Lifeline

by Susan X Meagher

He narrowed his eyes and said, "Oh, shit! Now I know who you are! What in the hell is going on with that basketball team? Is Coach Hayes insane?"

  "Huh?"

  "I don’t come to the games, so I didn’t recognize you, and I suck with names, but I read the box scores after every game. You’re the only player on that team worth a squat." He looked at her suspiciously and said, "I saw a mention in the paper that you’d left the team. You’re not academically ineligible, are you?"

  "Hardly," she said, insulted that he would even insinuate such a thing. "I uhm … had some uhm … publicity that was getting in the way … and …"

  "Publicity?" he asked, scratching his head. "What in the hell are you talking about, O’Flaherty?"

  Jamie was standing nearby at this point, and she piped up, "Don’t you read the paper, or watch the news?"

  "Yeah, of course I do. I read the sports page and watch Sportscenter. What else does a guy need?"

  "Not a thing," Ryan said. "I guarantee that my record is clean, Coach. Feel free to talk to Coach Hayes or Coach Placer."

  "You played for Rich?" he asked suspiciously.

  "Yep. Sure did," she said.

  "I’ve gotta check you out, O’Flaherty. You sound like an interesting character."

  "Oh, she is that," Jamie said proudly, beaming a smile at her partner.

  "Well, I’m planning on quitting the basketball team, but I haven’t done so yet. So please don’t talk to Coach Hayes for a couple of days, okay?"

  "No problem. I trust Rich’s opinion more than hers anyway. She’s screwed that team up so bad I wouldn’t believe her if she said the sky was blue."

  Ryan shook his hand and said, "Let me talk to Jamie, and make a decision about whether we think we can handle the softball schedule, and I’ll give you a call."

  "Good deal," he said. "I’m gonna call Rich as soon as I get to my office."

  As they walked over to their car, Chapman walked along with them. "I'm Michelle," she said as she shook Ryan's hand. "Coach doesn’t know anything that isn’t in the sports page, but I saw you guys on TV. That was so freaky!"

  "You’re telling me," Ryan said.

  "What's with the coach, anyway?" Jamie piped up. "Is he as grouchy as he seems?"

  "Oh no," Michelle said. "He's all bark and no bite. The girls really love him, Ryan. I guarantee you’ll like playing for him."

  "What about team chemistry?" Ryan asked. "Do you guys like each other?"

  "Oh, yeah," Michelle said. "We hang out together all the time."

  "Do you think the other players would have a hard time with me being an open lesbian?" Ryan asked, not wanting that to be an issue either.

  "No. I'm a senior this year, and we've had at least a couple of lesbians each year. It's never been a problem, unless they started dating each other."

  "That seems to be a common theme," Jamie said wryly, recalling that Coach Hayes had said the same thing during the basketball workout.

  "That won't be a problem for me," Ryan said. "I'm kept on a very short leash." Her quick reflexes allowed her to barely dodge the flying elbow that her lover threw.

  Later that night, they decided to take Duffy for a nice long walk. It was only around ten o’clock, and they gravitated down to 24th Street and strolled along with the constant parade of pedestrians on the main shopping avenue in the neighborhood. Ryan’s face brightened when she spied her father and her aunt walking towards them. "What’s up with you two?" she asked.

  "We just came down to the newsstand to buy the Irish Times," Maeve said. "Been out long?"

  "No, we just started. Wanna join us?"

  "Surely," Maeve said, and Martin also agreed.

  While they walked, Jamie commented on their evening, and Ryan grew quiet as they continued to walk. Martin noticed her uncharacteristic silence and asked, "Something bothering you, love?"

  "Uhm … not really. I’m just thinking about something that I’ve got to do on Monday. I’m a little preoccupied."

  "What’s that, love?" Martin asked.

  "I’m going to quit the basketball team," she said, gazing directly into his eyes.

  "I see," he said quietly. Jamie noticed that Maeve grasped his hand and gave it a squeeze.

  "It’s not working for me, Da, and if I’m honest with myself I have to acknowledge that they probably don’t want me back."

