Reditus

by Mary M Wallace

  “So, Williams,” Pax said, turning back to Sawyer. “When are you going to be back in the arena to kick Cole’s ass?” Sawyer and Pax both laughed and Cole rolled his eyes.

  “Whatever,” Cole said. “She’s never kicked my ass.”

  Sawyer gave his muscular shoulder a playful shove and said, “I totally kicked your ass last time and you know it, Cole.”

  He smiled and rolled his eyes. “You got in a few good hits,” he said. “But that was a fluke.” He gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “We both know it was a one–time thing.”

  Sawyer laughed. “We’ll see,” she said, a little of the confidence Bree had come to know surfacing.

  Cole said, “I’ll give you a few days to rest up and then we’ll have a rematch. You’re probably a little rusty, anyway.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You’re on,” she said with another laugh.

  The four of them parted ways. When the two men had walked away, Bree turned to Sawyer and grinned. “Hmm,” she said in a knowing tone.

  Sawyer looked at her, her brows furrowed in confusion. “What?” she asked.

  Bree shrugged and said, “Nothing.” Her tone implied that it was something. Sawyer glanced at her, brows drawn low as she studied Bree’s face. Bree waved a hand dismissively. She said, “It just seemed like they really missed you. That’s all.” Her tone was knowing and Sawyer picked up on it immediately.

  She scoffed as she said, “We’re friends, that’s all.”

  Bree nodded slowly. “Hmm,” she said again.

  Sawyer rolled her eyes. “Shut up, Bree,” she said, but her tone wasn’t angry. She sounded slightly amused. “Pax is a big flirt. He always has been. Every girl here knows to just ignore him.” She waved a dismissive hand. “And Cole, he’s been with the same girl since like, birth. This place might be big, but there really aren’t that many people here. It’s like a small town. Everyone knows everyone else’s business. It can get annoying but it’s home.” After a few minutes of walking in silence, Sawyer returned to her descriptions.

  “The living quarters are on sublevels 6–8. The first four levels are public areas. Things like Medical, training, Operations, cafeteria, holding cells, the commissary, storage, library, conference rooms, offices are all on the public floors. A lot of those offices are empty. I think this place started off with a lot more people, but over the years we’ve lost so many people.” Her voice trailed off. They lapsed into silence again, both women lost in thoughts of their own.

  They walked slowly, Sawyer explaining the rooms they passed and Bree nodding her understanding, asking questions occasionally. They didn’t encounter many people along their way, but the few they saw greeted them warmly with similar messages of welcome for Bree. They all seemed happy to have Sawyer home as well. Bree was still trying to associate this woman with the one she’d known for the last few months. It was strange to realize that there was an entirely different side to her. Bree found this other version of Sawyer much more approachable. She began to relax around her for what felt like the first time since they’d met.

  They took the stairs to level 2. Sawyer turned left and Bree followed alongside her as she walked slowly down the hall. Sawyer said, “How are you liking it here?” Bree was surprised at Sawyer’s concern. She’d always been focused on the mission and it seemed out of character for her to worry about whether someone was happy with their circumstances.

  “It’s fine,” Bree said. “It’s a lot to get used to, but I’m alive.” She smiled in Sawyer’s direction. “My family is safe. Declan is safe. You’re safe. Everything else, we’ll figure out.”

  Sawyer nodded and remained silent for a moment. She looked as though she was trying to decide how to word what she wanted to say. Finally, she said, “Listen Bree, I wanted to apologize to you.” Again, Bree was shocked. Sawyer? Apologizing? What was happening? She didn’t say anything and Sawyer went on. “I know I wasn’t always the easiest person to deal with when we were out there. I’ve never spent more than a day or two at a time away from the compound. I was constantly worried about an attack. I was kind of an asshole a lot of the time.” Bree managed not to laugh, but a smile of amusement made its way to her face. Sawyer kept her gaze straight ahead as they walked.

