Emit

by Jack Beal

  Until later becomes too late. I remember the day the towers fell. I remember watching it over and over again on TV. I remember the woman with the butterfly eyes who asks if anyone has seen her husband, and thousands more that do the same. And then I remember the phone call when they told me he’d been inside.

  I can’t take the guilt. I press through the countless articles detailing the events of that horrific day as if trying to bury it deeper into the past with every swipe of my finger. Peering down into the tablet, I watch the world as if from space for the very last time. Brutal storms of electricity cast light upon the darkness, and I allow myself to succumb to their hypnotic flashing. As the raging winds carry me further, I see the Earth’s surface scorched and flooded, frozen and pillaged. It spits me back out in 2007.

  January 21, 2007. CLIMATE CHANGE EXCEEDS SCIENTISTS’ HYPOTHESES: WHAT IT MEANS FOR THE WORLD. Recent developments in climate change make some hefty claims. One: The natural disasters becoming more and more prevalent across the planet aren’t natural at all; they’re of our own doing. Two: If we don’t take a serious stance against climate change, our planet will be forced to take one against us. Scientists and environmentalists, alike, urge all populations to reduce production of greenhouse gases…

  March 7, 2007. AS CLIMATE CHANGE PROVOKES DRASTIC TRANSFORMATIONS IN EARTH’S SURFACE, SCIENTISTS WONDER IF DAMAGE IS REVERSIBLE. As ice caps melt, causing sea levels to rise at an accelerated pace, the balance of the Earth on its axis could become compromised. And that’s not all. The redistribution of waters might also cause the planet to spin more quickly…

  September 8, 2007. SPACE PROBE DAWN LAUNCHES. Late yesterday morning, NASA’s most innovative space probe to date, DAWN, set off for an excursion in deep space. But as talk of climate change warns of life as we know coming to an end, many can’t help but wonder, “Is DAWN looking for a place where we might have a new beginning?”

  December 6, 2007. AS SPACE TOURISTS TAKE TO THE SKIES, LAST MEMBER OF MERCURY 8 HANGS UP HIS HELMET. Astronaut Robert Flynn announced his retirement at a press conference this Tuesday. When inquired as to the reason behind his choice, Flynn stated, “I’ve begun to realize I might have spent so much of my time looking out there I missed out on what was right here.” Flynn’s statement has certainly been spurred on by the tragic death of his son who was inside of the North Tower of the World Trade Center when the first plane hit. While Flynn refused to respond to further questioning, sources have reported the ex-member of the Original Eight plans on relocating to New York, to be near the place his son was last seen…

  My mind travels back to waking up on the suffocating subway car. I see the sign dangling over my head. In thick red letters, it reads “Burn Bright.” As a sea of people carry me helplessly over the streets of New York, the woman in the flashy silver dress calls out. It’s the woman who peered out from the TV screen the day the Twin Towers fell, asking for help finding her husband.

  Handing me a card that reads Stephanie Flynn, Rockette. Her voice is staccato. “You don’t have to do this alone. Plus, I know Leila would love to see you.” Leila. My granddaughter.

  I remember standing on the sidewalk, gazing up at the double-spired neo-gothic cathedral tucked between two high rises. But, to my surprise, I don’t climb the stairs leading to its arched doorways. Instead, I slide along the narrow alleyway at the cathedral’s side and make my way in through the back entrance.

  I watch myself slink down the unlit corridor. At the end is another door. Behind it, a spiral staircase plunging into the darkness. I see myself descend to the bottom. It smells like dust and incense. I’m in the catacombs.

  But this time, I’m not afraid. I hobble up to the window darkened with years of grime, where countless names have been etched in homage. Finding an empty spot, I dig my nail into the filth, scraping out letter after letter until two new names have found their final resting place on the wall: Kai & Leilani Flynn.

  The next thing I know, I’m outside in the frigid December air, standing near a fountain. An old lady calls me by name before saying we’re a lot alike. With a long wheezy cackle, she points to the oxygen tank hooked to her wheelchair. “Only you wore yours into space while I wear mine down here on Earth.”

  In a tumultuous storm of information, I’m thrown forward once more. When my body finally alights, my step is stiff and heavy. The year is 2013, and I’m 72 years old.

