Off The Main Sequence

by Robert A. Heinlein

  “Sure. Fine," he said mechanically. “Look, babe, I’m a little mixed up about this. Trouble I’ve had all day long, and more trouble now. I’ll look you up tonight and straighten it out. But I know I didn’t leave your hat in my apartment —"

  “Your hat, silly!"

  “Huh? Oh, sure! Anyhow, I’ll see you tonight. 'By." He rang off hurriedly. Gosh, he thought, that woman is getting to be a problem. Hallucinations. He turned to his two companions.

  “Very well, Joe. I’m ready to go if you are." He was not sure just when or why he had decided to go through the time gadget, but he had. Who did this other mug think he was, anyhow, trying to interfere with a man’s freedom of choice?

  “Fine!" said Joe, in a relieved voice. “Just step through. That’s all there is to it."

  “No, you don’t!" It was the ubiquitous stranger. He stepped between Wilson and the Gate.

  Bob Wilson faced him. “Listen, you! You come butting in here like you think I was a bum. If you don’t like it, go jump in the lake — and I’m just the kind of guy who can do it! You and who else?"

  The stranger reached out and tried to collar him. Wilson let go a swing, but not a good one. It went by nothing faster than parcel post. The stranger walked under it and let him have a mouthful of knuckles — large, hard ones. Joe closed in rapidly, coming to Bob’s aid. They traded punches in a free-for-all, with Bob joining in enthusiastically but inefficiently. The only punch he landed was on Joe, theoretically his ally. However, he had intended it for the third man.

  It was this faux pas which gave the stranger an opportunity to land a clean left jab on Wilson’s face. It was inches higher than the button, but in Bob’s bemused condition it was sufficient to cause him to cease taking part in the activities.

  Bob Wilson came slowly to awareness of his surroundings. He was seated on a floor which seemed a little unsteady. Someone was bending over him. “Are you all right?" the figure inquired.

  “I guess so," he answered thickly. His mouth pained him; he put his hand to it, got it sticky with blood. “My head hurts."

  “I should think it would. You came through head over heels. I think you hit your head when you landed."

  Wilson’s thoughts were coming back into confused focus. Came through? He looked more closely at his succorer. He saw a middle-aged man with gray-shot bushy hair and a short, neatly trimmed beard. He was dressed in what Wilson took to be purple lounging pajamas.

  But the room in which he found himself bothered him even more. It was circular and the ceiling was arched so subtly that it was difficult to say how high it was. A steady glareless light filled the room from no apparent source. There was no furniture save for a high dais or pulpit-shaped object near the wall facing him. “Came through? Came through what?"

  “The Gate, of course." There was something odd about the man’s accent. Wilson could not place it, save for a feeling that English was not a tongue he was accustomed to speaking.

  Wilson looked over his shoulder in the direction of the other’s gaze, and saw the circle.

  That made his head ache even more. “Oh, Lord," he thought, “now I really am nuts. Why don’t I wake up?" He shook his head to clear it.

  That was a mistake. The top of his head did not quite come off — not quite. And the circle stayed where it was, a simple locus hanging in the air, its flat depth filled with the amorphous colors and shapes of novision. “Did I come through that?"

  “Yes."

  “Where am I?"

  “In the Hall of the Gate in the High Palace of Norkaal. But what is more important is when you are. You have gone forward a little more than thirty thousand years."

  “Now I know I’m crazy," thought Wilson. He got up unsteadily and moved toward the Gate.

  The older man put a hand on his shoulder. “Where are you going?"

  “Back!"

  “Not so fast. You will go back all right — I give you my word on that. But let me dress your wounds first. And you should rest. I have some explanations to make to you, and there is an errand you can do for me when you get back — to our mutual advantage. There is a great future in store for you and me, my boy — a great future!"

  Wilson paused uncertainly. The elder man’s insistence was vaguely disquieting. “I don’t like this."

  The other eyed him narrowly. “Wouldn’t you like a drink before you go?"

  Wilson most assuredly would. Right at the moment a stiff drink seemed the most desirable thing on Earth — or in time. “Okay."

