by Lauren Wood
“Of course, I will stay with her. I just don't understand you, Ellie.”
She waved me off and promised that it wasn't possible anyways.
“I will be the first woman to tell you, that we are complicated to ourselves as well. Heather is complicated too, so you're just going to have to take your time with her. There is a lot you don't know.”
She went outside with Dottie and Midge, leaving me to wonder what in the world she was talking about. Why did she try to make it all so mysterious? What was it that I didn't know?
When Heather finally woke up it was already almost noon. I had never known her to sleep in so late, but I had a feeling it had to do with all the shots we had taken the night before. It had seemed easier to get a real conversation going when she wasn't thinking about everything the millionth time over. Now, there was a lot to say, and I have no idea how to say it.
“Where is everybody?”
“I think they went to some chocolate factory tour or something. I'm not really sure. Ellie told me about it when I wasn't paying too much attention.”
“You talked to Ellie?”
“Yeah, she wanted me to stay with you and make sure that everything was alright. She says that you usually don't drink like that and may have a rough start.”
Heather sat up and pushed her strawberry-blonde hair away from her face. The makeup that she had been wearing the night before, even though it was ever so light, now revealed the freckles that she had been hiding. This was the Heather that I was more used to. She had never worn makeup when we were in school, even though pretty much everybody else did. Heather had always been different.
She wasn't wearing much when she went to bed apparently, I know now, because when she started to get up, I heard a gasp. Sadly enough, it was from me and it made her look down to realize what she was wearing. Or rather, what she wasn't wearing.
“Where are my clothes?”
That was a fair question. I didn’t know the answer to it though, because I had left her to her own devices after she left my room. I didn't want to, but that had been what was needed.
“I have no idea what you did after you left me last night.”
“Left you?”
She looked confused and she was rubbing her head. I asked her if she wanted some coffee and she seemed grateful.
I got up and started to make a cup from the same batch that I had been offered earlier this morning. I stuck it in the little microwave and asked her how she liked it.
Once I got it back to Heather, she thanked me and was sitting up a little bit more, though her eyes were still adjusting to the light.
“So, don't you remember playing poker last night? In my room?”
She had this look on her face that told me that she didn't remember any of it. I wanted to believe that I wasn't that easy to forget, but apparently that wasn't the case at all. I have been forgotten very easily it would appear.
“We were playing poker in your room?”
“Yeah, strip poker.”
She didn't believe me, so I described to her what she had been wearing underneath her clothes and she made a startled sound.
“How did you know that? Really.”
“I just told you, Heather. We played poker last night and you lost a few times. You didn’t have that much to drink.”
“A few times?”
She looked horrified and this was not at all how this was supposed to go. She was supposed to be happy and she was supposed to remember. Why did she not remember?
“You really don't do well with alcohol, do you?”
Heather kind of smiled bashfully and agreed.
“Not at all. I never have.”
We sat there for a moment and I honestly had no idea what to say. I wanted to have this big conversation with her about what had happened the night before, but she didn't even remember it. How can I have a conversation about something that she didn't even remember? It obviously wasn't as important to her as it had been to me. Now, I just felt like an idiot and I wasn't sure what to say or what to do.
“So, do you want to do something today?”
It was all I could come up with and she just kind of shrugged noncommittally.
“I must have still drunk a lot last night because my head is killing me. Why did you let me drink so much?”
“You were the one that was riding that train. I think something was making you nervous and maybe drinking made you feel better. I don’t know, but that was all you.”
“You make me nervous.”
“If you don't remember what happened, how can you blame it on me?”
“That's easy. You are the only one that's ever messed with my mind like this, Casper. You are the only person I ever felt that way about. It would have to be you.”
It was just the simplest answer and it took me a minute to process it.
“If that is the way it is, then why do you always fight it so much?”
She smiled and kind of shrugged. “It's just the way it has to be. We can never be together, but that doesn't mean that I don't want it.”
She said matter-of-factly, then I was kind of stunned for a moment. Was it really just that simple? I wasn't good enough for her family, so that was that?
“You can't really mean it.”
“For a long time, I didn't mean it Casper, but nothing has changed. It is still just as complicated as it was when we were kids, you know?”
I was speechless again. Heather had a way of doing that. Every time I thought I was getting ahead, something would happen to call me back. Now all hope was gone again, and I was trying to deal with that fact. She had no idea what she did to me. How could she?
We ordered some room service for lunch and caught up a little bit on what we had been doing since we broke up. It was sort of strange, because we never actually talked about the fact that we broke up, or anything that had to do with me and her together. We just talked like two old friends.
