We’ve fallen into an easy routine of spending an hour or two together after I get out of work and before I head home. This relationship feels normal. It’s hot, electric, and precious, but it’s still normal, and that’s hard for me. I’m stuck between guarding my heart and analyzing everything. I’m really trying this thing out with Jed to see if he is my happily ever after. It’s confusing and stressful, which is not helping my nightmares.
Sam is also stressing me the fuck out. He is not taking the hint. I haven’t mentioned the calls and texts to Jed because I don’t want any of my baggage to come between us. Unfortunately, Sam called a few times when I was with Jed, and I wasn’t going to lie about who was calling. Jed didn’t say or do anything, but from the hard look on his face, I could tell he was getting angry.
For the past month, Chad and Shannon’s dad were redoing the floors in Shannon’s kitchen, so she didn’t want to have Rock Band Night while that was happening. Now that it was all done, she wanted to resume our Friday night ritual. Tonight would be the first Rock Band Night since Jed and I started dating. He’s picking me up tonight after work, and I’m really excited to bring him. He’s the first guy my friends have liked, and I want Jed to get to know them better, too.
When my shift ends, I take off my apron, and just as I begin to pull my purse over my shoulder before reaching for my coat, Jed walks in. Every time I look at him, my mouth goes dry, and my stomach starts to flutter. I stay rooted to the spot as he makes his way over to me.
I can’t believe this sexy-as-fuck man is mine.
When he reaches me, he abruptly dips me before planting a firm kiss on my lips.
When his lips separate from mine, he says, “Ready to go, babe?”
I smile and giggle. “Yep.”
He kisses my nose and smiles back. “Good. Let’s go.”
We’re nearly to Shannon’s house when my phone rings, and I pull it out and glance at it. It’s Sam. I can’t believe that he hasn’t quit this shit after a month. I hit the End button to silence the call, and I put the phone back into my purse. I focus my attention out my side window, trying to contain my fury, as I rearrange my features back to the easygoing expression I had before his call.
Jed is silent for a few moments before he asks, “Was that him?”
I glance over at him, but his face is unreadable.
I don’t want to lie to him, so I sigh and say, “Yeah”
He pauses, then stating coldly, “He’s still bothering you.”
“Yes.” My voice is small voice.
He seems deep in thought. Then he finally asks, “Can I ask you a question?”
“I guess,” I say, my tone wary.
“Is he the reason you have such low self-esteem?”
This question takes me off guard. I guess my cracks are showing more than I thought. “Is it that obvious?”
He chews on his lip, probably trying to decide the best way to respond. He glances over at me briefly before focusing his eyes on the road. “I’m not really sure how to answer that. I don’t think you see yourself the way others do. Besides your obvious beauty, you have a big heart, you’re funny, and…” He pauses. “I don’t know. A lot of the time, I get the impression that you think”—he blows out a breath—“that I’m going to bolt at any second.”
I stare at him, wide-eyed. I knew he could read me well, but shit. He’s so spot-on that it makes me feel naked. It’s like he has dug inside my head, and he is rooting around, trying to find all my secrets that I’ve hidden away. I don’t like it.
“Huh,” is all I can say, attempting to dodge the conversation.
“Am I wrong—about how you feel about yourself and how you feel about me?” he asks.
It doesn’t sound like a question though. It’s more like a need for confirmation, and he already knows the answer.
I shrug and look out the window. “I don’t know. Not really.”
“Anna…”
His warning tone causes me to turn my head.
“I thought we agreed to no games.”
This is way out of my comfort zone, and anxiety begins to trickle through my body. My muscles tense up, and my eyes are staring holes through the windshield.
“Hey,” he calls softly.
I turn my head in his direction.
“You can talk to me about anything, okay? I want to be here for you.”
I hear his words, but I can’t really believe him. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. I don’t want to drag him down under with me. He deserves better, but he also deserves honesty. I promised him that much.
I nod slowly and stare down at my wringing fingers. “Okay.”
