by Jordan Ford
“What, are you gonna swim back to shore?”
“If I have to. I’m not getting on that boat with you!”
“Lettie! Get on this boat.”
“No!”
Logic is telling me to do as he says. I’m going to freeze out here.
But I can’t make myself do it.
I kick harder, treading water and looking around me, trying to figure out which way the shore might be.
Oh man, I am so royally screwed.
Reed tries again, yelling at me to swim closer so he can haul me up. He even leans over the side with his hand outstretched, but I just kick and propel myself away from him.
“Lettie!” he thunders, slapping the edge of the boat a few times and swearing up a storm.
I turn away from him and start to swim, hoping he won’t jump into the water and try to follow me. I’m slow and awkward with this jacket on, but I’d be sinking by now if I didn’t have it. I need to kick these shoes off.
I stop to glance over my shoulder, checking how far away he is before wrestling with my sandal straps.
Reed’s standing on the deck of the boat, pacing back and forth. Even in the dimming light I can see he’s fuming, and I don’t know what he’s going to do.
I manage to get one sandal off and start on the other one. I’ll be able to kick so much better once it’s off, and then I can really start to swim.
I glance around me, directing my body toward the shore. It looks miles away, but I can make out long black masses in the distance. I don’t care what Reed does or says to me, I am not getting back on that stupid boat. I’ll fight with everything in me to never be near him again.
My arms are growing tired with this sandal fight, and my mouth dips below the water for a second. I gasp and splutter, kicking furiously. My loosened sandal starts to slip off, and I kick that much harder to free myself of it. Managing to flip it off the bottom of my foot, I check on Reed one more time before starting to swim for real.
“You’re not gonna make it!” he hollers. “You’re gonna drown out here. Just get back on the damn boat!”
“No!” I shout over my shoulder.
“Fine!” Reed lets out an irate yell. “You know what? Fine! This is bullshit! I don’t have to put up with this! You’re not like her at all, you fraud!” He calls me a bunch of names not worth repeating. I keep swimming away from him and his words, my body already flagging. I am seriously so unfit.
Stopping, I tread water and turn to look back at the big white boat.
I seriously cannot get back on that thing. Not with him.
But what I am I going to do?
Is he even worth reasoning with? Could I maybe strike up some kind of deal? “I’ll get on if you take me back.”
I scoff, shaking my head and already knowing the answer.
Reed lets out an angry growl and spins away from the edge. A few moments later, the engine fires up. I gasp, sensing the inevitable before it even happens. With a loud rev, the front of the boat lifts in the ocean. Water sprays from the back as it roars away from me.
I tread water, too shocked to do anything but stare at the disappearing boat.
I’m soon left with nothing but a chilling silence. A terrifying foreboding sinks into me as I let out a sobbing breath and try to figure out what to do.
Swim, Lettie. Just swim.
I spin around, trying to direct myself back to shore, but the darkness has settled in for real now. So quickly.
I think I can still make out black masses of land and I start to pull myself through the water, but for every stroke I feel like I’m being pushed farther away. The ocean is wrestling against me, the currents tugging at my weak limbs. I’m very quickly exhausted and let my tired arms flop into the water.
Crap. I could die out here.
The thought nestles inside of me as I rest my cheek against the edge of the life jacket and feel the first strains of panic start to erupt in my belly.
47
Futile
JACE
I didn’t think I would ever be grateful for Marshall Swinton, but as we scream to the marina, I’ve never appreciated the guy more. It’s like he instinctively knows how stressed out I am over this and hasn’t said a word. He’s just quietly supported me.
The sheriff’s department has been awesome and is gearing up one of their boats to go out looking for Daisy. After that, Marshall also made me call Denee. He did all the talking on speakerphone, and typical Denee, she instantly forgave me and told us she’d start praying. Before she hung up, I apologized.
“I’m sorry” kind of spurted out of my mouth spontaneously.
She paused. I swallowed. And then she whispered, “It’s okay, Jace. You can tell me the full story when you get home. Right now, you just go find Lettie for us, all right?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I murmured, my insides vibrating as I have a sickening thought.
What if we can’t find her?
What if we don’t get there in time and Reed has sailed to Mexico or something?
Marshall screeches into a parking space and we tumble out of the truck, slamming our doors in unison and running for the first dock. The marina’s not very big. It only moors about twenty or so boats, so it’s easy to run down the couple of rows looking for Daisy and shouting out Lettie’s name.
“It’s not here!” Marshall calls to me from the other end.
Of course it’s not. That would be way too easy, right?
Reed, the shit, has sailed out to sea with my girl.
“Wait! Look!” Marshall points into the darkness and I run toward him, spotting the lights of a boat that’s slowly coming in to dock.
We’re waiting for it as the catamaran slides into place, bumping into the dock like an amateur is driving it. My fists are bunching, my arm muscles forming tight knots as I wait to pound Reed to dust. But first I need to make sure Lettie’s okay.
The engine cuts and I shout her name, climbing onto the boat before it’s even tied to the dock. “Lettie!”
