by Lauren Wood
“Why are you laughing?”
“Because after everything that just happened, you're talking about hangovers. I can't make this stuff up.”
“You didn't answer me. Do you remember anything from last night?”
He told me that he really didn't remember much of anything.
“All I remember doing is waking up this morning. It was obvious that we had been together and I was so turned-on. You called out my name and I had to have you.”
“Well I am sure that you’re used to waking up next to someone new, Casper.”
“Yeah, but you're not just anyone, and I'm just not any man.”
I had to agree with that, but I just didn’t want to give away too much. This was already more than I could deal with first thing in the morning without coffee. I didn’t have it in me, to be in such a situation.
“Are we going to talk about why we don't remember anything?”
“I don't know that either. I usually don't have this problem. Right now, I want to talk about what just happened.”
It was certainly not something I wanted to talk about with him anyways. I wanted to go find out how I felt about all of this, without him standing over me.
I needed to tell somebody what happened. Somebody besides Casper. It was too complicated, trying to hash it out with him, especially while neither one of us had any clothes on.
When I started to get out of the bed, he asked me where I was going. I told him to talk to Ellie. “You already want to leave? Ouch.”
“I just think it would be for the best. I'm sure I'll see you later.”
My thoughts were racing as he was walking away, and it felt weird to see him so upset about it. I didn't necessarily kick him out, because it was his room, but I did make him stand in the bathroom until I got dressed. I know it didn't make any sense, considering that I was just naked underneath him while he was inside of me moments before, but I needed that bit of privacy. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him.
When I was ready to leave and dressed, I told him that I was leaving and he came out of the bathroom.
“Are we really not going to talk about what happened?”
“I think it's for the best, Casper.”
I was about to put my hair in a ponytail, so that my appearance wasn't so obvious, but then my hair got caught on something on my finger and it made me pause.
Now all of a sudden, I wanted to talk about last night.
“Casper?”
“Yeah?”
“Why is there a ring on my finger? A wedding ring?”
He looked at me a little funny and then looked at his own hands. He had one as well and I felt the room start to get a little small. For some reason, now I felt like I was spinning in a circle.
This couldn't be. I’d heard stories about this. Elvis marrying you in Vegas was kind of like a big joke. This couldn't be true, right?
“Um, I don't know.”
I was sick of hearing that answer. I felt like that's all he had said for the last ten questions. It wasn't doing any good and finally I just let out an exasperated sigh and walked out of the room.
Married. There was no way, right?
When I got over to my room, I was full of mixed emotions. The one thing that I knew for certain, was that I was happy that Ellie was up. She used to be usually such a morning person, but I really didn't know what they had done the night before, because I had spent my day with Casper.
Somehow, I wanted to blame this on Ellie. She was the one that had invited him to go along and she was the one that had made all this happen. It was all her fault, it had to be. I didn’t want to face the facts that I had brought this on myself.
“Hey, Heather.”
“Don’t ‘hey Heather’ me all nonchalant, Ellie. What the hell happened last night?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, where were you? When I woke up, you guys were gone.”
“I tried to wake you up, Heather. You looked like you needed some sleep, so I thought it would be best if you stayed here and got some.”
“So, you thought it was better for me to stay here alone with Casper?”
“You guys seemed to be getting along pretty well. I didn’t think it would be a problem.”
I found myself getting angry, but I knew that I was not mad at Ellie. It wasn't her fault. It was my fault for being so stupid about it. I knew better. I knew that I would most likely have no one to blame, but myself. Whatever happened last night, she had nothing to do with it. I still wanted to blame her though. If she hadn’t left me by myself, then I wouldn't have done it
That was a pretty hollow reason, even for my own ears, and I sighed out loud.
“Yeah, I guess we got a bit closer than I would've liked.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
I paused for a moment and considered if I really wanted to tell her or not. The fact of the matter was, that if I said it out loud, somehow it would be even more true. Maybe I should wait, until I figured out what had happened first.
Then again, I needed to tell somebody about it. My mind was working overtime and I knew that Ellie would help me make sense of the chaos brewing.
Instead of saying anything, I just lifted my hand up and showed her what I had found on my finger this morning. I figured that there really wasn't a need for an explanation. There was a ring on my wedding finger. Need I say more?
“What?”
She grabbed my hand and pulled it to her face, like somehow being closer to the diamond was going to make it more or less real.
“I don't know what to say.”
“Yeah, me either. That's why I just left and came back over here.”
“That's where you were last night?”
I shrugged. I didn’t want to have to talk about it, blow by blow.
“So, the two of you got married?”
She was asking all of the same questions I'd asked, but I had not even stuck around for an answer. Worse than that, it didn't seem like Casper had an answer about any of it. He acted like he didn't remember.