12
Heather
I got off the phone with Ellie, and I was rather surprised that she was not going to be back for a while. I had spent most of the day with Casper, and he had spent far too much time telling me what had happened the night before. I really didn't want to hear about how I had gotten semi-naked in front of him. That did not sound like me at all, and I certainly didn't want to revel in that fact. I had obviously been making a lot of bad decisions.
My head was killing me because I had a hangover and at some point, Casper had said something about drinking again. It was the way that he got rid of the hangovers that he got. Since he was much more learned in the art of drinking, I finally took up his offer. What I didn't know was how badly it was going to put me right back in a state of mind that I want didn't want to be in. I also started to remember the night before a little bit better, which was rather weird, considering that I hadn't remembered it before.
It left a lot of questions and certainly left a bit of embarrassment on my part. I had let him kiss me a couple of times and even worse, I kissed him back. Worse still, I had really liked it, and I wanted to do it again.
“So, when is Ellie coming back?”
“She says that they are going to go see a show tonight. It's one that she knows I hate and I'm starting to think that she doesn't want me there with them. Do you know what is going on with her?”
He tried to look innocent, but I think it would have been impossible for me to have believed that Casper was innocent of anything. He was the wheeling-and-dealing type, that bent situations to his betterment. That was certainly not going to change.
“I don't know. I guess they're going to be back tonight.”
“So, what do you want to do until then? Do you want to go get some dinner?”
I was perturbed about everything that what was going on. It was supposed to be a girls’ week and it was turning into something else entirely. Next time I got Ellie alone, I was going to give her a piece of my mind. She deserved it.
“Yeah, I guess so. Are you sur
e that you don't want to just order some takeout or something? I don't know if I really want to do the whole get dressed up and go out thing.”
I had literally been wearing pajamas all day and at some point, I had thought about getting dressed, but I had reasoned that if I got dressed, I might try to attract Casper. It was obvious that he still had feelings or lust or something for me, so it would be best to avoid that at all costs.
“Do you really want to stay in? Maybe we can play some more poker?”
His face was nothing but mischief, and I just kind of shook my head. I knew better than to say yes to that. The last thing I needed to be doing was playing cards and getting naked with Casper. Maybe getting out was the better idea. Maybe, but it wasn't what I chose.
“I don't know about poker Casper, but a couple of drinks and some room service sound pretty good. Maybe we can watch that Kit Carrington movie that we both like so much. Remember it?”
He agreed, and I was relieved that there was a possibility we could have a chill kind of evening. I don't think I was going to be able to fight Casper off this time. I was too vulnerable and weak and for one reason or another, I was horny again.
I shouldn’t be thinking about it and before I could stop myself, I was looking at him in a way that I wasn’t supposed to. I was trying to remember the night before. According to Casper, he had been walking around in his skivvies for most of the evening. I bet that had certainly been a sight to see. It was a sight, that I wished I remembered.
13
Casper
I wasn't sure what I expected out of the night, but it wasn't the nothingness that I remembered the next day. I woke up and Heather was lying next to me. It was pretty obvious that she didn't have any clothes on. It was just as obvious that I did not as well. I lifted up a little bit, admiring the body that I had never fully seen. Closing my eyes tightly, I tried to remember anything. What the hell had happened last night?
Every time I moved, she made a soft sound behind me and I was afraid that I was going to wake her up. I don't even know what we were doing here, so there was certainly no way that I was going to be able to answer questions. Then again, I wonder if maybe she had the answers. Just because I couldn't remember didn’t mean that she couldn’t, right?
I admired her long, lean form and tried to get my mind right. This is obviously everything that I had ever wanted. I don't know how, but I didn't remember any of it. That felt like it wasn't as good. I wanted to remember being with Heather and something had gone wrong.
When she made another sound as I moved, I started to kiss her lips softly. She said my name and to me, that was about all the recognition that I needed to move forward. It was the permission that I so desired, to have her in my arms again. It was really like music to my ears when she finally agreed.
Since we were both already naked, it didn't take long before I was rubbing my hands across her chest and breast. I wanted her to feel good, so that I could make love to her again, even if I didn’t remember the last time. This time, I was going to remember every single second, and it would forever be in my database.
When she started to moan, her hips lifted up towards me. I growled out loud with the feel of her and pressed in with a little bit of pressure, letting the head run across her sloppy-wet lips. Heather made the sweetest whimpering sound that I’d ever heard. Her whining was like a drug that turned me on even more, making me rock hard. I had never been so wound up in all of my life. Not even with her. Not like this.
I got on top of her and said her name several times. I wanted her to see me. To really see me, before I slid inside of her. Maybe it was simply because I wanted to see the expression on her face as I entered her. It should have been something that was forever etched into my mind, but for some reason it wasn't. As much as that bothered me, it bothered me more that she was not as immediately aware as I wanted her to be.
