Dream 1 - Daring to Dream

by Nora Roberts

  "I walked into the goddamn bedroom, and there they were."

  She hurt for him, couldn't help but hurt for him. Still, she shook her head. "You misinterpreted something."

  "What the hell is there to misinterpret?" he shot back and sprang up to pace again. "I walked in and she was kissing another man. Fucking Claudio."

  "Josh!" She wasn't so much shocked by the word, but she had taken his statement literally. "I don't believe that."

  "No, I didn't mean—" Frustrated, he dragged both hands through his hair. "It hadn't gotten that far yet. I meant, she called him Claudio."

  "Oh." Her heart settled a little. "Well, what was her explanation?"

  He stopped his pacing to stare at her. "Do you really think I waited around for explanations?"

  On a long sigh, she picked up her coffee again. "No, of course you didn't. You stormed out, wishing them both to go to hell. I'm surprised you didn't toss him out the window on your way."

  "I thought about it," he said with relish. "I thought about tossing both of them. It seemed… more civilized to leave."

  "More pigheaded," she corrected. "Oh, sit down, Joshua.

  You're making me tired just watching you. You know you should have given her a chance to explain."

  "I didn't—don't—want excuses and explanations. Damn it, I overlooked the hordes of men from before, but—"

  "Ah," Susan said with a satisfied nod. Now they had nailed it. "Did you now? Did you really?"

  "I was working on it." He found he did want a brandy after all and poured a generous snifter before he obeyed her command to sit. "When I came home and found her posing naked in our bed, I took it in stride." He caught his mother's eye. "Pretty much in stride. That was business. And when we go out to a restaurant or to the club and every man within half a mile has drool running down the side of his chin, I shrug it off. Mostly."

  "Shame on me. I've raised a jealous fool."

  "Thanks for your support."

  "You listen to me. I understand it must be difficult on one level to love a woman who looks like Margo. The kind of woman who attracts men, inspires fantasies."

  "Good." He gulped at the brandy. "I feel better now."

  "The point is, that's the woman you fell in love with. Now, let me ask you. Did you fall in love with her because she has a beautiful face and a stunning body? Is that all you see when you look at her?"

  "It's the sort of thing that drills between the eyes." But he sighed, surrendered. "No, that's not all I see. That's not why I fell in love with her. She's warm and reckless and stubborn. She's got more guts and brains than she realizes. She's generous and she's loyal."

  "Ah, loyal." Susan smiled smugly. "I'd hoped you wouldn't overlook that. It's one of her most admirable traits. And a woman with Margo's sense of loyalty would not have done what you accused her of doing. Go home, Josh, and deal with this."

  He set the snifter down, closed his eyes. "It wasn't just the men. It was seeing her that way and realizing when I did what we had together, and didn't have. Telling her I loved her didn't seem to be enough. Showing her didn't seem to be enough. She doesn't want what I want, and she'd be shocked speechless if she knew what I wanted."

  "What do you want?" She smiled and brushed at his hair. "I won't be shocked speechless."

  "Everything," he murmured. "Usually Margo understands everything just fine, but not this time. She doesn't see marriage and family and commitment when she looks at me. She sees a pampered idiot who's more interested in fine-tuning his backhand than in making a contribution to his legacy or building a life."

  "I think you're underestimating both of you. But if you're right, you only proved her point by walking away before you sorted it out."

  "I'd have killed her if I'd stayed. I didn't know she could hurt me like this. I didn't know anyone could."

  "I know. I'm sorry. When you were little and you were hurt, I could make it better by sitting you in my lap and holding on."

  He looked at her, loved her. "Let's try this." He lifted her into his lap and held on. "I think it'll work."

  * * * * *

  Kate sauntered into the shop at midafternoon. She'd had to take an hour off, but she loved being the messenger. "How's it going, troops?"

  Laura glanced up as she slid the credit card machine back under the counter. Automatically she glanced at her watch to be certain she hadn't lost a couple of hours. The girls had to be picked up from dance class at six-thirty sharp.

  "It's going pretty good. What are you doing here this time of day?"

  "Taking a break. Where's Margo?"

