by Amanda Heath
Her soft hands make a fist around my hardness tugging it up and down making me crazy. I break from the kiss and pull a condom out of my wallet which is sitting on the dashboard. I tear open the foil package and roll the thing down my dick.
I look up and stare intently into her eyes willing her to say no to get out do something other than have sex with me in my brothers car. She doesn’t listen and before long she is sliding her wetness over my length making me wild. I still her hips with my hands and hold her still while I slowing impale her on me. We both let out a groan when I’m in her all the way. She is so tight and fits me like a glove.
I haven’t even wrapped my head around the face that I’m inside her and she starts moving her hips in a circular motion. That feels so incredibly good. I run my hands up her sides, past her breasts, up her shoulders and neck into her hair and bring her forehead to rest on mine. We stare into each other’s eyes as she rides me. The slow pace she is using is driving me crazy so I put my hands back at her hips and start moving her up and down faster. My thumb moves down to rub at her swollen nub and she moans low and deep. Not once does she look away from my eyes.
I see it when she’s about to come. The fire in her eyes blazing and her mouth forms a perfect O. Her movements get jerky and she lets out a scream while her channel clutches my dick milking it for all its worth. I pound her body into mine as I come groaning. Not once do her eyes leave mine.
*****
After the mind blowing sex we put our clothes back the way they were supposed to be and she drives to my house. We haven’t said anything to each other. I don’t even know what to say. It’s eating at me what we just did. That has to be the stupidest thing I have ever done in my whole life. You don’t have sex with your ex-girlfriend while you’re still in love with her. She’ll just think that it’s okay to come back into my life. Well I have news for her. We are done and we will stay that way. She torn my still beating heart out of my chest and stomped on it. You can’t just let a connection like ours go like she did. I won’t forgive her for something I won’t even forgive my own father for.
As we near my house my hands start to get really sweaty and there’s a nervousness to my stomach like I swallowed butterflies. How do you tell someone that you don’t want to be cruel too, to get lost? Yeah this is going to be one of my favorite conversations ever. She pulls into the driveway and shuts off the engine. We don’t say anything and after a while she just gets out and heads into my house. Well that went so well.
I quickly exit the car and race after her only to find that she grabbed a blanket from the back of the linen closet and curled up on the couch to sleep. “What are you doing?” I ask her for reasons I have no clue.
“I’m going to sleep, what does it look like I’m doing?” she replies without even opening her eyes.
“You’re not sleeping on the couch Teagan. We may not be together anymore but I’m not a complete asshole. I won’t let you sleep there so go up to my room and crash in my bed.” I wait for her to get up and leave but she doesn’t even flinch. “Teagan I mean it go sleep in my bed. I’ll sleep on the couch. Hell it’s the least I can do you drove me home.”
“I’m not sleeping in your bed Declan. “She says it all sternly like a mother or something.
I’m starting to get really pissed here. “Why the fuck not?” I all but yell at her.
“Because it fucking smells like you dumbass!” she does yell at me and I hope she doesn’t wake up Cade or Marcus.
“What’s that have to do with anything?” I sit on the couch because I’m so tired of standing.
“What’s that have to do with anything? Are you a fucking idiot? Really? I fucking love you and you don’t love me back anymore. How am I supposed to sleep somewhere that smells like you and have all those memories? It hurts just being in your house. I feel like someone is stabbing me in the gut just sitting here with you.” She doesn’t look at me while she says this but I feel the pain coming off of her in waves. It matches my own.
“You know this couch has just as many memories. I wanted to burn it but Marcus didn’t like the idea.” I lean back to rest against the back of the couch. I feel like we might get some things off our chests and I want to be comfortable.
“Yeah well it doesn’t smell like you so it’s easier to be here then up there.” She states pointing her finger up the stairs to my room.
“Why did you do it then? You didn’t have to leave me; I would have been there for you. We could have saved ourselves four months of hurt. You could have anyway.” I stare at the back of her head and will her to turn and talk to me. Tell me why she did this to me.
She starts to fidget with her fingers in her lap. “It was too much for me. I know it wasn’t your fault but still the pain of what I lost then having to see you hurt as well. It was overwhelming. I was immature and couldn’t handle the pain I had to carry. So I let you go thinking it would ease but it didn’t. I believe it only made everything worse.”
“I’m sorry that you felt you had to carry that burden all on your own. For someone who has as many family members as you do I don’t see why you have to do everything solo. I would have been there for you Teagan. In fact I’m always here for you, forever and always.” I sigh rubbing my hand down my face. “You aren’t the only one who hurt you know. I think what you did was selfish. We are the only two who went through it. And you left me to go through it on my own. Hell you let yourself go through it alone. You’re right on the fact that you made it worse than it had to be.”
“I know and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. You didn’t deserve what I put you through. That’s what I do when I panic. I run and push people away. I know what we had was special and I want us to get back to that place. I want us to be happy again.”
I feel my anger boil the blood in my veins. “So you think that you can just walk back into my life and everything will go back to normal? Whose the stupid one now? I can’t be with you again Teagan. I just can’t. You leaving me was the worst thing I have ever had to go through and I won’t do it again.”