“I guess. I'm not really sure. Neither one of us remembers it.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“I wish I was actually. That would be a lot simpler.”
“So...”
Ellie was speechless and I had to admit that was pretty much my reaction in the beginning. I still wasn't sure how I was supposed to deal with all of this. It seemed impossible to navigate and the last thing I wanted to do, was really think about it. My so-called girls’ trip, was turning into quite the disaster.
“I don't even know what to say.”
I had to agree as well. What is there to say?
Then Ellie started to remember what else was different about me.
“So, does that mean…?” She couldn’t even say it.
“Yeah. That is exactly what it means. I woke up to him in the middle of it this morning.”
“And that was your first time?”
She had this look of pity on her face and for some reason, it really bothered me. I wanted her to pity me, but not in that situation.
“No, that was later. I guess we did it the night before. Like I said, neither one of us really remember it.”
She just kind of looked at me for a moment and I think she was trying to read me, so that she would know how to react. The problem was, I wasn't sure myself. I know that it wasn't the end of the world, but at the same time, it was certainly not how I would have chosen it all to be.
Ellie looked at me, and I just looked back at her. Was this a good thing? I'm not even really sure.
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I don't know. I guess I'm going to see if this is legal or not. You know my mom will freak out, if she finds out I’m married. At the moment, I don't want anybody to know about it. Okay?”
“I hear you. I am not going to say a word.”
I told her that I was glad to hear it.
“So, you know you have to tell m
e everything that happened, right?”
“Maybe soon, but I am still trying to process it.”
“Well you could at least tell me if it was a good processing thing or a bad one.”
“I could.”
I could see that Ellie was a little disappointed that I didn't want to share so many details. The truth was, I didn't want to relive it enough to tell her. I was still trying to get used to the idea of it all.
It wasn't long before Midge and Dotty were coming into the room. They had no idea what was going on and I didn't even have to tell Ellie that I did not want them to know. I was friends with them sure, but this was not something that I wanted broadcast. I still couldn't believe that it happened, so the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it with pretty much anybody else.
The rest of Vegas what is a bit of a blur. Me and Casper were not alone much more after the first couple of days. I know that that was my fault, because I honestly did not trust myself around him. There was no telling what I would do, and I was already living with too many consequences.
I was relieved to get home. I switched seats with Midge on the plane, so I didn't have to sit next to Casper. He wanted to talk about everything, but I didn't think there was anything to say. Nothing had changed.
15
Casper
What I thought was going to turn into something good, ended up being something that was even more confusing than before, if that was even possible. I thought that once me and Heather were intimate, there would be no more questions. She would know that she belonged to me and that was that.
Then, we found out we were married. For me, it was a bit of a shock, but it wasn't something that was going to stress me out all that much. I had wanted Heather for a while, and I thought that surely now, there would be no way for her to get away from the inevitable. It was one thing to write me off as a one-night stand, but this was different. We were married.
That did not seem to matter to Heather though. She became even more aloof, and she made it her mission to guarantee that we didn't have any time alone. Ellie, the woman that I thought was at my side, apparently wasn't. Now she was keeping me away from Heather, instead of pulling us together. I figured that Heather had told her what had happened, but I didn't even know what that meant. I didn't understand why all of a sudden, we just weren't talking about it.
We were on our way off the plane when I stopped her on the runway. There was no way that I was going to let this go and not say a word to her. Something had happened and whether she wanted to admit it or talk about it, did not matter. I wanted answers.
“What sort of answers do you want, Casper?”
“I want to know what is going on with us.”
“We made a whole lot of mistakes in Vegas. Isn't there some kind of saying about that?”
I did not like the sound of that at all, and I told her so. “I don't want to pretend like this was just something that happened because we were in Vegas. We both know that's not true. This has been bound to happen for a while.”
That did not get the expression I was looking for. It actually felt like it was upsetting her to think about it. Was it that bad?
“Look Casper, I don't know what happened in Vegas, but there's no way that it is going to continue. Nothing has changed. You know how my family is.”
“I was hoping at some point, you would outgrow the need to make them happy. I guess I was wrong to assume that you had gotten there already.”
I was mad at her. As much as I told myself that I was not going to show that particular emotion, I found it almost impossible not to. What she had done, was more hurtful than anything else. She was pretending like what happened between us wasn’t special. I did not agree with that at all.
“So, I am sorry about this. Really, I am. You know that what happened between us was special. No matter how upset you are right now Casper, at least I know you can see that.”
She was right of course. It wasn't like this was just something for her either. She had lost something that was very important to her. The only problem I found was when she did not let me partake in it more than once. Or at least more than once that I actually remembered.