Reed appears on the stairs, his lips slightly parted as he takes me in and then looks to Marshall, who’s standing tall and imposing behind me.
“Where is she?” he asks, his deep voice gravelly.
“Uh…” Reed’s forehead wrinkles. “I’m sorry, what are you talking about?”
“Lettie!” I shout, about to step into his space and fist the guy’s shirt.
Marshall holds me back with a firm hand on my shoulder.
“You took Lettie out on your boat tonight.” He points to the table, indicating the uneaten burger and leftover trash. A couple of plastic tumblers are rolling around on the floor. “Where is she?”
“Oh yeah.” Reed’s head starts bobbing. “Yeah, she didn’t want to come.”
“What?” I snap.
“She didn’t… She changed her mind.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I called her, and she said she was on a boat. This boat. Now where the hell have you got her?” I walk past him, shouting Lettie’s name as I duck into the cabin and start a frantic search. Yanking open cupboards and looking in any space that might fit her, I call her name until my voice is desperate and hoarse.
“She’s not here!” Reed’s shout finally drowns out mine.
I stomp back onto the deck and am ready to pummel this guy. “Where. Is. She?”
After a sigh that makes me want to maim him, he runs a hand through his black hair and finally confesses. “Look, she got all annoyed and jumped off the boat. It wasn’t my fault.”
“She what?” Marshall spins him around by the shoulder.
“She didn’t want to be on the boat with me anymore, so she jumped off and then refused to get back on. I tried, okay, but she was being a stubborn little bi—”
“Don’t you even dare,” I grit, snatching his collar and hauling him toward me. “You left her there? Out in the ocean! Alone!”
“She’s wearing a life jacket,” he mutters, trying to wrestle free of my grasp.
&nbs
p; “What the hell is wrong with you?” I pull him even closer, breathing fire on his face as every one of my muscles trembles with a violent rage. “You moron. You are so dead!”
I punch him in the stomach, making him double over and start gasping.
“That’s enough,” Marshall barks, pushing me away. “Beating him up isn’t going to help us find her.”
Hauling Reed up by the back of his shirt, he demands, “Where’d you sail to? Where’d she jump off?”
“In the ocean,” he spits out in a tone that makes me want to smash him again.
Marshall gives the guy a tight ‘this is your last chance’ smile and asks again, “Where in the ocean did you leave her?”
Reed shakes his head, letting out a scoff. “I don’t know. I just drove the boat, okay? I didn’t check coordinates or anything.”
Marshall’s looking incredulous as he gives Reed a shake. “Which general direction did you go?”
With a huff, Reed points behind him, angling his arm to face northwest.
Great. Really specific.
Asshole.
I’m getting ready to pounce and lay down a few more punches to see if we can’t get more out of him when suddenly he lashes out with an urgent yell, scratching Marshall across the face and pushing him back.
Taken by surprise, Marshall tumbles back against the seats while Reed vaults over him and takes off into the darkness.
“Hey!” I shout, ready to chase him.
“He’s not going to tell us anything.” Marshall snatches my wrist.
“He could come with us, show us where to go!” I argue.
Marshall nods but then shakes his head, hissing as he dabs at the scratch marks on his cheek. How long are Reed’s nails? Seriously.
“I don’t want to waste time looking for him when we could be out on the water searching for her. It’s freezing out there, and if we don’t pull her out of the water soon, she’s going to go into hypothermic shock.”
My heart tumbles into my stomach, fear flooding my veins like poison.
“Come on.” Marshall squeezes my shoulder. “My friend’s got a boat here.”
I chase after Marshall as he calls his friend to ask for permission. It’s instantly given, and we’re pulling away from the dock in minutes.
“Call the police to let them know about Reed and tell them what we’re up to.”
I nod and make the call, describing every detail I can as we head into the darkness. The boat we’re on is a small-ish fishing boat, but thankfully it’s fast. As soon as we hit the open water, Marshall picks up speed and heads north, the direction Reed pointed.
This feels kind of futile. The ocean is freaking huge. How the hell are we supposed to find Lettie in this mass of darkness?
I slump into the seat at the back, fighting hopeless desperation while scanning the water for any sign of her.
Marshall’s phone rings and he takes the call. I strain to listen to what’s being said, noting the hopeful uptick in his tone.
“Who was that?” I ask the second Marshall hangs up.
“Griff. He’s with Savannah now. She’s contacted everyone. Aidan and his dad and uncle are coming down to grab their boat and join the search. Reed’s uncle is mortified and is going to come help us as well, plus he’s got another friend who will join too. The Coast Guard are getting involved as well. All the departments have been notified and are gearing up to help. With them all working for us, there’s a really good chance we’ll find her quickly. Don’t give up hope, kid. She’s gonna be okay.”
I give him a weak smile when he glances over his shoulder to look at me.
“There’s a flashlight under the seat you’re on. Get it out. I doubt she’ll be this close to the marina, but let’s start the search anyway.” Marshall slows the boat. “I don’t want to plow right over her.”
I scramble to get out the flashlight. It’s huge and powerful, and I’ve never been more grateful for light in my life. Punching it on, I start scanning the water, the wide beam sweeping across the dark ripples.