  February 11, 2013. FLYNNCO BECOMES HIGHEST GROSSING FUEL COMPANY IN THE WORLD. How does a less than ten-year old business become the highest grossing fuel company in the world? According to CEO Robert Flynn, it’s offering people a little bit of stardust. “Here at FLYNNCO, we offer a vast variety of carburant oxygenated in a manner similar to rocket propellant. Just because you’re on the ground, doesn’t mean you can’t “BURN BRIGHT.”

  June 14, 2013. IT’S NEITHER AN AIRPLANE NOR A BIRD. As Man of Steel hits theaters, thousands are looking to the sky. “Is it just me or are there more stars these days?” 80-year-old Janette Bloom wonders. The answer is no. What you see up in the sky are the over 17,000 pieces of identified space junk orbiting the Earth. And that’s not mentioning the hundreds of thousands of smaller bits of waste that are too small to be seen…

  June 23, 2013. KING OF CARBURANT = KING OF EMISSIONS. FLYNNCO stocks have gone up. So have dangerous greenhouse gas levels. Factoring into the top five polluters in the world, new reports peg FLYNNCO as responsible for nearly 20 percent of pollution in the United States. “This kind of statistic is unheard of,” economist Gerald Key explains, “a single company that contributes to nearly a fifth of a country’s total pollution. In a time when everybody needs to do his part to help protect the planet against global warming, this kind of anomaly is unacceptable.”

  June 29, 2013. CEO ROBBIE FLYNN REBUKES CLAIMS ON FLYNNCO EMISSIONS. “Emit! Emit! Emit! All this talk of emissions and global warming is just another modern myth,” he states.

  July 4, 2013. AFTER FLYNNCO REFUSES TO ADHERE TO STATE MANDATES ON GREENHOUSE GAS EMISSIONS, RADICAL ENVIRONMENTALISTS TAKE MATTERS INTO THEIR OWN HANDS. Shooting in Millennium Park planned to peg CEO Robert Flynn after news of FLYNNCO’s exceedingly high pollution rates became public. Flynn has been hospitalized for minor wounds at Chicago’s Northwestern Memorial…

  July 5, 2013. FLYNN BREAKS FROM INFIRMARY, FINISHES IN CONFINEMENT. After fleeing from Northwest Memorial Hospital yesterday for no apparent reason, retired astronaut Robert Flynn was stopped for disorderly conduct. While the situation was settled rapidly owing to the help from Flynn’s girlfriend, former Soviet cosmonaut, Belinda Morozov, many speculate as to Flynn’s overall wellbeing…

  I want to deny the slew of allegations sliding over me, but I can’t. I remember waking up at Navy Pier in nothing but a hospital gown. I remember the angry woman slugging me with her handbag and finding myself behind bars until the police realized who I was. Robbie Flynn, one of the Original 8, man to spend the longest overall time in space. Robbie Flynn, businessman, CEO of a multi-billion-dollar enterprise. Robbie Flynn, complete sellout.

  Just before the images accelerate, I see it: The Cloud Gate. Gazing at the shining sculpture, I can’t help but notice its striking resemblance to the silver disc I discovered so many years ago, a day when my world jumped forward and backward all at once.

  The final pages turn horrifically before my eyes. As I get older, I grow smaller. The world appears to do the same, disappearing little by little beneath its 7.5 billion inhabitants. As I grow weaker, so does people’s care for one another. As I grow feebler, so does man’s resolve. I see hatred and bigotry being praised while kindness is confounded for weakness. I watch as entire populations soldier forward in hatred without ever opening their eyes to the possibility of love. When the slideshow finally stops, I’m right there with them.

