The Trophy Wives Club

by Kristin Billerbeck

Hamilton knocks over the pen receptacle and disappears behind my desk to pick them up. “Are you all right, Hamilton?” I stick my head over the desk.

  He looks up at me with those incredibly large eyes and immediately looks down at the pens. “Fine.”

  “I thought you’d be happy about the women helping me find my worth again. Doesn’t it assuage some of your guilt?”

  He stands tall again. “I have no guilt. I protected my client’s assets. That’s what I’m hired to do.”

  “Well, I credit the women for giving me my life back—you know, the one that was stolen from me so you could protect your client’s extramarital affair? This is a better life than the one I had because I’m not looking over my shoulder any longer.”

  “And the money? What did you do with the money from the first checks?”

  “Not that it’s any of your business, but I put it in separate CDs that mature every three months so I always have cash on hand. And, I’m putting as much as I can from my salary into a 401k. It turns out the fantastic redhead Helena is quite the stock expert. And Lindsay’s husband is no slouch either. So with all their help, I’m well on my way.”

  “You look happy.”

  “I am brilliant.”

  “Jay says you won’t go to the tabloids. Is that true? If so, I can just mail your next check.” He nonchalantly stands up and places the pens back where they belong. “Why don’t you write down your address?” He takes out a pad from his chest pocket and opens it to a clean page. He plucks a pen from the bucket and hands it to me.

  “I thought you had to see me. You know, approve that I wasn’t going to rat Jay and Rachel out to the tabloids, which by the way, I see they’re doing enough of themselves.”

  “I trust you. People in glass houses and all that.”

  “What?”

  “Right there.” He points to the pad, and I scribble my new address.

  “What about you, Hamilton, are you happy?”

  Bud bursts out of his office. “Haley, I need those docs on my desk in ten minutes. Did you get them signed?”

  “Yes, sir. They’re right here.” I hand him the manila folder. “Jerry Bruckheimer just called. He’s interested in Hugh Jackman’s availability for the fall.” I rip off the message sheet and hand it to him.

  “Hamilton,” Bud nods. “Everything okay? You’re not here to serve me, are you? Don’t sign anything this man ever gives you,” Bud says to me. “He’s a piranha.”

  “Don’t worry, that’s what got me into this mess. Signing Hamilton’s documents will only lead to trouble.”

  “Good girl, Haley.”

  “Just a personal call, Bud. I saw Haley as I finished up some business down the hall. We’re old friends.” Hamilton smiles, obviously glad to see he still strikes the fear of God in someone of stature.

  “Then what are you hanging around for? Don’t sign anything and don’t date him either, he’ll probably make you sign a contract giving him power of attorney. See you later, Hamilton. Quit flirting with my assistant. She’s a knockout, ain’t she?”

  “That’s sexual harassment!” I call to Bud.

  “Tell it to my lawyer.” He slams the door behind him with a snigger.

  “I see you have a good working relationship with him.”

  “He’s great. A little gruff, but nothing I can’t handle. So, you’re dodging my question. Are you happy?”

  “Why do you care?”

  “Because that’s something I realized about myself. I could take satisfaction in a job well done each day, and I could try to please Jay and make the numbers work for a production, but I never had any fun. Fun is underrated. Do you have fun, Hamilton?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Yes, it matters. That’s why I’m asking. What’s fun to you?”

  “I don’t know, Haley. I’ve got to get back to the office.”

  I nod. “Well, always a pleasure seeing you, Hamilton, especially when you don’t have any documents in your hand.”

  “Yeah. Nice to see you, Haley. Maybe when things calm down we could have dinner together.”

  “It’s all right, Hamilton, you don’t have to offer up any mercy dates. I do appreciate your handing me the Trophy Wives flyer. When I make enough to keep my own husband, perhaps he’ll need to start a group of his own.”

  “A mercy date? With you, Haley?” He laughs aloud. “Am I missing something?”