  “Come with me." The older man led him back of the structure near the wall and through a door which led into a passageway. He walked briskly; Wilson hurried to keep up.

  “By the way," he asked, as they continued down the long passage, “what is your name?"

  “My name? You may call me Diktor — everyone else does.

  “Okay, Diktor. Do you want my name?"

  “Your name?" Diktor chuckled. “I know your name. It’s Bob Wilson."

  “Huh? Oh — I suppose Joe told you."

  “Joe? I know no one by that name."

  “You don’t? He seemed to know you. Say — maybe you aren’t that guy I was supposed to see."

  “But I am. I have been expecting you — in a way. Joe … Joe — Oh!" Diktor chuckled. “It had slipped my mind for a moment. He told you to call him Joe, didn’t he?"

  “Isn’t it his name?"

  “It’s as good a name as any other. Here we are." He ushered Wilson into a small, but cheerful, room. It contained no furniture of any sort, but the floor was soft and warm as live flesh. “Sit down. I’ll be back in a moment."

  Bob looked around for something to sit on, then turned to ask Diktor for a chair. But Diktor was gone, furthermore the door through which they had entered was gone. Bob sat down on the comfortable floor and tried not to worry.

  Diktor returned promptly. Wilson saw the door dilate to let him in, but did not catch on to how it was done. Diktor was carrying a carafe, which gurgled pleasantly, and a cup. “Mud in your eye," he said heartily and poured a good four fingers. “Drink up."

  Bob accepted the cup. “Aren’t you drinking?"

  “Presently. I want to attend to your wounds first."

  “Okay." Wilson tossed off the first drink in almost indecent haste — it was good stuff, a little like Scotch, he decided, but smoother and not as dry — while Diktor worked deftly with salves that smarted at first, then soothed. “Mind if I have another?"

  “Help yourself."

  Bob drank more slowly the second cup. He did not finish it; it slipped from relaxed fingers, spilling a ruddy, brown stain across the floor. He snored.

  Bob Wilson woke up feeling fine and completely rested. He was cheerful without knowing why. He lay relaxed, eyes still closed, for a few moments and let his soul snuggle back into his body. This was going to be a good day, he felt. Oh, yes — he had finished that double-damned thesis. No, he hadn’t either! He sat up with a start.

  The sight of the strange walls around him brought him back into continuity. But before he had time to worry — at once, in fact — the door relaxed and Diktor stepped in. “Feeling better?"

  “Why, yes, I do. Say, what is this?"

  “We’ll get to that. How about some breakfast?"

  In Wilson’s scale of evaluations breakfast rated just after life itself and ahead of the chance of immortality. Diktor conducted him to another room — the first that he had seen possessing windows. As a matter of fact half the room was open, a balcony hanging high over a green countryside. A soft, warm, summer breeze wafted through the place. They broke their fast in luxury, Roman style, while Diktor explained.

  Bob Wilson did not follow the explanations as closely as he might have done, because his attention was diverted by the maidservants who served the meal. The first came in bearing a great tray of fruit on her head. The fruit was gorgeous. So was the girl. Search as he would he could discern no fault in her.

  Her costume lent itself to the search.

&n
bsp; She came first to Diktor, and with a single, graceful movement dropped to one knee, removed the tray from her head, and offered it to him. He helped himself to a small, red fruit and waved her away. She then offered it to Bob in the same delightful manner.

  “As I was saying," continued Diktor, “it is not certain where the High Ones came from or where they went when they left Earth. I am inclined to think they went away into Time. In any case they ruled more than twenty thousand years and completely obliterated human culture as you knew it. What is more important to you and to me is the effect they had on the human psyche. One twentieth-century style go-getter can accomplish just about anything he wants to accomplish around here — Aren’t you listening?"

  “Huh? Oh, yes, sure. Say, that’s one mighty pretty girl." His eyes still rested on the exit through which she had disappeared.

  “Who? Oh, yes, I suppose so. She’s not exceptionally beautiful as women go around here."

