fairyland, then tell me.’

  She laughed, realising the request must have come from the twins. ‘Just as well they didn’t want you to make it into a gingerbread house.’

  ‘I didn’t even think of that,’ he groaned. ‘Wouldn’t that have been a nightmare?’ He glanced at her then joined in with her laughter, the tense atmosphere of a moment ago starting to dissipate.

  ‘Want some help?’ she found herself asking, and could have bitten her tongue the instant the words were out.

  ‘Are you sure?’ He wasn’t too sure himself. Being so close to her, hanging twinkle lights together, when the one thing he’d been trying to do all week long was keep his distance.

  ‘It makes sense, Joshua. We’re both wide awake. You’ll get the lights sorted out and put up faster if there are two of us doing it and then you can move on to the next thing on your list. I’ve never planned a three-year-old’s birthday party before but I’m sure you have more things to get done before they both wake up at the first sign of light.’

  ‘You are so right. When both of them open their eyes, it’s as though the “on” switch has been flicked and all of their energy for the day comes flooding through them. When they’re awake, they’re awake.’

  ‘Right. Then let’s get these lights hung.’ She would concentrate on helping him. She would be a good neighbour, helping out a friend. That was all. She wouldn’t look at his firm, muscled chest. Neither would she admire how his well-worn denims had long forgotten any shape but his own. She was a doctor and she’d seen plenty of naked bodies before now without the slightest reaction. That’s how she would deal with being so close to him while they did this simple task—in a professional, anatomical way.

  As they walked across the street, she focused on where she put her bare feet, not used to being shoeless.

  ‘It won’t take too long,’ he told her. ‘I’ve strung lights around the house before so there are nails and clips in place, ready to help and to hold.’

  ‘Excellent.’ As they walked into the light she began to wonder whether she was going to be able to keep herself under control. In the dark, she hadn’t been able to clearly see the defined muscles, the way a smattering of brown hair caressed his skin, the way the sturdy material pulled across his butt as he bent to pick up the ladder he’d obviously brought out earlier. She swallowed over her suddenly dry throat and when he turned to look at her, she quickly raised her eyes to meet his, forcing a smile. ‘Ready?’

  ‘Yes.’ He positioned the ladder. He thought he’d felt her gaze on him but had been in the process of telling himself not to be such a fool when he’d turned and caught her checking him out. He swallowed a quick laugh then climbed up the ladder, steadying himself with one hand against the house guttering and pointed down to the lights. ‘They’re coiled in a way that if you just hand me the top end, and hold them loosely with your arm through the middle, it should unravel quite easily without tangling.’

  He watched as she bent and picked up the lights, finding the end. She looked even more like a pint-sized dynamo but a softer one in the pink girly pyjamas. He hadn’t pegged her for a pink sort of girl. Becka most certainly was but, then, his daughter was all about frills and lace. The more the better. Perhaps, because his earlier relationship with Abbey had been more antagonistic, he’d always thought of her more as a prickly echidna rather than anything girly. Now, though, she looked soft and sweet and incredibly sexy. He swallowed, telling himself to concentrate or he’d probably end up falling off the ladder.

  Together, they both managed to control their wayward thoughts and soon the lights were strung. ‘Let me give them a test,’ he said, and quickly went inside. Abbey stepped back into the middle of the road and watched as first the surgery went dark and then in another moment the front of his house was indeed lit up like a magical fairyland.

  ‘Wow,’ she breathed as Joshua came out to stand next to her. ‘It’s gorgeous.’ She glanced up at him. ‘Joshua, they’re going to love it. You’re a good dad.’

  ‘Well…’ He shrugged and she realised he felt uncomfortable with the compliment.

  ‘You’re up at such a ridiculous hour, creating a fairyland for them, making sure they have a wonderful birthday.’ Did being busy, doing things like this also help him to forget the anniversary of his wife’s death? Was that why he couldn’t sleep? Again Abbey was struck with the impression that he was too hard on himself, that he needed to let go of his past and move forward into his future rather than blaming himself for what had happened to his wife. Although he’d told her that he’d killed his wife, she was positive that wasn’t really the case. He perhaps had been unable to save her but not the other. Yet she also knew that over-achievers, such as they were, often blamed themselves far too deeply and for far too long.