  "She's in the wardrobe room with a couple of customers. Kate…" Lowering her voice, Laura leaned over the counter. "We sold my rubies."

  Kate's mind shuffled back. "The necklace. Oh, but Laura, you loved that necklace."

  She only shrugged. "Peter gave it to me for our fifth anniversary—bought it, naturally, with my money. I'm glad it's gone." And her share would go a long way toward paying next year's tuition for her daughters. "And there's more. My supervisor called me in this morning and gave me a raise."

  Kate waited a beat. "The daughter of the owners has a supervisor and gets a raise. I don't understand life."

  "I wanted to start at an entry position. It's only fair."

  "Okay. Okay." Kate held up a hand to hold her off. She understood the need to prove oneself, had been scrambling to do just that all her life. "Congratulations, pal. So I guess everybody's happy."

  Laura had to sigh as she glanced back toward the wardrobe room. "Not everybody."

  "She still being stoic and stubborn?"

  "I could shake her," Laura said fiercely. "She flits around here all day as if nothing in the world is wrong. And as if a couple of layers of polished ivory base coat can hide the shadows under her eyes."

  "Still refusing to move back into the house?"

  "The resort has everything she needs. She loves it there." Laura sucked air through her nose. "I'm going to hit her the next time she says that. And she's already making excuses for skipping the treasure hunt this weekend. Sunday's the only time she can squeeze in for a manicure. It's such bullshit."

  "Ooh, you are pissed. Good, you're going to love what happens when I get hold of her."

  With surprising speed and strength, Laura reached across the counter and grabbed Kate's hand. "What's up? What do you have? Can we double-team her?''

  "That's a thought. Listen, I—Whoops, here she comes. Just follow my lead."

  Margo spotted Kate, gave her a raised-eyebrow look even as she continued to chat up her customers. "I don't think you could have found anything more perfect for you. That red St. Laurent is going to draw every eye."

  The woman currently clutching it gnawed on her lip. "Still, it's a little early to be shopping for holiday parties."

  Margo only smiled, and Laura caught the steel in her eyes. "It's never too early. Not for something that special."

  "It is a wonderful price." As she laid it on the counter, she ran a loving hand over the satin skirt. "I've never owned a designer anything."

  "Then you're overdue. And that's just what Pretenses is for. To give everyone a chance to feel lush."

  "You can't waffle," the woman's companion ordered, giving her friend an encouraging nudge. "You couldn't pry this green velvet away from me with a crowbar." She laughed as she handed it to Margo. "Well, just ring it up and box it. But don't seal the box," she ordered. "I'm going to have to drool over it in the car."

  "That's the spirit." Margo took the plastic card, and her eyes softened. "It really did look fabulous on you. I'm sorry we didn't have any shoes that worked."

  "I'll find some—or go barefoot." Flushed with the pleasure of the hunt, the woman elbowed her friend. "Give her your credit card, Mary Kay, and live a little."

  "Okay, okay. The kids can always get new shoes next month." When Margo snatched back her hand, appalled, Mary Kay let out a long, cheerful laugh. "Only kidding. But if you want to take an extra ten percent off�
��"

  "Not on your life." She rang up both sales while Laura competently wrapped and boxed the gowns. "I ought to charge you an extra ten for making my heart stop."

  "How about we call it even and I tell you I love it in here. When my conscience is clear again, I'm coming back for that silver evening bag shaped like an elephant."

  "Buy it now and take the ten percent."

  "I—" Mary Kay's mouth worked for a moment, then she shut her eyes tight. "Ring it up. Go ahead, but I can't watch."

  A few minutes later, Margo watched the door close, then dusted her hands together. "Another satisfied victim—I mean customer."

  "Right, killer." Laura filed the credit slips. "You gave her a hell of a deal."

  "Yeah, but they'll both be back—and the formal wear is slow to move. What's going on, Kate? Did you run out of red ink?"

  "Oh, I can always find a fresh supply. Actually I had a couple of errands to run, so I slipped out a little early. And I like to check up on my investment."

  "Going to audit the books?"

  "Not until the first of the year," she said blithely. "How much is my partner's discount on those wineglasses there, the ones rimmed with gold? My boss's grandson is getting married."

