A Cowgirl's Heart

by Edith MacKenzie

  Megan gleamed with suppressed mirth at her friend’s expense, clearly waiting to see how this line of conversation was going to play out. She was obviously not going to be any help.

  “Um, yeah, I don’t really do caffeine anymore,” Deb fumbled, shifting her weight restlessly.

  “Strewth. Whatever’s wrong must be bloody serious,” he teased.

  “Life changing,” agreed Megan, grinning spitefully.

  Deb heaved a sigh. What was the point in keeping it quiet? She wasn’t going to be able to hide it forever and it had been nice to tell the Cabreras. Well, once she’d stopped crying. “I’m pregnant.”

  Mitch burst out laughing again, looking from Megan to Deb, waiting for them to join him in the joke. His expression rapidly sobered when he realized no one else was joining him in the merriment. “Oh, crap. You’re bloody serious.”

  “There are some things I need to do,” Deb said stiffly, her cheeks hot. “Catch ya.” She spun on her heels and dejection flooded her as she closed the bunkhouse door behind her. What had she been thinking? Of course this was funny to other people. Just a big joke. A gentle knock sounded on the door and, a second later, Mitch entered the room, a shamed expression on his face as he fiddled with the strap of his farrier chaps.

  “Strewth, Deb, I’m sorry. I just, well, how was I to know you weren’t bloody joking?” He twisted the strap tightly.

  “Because that’s something I would never blooming joke about. Do the chicks you know joke about that?” she demanded, her body rigid with outrage.

  He spread his hands wide in peace. “You’re right. I was just bloody shocked, I think. Well, I guess congratulations are in order. Is the father excited?” Deb made a choked sound, drawing a concerned, slightly wary look from Mitch. “He is happy, right?”

  “He doesn’t want anything to do with us.”

  “What kind of drongo doesn’t want anything to do with his baby?” Mitch exploded.

  Deb began to cry pitifully. “The type that doesn’t care if I keep the baby or not.”

  Mitch’s face crumpled. “Aww Deb, come here.” He enveloped her in his embrace. The musky fragrance of sweat and horses surrounding her was oddly comforting. “I’m sorry he’s such a tool. But you’re not alone, okay?” Deb nodded sniffling. “Please don’t cry anymore,” he begged uselessly.

  “I would, but all I seem to do these days is cry at the drop of a hat.” Deb laughed through her tears. “I think it’s all the hormones.”

  Brisk footsteps sounded up the stairs, causing Deb to pull out of the embrace, Mitch reluctantly allowing her. Sra Ana bustled in carrying a covered tray. She gave Mitch an assessing glance before setting it on the table. Deb’s nose could make out hints of butter and fresh bread. Her mouth began to salivate. Sra Ana pulled the cloth back to reveal steaming warm buttered bread rolls and what looked to be some type of chicken soup.

  “This will be better for you and the baby than those horrible black sandwiches you make.”

  “It’s Vegemite,” Deb corrected. “And quite high in B vitamins.” Beside her, Mitch swallowed a laugh.

  Sra Ana’s look hardened to steel. “No more black sandwiches. You need balanced meals. Now sit. Eat.”

  Deb sat. She grabbed one of the buttered rolls and dunked it into the soup. “This is delicious. Thank you, Sra Ana.”

  Sra Ana focused her attention on Mitch. He attempted to look nonchalant, but more closely resembled a deer caught in the spotlight. “I believe you are the new farrier?”

  “Yes, Ma’am,” he replied. “I’m Mitch.” He offered her his hand. After a moment’s hesitation that appeared like she was judging his worth, she grudgingly accepted.

  “That is right. I remember the girls saying you are an old Australian friend of theirs.”

  “Yes. I’ve known Deb the longest, but all of them for quite some time.”

  She gave him a leveled look. Mitch was the first to drop his eyes. Deb took another nibble of bread, enjoying the show. It wasn’t everyday someone got Mitch on the back foot. “I believe there are still some horses that need to be done,” Sra Ana noted expressionlessly.

  “Yes, Ma’am. I’ll leave you to your lunch, Deb,” he said, obediently exiting the room.

  Sra Ana, looking pleased with herself, gave Deb a smug wink before she left and Deb was alone. She wasn’t sure what the heck had just happened, but Sra Ana did make one heck of a fine lunch.