  ‘And that reminds me that I still have quite a few more things to get done.’ Things that wouldn’t get done if he continued to stand in the middle of the main street alongside his enticing colleague at half past three in the morning.

  ‘Right. Sure.’

  Why did she sound so disappointed? Did she want to keep hanging out with him? Working methodically through his list?

  She jerked her thumb over her shoulder. ‘I might go have a cup of herbal tea. See if that won’t help me get back to sleep.’

  ‘You have herbal teas?’

  Abbey was surprised. ‘I do. I brought them with me. They help me unwind.’

  ‘Me too.’ And he was currently out of his own personal stock and the pub most certainly didn’t offer herbal teas on their menu.

  ‘Do…you…want to join me for a quick cuppa?’

  ‘We could sit out on your verandah and admire the twinkle lights,’ he ventured, not wanting to set foot inside her house because if he did, he might well be tempted to forget the list he had to get through before his kids woke up.

  ‘OK. I’ll go and put the kettle on.’

  ‘I’ll pack up the ladder.’

  Abbey tried not to hug herself close, tried to contain the excitement she felt at getting to spend some personal time like this with Joshua.

  ‘Uh…what sort would you like? I have peppermint, chamomile, ginger and rhubarb.’

  ‘Rhubarb? Seriously?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  ‘Then I’ll have to go with the rhubarb. Thanks.’ His smile was one that caused her entire body to flood with tingles and anticipatory delight.

  ‘OK. I’ll see you in a bit.’

  ‘Good-o.’

  They both went their separate ways, intent on doing what needed to be done so they could come back together and just be.

  When Abbey carried two mugs of tea to the verandah, she was surprised to find him already sitting down. He’d obviously brought the chair over from his own place as she only had the one rocking chair available. He’d also put on a T-shirt and for that she was very thankful. It would be much easier to keep her distance from him when she wasn’t itching to touch his gorgeous body.

  ‘Here you go. I haven’t sugared it.’

  ‘I don’t take sugar,’ he told her, accepting the cup with a murmur of thanks. Abbey sat in the rocking chair and sipped her tea, both of them looking at the lights.

  ‘They look so pretty.’

  ‘Not a bad job,’ he agreed.

  ‘The twins will love it.’

  ‘Yes they will.’ He thought about how his children would react when the sun went down tomorrow night, how delighted they’d be to see their house twinkle like a fairyland. He loved them a lot but some days he had no idea how to show them how much he really cared. He could provide for them, that’s what parents did. He could do practical things such as putting up lights or painting their latest favourite cartoon character on their bedroom walls, yet he couldn’t help feeling that he didn’t deserve the love and kisses they would often shower him with given that he was responsible for them losing their mother.

  ‘You’re a good dad,
’ she said again.

  ‘Some may disagree with you.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Their mother.’

  ‘I don’t think so, Joshua.’

  ‘Miriam hated the outback. She didn’t want the children raised in some out-of-the-way backwater, as she termed it.’

  The way he spoke of his wife, his words carrying a hint of bitterness, struck Abbey with the thought that perhaps his marriage hadn’t been as happy as she’d originally thought. ‘You’ve obviously done what was best for the twins. Everyone in this town loves them to pieces. They bring so much happiness and joy to everyone they meet. I’ve been watching them and seeing the reactions in others.’

  ‘I guess we all have our own reasons for coming out into the middle of nowhere. Kids or no kids.’ He paused and sipped his tea, unable to look at the woman beside him as the rocking chair moved back and forth over the boards. ‘We’re all hiding from something.’

  ‘Perhaps we’re running towards it?’ she offered.

  ‘What about you, Abbey? What made you sign up with PMA?’ He watched her closely for a moment. The way his blue eyes seemed to be able to look right through her made Abbey want to squirm on her seat but instead she calmly raised her tea cup to her lips and took a sip.