“This is insane Heather, you know, that right?”
“I know that we shouldn’t have done it. All it has done is made everything way too complicated. I have a new job that I have to focus on at Razor, and I can’t think about any of this right now. I am sorry, Casper. You know what all of this meant to me.”
The problem was, I felt like I had ruined that for her. As long as she had been waiting for it to happen, I could almost guarantee that she had wanted to remember it. It was one of those things that a girl wanted to remember. Hell, it was one of the things that I wanted to remember too. I was rather pissed off that I couldn't remember such a thing.
I wanted to talk to Heather about everything that was going on. I was usually the type of guy that didn't want to talk and have that conversation, but then again, everything with Heather had always been a little different. She was the type of girl that had gotten into my head and never went away. I guess some things never change.
“So, you really just want to pretend like this never happened?”
I was a bit baffled. I certainly did not have this sort of response most of the time. I was used to women throwing themselves at me.
“I think that would be best. I know it isn't exactly what you want to hear, but just for now, I would like to keep this between us.”
I couldn't believe it. Heather was giving me the ‘let's just see where it goes’ talk. I can't even imagine how many times I had said that to another woman. It felt a whole lot different when it was directed at me.
Heather was ready to go, and I didn't want to hold her any longer. Obviously, we had a lot to work out and it wasn't going to happen here. It was starting to get cold at night and I could see her shivering.
“I will see you soon, Heather. I have a feeling I'll see you pretty soon.”
She smiled at me and then she was gone. It was almost as bad as when she left me after sex. This time, I was doing my best not to let it get to me. I knew something that Heather didn't know, and it would change the situation greatly.
I caught myself playing with their ring on my finger. It felt strange to have it there, but at the same time it felt like it belonged as well. Heather was making everything more complicated than it had to be. I wish she knew that.
I was at home, but an hour later, I had someone at my door. Jason and Medea were the type that just kind of popped by whenever they wanted to. I didn't mind most of the time, but tonight was not a good night for me. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, but it was easier said than done, when everybody thought my house was a party.
Before I knew it, I was drinking. Jason said he was inviting people over. Of course, he invited a woman over that he thought I would be interested in. I tried to tell him that I wasn't in the mood, but he didn't get the point. The woman's name was Denise and she seemed nice enough, but she was rather quick to notice that I had a wedding ring on my finger.
“Trust me Denise, my boy would not get married. If he did, I sure the hell would know about it. The only birch I've ever seen him get close to was Heather, and she sure the hell isn't going to give it up.”
I sent Jason a withering look, but he had already had enough to drink that he didn't seem to notice. Denise noticed though.
“You're not talking about Heather Valente, are you?”
“For one, my idiot friend doesn't know what he's talking about. He never does. We used to date a long time ago, and he likes to mess with me about her. But like I said, Jason doesn't know what he's talking about.”
Denise frowned for a moment, then I immediately saw the error of my ways. For one reason or another, I had forgotten that I was not interested in her and I put far too much time and energy into explaining myself. It's not like I wanted to be with her.
“So, are you married?”
“Actually, I am. It just
happened rather quickly, and I am still not used to it yet.”
I wanted the subject dropped because it wasn't something I necessarily wanted to talk about. The marriage was not going well, and my wife was certainly not acting the way that she should. Nothing about the ring I was wearing was true at the moment. I’d seen the paperwork, but it didn’t feel like I was married, even if I technically was.
“No way. Who the hell did you marry? And where? Did you get married in the city?”
“I told you that I was going down to Vegas for the week. Where do you think I've been?”
He shrugged and told me that he thought I was working. Jason was an old friend from high school, but he never had been very bright.
“So, you went and got married in Vegas in one of those little chapels or something?”
I just went with it, because his guess was as good as mine. I certainly wasn't going to pop off with the fact that I didn't even remember it.
“Something like that.”
“So, who did you get married to?”
Denise was eying me, as well as Jason and his girlfriend. I didn’t want to have this conversation, but Jason would at least appreciate how big this was. I had wanted Heather for a long damn time, and I will be the first to admit that I didn’t take it very well when we broke up. I hadn’t taken it well at all. I’d felt like a part of me had been cut away, but now I had it back. I just wished it wasn’t so damn complicated.
16
Heather
I got home and the first thing I noticed was I still had the ring on my finger. I was about to walk through the door when I noticed the light glittering on the diamond and I immediately pulled it off my finger. It would not end well if my mom saw it, and I didn’t have a good explanation to give her. I honestly don't even know why I was still wearing it. It's not like it was real or it meant anything.
When I got through the door, I was surprised to find that my brother and his girlfriend were there as well. I hadn't seen him in a few months, and I certainly hadn't seen Debbie in a while.