  Margo decided to sneak a cigarette. "You pay the full shot and get your share out of the profits."

  "God, you're tough. Well, box them up pretty, but I want Laura to wrap them. You still screw it up."

  Margo smiled sweetly. "Sorry, I'm on my break. Box them yourself."

  "Can't get decent help anymore," Kate muttered. But she ran her tongue around her teeth as she took the box Laura handed her and carefully began to pack the glasses. "Oh, guess who called the office right before I left?"

  "Donald Trump, looking for a new accountant."

  "I wish." She glanced casually at Margo and brought the box to the counter. "Josh."

  Out of the corner of her eye she watched Margo's hand freeze on the way to her lips, jerk, then continue. Smoke billowed out in a shaky stream. "I'd better straighten up the other clothes Mary Kay and her pal tried on." She started to crush out her cigarette in nervous taps, and Kate continued.

  "He's back in town."

  "Back?" The cigarette kept smoldering as Margo's hand dropped away. "Here?"

  "Well, at the hotel. I want the silver bells, Laura, with a silver ribbon. He said he had some business to finish up." She smiled sweetly at Margo. "Something he left… hanging."

  "And you just had to rush right over here to rub my face in it."

  "Nope. I rushed right over here to slap your face in it."

  "A rude but effective wake-up call," Laura commented and earned a shocked stare.

  "I expected better from you."

  "You shouldn't have." Hands brisk and competent, she affixed a shiny silver bow to the box. "If you don't want to tell us what happened between you and Josh, fine. But you can't expect us to sit around quietly while you mope."

  "I have not been moping."

  "We've been cleaning up the blood spilling out of your heart for weeks." Kate passed Laura her credit card. "Face it, pal, you're just no fun anymore."

  "And that's all this friendship is about? Fun? I thought I might get a little support, a little sympathy, a little compassion."

  "Sorry," Laura imprinted the card with a steady sweep. "Fresh out."

  "Well, the hell with you." She snatched up her purse. "The hell with both of you."

  "We love you, Margo."

  That stopped her. She whirled back to glare at Kate. "That's a lousy thing to say. Bitch." When Kate grinned, she tried to grin back. Instead she dropped her purse back behind the counter and burst into tears.

  "Oh, shit." Shocked, Kate leaped forward to gather her close. "Oh, hell. Oh, shit. Lock the door, Laura. I'm sorry, Margo. I'm sorry. Bad plan. I thought you'd just get mad and go tearing off to fix his butt. What did the bastard do to you, honey? I'll fix his butt for you."

  "He dumped me." Thoroughly ashamed, she sobbed wretchedly on Kate's shoulder. "He hates me. I wish he were dead. I wish I had slept with Claudio."

  "Wait. Whoa." Firmly, Kate drew her back while Laura brought over a cup of tea. "Who's Claudio and when didn't you sleep with him?"

  "He's a friend, just a friend. And I never slept with him." The tears were so hot it felt as though her eyes were on fire. "Especially not when Josh found us in the bedroom."

  "Uh-oh." Kate rolled her eyes at Laura. "Is it a French farce or a Greek tragedy? You be the judge."

  "Shut up, Kate. Come on, Margo. Let's sit down. This time you tell us everything."

  "Christ, I feel like a fool." Now that everything had poured out, she felt not only foolish but empty.

  "He's the fool," Laura corrected. "For jumping to conclusions."

  "Give the guy a break." Kate handed Margo another tissue. "The evidence was pretty damning. Not that he should have taken off before he listened," she added quickly when Margo sniffled. "But you have to look at it from his side a little."

  "I have looked at it from his side." And she was finished weeping. "I really can't blame him."

  "I wouldn't go that far," Kate began.

  "No, I can't. The history was there. Why should he trust me?"

  "Because he loves you," Laura put in. "Because he knows you."

  "That's what I told myself when I was busy hating him. But now, saying it all out loud, it's hard for me to believe me. He thinks I look at him and the whole relationship as one more exciting amusement. And it's probably better that it happened before I…"

  "Before you…?" Kate prompted.