  “Only most of the time,” Bree said and nudged Sawyer’s arm with her elbow. When Sawyer didn’t say anything, Bree turned to face her, putting a hand on Sawyer’s arm to stop her. When she spoke again, her tone was more serious. “Sawyer,” she said. “I get it now. I do. I didn’t really understand before. Even after Benson attacked us, part of me still didn’t believe in all this.” She waved her hand around to indicate the building around her. “It wasn’t until that wall exploded and I saw my father lying there bleeding that I really got it. I finally understood the big picture. So, don’t apologize. You knew what was at stake and you did what you needed to do. I should apologize to you. If it weren’t for us, you wouldn’t have had to leave your friends and family behind for months to babysit some helpless fools.” Bree hoped to elicit a smile from Sawyer, but instead the other woman’s brow was furrowed and she looked thoughtful. She turned away from Bree’s gaze and began walking again. Bree moved to follow.

  Bree waited to see if Sawyer would say anything more. After a few moments, Bree finally spoke. “Sawyer, is everything okay?”

  Sawyer's gaze shot to Bree’s face before she quickly looked away. She pointed to a hallway to their left. “This way,” she said. Bree sighed. She didn't know why she bothered. Sawyer wasn't going to suddenly reveal all her problems to her. She'd spent most of her time with the woman over the last couple of months and she’d rarely spoken about anything personal. Why would she start now?

  They turned down the hallway. It was narrower than the previous one and empty of people. Sawyer said, “Not many people come here. I've always liked how quiet it is.” She reached out a hand and trailed her fingers along the lightly patterned wallpaper. Bree felt the age of this place as they walked. She imagined it hadn’t changed very much in the last 50 years aside from practical updates like the plumbing and electrical systems. The compound gave the feeling of a home she might expect to see full of antique furniture. If it weren’t for the obvious lack of windows, she might feel almost at home here. The lighting throughout the place was clearly made to dispel the gloom and take away the subterranean feeling that came with being a few hundred feet underground.

  “I used to come here a lot as a kid,” Sawyer said quietly, breaking into Bree’s silent musings. “As big as this place is, sometimes it can be hard to find a spot where you can be alone. I found this place one day when I was mad at Rowan and Nick—Rowan’s dad.” Bree saw a sad smile cross Sawyer's face before it faded. “I can't even remember why I was mad. I just remember running as fast as my little seven–year–old legs would carry me. I ended up here. I think, in my mind, I was hiding from them. From everything. After a while, Rowan found me.” She smiled again, this one lasting longer than the last. Bree was struck by how much different Sawyer looked when she wasn't scowling.

  “He was so pissed,” Sawyer said with a small chuckle. “He's always tried to look after me. After my parents died, Rowan and Nick kind of adopted me. Looking back, I'm grateful to them for everything. They took me in and made me a part of their family. At the time, though, I just wanted my mom and dad and these two dudes were trying to take their place. I was so mean to them.”

  Bree smiled. “You? Mean?” she said in mock outrage. “I don't buy that for a second.”

  Sawyer rolled her eyes. “Ha ha,” she said sarcastically. “Believe it or not, I haven't always been a total bitch.”

  “I didn't mean––” Bree began, feeling her cheeks flush. Sawyer cut her off with a dismissive wave of her hand.

  “No,” she said. “Don’t worry about it. I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with.” She looked thoughtful for a moment. Looking up, she pointed to a doorway ahead on the right. “That's where we're going,” she said.

&nbs
p; They reached the door and Sawyer opened it. Bree didn’t know what she’d been expecting, but the sight of the large room laid out before her came as a surprise. She felt a smile spread across her face as she turned to Sawyer in wonder. “Is that…” she broke off and looked again at the thing in the center of the room. It was a tree. It was perhaps 20 feet tall, its branches spreading and twisting up and away from the large, gnarled trunk. Bree looked up to the ceiling which soared high overhead. The room was brightly lit by large lamps that shone on the tree’s feathery silver–green leaves. The entire room seemed to take on a green glow from the light filtering down through the leafy canopy. She turned to look at Sawyer who was studying the tree. “How?” she said, a delighted smile on her face.