  “You’re missing a lot, actually, but that’s beside the point. You would never end up with a girl like me. I’m tainted. Divorced. A sinner by all accounts.”

  He pauses. I knew he’d pause. He still can’t bring himself to see me as anything more than a client’s wife who brought him coffee. “The Bible says to marry a divorcee is to make her an adulteress.”

  “I am an adulteress. At least from what I’ve gleaned in the little Bible knowledge I have.” I nod. “But I understand, you can only do what you can do. You’re standing up for what you believe in, and I totally admire that. But be honest with yourself, Hamilton. Don’t play with fire and have some mercy, don’t flirt with the likes of me.” I flip my hair for emphasis.

  I get up to file some paperwork when Hamilton speaks.

  “I was brought up to believe divorce doesn’t happen.”

  “So what would you have me do, Hamilton? In my case? Would you have me ask Rachel to scoot over so I can get into my bed?”

  He doesn’t answer.

  “No one gets married planning to divorce. Except for maybe people who make up prenuptial agreements. Even women who marry for money see more money in the marriage than the divorce. Did you ever think of that?”

  He clutches his briefcase. Hamilton Lowe is not a risk-taker. That much is evident. He methodically plans everything in his life. I bet he knows what he’s having for dinner tonight.

  “Sure, I see where people think that way, but then the reality of divorce happens, and that’s where I come in. I make the breakup less painful because everyone knows what will happen, and there are no unfortunate surprises,” he finally answers.

  “Like finding out your husband couldn’t father children, for instance?”

  “I didn’t know about that when you were married,” he claims.

  “A man can protect his money, but he won’t walk away unscathed, regardless. You might think Jay is unscathed, but wait and see if he’ll marry again.”

  “We’ll just have to see.”

  “Hamilton, I don’t care if you’ve made up a new airtight contract, or if she earns more money than him. I know Jay, and marriage required something of him that he can’t part with it. There’s something in him that can’t deal with the emotional pressure. He looks at it like a business relationship, and when it ceases to be beneficial to both parties, he’s outta there.”

  “My client went into this marriage with good faith.”

  “That is a bald-faced lie, Hamilton. You cannot go into a marriage in good faith when you don’t mention to your beloved that there will be no children.”

  “Good day, Haley.” He walks toward the door, but I scamper after him in my heels.

  “Marriage is like a wall, Hamilton. Someone has to bring the bricks; someone has to bring the mortar. Without either, you have no wall, and you have no marriage.”

  “How profound,” he says sarcastically as he continues down the hallway.

  “You arrogant son—”

  “What did you say?”

  “You stand here smug and so full of yourself, the great expert on all things marriage. But you haven’t spent one day committed to anything more than a cell phone contract, have you? Did you ever think for one moment, you may have it wrong? That life may not work out as well as Hamilton Lowe deems it does? Those are words on a contract, they’re not life. What if I were maimed in a car accident? What if Jay had a heart attack running? Do you think you can really be married with an ‘out’ if things don’t play right?”

  “It’s not my rules, Haley.” He rolls his eyes at me. Just like Jay
used to do.

  “You hold it right there!” A group of people stop to check out the scene and quickly get out of the area near the elevator.

  “Why do I infuriate you so, Haley?” he asks smugly as he presses the elevator button. “I just thought when you’d calmed down it would be nice to talk about you in a casual dinner setting.”

  “Why do you infuriate me? Because you’re completely wrong in this, and you sit upon your tower and dare to judge me. What if you married a woman and she was your world and you wanted nothing more than to make her happy? And suddenly, that woman decided she could not live without her college sweetheart and she’d made a mistake marrying you and left?”

  “I’d fight for her. She’s my wife.”

  “But ultimately, you cannot control another human. Free will, isn’t that what you Christians are always preaching? Jay had free will. All of us have free will and all the ironclad contracts in the world can’t protect you from someone else’s free will, Hamilton.”

  He steps into the elevator.

