by Emma Miller
As she turned away from the tables she was helping fill with food, Eliza sighed. Life was never simple, and Eliza knew she had only herself to blame for Ruby’s attitude. Josiah had wanted to court her several years before, when they were both in their late teens. But she had been restless and rebellious, determined to leave behind the stability of her church roots, spread her wings and see the world.
So she left. Left her town of Grand Creek, Indiana, left the Amish and embraced the Englisch culture. What happened next was worse than anything she could have envisioned.
Seeing her daughter toddling under the watchful eye of her sister-in-law, Eliza went over to scoop up the baby. She hugged the child close. Mercy was the only good thing to come out of those tumultuous years.
She was home now, and had promised Gott to be a better woman in the future than she had been in the past. But Ruby disliked her, she knew, because Josiah never married after Eliza had left him in the lurch.
Eliza sighed again. She had made enough mistakes in her life. She didn’t have to make more by throwing her heart where it wasn’t wanted, especially if her behavior drew negative attention when she was trying to live a pure and Godly life. She would leave Josiah strictly alone to court whatever woman he could find and lead a happy, stable life.
But the lump in her chest proved she was experiencing regret. Deep, bitter regret.
From across the lawn, Josiah sat with a plate of tasteless food in front of him and tried to be pleasant to Jodie, the latest of his mother’s matchmaking selections.
Covertly, he watched Eliza as she alternated between setting up the meal and attending to the needs of her baby. A lump settled in his chest, and he finally recognized it for what it was: regret. Even grief. It was too late for them. There would never be a courtship between them. She had too much baggage—nor was she baptized—and he was too angry with her for what she’d done.
He wondered if Eliza had any idea the anguish he’d suffered after she left the community. He’d loved her then, despite her wild streak, and he thought she loved him back. Apparently he was wrong.
She was different now. Older. Not just in years, but in experience. She was no longer the vivacious teen, but a grown woman—wife, widow and mother in fast
succession. Her dark blond hair was damp from the day’s humidity, but properly pinned up and tucked beneath her kapp. Her dark blue eyes were serious as she spoke to her brother and sister-in-law. She’d been, as the Englisch like to say, through the School of Hard Knocks.
What if? What if Eliza had never left? What if the last few years had been spent in their own courtship and marriage? What if the baby she held in her arms was his, not some wild Englischer’s who had married Eliza and then died in a car crash? What if?
He’d spent the last few years coming to terms with uncharacteristic fury at her. Such deep-seated anger was discouraged within the church, and he was ashamed he felt such an emotion, but it couldn’t be helped. It was too late for them. There would never be a courtship between them.
His mother, knowing his pain, shared his resentment toward Eliza, as well. Yes, this prodigal daughter was someone devoutly to be avoided.
Josiah understood he was going against Gott’s will by harboring a secret hope he could ever marry Eliza. He was also keenly aware of how many eyes were watching her, weighing her behavior, judging her actions. He didn’t want to do anything that might jeopardize her path to redemption.
He was, he realized, still seething with deep, bitter regret.
Sitting on a bench under an oak tree, Eliza picked up her daughter and snuggled the child against her shoulder. “I think she’s getting tired.” She reached into a basket and withdrew a doll. “There, liebling, here’s your doll…”
“That’s nice.” Jane touched the traditional faceless Amish figure. “Did you make this?”
“Ja. I finished it this week.”
“May I see it?”
Eliza gently pried the toy from her daughter’s clutch and handed it to her sister-in-law, who examined it with an air of authority before handing it back. “I think you might consider making more of these. I’ll bet they’d sell at the market.”
Jane and Levy ran a booth at a Saturday farmers market, which kept them very busy during the summer. While Levy focused on farm produce to sell, Jane made jams, chutneys, salsas and baked goods to help stock the booth.
“Well, I’ve been trying to think of something I can contribute,” mused Eliza. “Maybe I should consider it.”
“You seem very determined to earn your own money,” observed Jane gently. “But you’re already helping make things for the market. Your strawberry preserves sold out last week, remember? And you’re raising Mercy, as well.”
“You did that, and more, last summer before I came home,” replied Eliza. “You were Mercy’s nanny at the same time you were helping Levy build up his farmers market business.”
Jane smiled and shoved her glasses up her nose. “I’m just glad I didn’t have to go away and never see her again.” Jane laughed. “When I was her nanny, I fell in love with this boppli. Thankfully Levy wouldn’t let me go after you came home. When I think how he chased me down in the buggy before I could get to the train station…”
“He’s still crazy about you.” Eliza didn’t mean for a tone of pathos to creep in, but it did.
Jane’s gaze sharpened and, with the emotional instinct Eliza had come to admire, pinpointed the misery behind her words. “It’s Josiah, isn’t it?”