She was still a little groggy and I pressed up against her a little bit. Heather made a gasping sound, and I stopped for a moment.
“It's time for you to wake up, Heather. I am so ready to slide inside of you, but I want to see those pretty green eyes of yours first.”
That had her opening her eyes and she smiled at me, seconds before I plunged into her.
Her big green eyes widened, and I knew that I had done what was needed for both of us. She needed to feel and I had done just that for her.
When was inside of her, I was gritting my teeth from the tightness and she was making small panicky noises. Heather was breathing a little heavier than she was before and now holding on to my neck very hard.
“Are you okay?”
“Did we? I can't...”
I stopped, because I had no idea what she was talking about. What did she mean, she can't?
As much as I was confused about her reaction, it was not enough for me to pull myself out of her. She was like heaven and the last thing I wanted to do was that. I wanted to be inside of her forever.
“It's alright, baby. Just give it a minute and you'll get used to it. You must have gotten used to it last night.”
Heather closed her eyes, and I wasn't able to read the expression on her face. It felt like there was something she wanted to tell me, but all I could focus on was the clenching that she was doing around my hard length. I couldn't stop myself from surging forward and making her moan a little louder.
Her nails bit into my back, and I was unable to stop the sounds that started to come out of me. I had never felt so swallowed before, and it was hard to really pay attention. I felt like I was in a vice-grip, and I was worried about the state of my member.
“Why are you so tight?”
She kind of grimaced, and I could see that she was concentrating far more than I was.
“We must have had sex last night. That would have been my first time.”
I stopped suddenly with her words and even though it was rather unbelievable, I knew that what she said was true. Heather had always been the woman that waited. I had tried to talk her into it, I don't even know how many times. But all this time had passed. How could she have possibly kept that part of her sacred?
“Are you serious?”
She nodded her head yes, because I was still balls-deep inside of her and I hadn’t moved in some time. I knew what I should be doing of course. I should pull out of her. I should stop. Fuck, I didn’t want to.
Finally, I asked her if she wanted me to, but the whole time I was hoping and praying that her answer would be no. I didn't want to stop. It felt too good and it was the perfect moment.
“No, just. I don't know. I wonder if it hurt this much last night.”
“You don't remember it either?”
She told me that she didn't and again my ego was hit a little bit with that knowledge. What did that say about our night together?
“I feel like I should have remembered this.”
I started to pull out and I surged forward again, nice and deep.
She agreed with a nod of her head and I knew that Heather was having as much difficulty as I was. This was just too much, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to get my mind off of things.
I laid down to kiss her and pushed myself deeper in. She whimpered at the movement. Never having to control myself before, I started to saw in and out quickly, like she was anyone else and I immediately saw the error of my ways.
Heather was barely breathing and her whole body was tensing for a release. Finally, she asked me to stop for a minute and let her be. I hadn’t had a woman tell me to stop before. It was usually more along the lines of more.
“Do you want me to stop?”
I had asked this question several times and just like before, I was afraid of the answer. I didn’t want to. It was the last thing on my mind.
“I just need a minute.”
The whole time that she was telling me this, she had this expression on her face and the inside walls of hers were collapsing on me. I think that she pushed along another orgasm because of it and all
I could do was hold on and wait for her to ride it out.
Heather looked at me with clear eyes and gave me her silent submission. What was remarkable about it all, was how happy I was to see it, relieved more than anything. The idea of missing out on her, was a bit more than I wanted to think about.
I started to move again and this time, I started slow. That did not last very long though. As soon as I started to feel her body tensing up again, I knew that she was ready for more. I slammed deep several times, but she was pushed over another edge.
If Heather was a virgin the night before, that meant that she was probably pretty sore from it. If I would have been a better man, I would have given her time to recuperate. I sometimes wished I was that better man, then again, maybe it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. At the moment, I couldn’t think of anything that would feel worse than pulling out of her. I wanted to stay inside of her forever, even though I knew that she couldn’t handle it. I wanted to make her take it.
14
Heather
I laid there for several minutes, just staring up at the ceiling. The hotel had a fan that ran above the bed and I finally moved the covers back, so that I could get some air on my skin. I was hot and sweaty now. Cool air started to make me feel better, and I was able to breathe again
I'm not really sure what had just happened beyond the obvious, but I knew that I wanted to feel that again. I had so many questions, but at the moment, I just wanted to revel in the feeling that was left behind.
“Come on Heather, you have to say something.”
“Even though I probably drank more the night before, I don't have a hangover this time. But then again, I really don't remember last night. Do you?”
He chuckled and I could not understand at all, what he found so funny. This situation was confusing, but I didn't see any hilarity to it.