  Sawyer gave a little smile, her eyes on the tree. “When I was a kid, I’d come here to be alone. It was just this big empty room that no one ever visited. I loved the high ceilings. It was the only place in the whole compound that didn’t feel underground. I could breathe here.” She turned to face Bree for a moment. “I know they try to make it feel like you’re not underground, but it’s sometimes impossible to forget,” she said and Bree thought she knew what the other woman meant. Hadn’t she just had a similar thought about the compound?

  Sawyer reached out a hand to touch the trunk of the tree. She said, “Rowan found me here one day and came inside. He just sat there.” She pointed to a bench along one wall. “He didn’t say anything. He just let me be. I sat in the middle of the room for probably an hour, neither of us saying a word. Then we went home. When I came back here a few days later, there was this little tree planted in the middle of the room.” She smiled at the memory. “I asked him about it and he just said that the tree looked like it needed a friend, so he’d brought it home.” Bree studied Sawyer’s face as she spoke, wondering about the lost little girl who’d been so lonely. She thought that maybe Sawyer still needed a friend.

  “Rowan seems like a nice guy,” Bree said. “It’s obvious he loves you.”

  Sawyer’s smile grew, her green eyes crinkling at the corners. “Rowan’s the best,” she said emphatically. “He’s always been there for me. Even when I didn’t deserve it.” Bree smiled back.

  Bree took a deep breath and decided to take a chance. “Sawyer,” she said. “I know we don’t know each other all that well, but if you ever need to talk about anything, you can talk to me.” She waited for Sawyer to shut down or snap at her, but she did neither. She remained silent, studying the bark of the tree under her fingers.

  After a few moments, she spoke, her gaze still focused on the tree. “I appreciate that, Bree,” she said. “Really. Coming back here has been harder than I thought. Everything is so different.” Her voice trailed off and Bree didn’t know whether she should say anything. Sawyer sighed as she continued to trail one hand over the bark of the tree. “It’s kind of a long story,” she said, finally turning to meet Bree’s gaze. “There’s a lot of history between me and Corbin. I thought coming home would be easier.” Bree was surprised to see the faint shine of tears in Sawyer’s eyes.

  “I guess you figured out that Corbin and I were on a team together,” Sawyer said. “I’ve known him since we were kids. We’ve always been friends. Competitors. We always had to outdo one another. When we became active, it was me, Corbin, Tess, Liam, and Stella. We were so young. We thought we were invincible.” Her face took on a distant look and she seemed to be lost in memories. “We were stupid. We lost Stella a few months before I left,” she said quietly, still not looking at Bree. “She was like a sister to me. My best friend. She was sweet and funny and a total bad ass. She was Gwynn’s daughter.” Bree felt her heart clench and remembered Gwynn’s face that morning as she’d talked about loss. Now she understood the sadness she’d seen there.

  “We all took it really hard,” Sawyer went on. “Stella was the one who kept us all in line. She knew what to say to talk Corbin out of a funk. She played referee when Tess and Liam got into an argument. She was the best of us. She and Rowan were… Well, he took it the hardest, I think. He’s usually so easy to read, but he shut down after. He stopped showing up to briefings. He was angry all the time. Snapping at everyone, demanding that we do something. He was reckless, broken. No one blamed him, but it was hard to watch him change like that. Losing Stella was such a shock and we were all angry. We all wanted revenge.” Sawyer picked at a loose thread on the hem of her shirt, lost in memories. Bree tried to imagine Rowan as Sawyer described him and found she couldn’t picture it. She thought back to his reaction to Conrad’s mention of loss and realized what it meant. He’d been remembering Stella.

  Sawyer went on, her voice a bit stronger than it had been. “Corbin blamed himself because he was team leader. He’s always taken everything on himself, even when it’s not his fault. He’s just that kind of person.” Bree didn’t say anything. She had the feeling that Sawyer needed to get this out and she didn’t want to interrupt. Sawyer said, “About 5 months ago our team was sent on a mission that went wrong. Really wrong.” Her voice cracked and she stopped to clear her throat. “We lost Tess and Liam that night. Corbin was injured. Badly. He wouldn’t wake up. I brought him back and the medics did what they could.” Bree knew that Sawyer was leaving out a lot of the details but she didn’t press her for more. She thought back to the battle at the motel the day before and let her imagination fill in the blanks Sawyer had left in her story.