“So, was I right?”
My heart pounds in my ears with the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I answer in a near whisper, “Yeah, I guess. I really don’t want to dwell on this, but sometimes, I get scared that you’ll finally realize you can do a lot better.”
He doesn’t say anything for a minute. “I hate that you feel that way, that you don’t think you’re good enough. You are. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again—I think you are good enough for me. It’s not up to you to decide what I want. I want you.”
Tingles spread over my body, and my palms begin to sweat. Tears prick my eyes, and my breathing starts to come in short bursts as I will those tears not to fall. I love what he’s saying. It’s the best thing anyone has ever said to me, but how can I believe it? How can he really think I’m good enough for him if he doesn’t know the dirty, dark tar inside my soul? No one wants to deal with my baggage. I don’t want to.
“Does that help ease your mind?”
His question brings me out of my bleak thoughts.
No. “A little,” I lie.
His words make the internal battle of keeping him out and letting him in more difficult. I peek over at him, and his lips are turned down in a frown.
“I’m going to prove it to you.” He glances over at me, and his eyes are as soft as his words.
I blink back tears and acknowledge his statement with a weak smile. My behavior bothers me a lot. I don’t like to be seen as a weak person, and I hate showing cracks even more. He reaches over, takes my hand, and then lifts it to place a soft kiss on it before he puts our entwined fingers on my thigh.
“You never did answer the original question. Is he responsible for your low self-esteem?” he asks gently.
My jaw is tight with emotion, and I glance out the window. “Can we drop it for now? We’re almost there.” Then, I peek over at him.
His sexy full lips form a hard line, and he looks a little disappointed. “Do you think you’ll ever talk to me?”
No. “Maybe.”
He parks, throws the truck in gear, and turns off the engine. He shifts his body in the seat to direct all his attention to me. His intense, determined stare sends the jitters in my stomach into a chaotic tap dance.
Finally, he sighs and says, “All right, Anna. We’ll talk about it another time, okay?”
“Okay.” I nod, but I know I’m lying. There is no way I’m letting him inside to wade around in my mess.
I grab Anna’s hand as we walk up the steps to her friend’s house. She seems happier, but I’m not. I’m fucking trying here, but she keeps shutting me out. She seems so broken sometimes, and I want to fix her. It kills me to watch her struggle and not be able to do anything about it. I want to protect her and shield her from everything and everyone. I try to shake off the crazy thought, but the longer we’re together, the more I feel like a fucking caveman, and it bothers me.
I like her—a lot. I think I’m starting to fall for her, and based on the way she looks at me, she feels the same. That’s awesome, except she’s not letting me in.
Why won’t she let me in? I huff to myself.
I sound like I’m growing a fucking vagina.
When we reach the door, it swings open.
Chad says, “Hey, beautiful!” Then, he sweeps her into a big hug.
When he releases Anna, Chad stic
ks out his hand toward me. “Hey, man. Good to see you again.”
I take it and say, “You, too, man.”
We follow behind him into the living room where Shannon is sitting in front of the game console, sliding in the disc and booting up the game. When she hears us come in, she turns her head, and her face brightens like a hundred-watt bulb. Standing when she sees us, she squeals, and she practically tackles Anna.
“Yay! I’m so glad you guys came,” she squeals again.
I cringe a little, and I think my ears might be bleeding. She seems like a sweet girl, but shit, I hate squealing. It’s like nails on a chalkboard.
After she lets go of Anna, Shannon throws her arms around me. “I’m so glad you’re here, too.”
She winks at Anna. I wonder what that’s about.
“You wanna come with me to grab a beer?” Chad breaks in.
“Sure.”
Once we reach the kitchen, Chad reaches into the fridge and then hands me a Bud. I pop the top and take a swig. Chad does the same and leans against the counter, looking like he has something to say.