  "Why wouldn’t they want you? You could make that into a decent team!"

  "Maybe," she said. "Look, Da, I know it’s a selfish decision, but it’s just not worth it to me at this point. They’re playing as well as they did when I was with them, and there’s no chance of making the NCAA’s, so it’s just not worth my time."

  He gave her a speculative look and asked, "Have you made up your mind?"

  "I have," she said, squeezing back when Jamie pressed her hand tightly.

  Nodding briefly, he placed a hand on her shoulder and patted her. "Time to move on with your life then. I’m very sorry this turned out so poorly for you, Siobhan."

  "Me too," she said.

  "You did your best," Maeve said. "Sometimes things just don’t work out."

  "This was one of those times," Jamie said, seeing that Ryan still looked a little unsettled, but knowing it would take her a while to feel confident in her decision.

  When they returned, Jamie could tell that her partner was a little down. It was time for bed, and when Ryan started to walk across the room to join her, Jamie asked, "Any chance we could kiss a little before we go to sleep?"

  Ryan stopped in her tracks, and looked like she wanted to turn and run in the other direction.

  "Not a big deal," Jamie said softly. "Just a few kisses."

  "Uhm … okay," Ryan said, stiffly slipping into bed and taking a moment to straighten her clothes.

  Deciding that she didn’t want to be the aggressor, Jamie lay down and said, "I don’t want to make out or anything, honey. I just want to keep our lips in shape, okay?"

  A small smile broke through, and Jamie knew she had her. Ryan placed a gentle hand on her cheek and asked, "Just for exercise, huh?"

  "Yep. Nothing worse than flabby lips."

  Once the mood was playful, Ryan felt her breathing even out, and she leaned over her partner and placed a few tender kisses upon her lips. Jamie didn’t touch her lover, letting her control every aspect of their brief encounter. Once she was certain that she was fully in charge, Ryan let herself go a little bit, allowing her senses to open up and experience the simple joy of savoring her partner’s lips. They didn’t move beyond the playful stage, but that was fine with both of them. Just the gentle merging of their mouths seemed like a milestone, and, a few minutes later, when they cuddled together, both felt asleep quickly – each cheered by the tender reconnection.

  Part 10

  After Sunday Mass, Martin and Maeve came over for breakfast. As soon as the meal was finished Kevin, Rory and Conor left to help Niall on a project, leaving just Jamie, Ryan, Martin and Maeve to sit at the table and chat.

  Ryan had been putting off telling her father about her decision to delay graduate school for a year, but she knew she had to tell him eventually, so she sucked up her courage and launched into it. "Jamie and I have finally decided what we’re going to do next year," she began.

  "What’s that, love?" Martin asked, looking at her with interest.

  "We’ve decided to take a year off and apply next year at this time."

  "Oh," he said, his head cocked slightly. When she didn’t elaborate he asked, "What will you do instead? Will you go back to your job at the gym?"

  "No, I don’t think so," she said.

  "Is there another job you’re interested in, Siobhan?"

  "No, I wasn’t planning on working, Da," she said. "We’re going to relax a bit."

  "For a whole year?" His eyes had saucered, and his gaze darted from Jamie to his daughter. "You’ll do nothing at all?"

  "Now, Marty," Maeve said, "I’m sure the girls have thought this through. Let the child explain herself
."

  For some reason her aunt’s comments struck Ryan the wrong way. She was on the verge of telling her to mind her own business when she realized what she was about to do. Forcing her mouth shut, she stared down at the table, looking like she was torn between lashing out and crying.

  Jamie reached over and grasped her clenched fist, saying, "We have thought it through, Maeve. And I’m sure we’ll do something to keep busy – we just haven’t discussed what that might be. All I know is that Ryan’s been under more stress this year than most people have in their whole lives, and she just can’t handle any more."

  The dark-haired woman rolled her eyes in disgust and got up from the table, letting her chair bang hard against the wall as she did so. Without a word, she made for the front door, Duffy scrambling after her.

  "What in the holy name of God was that about?" Martin asked, his expression one of complete bafflement.