  ‘I’m trying to find my life.’

  He raised his eyebrows. ‘Why? Love life gone bad? Trying to figure out who you are?’ He knew that feeling all too well, especially as after three years he still had no idea how to be a single father. He was an academic, someone who preferred to search for the answers to questions in a book or to dissect something in order to discover the answer. Learning on the job had been tough enough in the medical world but it was nowhere near as difficult as the world of single parenting. ‘What happened to make you want a different life?’

  ‘I was forced into a different life, Joshua. One I most certainly didn’t ask for but one which has made me completely re-evaluate everything,’ she said softly, but there was bitterness and anger in her words.

  ‘Cancer?’

  ‘Good guess.’

  ‘It’s an easy guess nowadays, unfortunately. Cancer now affects one in every two people.’

  ‘Sad but true,’ she replied.

  ‘I’m also guessing that due to the protective shell you have wrapped firmly around you, the cancer struck you, rather than a loved one.’

  ‘Right again. You always were a good psych.’ She drank the rest of her tea, barely tasting it, and put her cup down on the floor.

  Abbey had had cancer? He felt the enormity of the situation and as he was a doctor, he also knew how it would have affected her life. Although there had been times in their past when they had argued and annoyed each other until both of them had wanted to scream, he’d never wanted anything bad to happen to her. It disturbed him greatly that it had.

  ‘Are you OK now?’ Joshua’s words were gentle and it was that tone, that caring, sweet tone that made tears spring unbidden to Abbey’s eyes. ‘Oh, gosh. You’re not.’ Before he knew what he was doing, he placed his hand over hers and held her hand tightly. ‘Abbey. Tell me you’re OK.’ For some strange reason, he desperately needed to hear her say she was all right. He’d hoped that during her time here that they could become friends but as he touched her now, as he waited while she struggled to pull herself together, he realised he already felt more than friendship for her.

  Why was he being so sweet? So caring? It only made her emotions more intense. The tears started to fall and she wiped them away with her free hand, working hard to ignore the way the warmth from his touch was making her tremble.

  ‘Technically,’ she said after sniffing a few times, ‘I’m fine.’

  He breathed out, releasing some of the tension he’d felt, but his concern for her was still uppermost in his mind. ‘But emotionally?’

  ‘Emotionally?’ Abbey swallowed over the lump in her throat and tried not to hiccup. ‘I’ll never be the same. I’ll never be the same woman I was before I had cancer. My life was torn apart, torn into shreds, and it feels as though I’ll never be able to piece it back together. I try. I’ve been trying so hard to get some sort of control over my life, to find out where I fit into the grand scheme of things now that this has happened to me, but I don’t know…’ She hiccuped again. ‘I don’t know if I ever will.’

  ‘Abbey.’ Her name was wrenched from his lips with a thread of pain. He hated seeing her like this. ‘What sort of cancer did you have?’

  She looked at him, her brown eyes filled with pain and utter desolation as she said one word. ‘Ovarian.’ Her bottom lip started to quiver and she gripped his hand tightly, needing to draw strength from him. She hiccuped again, knowing she must look a ghastly sight but not caring any more. ‘I’ll never…’ She swallowed and shook her head before saying quickly, ‘I’ll never be able to have children. I’ll never be a mother.’ With that, she pulled her hand from his and covered her face, sobs racking her body.

  Chapter Six

  JOSHUA was stunned.

  She’d had ovarian cancer and as she’d told him that she could never have children, he could only surmise that the surgeon would have taken all her reproductive organs rather than risk the cancer spreading.

  Her hair was shoulder length but it was shiny and rich in its vibrant chocolaty-brown colour. Had she lost her hair? Needed chemotherapy? Were there any secondaries? Was she really OK? His heart clenched with fear at the thought.

  As she sat there and cried, struggling to get herself under control, Joshua was conflicted about what to do. He quickly pulled a clean handkerchief from his pocket and held it out to her.