“Listen, I don’t want to start this night on a bad note because Anna likes you. You seem like a cool guy, so I’m just going to say this and be done with it. Anna is like a sister to me. She doesn’t have a brother, so I’m going to take the responsibility. Don’t fuck with her. If this is a game to you or just some ass to tap for a bit, you need to end it. She’s had too much shit in her life, and she doesn’t need anything else to deal with. I don’t think that’s the case with you, but I just wanted to say my piece. Don’t hurt her.”
I stare at him for a second. You have got to be fucking kidding me. I don’t know him well at all, and he’s preaching to me about how to treat a woman. I have a sister of my own, and I’m pretty sure I said something worse to her husband when I first met him. I know Anna has some shit she’s dealing with, and she told me how her last relationship ended. The fact that that fuckhead is still bothering her isn’t helping, I’m sure.
I sigh. Chad’s heart is in a good place, so I school my features before I say, “I don’t know what you want from me, man. Assurances? I can tell you, without a doubt, that I care about her a lot. I would never intentionally hurt her, and I’m not stringing her along.”
He nods. “All right, my job is done. I just wanted to put that out there.” Then, he pushes away from the counter and calls to the living room, “Anna, you want a beer, too?”
“Sure!” she shouts back.
Chad grabs her beer, and we head into the living room to join the girls. When we get in there, they’re whispering heatedly about something, but when they notice us, the whispering ends, and they both plaster fake smiles on their faces. I narrow my eyes at Anna, but she just shakes her head, keeping her fake smile in place. Her wide eyes give away her panic, and it makes me uneasy, but I’ll let it go until we’re alone.
I walk over and wrap her in my arms. Then, I bend my head to whisper in her ear, “You okay?”
“I’m great!” she whispers back too cheerfully.
I chuckle a bit and whisper back, “Can we talk about it later?”
She nods.
The doorbell rings, and Chad leaves to answer the door. I’m guessing it’s Aaron and Asshole. Sure enough, a couple of seconds later, they enter the living room. Both Shannon and Anna give the guys hugs, and I try really hard to control my jealousy. When Jared has his arms wrapped around my woman, his eyes connect with mine, and he squeezes her a little closer, keeping his tight eyes locked with mine.
I’m gonna punch this fucker.
“Aaron, Jared, you remember Jed,” Anna says.
“Hey, man. Good to see you back,” Aaron says.
I shake Aaron’s hand as he gives me a smile. I knew I liked this guy.
“Good to see you again, too,” I say.
I turn to the slimy motherfucker and decide to be the bigger man as I stretch out my hand. “Hey, good to see you again.”
He forces a smile and grips my hand too tightly. “I’m Jared, Anna’s really close friend.”
My eyebrow lifts, and I squeeze his hand back even tighter. “I remember. I’m Anna’s boyfriend.”
His eyes flare.
Bring it, asshole.
Before he can talk any more shit, Shannon tells everyone to snag a spot, so we can start playing. I decide to let Asshat’s behavior go, and I find a seat next to my girl. There are only four instruments, so we’re taking turns. Of course, everyone laughs at me when it’s my turn to sing because I can’t carry a tune in a bucket. I’m not tone deaf. I hear the tone. I just can’t reproduce it. I’m having a great time even though I’ve never played this game before, but Jared’s comments are starting to piss me off.
“I’m going to grab another beer, baby. You want one?” Anna asks me when we take a quick break.
“Yeah. Thanks, baby,” I say, smiling at her as she stands next to me.
She smiles over at Jared and asks, “You want one, too?”
“Sure, beautiful. I’d love that,” he says.
My temper flares again, but Anna just grins and nods.
When she moves between him and the coffee table, he places his hand on her hips to make it look like he’s steadying her, but the way his eyes rove over her body makes me very aware that he only wants to touch my woman. I clench and unclench my fists to stop myself from lunging at this motherfucker. It’s not the time or place to beat the fuck out of Anna’s friend.
After she leaves the room, he glances over at me and smirks. Aaron, Shannon, and Chad have gone outside to smoke a cigarette, so now, it’s just shitstick and me for the time being.