Please let us find you, Lettie. Please.
I sure as hell hope Denee’s prayers work, because even with all those people coming to help us, that’s still no guarantee. I can’t escape the deep foreboding rumbling in my stomach, that sickening, what if?
What if we never find her?
How the hell am I supposed to live without my little Snap Dragon?
48
Not Ready Just Yet
LETTIE
My legs are tired.
Swimming is becoming so freaking hard. The ocean feels like setting cement, my weak limbs struggling to move as I battle both cold and fatigue.
It’s completely dark. Even the moon’s not playing tonight.
Stars twinkle above me—vast and glorious, until they blur and shudder. My eyes keep slipping closed, like sleep is trying to pull me beneath the water.
It almost did at one point. My happy, floating sensation, so warm and calm, was suddenly disrupted by a face full of salty water. It went up my nose, the salt stinging my eyes and making me splutter. I was shocked awake, hacking and coughing, and then I started kicking like crazy, adrenaline surging through me as I fought to live.
Instinct wants me to live.
I give my legs a halfhearted kick, but I have to face the fact that swimming is futile. I now have no idea where I am or which direction to go. I’m better to just float and see where the current takes me.
I’m so tired.
I close my eyes again.
It’d be so much easier to just drift off and go see Mom.
I can’t stop thinking about her. If I die, will she be the first one I see?
Dad told me she watches over us, that she’s up there waiting, and one day we’ll get to hug her again. I’ve refused to believe anything else and so I cling to that hope as I tread cement and wait for the inevitable.
Unless, of course, Jace manages to find me.
He’ll be looking. I’m sure of it.
Jace is loyal. Strong. A force to be reckoned with.
When the phone was snatched out of my hands so suddenly, I bet Jace nearly lost it. I need that kind of strength from him right now.
I need him to find me.
As tempting as death is, as much as I want to see my mom again, I can’t stop thinking about all the people I’d be leaving behind.
Dad would be devastated to lose a daughter. I don’t want to put him through it. Losing Mom has been so hard. Losing one of his children would cripple him. I’m sure of it.
And Savannah. She’ll no doubt feel responsible somehow and carry the guilt around with her, like a heavy bag of bricks weighing her down.
And Jace. Bass. My email buddy. I want to look into his eyes, knowing the truth.
I want to kiss him again. Not a heated desperate kiss like last time, but a real one, filled with…
“Love,” I whisper.
I love Bass, and therefore I must love Jace.
The thought makes me smile and once again, I’m struck by how I didn’t work it out sooner. The chemistry between us was so strong, and yet I wasted my brainpower wondering if it was stupid psychopath Reed instead.
I sigh, my eyes slipping closed as I rest my cheek against the life jacket.
I’m supposed to turn fifteen next week. Fifteen. To most it probably doesn’t feel that old, but I can’t help feeling like it’s really old when I think about how many things I haven’t done with my life.
Fear has held me hostage for so long.
It’s kept me in my room, hiding inside books and pretending like the outside world doesn’t exist…or doesn’t need me…or I don’t need it.
But Jace is in the outside world.
The real flesh and blood version of him.
I can’t keep hiding. I’m missing out on so much.
Wanting to meet him was my first real show of bravery. Me trying to break out of my box. I have to admit, it hasn’t ended as well as I’d hoped.
; But if I can survive right now…
Maybe I will get my happy ending.
Just like in all those books I pore over. All those stories that fill me with so much joy and elation. I could have my own story.
But only if I survive.
I force my eyes back open. I force my freezing body to keep moving.
“I need another chance,” I whisper up to the stars. “I won’t waste this one.”
Blinking hard, I bring the stars into focus.
“Mom,” I call up to her. “If you’re watching, please, help them find me. I promise I’ll stop hiding. I’ll be the girl you know I can be.”
A smile tugs at my lips as I hear her voice in my head. “Now, Lettie love, you go be the girl I know you can be. I love you, honey-bunch.”
“I love you too,” I whisper, kicking as hard as my body will let me. “I love you, but I’m not ready to see you just yet.” The words slur out of my mouth. I thought they might make me feel bad, but they don’t.
I know Mom won’t mind the wait. She’ll be too happy watching me live out my life to worry that she won’t get to hold me for a few more years. Hopefully a whole bunch of years.
Forcing my arms to move, I attempt a short swim, but it doesn’t last long. I’m too frozen and exhausted to make much ground.
But I’m still alive.
I’m not going anywhere yet.
I just have to last.
I just have to keep kicking until someone finds me.
49
An Ice Cube in the Water
JACE
We’ve been at this for what feels like hours.
Marshall’s been on the radio for most of it, coordinating with the Coast Guard and everyone else who’s joined the search. I’ve been too busy scanning the water to really soak in what they’re saying, but I’ve heard the words current, winds, northwest and quadrant a lot.
There are numerous boats out there searching, plus a helicopter is being brought in. Marshall is confident we’ll find her, but as the minutes keep ticking by, my hope is starting to shrivel, making it impossible to hold on to.