  “That’s hard to believe. I could learn to get along with a girl like that."

  “You like her? Very well, she is yours."

  “Huh?"

  “She’s a slave. Don’t get indignant. They are slaves by nature. If you like her, I’ll make you a present of her. It will make her happy." The girl had just returned. Diktor called to her in a language strange to Bob. “Her name is Arma," he said in an aside, then spoke to her briefly.

  Arma giggled. She composed her face quickly, and, moving over to where Wilson reclined, dropped on both knees to the floor and lowered her head, with both hands cupped before her. “Touch her forehead," Diktor instructed.

  Bob did so. The girl arose and stood waiting placidly by his side. Diktor spoke to her. She looked puzzled, but moved out of the room. “I told her that, notwithstanding her new status, you wished her to continue serving breakfast."

  Diktor resumed his explanations while the service of the meal continued. The next course was brought in by Arma and another girl. When Bob saw the second girl he let out a low whistle. He realized he had been a little hasty in letting Diktor give him Arma. Either the standard of pulchritude had gone up incredibly, he decided, or Diktor went to a lot of trouble in selecting his servants.

  “— for that reason," Diktor was saying, “it is necessary that you go back throigh the Time Gate at once. Your first job is to bring this other chap back. Then there is one other task for you to do, and we’ll be sitting pretty. After that it is share and share alike for you and me. And there is plenty to share, I — You aren’t listening!"

  “Sure I was, chief. I heard every word you said." He fingered his chin. “Say, have you got a razor I could borrow? I’d like to shave."

  Diktor swore softly in two languages. “Keep your eyes off those wenches and listen to me! There’s work to be done."

  “Sure, sure. I understand that — and I’m your man. When do we start?" Wilson had made up his mind some time ago — just shortly after Arma had entered with the tray of fruit, in fact. He felt as if he had walked into some extremely pleasant dream. If cooperation with Diktor would cause that dream to continue, so be it. To hell with an academic career!

  Anyhow, all Diktor wanted was for him to go back where he started and persuade another guy to go through the Gate. The worst that could happen was for him to find himself back in the twentieth century. What could he lose?

  Diktor stood up. “Let’s get on with it," he said shortly, “before you get your attention diverted again. Follow me." He set off at a brisk pace with Wilson behind him.

  Diktor took him to the Hall of the Gate and stopped. “All you have to do," he said, “is to step through the Gate. You will find yourself back in your own room, in your own time. Persuade the man you find there to go through the Gate. We have need of him. Then come back yourself."

  Bob held up a hand and pinched thumb and forefinger together. “It’s in the bag, boss. Consider it done." He started to step through the Gate.

  “Wait!" commanded Diktor. “You are not used to time travel. I warn you that you are going to get one hell of a shock when you step through. This other chap — you’ll recognize him."

  “Who is he?"

  “I won’t tell you because you wouldn’t understand. But you will when you see him. Just remember this — There are some very strange paradoxes connected with time travel. Don’t let anything you see throw you. You do what I tell you to and you’ll be all right."

  “Paradoxes don’t worry me," Bob said confidently. “Is that all? I’m ready."

  “One minute." Diktor stepped behind the raised dais. His head appeared above the side a moment later. “I’ve set the controls. Okay. Go!"

  Bob Wilson stepped through the locus known as the Time Gate. There was no particular sensation connected with the transition. It was like stepping through a curtained doorway into a darker room. He paused for a moment on the other side and let his eyes adjust to the dimmer light. He was, he saw, indeed in his own room.

  There was a man in it, seated at his own desk. Diktor had been right about that. This, then, was the chap he was to send back through the Gate. Diktor had said he would recognize him. Well, let’s see who it is.

  He felt a passing resentment at finding someone at his desk in his room, then thought better of it. After all, it was just a rented room; when he disappeared, no doubt it had been rented again. He had no way of telling how long he had been gone — shucks, it might be the middle of next week!