  Jamie looked at him and quietly said, "She needs your support, Martin. She absolutely hates to admit how fragile she is right now." She shook her head remorsefully and said, "I never should have commented about her stress. She absolutely hates that."

  "Is she close to a breakdown?" he asked, his eyes wide.

  "No, no, not at all. She’ll be fine, Martin. I really pushed her to take a year off – she didn’t want to. I know it’s the best thing for her, but it was incredibly hard for her to do. Deciding not to go to graduate school right away was a very, very big concession to how poorly she’s feeling, and having you question her judgment …" She shook her head in frustration and added, "You always complain about how thin she is, and how tired she looks. Isn’t it obvious that enrolling in medical school so soon after graduation would just wear her down even more?"

  He dropped his head into his hands and mumbled, "I’m sorry, Jamie. I let my big mouth spout off without thinking." Standing, he said, "I’ll go find her and apologize."

  Maeve gripped his sleeve and tugged on it. "Marty, please sit down and think through what you’re going to say to her before you do that."

  Giving her a puzzled look, he sat, but said, "What is there to think about?"

  "Don’t make her feel worse than she already does," Maeve said. "She hates to have people believe she can’t handle something, love. You know how proud she is. Please try not to focus on how poorly she’s doing, all right?"

  "Okay," he said. Looking at Jamie, he asked, "Any advice?"

  She smiled at him and suggested, "She craves your respect, Martin. As long as she knows she has that, she’ll be fine."

  He nodded, looking very embarrassed. "I could kick myself. There’s no harder working girl than my Siobhan." Looking a little confused, he asked, "You said medical school, Jamie. I thought she wanted to get a Ph.D.?"

  "That’s part of the problem," Jamie said. "She thinks she should go into a joint M.D./PhD. program. I want her to just get her Ph.D., but she’s pretty adamant about the other program. The problem is that she doesn’t want to be a physician, and it’s hard for her to commit to four years of med school and a few years of a residency program for something she doesn’t want to do."

  "Then why do it?"

  "It’s complicated," she said, knowing they could be there all day talking about the various programs and how they would impact Ryan’s future career plans. "But it has to do with how much autonomy she would have as a researcher. She really wants to do genetics research, you know."

  "No, I didn’t know," he said quietly. "She never talks about her goals with me."

  Jamie smiled at him and revealed, "What she really wants is to be a firefighter – just like her father."

  He stared at her with his mouth open. "She does?"

  "Desperately. She told me she’s wanted to do that since she was a little girl. She looks up to you so much, Martin. If I hadn’t begged her not to do it, she’d be applying for the firefighters academy right now." She shook her head and added, "That’s why this decision is so hard for her, to be honest. She’s picking between a number of inferior choices. Her first choice is to follow in your footsteps."

  He stood again, mumbling to himself, "For the love o’ Mike! Just when I think I have her figured out …"

  Ryan was sitting in a chaise on the deck, Duffy stretched out in front of her, his big, black head on her lap. "Hi," she said quietly when her father pulled up a chair and sat next to her.

  "Jamie’s been telling us some interesting things … "

  "Yeah? What, that I’m on the waiting list for the loony bin?"

  "No, not at all. She doesn’t feel that way, Siobhan, and you shouldn’t either. There’s no shame in listening to your body, sweetheart. I’m just glad you’ve got Jamie in your life to remind you – and me, of that."

  She grunted softly. "She’s all about reminding me of that."

  "The lass needs to, love. This is one part of myself that I wish you hadn’t inherited," he said. "You and I both hate like the devil to admit any weakness, darlin’, but it’s not good for either of us to be that way." He reached over and grasped her hand and added, "She told me something else."

  Looking at him warily, she asked, "What’s that?"

  "She told me that you’re so tremendously gifted that you’re having a very hard time deciding which graduate program you want to attend. Jamie says that the one you think you want will give you both an M.D. and a Ph.D." He shook his head briefly and said, "Thank God you take after your mother’s family in the brains department."

  Chuckling mildly, Ryan said, "I don’t know about that, Da."