“No.” The word came out too fast, and she knew it. She sighed. “Ja, it’s Josiah. It’s sinful of me to still think about him.”
“Do you know the girl he sat with at lunch?”
“I used to know her vaguely. Her name is Jodie. She’s very nice. More importantly, she doesn’t have a past like I do. Josiah would be a fool to give up someone like her, and he’d be a bigger fool to look at someone like me.”
“How serious were you and Josiah before you left for the Englisch world?”
“It’s hard to say.” Eliza stroked her daughter’s back. “We were too young to court, you understand. But we were friends, and friendship often turns into something more. Then I left.”
“But then you came back.”
“Ja, but Josiah didn’t know I was going to come back. And why would he be interested in a woman as tainted as I am?”
“Is that what you think you are?” Jane’s eyes widened. “Tainted?”
“Ja, of course.”
“But Mercy wasn’t born out of wedlock. You were married.”
“Ja, but it was a marriage I regretted almost the moment it happened. And then when Bill was killed in a car accident, I felt horribly guilty that I wasn’t sorry he was gone. I still feel guilty for that reason. It was a relief, not a tragedy. I wouldn’t have been able to stay with him. I’m glad Mercy won’t have him as a father.” She was relieved to admit this without facing harsh judgment. It had bothered her at first that her grief had been so short and shallow. It had made her wonder if she was coldhearted.
“Ja, I can see how complicated you may feel. But Gott forgives, Eliza. If you’ve prayed for forgiveness, Gott has given it. But now you have to forgive yourself.”
“And that’s what I haven’t done yet.” Eliza kept her eyes on her daughter. “And that’s also why I don’t want to encourage anything with Josiah. He needs to find a good woman. If he married Jodie, that would be a blessing.”
“Ja, a blessing.” Jane’s voice was bland.
Eliza glanced at her. “You don’t approve of Jodie?”
“I didn’t say that. I hardly know her.” Jane nodded across the lawn of visiting church members. “But I know someone who does, someone who approves of her highly.”
“Who?”
“Ruby. Josiah’s mother.”
Eliza followed her sister-in-law’s gaze toward th
e older woman. “Ja, I got that impression.”
“It’s more than an impression. I may be indulging in the sin of gossip, but I’ve heard it said Ruby is pushing her son to court Jodie because…” Her voice trailed off.
“Because she’s not me.”
“Ja. I think she’s afraid Josiah may rekindle his interest in you, and Ruby doesn’t want that.”
“Ruby shouldn’t be worried. I don’t intend to cause any trouble between them. My future is in Gott’s hands now, and it’s not my place to interrupt a courtship or create any conflict.”
Jane smiled. “You have grown up.”
“I had no choice.” Eliza looked over toward the men. “I think Levy is ready to leave.” She stood up and snuggled Mercy’s head down on her shoulder. “But whatever Gott has in store for me, one thing is certain sure. I’m glad to be home. These are my people.”
Josiah bid his fellow carpenters goodbye, then climbed into the wagon seat beside his mother. He took one last look at the expansion to the barn, now roofed and sided and ready for livestock. He gave a nod of satisfaction. “A job well done,” he remarked. “That should last for generations.”
Ruby sighed as the horses started down the road. “Ach, I’m tired. I’m not used to being on my feet so much anymore.”
“I’m glad you’re getting out more,” Josiah told her. “You were staying home too much since Daed died.”
“It was hard to face everyone without him.” She patted his hand. “You’re a gut son to take care of me. But ja, I know I should be getting out more.” She paused for a moment, then added, “I saw you talking with Eliza Struder.”
“I couldn’t help but talk to her. We collided. But don’t worry, Mamm, I made it clear I was glad I wasn’t involved in the bad decisions she’s made in her life so far.”
“Gut.” Ruby’s voice sounded relieved. “Because she has made bad decisions.”
“Though some might say she’s trying to redeem herself.”
“Redemption can be a long and difficult road.” Ruby’s voice was bitter. “You don’t need her kind of trouble in your life. She has a lot to prove.”
Josiah glanced sharply at his mother, who bit her lip and kept her gaze on the passing landscape. There seemed more to that remark than met the eye. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing. Oh, look, the Miller’s cow finally had her calf.”
The obvious change of subject raised Josiah’s eyebrows, but he didn’t pursue the conversation further.
It wasn’t his business to pry into his mother’s private thoughts. He had enough on his plate as it was, and he took her warnings seriously about Eliza’s troubles not becoming his. He’d seen some of the squinted looks aimed his way by friends and acquaintances when he’d spoken with Eliza earlier, and he suspected they were not filled with charitable thoughts. For her sake as well as his, he had to be careful.
Copyright © 2021 by Patrice Lewis
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ISBN-13: 9780369715081
Courting His Amish Wife
Copyright © 2021 by Emma Miller
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
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