Silent tears start to fall down her eyes and I want to hold her and it takes all my will power not to run to her. “So it’s okay to fuck me in your brother’s car out in public but it’s not okay to be with me? Way to make me feel like a whore.”
I flinch. “That’s not what this is about and you know it. We have a strong connection and things happen. You’re not a whore nor will you ever be a whore.”
“Yeah I get what you’re saying. I’m going to go now.” She says and I watch her walk out the front door. I want to get up off this couch and run after her telling her everything will be alright. I don’t I just cry.
Chapter 21
Teagan
I make it to the end of his driveway and pull out my phone. I call the only person who would come and get me. My brother Forest. He answers on the third ring and says he’ll be right there. I don’t have to give him directions so I guess that Caden has had him over here.
He makes it in ten minutes and he finds me on the ground in the fetal position sobbing. I can’t control them. He doesn’t want me anymore. How could I have screwed up the single most important relationship in my life? It doesn’t seem like it could be at all possible. I guess that’s what you get when you act like an immature selfish bitch.
“What the hell? Did he just leave you out here?” Forest yells as he gets out of the car.
“No I have been watching.” Comes Caden’s voice from the side of the car. “Declan came in my room and told me she was leaving and he couldn’t go after her and asked he if I would. So imagine my surprised that I didn’t have to go far. She was on the phone with you when I came out here.”
“What the hell does he mean he couldn’t go after her? You don’t declare your love for someone in front of her whole family and then abandon her.” Forest huffs.
“Well said boy who left her out here was also told to get the fuck away from Teagan by Teagan after declaring himself in lo
ve with Teagan.” Cade is leaning against the car fiddling with his zipper.
“Yeah I guess it’s easy to make him out to be the bad guy when your little sister, who you thought was an angel, is actually the bad guy.” Forest bends down and picks me up. I throw my hands over his neck and lay my head on his shoulder.
“Make sure she stays away from him. I’ve had to clean up her mess once and I’m not happy about doing it again.” Caden states as he walks towards the house.
Forest walks me over to his car and places me in the front seat. We are silent the whole way to his house. I don’t think he is going to say anything at all to me. Just another brother to give me the cold shoulder. I don’t blame them for taking Declan’s side by any means because I totally deserve it. I don’t know why I thought he would forgive me. You don’t break the heart of a broken boy and think it’s all going to be okay. In my moment of overwhelming grief I did something completely selfish to someone who needed me just as much as I needed him. I guess I didn’t see it that way but I should have. I should have thought of him too. God I’m a complete bitch.
Forest gets out of the car and heads to the house. Confused I look in the backseat and see Hailey’s empty car seat. I get out and run after him. “Where’s Hailey?” I ask him.
“Well while you have been comatose I got a new girlfriend. She has a little boy about Hailey’s age and they moved in about a month ago. So don’t feel so bad you had to call me to come get you.” He gives me a pointed look and ushers me into the house. He gets a blanket out of the linen closet and hands it to me. Guess I have to sleep on the couch.
*****
I wake up after tossing and turning for hours to the smell of coffee and babies laughing. I sit up as fast as I can because I have to meet this new girlfriend of Forests. I quickly run to the bath room and fix myself up as best as I can. I wish I had clothes to put on because I’m pretty sure I still smell like sex. My stomach clinches thinking of last night with Declan and I feel tears form in my eyes. “You know what? No I’m not going to cry about it anymore. What’s done is done. No use feeling sorry for yourself over something you can’t fix.” I tell myself.
I finish up and walk into the kitchen where there are two high chairs with one little blonde girl, my niece Hailey, and one little brown headed boy. They look to be about the same age end even share some similar features. That’s when I notice the leggy brunette standing at the kitchen sink. Hailey wails excitedly “Auntie Tea!” I smile at her and walk over to pick her up.
“Good morning Teagan. It’s nice to finally meet you. Forest talks about you all the time.” The brunette says. When I met her face to face I realize that I know her.
“Your Holly’s sister right?” I ask her with one my eye brows arched.
“Yes I am her younger sister, Monica.” She smiles politely at me.
“And you’re dating my brother now?” I know it may seem obvious but I’m still confused on how these two hooked up.
“Yes, well more than dating since me and Eric live here now.” She says pointing to her tiny son.
Forest walks into the room then and pours himself some coffee and says to me, “Teagan are you ready to head home? Monica and I have plans with the kids later today.”
I nod my head and he motions me out the door to his car. It doesn’t take long and we are on our way to my parents’ house. “So you’re dating your ex-wife’s sister?” I ask him.
“Well since my ex-wife ran off with Monica’s ex-husband I don’t see a problem with it. She’s nice and she treats the children way better then Holly ever did. She’s not all wrapped up with herself and she actually listens when I talk. I really like her so don’t bug me about it.”
“Well at least you’re in the same boat. She seems nice. The first time I met Holly she said I looked like a street rat. So this is an improvement.”
“She did? Damn I wish I had known that. I wouldn’t have married her. She wasn’t that way around me till after we got married. I feel out of love with her so fast.”