  January 16, 2019. INITIAL TE
ST OF NUCLEAR REACTORS ON MARS. Exactly 18 months before the intended MARS 2020 launch, the final nuclear reactors have finished being installed. Initial tests show promising signs. “Everything is progressing delightfully well and should be fully operational long before the proposed launch date of July 16, 2020,” commented nuclear physicist and NASA scientist Glen Fields. “The network of nuclear reactors will allow for comfortable living conditions for humans on the red planet as they search for signs of past life…”

  February 16, 2019. FLYNNCO DODGES BULLET. LESS CAN BE SAID FOR ITS BOSS. While the multi-billion-dollar enterprise receives government-provided pollution permits that will keep it functioning strong, owner and CEO Robert Flynn seems to be slowing down. After a massive heart attack, Flynn was rushed to the Mayo Clinic in Minneapolis, Minnesota, where he is currently undergoing extensive treatment…

  February 28, 2019. DOCTORS SHOCKED AT BONE DENSITY LOSS OF EX-ASTRONAUT. Robert Flynn has always been one-of-a-kind. But recent analyses of his bones show it goes further than skin deep. While recuperating after a massive heart attack, physical therapists at the Mayo Clinic came to a baffling discovery: Flynn’s bone mass has decreased by a shocking 82.25 percent. That means a bone density of only 17.75 %. “His bones are like shells. It’s incredible he’s still able to walk,” explain doctors, who attribute the phenomenon to a combination of time spent in zero gravity and old age. “Elderly men tend to lose about one or one and a half percent of bone mass per year. Somebody of Flynn’s age should have a bone density of about 70-80%.” So why are Flynn’s levels so low? In space, humans lose approximately one percent of bone density a month. “The sixty cumulative months ex-astronaut Robbie Flynn spent in space are to blame.”

  March 15, 2019. REACTORS EXPLODE ON MARS. While the reason for the chain of explosions is still unknown, 90% of pre-existing nuclear reactors on Mars have been compromised. “This doesn’t mean men won’t land on the Red Planet,” says NASA scientist George Herman. “It just means it’s going to take us a little more time than we were expecting.” He goes on to explain the 2020 Rover Mission to the red planet is still a go, but its purpose has changed a bit. “Instead of sending men in 2020 along with the rovers, we’ll be sending large quantities of plutonium and new reactors. We hope to get a team walking around on Mars soon after the new reactors are in order.”

  I remember watching the story LIVE from the hospital bed. I remember the map of tiny red x’s pegging the damaged reactors as scientists speculated the cause of explosion. I remember thinking about the flying saucer and blaming it for taking my dad away from me. Now I know that was never true.

  As my memories uncloud, I remember hearing a knock at the door. I watch myself sliding a pair of glasses over my nose as an elderly lady shuffled into the room holding a bouquet of white plumeria. Hazel.

  “What are you doing here,” I asked, averting my eyes.

  “I heard about what happened,” she stammered, “I wanted to come and see you before…”

  “But why? After everything I’ve done to hurt you.”

  “Because when we set our minds on hurting others, we only hurt ourselves. I’ve come to tell you I forgive you.”

  I watch myself crumble further into the hospital bed. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me. If only I could start over! I’d give anything to have another chance.”

  “Sometimes it’s not too late to go back and make things right.”

  As the recollection of my father saying those same words falls over me, I know I have to keep digging.

  March 16, 2019. HUBBLE’S MOST EXTRAORDINARY DISCOVERY. The Hubble Space Telescope is already praised for pinpointing the age of the universe, tracking the development of galaxies, and discovering dark matter, the great void. Today, thanks to data gathered by astronaut Robbie Flynn, it adds a discovery capable of changing life as we know it. Not only can Hubble look back in time, it’s figured out how we can go there.

  “It all started with a simple equation. I simply followed the sine waves and that’s when I realized it all lies in the balance,” claims Flynn. “There are two original points in time, call them what you like…the big bang and the black hole…the singularity and the multiplicity…the beginning and the end…the everything and the nothing…What is important about them isn’t their name, but the contradiction they hold. The world we know is already filled with opposites. There within is the key…”

  I long to read more, but no matter how I try to scroll, the new article remains fixed on the screen. The last page has already been turned. The year is 2020, and I’m sitting at the edge of a fountain with gurgling blue water.