  ‘Here,’ he offered, and she took it with gratitude. He was itching to pull her close to him so she could cry her pain out but he wasn’t sure that would be such a good idea. After the moment they’d shared at the helicopter, he knew keeping his distance was of paramount importance. They were friends and that’s the way it had to stay.

  He sat there, feeling strange and self-conscious and guilty. He hadn’t expected the last emotion and he frowned. Yes, it was definitely guilt and he wondered at it. Was he feeling guilty because he’d been given two incredible children at the expense of their mother’s life? Here Abbey was, sitting before him, wiping her eyes, blowing her nose in an effort to get herself back under control because she’d just confessed a very important and emotional secret to him—she couldn’t have children. Of course, a declaration like that would bring his own children to mind, children who had wrapped their arms around his neck less than a few hours ago, giving him wet and sloppy kisses as he’d tucked them into bed.

  ‘Sorry,’ she mumbled, and forced a smile.

  ‘No, no. Don’t you dare apologise.’ He was quick to reassure her.

  ‘I don’t usually break down and cry like that.’

  ‘Hey, it’s me, Abbey. Good ol’ Joshua, and, besides, you’ve no doubt had an emotionally draining week, coming to a new place, being faced with new experiences and trying to gain some control over your immediate circumstances.’ He remembered the way they’d argued when she’d got off the plane and he felt bad. Still, he couldn’t go back and change things. That was definitely a lesson he’d learned the hard way. ‘So where you would normally have had some reserves to help you keep your feelings in check, those reserves have all been used up in coming here to Yawonnadeere Creek.’

  ‘Hmm. Well, when you put it like that…’ She trailed off and laughed a little.

  ‘The last thing you need to be doing right now is beating yourself up because your tears overflowed.’ His words were deep and soothing and Abbey thought she’d be able to listen to that gorgeous voice of his all day long. ‘We all have bad days.’

  ‘Yes. You’re right. We do. I’ll just chalk this up to a necessary release of emotions and then I can move on.’

  ‘That’s more like it. Positive thoughts.’

  ‘You could do with some yourself.’

  ‘What?’ Joshua was momentarily taken aback.

&nb
sp; ‘You still blame yourself for your wife’s death.’

  He looked away for the moment, unable to believe she could read him so easily. Was it the fact that they’d known each other all those years ago or was he that transparent? As everyone in the town had been around when Miriam had gone into labour, they knew the story. He knew no one blamed him for her death, that he’d done everything he could to save his wife but it just hadn’t been enough. With Abbey being an outsider, with him telling her about his past, about what had happened to the twins’ mother, she was bound to see things differently.

  ‘You didn’t kill her. I’ll bet if I looked at the operation report for your wife, it would show that you made no errors, that you did everything you possibly could, but things just hadn’t turned out the way you’d planned. I’m positive it wasn’t your fault.’

  Joshua clenched his jaw, not sure how they’d managed to work their way around to this topic but here they were. ‘Knowing the truth and mentally accepting it are two different things.’

  ‘So you’re telling me that you know you didn’t actually kill your wife.’ She spoke the words softly, pleased he hadn’t bitten her head off or told her to drop the subject.

  ‘It feels like it. I had the skill. I had the knowledge.’ He shook his head. ‘I should have sent her back to Adelaide sooner rather than later.’

  ‘But you didn’t.’

  ‘No. We’d come here for a six-month rotation, just like you, sent here with PMA.’

  ‘She was a doctor?’

  ‘Yes.’ Joshua put his cup down on the ground and stood, his shoulders tense as the memories came back. ‘She wasn’t working when she came here. Perhaps that was part of the problem but she’d taken time off work because of the pregnancy, which meant she was here as a spouse rather than a doctor.’

  ‘That couldn’t have been easy for her.’

  ‘It wasn’t. She’d been fine in the beginning, telling me to get the rotation here out of the way sooner rather than later.’

  Abbey frowned at that. ‘It sounds as though she didn’t enjoy it here.’