“I wish I could fall out of love with Declan that fast.”
“No you don’t Teagan. You need to show him how much you love him. Holly wasn’t anything to fight for but Declan is. Relationships like yours don’t come around all that often. You need to show him that you really love him and that you’re not going to make the same mistake twice.”
“How am I supposed to do that?” it seems hopeless to me. He doesn’t even want to see me again.
“I can’t tell you that. You have to figure that out on your own baby girl. It’s not going to be easy by any means but you can do it.”
“He doesn’t even love me anymore.” I say softly
“Did he tell you that?”
“No he didn’t tell me that. But why else would he not want me back?”
“Umm I don’t know maybe because you broke his heart and that scares him. Guys like to be secure in the knowledge that no woman, besides his mother, has that kind of control. Declan likes his control anyway but you take away the control of his feelings? That kind of power over him scares the crap out of him.”
“I guess that makes sense in a way. He might be scared that I would hurt him again but I’m more scared that he won’t ever take me back.”
“No need to be scared. I’m not saying make the guy but convince him that you really want to be with him for the long haul, well if you do anyway.”
“Oh I do. No doubt about that.” I smile while forming a plan in my head.
Declan
I’ve been lying in my bed all day. I didn’t sleep much last night either. When I would actually get to sleep I would have a nightmare and wake up and reach for her. I didn’t think I would miss her this much for so long. It’s like a constant ache in my heart that only she can fix. Why did I let her go last night? Maybe I should just let her back in even though I’m terrified she will leave again. It was like watching my mother walk out the door all over. It fucking hurts. But this pain I have is almost too much to bear.
It’s been hours since anyone dared to even come past my room. The first time she left I broke a bunch of shit and hit Caden a couple of times. I guess they are afraid that I might blow up again. This time I think she took my soul with her. I don’t feel angry this time I just feel lost and alone.
“Hey.” I flinch when I hear Caden at the door. I had no idea he was even there.
“Hey.” I mumble back.
He comes to sit on the end of my bed. I thank god every day that I have this guy as a friend. He doesn’t care what I do and doesn’t take my shit. Honestly he is even better than his twin. I don’t even feel the need to hide things from him or watch what I say. I guess that’s a true friend. Someone who has as much shit as you going on but still sits down to make sure you’re still alive.
“So what happened before you had me go outside with her?” he lays down horizontal so that we are lying in opposite directions. “I’m sorry by the way for getting that drunk and then letting her take you home. I should have had Grace takes us. Teagan could have just followed.”
“It’s okay man. I wouldn’t have been able to make rational decisions in the state that you were in.” I pause turning over to stare up at the ceiling. “I fucked her in my brother’s car. How could I do that? I’ve spent months trying to get over her and the second she flashes those mesmerizing eyes at me, I’m putty in her hands.”
“Yeah now I really hate myself. I should have just called Forest to come and get us. I made some mistakes with Grace last night too. Things I can’t take back. I don’t know whether I would be able to choose between the girl I love or my twin brother.”
“You shouldn’t have to choose. He should let go seeing as your both in love with each other. Any idiot can see Grace doesn’t love Jaden. Hell her skin flushes whenever you walk into the room.”
“If only I could get her to say that out loud. Life would be so much easier, in that department anyway. She doesn’t want to hurt either one of us. This makes me love
her more. God I’m such a chick.”
I laugh softly. “Well maybe a little. I’m the one who has been moping around for four months. Over a girl I never even told how I felt.” That’s when something she said last night registers. “She said she loved me.”
“Who Teagan? She told you that last night?” he sits up on his elbows looking confused.
“Yeah we were arguing and she just said it. I guess I didn’t even notice till now. God I’m such a fool.” I sit up all the way throwing my legs off the side of the bed. “This might be a stupid idea but what if she did what she did because she didn’t know I loved her?”
“Well that might be possible. Teagan isn’t the best when it comes to seeing other people’s feelings.” He chuckles. “She doesn’t even think that my mom loves her. My home life really sucked till she came around. I don’t know what my parents had going on but the second she walked into our lives everything got better. She was clueless the whole time.”
“Yeah she is pretty clueless but I really didn’t think she was that clueless. Maybe we can work it out.” I rub my hand down my face and pace across my bedroom floor. “I don’t know why I let her leave this time. It’s what I was hoping for this whole time, deep down anyway. When I got faced with the possibility that she would hurt me again I did the same thing she did. Run away from it.”
Caden opens his mouth but he gets interrupted by Marcus who flies into the room huffing and puffing from running up the stairs. “You’ll…never…guess…who’s…here!”
“Teagan.” I say hoping that I’m right.
He nods disappointed I ruined his surprise. I look at Caden who nods his approval and I race down the stairs just to stop short at seeing her in the door way. Her wild curly hair is down just the way I like it. She has a white headband on to keep it out of her eyes. She’s got her trade mark tank top on this one white plus a pair of sexy skinny jeans. I’ve never seen her in anything other than boots or tennis shoes so the flip flops bring a faint smile to my face.