  The chap did look vaguely familiar, although all he could see was his back. Who was it? Should he speak to him, cause him to turn around? He felt vaguely reluctant to do so until he knew who it was. He rationalized the feeling by telling himself that it was desirable to know with whom he was dealing before he attempted anything as outlandish as persuading this man to go through the Gate.

  The man at the desk continued typing, paused to snuff out a cigarette by laying it in an ash tray, then stamping it with a paper weight.

  Bob Wilson knew that gesture.

  Chills trickled down his back. “If he lights his next one," he whispered to himself, “the way I think he is going to —"

  The man at the desk took out another cigarette, tamped it on one end, turned it and tamped the other, straightened and crimped the paper on one end carefully against his left thumbnail and placed that end in his mouth.

  Wilson felt the blood beating in his neck. Sitting there with his back to him was himself, Bob Wilson!

  He felt that he was going to faint. He closed his eyes and steadied himself on a chair back. “I knew it," he thought, “the whole thing is absurd. I’m crazy. I know I’m crazy. Some sort of split personality. I shouldn’t have worked so hard."

  The sound of typing continued.

  He pulled himself together, and reconsidered the matter. Diktor had warned him that he was due for a shock, a shock that could not be explained ahead of time, because it could not be believed. “All right — suppose I’m not crazy. If time travel can happen at all, there is no reason why I can’t come back and see myself doing something I did in the past. If I’m sane, that is what I’m doing.

  “And if I am crazy, it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference what I do!

  “And furthermore," he added to himself, “if I’m crazy, maybe I can stay crazy and go back through the Gate! No, that does not make sense. Neither does anything else — the hell with it!"

  He crept forward softly and peered over the shoulder of his double. “Duration is an attribute of the consciousness," he read, “and not of the plenum."

  “That tears it," he thought, “right back where I started, and watching myself write my thesis."

  The typing continued. “It has no Ding an Sich. Therefore —" A key stuck, and others piled up on top of it. His double at the desk swore and reached out a hand to straighten the keys.

  “Don’t bother with it," Wilson said on sudden impulse. “It’s a lot of utter hogwash anyhow."

  The other Bob Wilson sat up with a jerk, then looked slowly around. An expression of surprise g
ave way to annoyance. “What the devil are you doing in my room?" he demanded. Without waiting for an answer he got up, went quickly to the door and examined the lock. “How did you get in?"

  “This," thought Wilson, “is going to be difficult."

  “Through that," Wilson answered, pointing to the Time Gate. His double looked where he had pointed, did a double take, then advanced cautiously and started to touch it.

  “Don’t!" yelled Wilson.

  The other checked himself. “Why not?" he demanded.

  Just why he must not permit his other self to touch the Gate was not clear to Wilson, but he had had an unmistakable feeling of impending disaster when he saw it about to happen. He temporized by saying, “I’ll explain. But let’s have a drink." A drink was a good idea in any case. There had never been a time when he needed one more than he did right now. Quite automatically he went to his usual cache of liquor in the wardrobe and took out the bottle he expected to find there.

  “Hey!" protested the other. “What are you doing there? That’s my liquor."

  “Your liquor —" Hell’s bells! It was his liquor. No, it wasn’t; it was — their liquor. Oh, the devil! It was much too mixed up to try to explain. “Sorry. You don’t mind if I have a drink, do you?"

  “I suppose not," his double said grudgingly. “Pour me one while you’re about it."

  “Okay," Wilson assented, “then I’ll explain." It was going to be much, much too difficult to explain until he had had a drink, he felt. As it was, he couldn’t explain it fully to himself.

  “It had better be good," the other warned him, and looked Wilson over carefully while he drank his drink.

  Wilson watched his younger self scrutinizing him with confused and almost insupportable emotions. Couldn’t the stupid fool recognize his own face when he saw it in front of him? If he could not see what the situation was, how in the world was he ever going to make it clear to him?

  It had slipped his mind that his face was barely recognizable in any case, being decidedly battered and unshaven. Even more important, he failed to take into account the fact that a person does not look at his own face, even in mirrors, in the same frame of mind with which he regards another’s face. No sane person ever expects to see his own face hanging on another.