  "Before I asked him to marry me." Suddenly she covered her face with her hands, but this time it was laughter that poured out. "Can you believe it? I was going to propose. I was going to set the scene—candlelight, wine, music—and when I had him wrapped around my finger, I was going to pop the question. What a brainstorm!"

  "I think it's wonderful! I think it's perfect." This time it was Laura's eyes that overflowed.

  Kate tugged a tissue free for herself. "And I think you should go get him."

  "Go get him." Margo snorted. "He can't even look at me."

  "Pal, you go fix your face, get yourself back in gear, and he won't have a chance."

  It was such a huge risk. Margo told herself he wouldn't even come, and if he did he wouldn't listen. But she was willing to dream, one more time. Fingering the gold coin in her pocket, she wandered the sloped lawn in front of the house.

  It was everything Kate had said, a magnificent example of California Spanish at its best, with the elegant arched windows, the dull red of hand-rolled tile on the roof. The recessed doorway of the entrance tower was framed in floral tiles. Bougainvillea climbed riotously.

  And the view. She turned to it, drew in a long, greedy breath. All sea and cliffs beyond the sweeping road. Perhaps Seraphina had stood there, walked there, mourning her lost love. But Margo wanted to believe she had walked there with him, when hope and dreams were still vivid. She needed that hope now as she saw Josh's car zip down the road and swing up the snaking drive.

  Oh, God, just one more chance. All or nothing now.

  Her heart was pounding like the surf when he stepped out of his car. The wind blew through his hair, the sun shot light off the dark glasses he wore. And she couldn't see his eyes. But his mouth was set and cold.

  "I wasn't sure you'd come."

  "I said I would." He was still reeling from her call, one that had come even as he'd cursed himself and reached for the receiver to call her. "These your new digs?"

  "No, I haven't risen back up in the world quite that much. It belongs to a client of Kate's. She's moved out. It's empty." Her breath was almost steady, and she was pleased with the easy, measured tone. "I thought neutral ground would be best."

  "Fine." He wanted to touch her, just touch her, so badly his hands ached with it. "Do we start with small talk? How are you? How's business?"

  "No." It was easier to walk than to look at him looking a
t her. She could already feel the humiliation, and she accepted it. She'd already lost him once. She could live through anything now. "I'll just say this straight out so we can get it done with. I didn't sleep with Claudio. In fact, I never slept with him. He's one of those rare finds. A true male friend. I'm not telling you this to put things back the way they were. I don't want them the way they were. But I don't want you believing I was unfaithful."

  "I apologize," he said stiffly. He still wanted to touch her, if only to wrap his hands around her throat. He'd come knowing he would beg her to take him back, to forgive him for being a jealous, insensitive idiot, and she was already telling him she didn't want him.

  "And I don't want an apology. I might have reacted the same way if the situation had been reversed." She turned her head toward him and smiled. "After I'd torn her eyes out and stomped on your throat."

  "It was a close call," he said, struggling to match her light tone.

  "I know." Her smile warmed. "I've known you long enough to recognize murder in your eyes when I see it." She only wished she could see his eyes now. "And I think I understand that you left the way you did before you did something or said something neither of us could live with."

  "I said more than I should have, certainly more than was warranted. I'll apologize for that, too."

  "Then I'll say I'm sorry for kissing Claudio, even though it was a kiss of friendship and gratitude. He'd come to offer me his help, and a part in his next movie."

  It took him only a moment. "Oh, that Claudio." Emotions swirled and tightened and threatened to strangle him. "Well, that's a break for you."

  "Could be," she said with a careless shrug and started walking again. "In any case, in retrospect, I can see just how it looked and why you reacted the way you did."

  He swore lightly. "Just how guilty do you want me to be?''

  "That's probably guilty enough." She turned, and this time she laid a hand on his arm. "But I need to tell you that you were wrong about something else. I don't think about you the way you seem to believe. I know you're not spoiled and careless. Maybe I used to think that, and maybe I once resented the fact that you were born to all the advantages I thought I wanted. Hell, I did want them," she corrected with a quick smile. "It used to irritate me that you didn't have to fight for them."