  “You’re not even going to answer me?” My temper flares as I follow him in, and the doors shut behind us. “Do you think there’s a reward in heaven for staying together for fifty years, but not once thinking about the other person’s needs?”

  “I don’t know, Haley. I think there’s a reward for staying together.”

  “But staying together where you kill each other emotionally, do you think there’s a reward for that?”

  “I think people always have options, and if they choose to humble themselves—“

  “What? The other party won’t run off to Monaco with a leading lady?”

  “I would never do that, Haley. That’s all I can answer to. I would never do that.”

  “But you won’t have to, right? Because no one’s good enough for you to risk it all, are they? That’s your problem you know, not being willing to risk anything you can’t control. And that’s the real problem with love, isn’t it? You can’t control it.”

  “My problem? Look I didn’t stop by for a free analysis, I was only trying to be cordial. I thought when you got over the passion of this situation, you would see—”

  “Answer me this, Hamilton. If I was to have avoided this fate, what could I have done differently, besides realized at twenty that love doesn’t come in the shape of goods and services rendered?”

  “I guess maybe you should have been better prepared.”

  “God forbid, because then I’d be you, Hamilton, and I’d be alone forever.”

  “Right.” He plays with a pen in his chest pocket. “So I guess I’ll see you when you come in for your next check.”

  “I thought you said we were done with that charade.”

  “I want to continue this conversation. At some point, maybe we’ll understand one another. I look forward to it.”

  I watch his expression, and he means it. He has not heard a word I’ve said. “Why? If I’m not good enough, that’s not going to change. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be good enough, and Jesus says I am. I have to cling to that.” Even if there’s nothing else about the church I cling to. I punch the next floor and escape when the elevator stops.

  “Haley!” my boss bellows into my radio.

  “I’m coming, sir.”

  I swallow my emotion as I watch the doors close on Hamilton.

  Say it. Say something, Hamilton. Show me that your religion goes beyond rules. Show me there’s a heart beating in that broad chest of yours. His hand reaches through the doors.

  He steps out. “I’m glad you found the Bible study. I’m glad they showed you how to get back on your feet.”

  “Me too, Hamilton. Thanks again for the referral.” We go back to the surface, where he’s comfortable.

  He looks down to his shoes. I can’t explain why I want Hamilton to break free of his ridiculous prejudices, but for some reason I just can’t let him walk away without understanding. I have this desperate need to be heard by him. Maybe it’s for all the women who will come after me in his office. For all the women who find out their husbands didn’t care enough to tell them to their faces that all those late-night phone calls and lipstick stains were exactly what they feared. While her husband came home and took off his suit, hung it over the chair, and asked her to take it to the cleaners, he was, at that very moment, planning a romantic getaway in some quaint little island village with her.

  “Hamilton, I—”

  “If you need help planning for the baby, I can help you with that. Pro bono.”

  “The baby?”

  “Jay told me about the baby. He wants to help if he can.”

  I clasp my eyes shut. “You’re pregnant?” Bud comes out of the conference room on the lower floor.

  “What are you doing down here?”

  “I’m not training the perfect assistant to go on maternity leave!” Bud yells.

  What have I done?

  “You can’t fire her for that, Bud. It’s against the law,” Hamilton says.

  “I wouldn’t have hired her if I’d known she was pregnant.”

  “That too—illegal.”

  I know I should just shout that I’m not pregnant, that only another miracle, in the form of a second Immaculate Conception, could make that happen, but I can’t bring myself to protest while they argue over me. Over the innocent life I will never be carrying. Tears sting my eyes, and I watch Hamilton slip away onto the elevator.

  “Hamilton, it’s not—”

  “I hope you’ll raise the baby up in the church, Haley. You owe the child that much.”

  It’s no wonder Hamilton doesn’t believe in me. He thinks I’m sleeping with someone else already and that I’ve got myself a baby daddy out there somewhere.

  “What do you mean, taking this kind of high-pressure job being pregnant?” Bud yells.