  Sawyer’s eyes were bright with tears and she closed them briefly. “Three weeks went by and nothing changed,” she said. “Corbin didn’t move or speak or wake up or even squeeze my damn hand. Everyone told me to say goodbye. To prepare myself.” Her voice was nearly a whisper as she said, “I begged him to wake up.” Bree didn’t say anything. She felt tears prick the backs of her own eyes. She couldn’t imagine what Sawyer was feeling. After all that, to be told Corbin was going to die anyway. It must have been devastating, especially after she’d lost so much already.

  Sawyer cleared her throat again and swiped a hand across her cheek. Her voice was stronger when she spoke again, “When Conrad mentioned going to find you and Declan, I volunteered. Anything to get out. I needed out of here.” Bree reached out a hand and gave Sawyer’s shoulder a squeeze.

  “I don’t blame you,” she said. “I don’t think I could sit back and watch someone I care about die that way.”

  Sawyer gave her a sad smile. “I don’t think Corbin sees it that way,” she said. “He’s so angry.”

  Bree took a breath and said, “I’m new here and I didn’t know either of you before that mission, but I can’t believe that he would throw away a lifetime of friendship. Anyone who would do that isn’t someone I think you’d care for. I also think that if he didn’t still care about you, he wouldn’t be so angry. That’s just my opinion, though.”

  Sawyer was quiet for a moment before she nodded. “Maybe,” she said. “I hope you’re right. Thanks.”

  Bree smiled and said, “You’re welcome. Thank you for telling me. I know it can’t be easy to talk about.”

  Sawyer said, “We’re going to be on a team together. I needed you to know what’s at stake and what you’re getting into with us. There’s a lot of history there and I didn’t want you to just be thrown into it. We have to be able to trust each other. This is dangerous. Believe it or not, I like you, Bree. And your family. Declan. You're all good people. Don't let this war turn you into something you don't recognize.”

  Bree nodded as she let Sawyer’s words sink in. After yesterday she understood the gravity of the situation they’d been thrust into. She said, “I trust you, Sawyer. I know we still have a lot to learn about each other, but I know that you have my back and you’ll do what it takes to keep us all safe.”

  Sawyer smiled. She felt lighter than she had earlier. It felt good to confide in someone. She knew that Bree was right. The whole team had a lot to learn about one another before they’d be ready to go on a mission. For the first time since Conrad’s pronouncement that morning, Sawyer
felt a spark of confidence. After yesterday’s battle, she felt less like a babysitter than she had before. Bree and Declan might be new to this world, but they’d proven they could face the challenges thrown at them. The biggest challenge was going to be working with Corbin.

  Chapter 11

  Bree took a deep breath and stared at the phone in her hand. She knew she had to make this call. Even as she looked forward to talking to Zoe, she dreaded having to lie to her again. She knew Zoe would be worried about her sudden disappearance and she needed to reassure her that everything was fine. If she knew her best friend at all, she was a hair away from filing a missing person’s report. Although she had the details memorized, she mentally rehearsed the story she’d come up with. She knew it needed to be convincing. Finally working up her nerve, Bree pressed the little green icon on the screen.

  The phone rang once before it was answered. “Bree! Where are you?” Bree felt guilt wash over her at hearing the worry in Zoe’s voice. She wondered what Zoe had thought when she’d vanished without a word. She hated that she’d worried her so much. The truth was that she hadn’t given much thought about school or Zoe since Sawyer had stumbled into Declan’s apartment in the middle of the night, injured. She’d been so focused on getting her family out of harm’s way.

  She took a deep breath and spoke quickly into the phone, “I'm fine. Everything is fine now. I’m sorry. Just let me explain.” She tried to tamp down the guilt she felt about the lie she was about to tell.

  Zoe let out a sigh and spoke in a calmer voice, “Thank God. What happened? You just disappeared without a word.”