  "I do," he said soberly, drawing her attention to him. "You’re a very gifted woman, Siobhan, and you’re going to make a significant contribution to the world. I’m very, very proud of you." He brought her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss upon it. "You have a lot to give, darlin’, and the world can wait a year or two to have you start."

  Ryan nodded, saying nothing. She just squeezed her father’s hand and leaned back against her chair, closing her eyes when the sun broke through the thin fog to warm her face.

  As soon as Martin left the room, Maeve looked at Jamie and sighed, "They’re a pair, aren’t they?"

  "They are indeed. Like two peas in a pod."

  "Lucky for us that their redeeming qualities are so plentiful," Maeve said.

  "Yeah," Jamie said. "The good qualities far outnumber the ones that make you want to strangle them."

  Maeve’s laughter quieted, and she grew contemplative. "Why do you think Ryan wants to be a firefighter?"

  Jamie shrugged and said, "I don’t know. Probably to be like her father, maybe a little because of the thrill of working in a dangerous profession. I’m sure she also would get a lot of satisfaction out of saving lives."

  The older woman nodded, her expression still pensive. "That’s probably right."

  Jamie observed the thoughtful expression on the older woman’s face. "You think it’s something more, don’t you?"

  "Mmm … I think I do," she said. "I think she’s afraid of standing out in the crowd."

  "The crowd?"

  "The O’Flaherty crowd," Maeve said. "Being a firefighter would give her a nice, acceptable, blue-collar profession – just like the rest of the family. She’d never have to show how special she really is."

  Jamie nodded slowly, seeing exactly what Maeve was getting at. "Few things mean more to her than fitting in with the boys," she said.

  "And her father. My Marty is a bright man, as you know, Jamie, but Ryan’s intellect is profound. She has so much to give, but I think she’s frightened to make the commitment to give it. I think she’s terrified of surpassing her father’s accomplishments."

  "But Martin’s accomplishment’s are huge!" Jamie cried. "My God, just raising his children alone these last 17 years is a tremendous feat!"

  "I know that, Jamie," Maeve said. "But to the outside world, Ryan will be a medical doctor with a PH.D., while her father will always be a firefighter. The world values professional accomplishments much more than it does fami
lial ones."

  The younger woman chuckled mirthlessly, "I know that to be true." She didn’t make the comment aloud, but she thought of the difference between her own father and Martin, knowing that her father failed miserably in the comparison, but that the world saw her father as the successful one.

  "I think Ryan will be able to make the choice to use all of her gifts, but it will take her some time to get used to it. This year off might help her get comfortable with it."

  Jamie cocked her head. "Do you think that’s why Ryan never talks to her father about her goals?"

  "Yes, I do," Maeve said. "She doesn’t want to highlight the differences between them. Over time, we can help her get past that, Jamie. She needs to use her talents. Being a firefighter would be the worst choice she could make." She smiled and added, "Besides, she doesn’t have the temperament for it. She’s far too brash, and she acts on her instincts too readily."

  "I think she proved that recently," Jamie said, shaking her head. "If she risks her life to save the guys who tried to kill her, can you imagine what she’d do to save a helpless, innocent person?" She shivered and said, "My heart couldn’t take it."

  "Nor could mine," Maeve said. "My Tommy has the ideal temperament to be a firefighter, and even still, I worry about him every day that he’s on duty. I don’t want that for you."

  Jamie smiled and said, "Even though she looks adorable in the outfit, I’d much prefer to see her in a nice, boring lab coat."

  "Knowing her, it will be tie-dyed," Maeve said.

  On Sunday afternoon, Sara sat in the exhibition hall at the Palace of Fine Arts, waiting for Ally’s group to begin. The meet began at 2, but she had some work to finish, and didn’t arrive until 3:30. The group before Ally’s was just leaving the stage when she got there, so she didn’t know what to expect. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head when the group of 10 women strutted across the stage a few minutes later.

  She was sure one of them was Ally, but if it hadn’t been for her short hair, she never would have picked her out. Sara hadn’t read many comic books, but the women on stage looked more like the stylized representation of muscular women that she’d seen on the covers of the fantasy magazines, than actual human beings.