Fucking fantastic.
“What?” he asks innocently.
“Don’t what me. I see you, and I see the way you look at her, but she’s mine. Keep your fucking hands off her.”
He scowls before he says, “For now, asshole. You’re just a fucking placeholder for me.”
I clench my jaw but force out a laugh. “You’re fucking pathetic. You’re stuck in the friend zone, yet you still think you have a shot.”
“Whose shoulder do you think she’s gonna be crying on when you hurt her? Huh? Mine.”
“She won’t be running to you because I won’t hurt her. If you wanted her, then you should have said something a long time ago. She’s mine, and I’m not letting her go.”
He pales before regaining his composure. “We’ll see, shithead. I’m the one who’s been here for years for her to lean on, to cry on, to laugh with. You can’t replace that. It’s just a matter of time before she dumps your ass for me.”
My jaw grows hard, and my fist curls, but before I can knock his ass out, Anna breezes back into the room.
“Here ya go, guys,” she says.
Anna leans over to give Jared his beer. He grabs her by the neck and plants a kiss on her cheek.
I’m going to bury this motherfucker.
She smiles and pulls back before making her way over to me. As she hands me the beer, I snag her around the waist, bring her to my lap, and kiss her hard. I slide my tongue into her mouth and completely own her. She moans softly and tugs on my hair, making my cock start to harden.
“Knock it off, lovebirds,” Shannon says as she enters the room again.
When our lips part, I chance a peek over at Jared, who’s scowling, and I smirk.
Take that, fucker.
We continue playing the game, but I’m very aware of everything Jared tries with Anna. He attempts to get her to sit on his lap, and he openly flirts with her. He brushes her leg and leans in close to whisper in her ear even though there is no fucking reason for it. Every time she touches him back, I start to see red, and I wonder if they have a history I need to worry about. It’s getting harder and harder to control myself, and my jaw hurts from clenching it so tight. The only thing that stops me from pounding him is that she’s clueless. That, and it’s obvious she only sees him as a friend. I’d feel bad for him if he wasn’t trying to steal my w
oman.
As the night continues, I try to ignore Jared, and I enjoy my time with the rest of Anna’s friends. It’s much easier to ignore him when I’ve got Anna next to me. Chad is a fucking riot, and I can easily see myself hanging out with him more.
At one point, the pickup-line thing comes out, and they each taking a stab at it.
“You must be Snickers because you satisfy me,” Shannon says.
“I’ll be Burger King, and you’ll be McDonald’s. I’ll have it my way, and you’ll be lovin’ it.” That one from Chad
“Good thing I have my library card because I’m checking you out,” Aaron jokes.
“Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?” Jared says, but it’s directed at Anna, so I don’t laugh with the rest of them,
“If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don’t worry. I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.” Chad says to Shannon, and she laughs so hard that tears stream down her cheeks.
My stomach hurts from laughing so hard.
Around midnight, Anna and I call it a night. Shannon gives me a hug good-bye.
Chad slaps me on the back and says, “Later,” but his look says, We’re cool. I approve.
I appreciate it, but no offense, dude, I don’t give a fuck if you approve. Anna is mine, and nothing short of her ending it for a good fucking reason will keep her away from me.
Cool it, caveman. I need to get a handle on myself. This shit is not me. I hope that last bit didn’t show on my face because I like Chad.
Aaron shakes my hand and says, “See you next week.”
Jared just gives me a chin nod and a smile that’s faker than Pamela Anderson’s tits.
I reciprocate. I fucking hate this dude.
The hug that Jared gives Anna lingers way too long, and then he bends down and kisses her cheek. My jaw clenches, and I think I might explode. My hand balls into a fist, and I’m this close to punching the douche. I’m starting to act like a crazy man. I don’t know where this shit came from, but I have this primal need to keep Anna safe and hidden away from anyone who might take her from me. It’s driving me insane, but I can’t challenge this dick to a duel. This has to stop. I will myself to calm down.
Worth It Page 16