  “You’re pregnant?” Lily appears in the hallway.

  There’s a reason you’re taught not to lie in preschool. I do wish I’d thought of that standing in Jay’s presence that day, but I only wanted him to hurt. I’m the one who ended up being hurt yet again, because he acted like I told him the plant in the bathroom needed to be replaced.

  “Bud, can you excuse us?” Lily asks.

  “You’re fired!” he yells at me.

  “I am not fired!” I yell back.

  “You can’t fire her, she’s pregnant!”

  “I wouldn’t have hired her, if she was pregnant.”

  “Doesn’t matter; you still can’t fire her,” Lily explains.

  “Would you all relax? I am not pregnant!” I finally shout, as we all get into the elevator to ride back up to the office. “Not that it should matter if I was, Mr. Seligman! And you would have been guilty of upsetting the baby if I was. You certainly upset me!” I shake my finger at him. “But I’m not.” I need a good shopping spree. Just a few hours in the Sephora aisles, and I’d be right again. “You can’t fire me because I’m the best assistant you’ve ever had.”

  “Bud, may I take your assistant to lunch?” Lily asks.

  “Please do.” He checks out my frame as I stand. “You don’t look pregnant.”

  “That’s because I’m not pregnant!” Why are people so much quicker to believe a lie than the truth?

  “We’ll be back in an hour,” Lily says.

  “Don’t forget to call Bruckheimer back. He sounded anxious.”

  “Right.”

  “And you’ve got lunch today at the Ivy in twenty minutes, call him on your cell phone.” I press the codes into the phone so that the calls are taken downstairs and grab my purse and Lindsay’s cell phone.

  Bud does just as he’s told and gets his jacket from the office. Lily has her long, jet-black hair in a straight ponytail, cinched with an expensive clip. She takes long, elegant strides to the elevator and punches the button hard.

  “Wait for me!” Bud says, as he runs in before the doors close.

  We all ride in silence until the door dings to open into the lobby. Securit
y rushes to protect Bud from the throngs of hopefuls, and Lily and I walk by unnoticed. We get to her car, a Mercedes SLK, and she unlocks the door. I slide into the seat, and she gets in, her expression drawn.

  “What was that about?”

  “Remember at the salon? When I had Penny’s boys?”

  “Yes.”

  I tell her the sordid tale, and she turns on the car and presses the accelerator, until the G force makes me feel like I’m getting a face-lift.

  “Haley, you can’t be lying like that. If you’re over Jay, prove it to us. Move on.”

  “I know. I know. I felt like slime as soon as it tripped off my tongue, but it just came out. But look at it this way. At first I wanted to lynch Jay and take him for everything he had. I figure a little white lie is nothing compared to my first thoughts. Believe it or not, this is improvement. I want to believe something different now. Something better about Jay.”

  “Thinking the best of someone is one thing. Living in denial, quite another. You might recognize Jay’s character by the fact that he changed the locks on you and kicked you out of your own house with a fraction of what you helped him earn.”

  “Well yeah, there’s that.”

  “Or maybe that he was having an affair with some skanky starlet and thought nothing of moving her right into your place, what about that?”

  “Okay, enough already.”

  “This job is a good job. Haley, I have no doubt you could be one of the best agents in the business with some training. I didn’t bring you on here to be an assistant forever. You’re far too smart. I could tell the first night when you sized us all up that your mind was constantly working.”

  “You think I could be an agent?”

  “Everyone seems to believe in you, but you. You keep going backwards because you choose to listen to Jay over us. Over the Bible and even over reason, and I’m telling you, it’s time to stop going backwards!”

  “I’m grateful, haven’t I said that? I sent you flowers to show my appreciation!”

  “Haley, you’re misunderstanding me. I’m not picking on you. I’m only trying to point out if you continue to play games like you learned with Jay, like trying to make him jealous for instance with a false pregnancy, you’ll reap what you sow. That almost cost you your job!”