  July 16, 2020. SHADOWS OF OUR PAST. As the 75-year anniversary of the end of the Second World War approaches, we take time to reflect and pay homage to those who lost their lives. 81-year-old Riku Hashimoto remembers the fateful day. “It was the day after my sixth birthday. I remember I was supposed to be in school that day, but my mother had a special surprise for me, and let me stay home. If I’d have gone, I’d be just another one of the specters on the wall.” When Mr. Hashimoto talks of specters, he’s referring to the “nuclear shadows” of people and objects burned into surviving surfaces after the bombs exploded…

  As an ear-blasting rumbling tears me from the article, I look upward. The same white line I watched moments ago from the tablet’s screen is now racing straight at me. Atlas V. In a show of flames, the space shuttle destined for Mars plummets back to Earth.

  I have to take cover! But as I spin around, the scene sprawling before me leaves me paralyzed.

  I’m at the end of a long sandy trail lined with palm trees. The brilliant summer sun sends its beams filtering through the leaves, as it makes its way to set in the west. The smell of salt water meanders silently up from the gulf.

  As the final moments of my life speed by, I can’t help but feel they’ve slowed to a crawl. Everything around me is disjointed—surreal—as I trace the memory of that palm-lined path for the very last time. Following the footprints in the sand, I enter the sapphire-domed building, if only in my mind. I trace the snaking hallways to the room at the end of the passage and peek in. One of the tall blue men steps away from the others and turns to the door. Dad! I want to scream out. But the man lying on the operating table isn’t my father.

  It’s an old man with spools of loose skin hanging around his bones. As his eyes open, two extraordinary globes glimmer like twin Earths. “It’s important to remember the past when you’re walking into the future. Don’t forget all the answers aren’t out there, but in here.” The voice is mine. Those are the words I haven’t yet spoken.

  My mother’s voice echoes around me. “All you have to do is accept the tablet. But never open it. Not unless you learn you’re the one you’ve doubted the most…as goes for all of us.”

  As a rain of fire pours down upon me, I pry the pieces of the tablet apart. At the center of all its innovation lies none other than an age-old pocket watch. A fragment of old within the new. Tugging on the crown protruding from the top, I unscrew the case and tear the face open. A final feather falls as my eyes come to rest upon the message tangled within its gears: Time. A Modern Myth.

  The pounding of my heart fuses with the splintering of metal hitting the Earth. As the final remnants of those plutonium reactors destined for Mars come plummeting down, my world begins spinning. It’s like a star being born. I try to remain upright, but I can no longer differentiate which way’s which. I’m caught here, somewhere in between. As a blinding burst sears the silhouettes of anything lying in its path into the whitewashed walls, my shadow counts among them.

  “The past is the beginning of the beginning and all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn.”

  ~H.G. Wells

  TWENTY FOUR

  TIME MITOSI
S: THE CREATION OF MULTIPLE REALITIES.

  Inside the void, it’s a realm of doubles. Two Robbies. Two shovels. Two paths. It’s a realm of perfect matches that retains me.

  Lost in this confused understanding, I cannot tell if I’m asleep or awake. My mind is alert and yet completely unaware. As I fall backward, deeper and deeper, my body feels like it’s floating, rising higher and higher.

  It’s a realm of complete opposites that retains me.

  As I sail through the vacuum, the void is far from empty. There are things hidden inside of the nothing. It’s hard to describe, because just as I begin to sense them, they vanish. Nonetheless, they are there. Even if I can’t see them, these mysterious forces interact with other objects as if drawn by a magnetic charge, leaving trails of their existence. This dark matter dances through an equally dark sea of momentum scientists will call dark energy. They’ll tell us that together, dark matter and dark energy make up 95 percent of existence, even if they can’t yet say what it is. As I sail higher and fall deeper, I begin to comprehend.

  At the center of this vast obscurity resides a tiny sphere. It’s so small it’d be overlooked if not for its determination to be seen. Radiating through the darkness, it sends sparks, like messages, into the abyss. The color of the light is one I’ve never seen before. But if forced to describe it, I’d have to liken it to an unparalleled blue.

  I journey out. Beyond this show of lights and darkness, it’s a realm of ice and flame. Of wet and dry. Of ebb and flow. Thinking back over the course of the past eighty years, I swallow hard. These counterparts parallel my own existence.

  It feels like a threaded needle passing through the recesses of my mind, stitching together the most ancient parts of myself. Weaving a backward tale, it finally stops, resting upon a moment before I knew to remember. Gazing down at me with those unparalleled eyes, my mother is singing me a lullaby.