  Chapter 5

  Lanterns hung festively from the branches of the massive live oak tree. The table once again groaned under the weight of the food prepared by the deft hand of Sra Ana. Deb smiled as she watched Luciano twirl Frankie around as they danced, proudly celebrating his wife’s success at gaining her Pro Card. Elsewhere, Gabi beamed with happiness as she spoke to her parents, relieved another hurdle had been removed in the rise of Affinity Stud Ranch. Megan joined Deb, sullenly handing her a glass of cool lemonade.

  “Sra Ana gave me this with strict instructions that you’re to drink it while it’s nice and cold.”

  Deb guiltily snuck a glance at Sra Ana, feeling like a naughty child. She had been feeling a little flustered with the heat, but it was only as the cool soothing liquid slid down her throat that she realized how parched she was. “Thanks, Megan. I needed that,” she said gratefully.

  “Just following orders. Personally, I’m happy that I still have beer.” Megan emphasized her point by chugging hers down.

  “Are we cool, Megan?” Deb asked abruptly, tired of the distance that had grown between them the last few days. “‘Cause I’m over the attitude I’ve been copping from you lately.”

  Megan turned to face her, eyes narrowed angrily, tension radiating from tightly held body. “I get you’re pregnant, okay? You’re my friend, but do you have to take bloody everything? It was bad enough when it was Frankie. I’m used to being second behind her, but you?”

  Deb jerked back in surprise at the venom in Megan’s voice. “What the bloody heck?”

  “It doesn’t even matter. Mitch will be here soon. And then it will be poor pregnant Deb, and he’s just eating that up, isn’t he?” Before Deb could answer, Megan furiously strode away to join Gabi, leaving her standing there, catching flies with her mouth.

  “Sorry I’m late, but better late than never, hey?” Mitch said from behind her. Perfect timing. Deb sighed as Megan glared at her from across the way.

  She smiled. “It sure is,” she said as she turned around to greet him. “I should probably introduce you to the others you haven’t met yet.”

  Mitch looked down at the bag he held in his hands. “In a minute. I saw these in a shop window the other day and I thought of you,” he said as he handed it to her.

  Deb peered in curiously, unsure what to expect. A small bundle of tissue paper lay inside. She wrinkled her nose in uncertainty. “Should I be scared?”

  “Nah, nothing like that,” he assured her, looking a little like he was having second thoughts.

  She pulled back the delicate paper to expose the tiniest pair of soft leather cowboy boots she had ever seen. Deb turned them over in her hands, marveling at the buttery softness of the tan suede. “I don’t know what to say. They’re beautiful,” she said, humbled at his gift.

  “I figured they aren’t RM William’s, but when in Rome and all that, these were the next best thing. I’ll need to keep an eye out for a little stock whip for the little tacker too.”

  Deb laughed. “Remember when we first learned how to crack a whip and you nearly took that old stock hand’s eye out?”

  “How was I supposed to know he was that bloody close? No good sneaking up on a bloke like that.” He laughed.

  “If I remember correctly, you were pretty good at sneaking yourself.” Frankie joined in as she strolled contentedly over, hand in hand with Luciano.

  It was impossible to look at the newly married couple and not see the love they had for each other radiating off them. Deb peeked at Mitch, curious to see his reaction to the pair. He seemed genu
inely happy to see Frankie, but nothing untoward. Luciano quite clearly was sizing him up. Deb wondered how much he knew about Frankie and Mitch’s shared history.

  Frankie glanced down at the little cowboy booties Deb held, forgotten in her hands. “They’re so cute.” She gave her husband an adoring look. “But don’t be getting any ideas. Not just yet,” she teased. “Luc, this is our friend, Mitch. The old friend I told you about. Mitch, this is my husband, Luciano.”

  Luciano gave Mitch an appraising look as he extended his hand. “Frankie has told me a bit about you.”

  Mitch returned Luciano’s handshake firmly. “Yes, well it’s been good to catch up with the girls now that I’m here. Frankie seems bloody happy being married to you,” he said as he released his grip. “I think I lost about a third of my body weight once she and the girls left.”

  Luciano chuckled as he patted his belly. “I think I gained it. I know I shouldn’t eat all the desserts she makes, but how does a man stop?”

  “It hasn’t affected your riding. Looks like you’re having another good year.”

  “I hope it will be. You are looking after the ranch’s horses now? When you have a chance, I would like you to come out and look over mine.”

  “I can fit you in start of next week,” Mitch suggested.

  “That will work. What are you drinking? Beer?” Luciano asked, leading Mitch away from the girls.

  Deb and Frankie exchanged an amused look. “I think they’re going to be mates,” Frankie whispered.

  “Looks like it,” agreed Deb, strangely pleased by the thought. Her smile froze as she caught Megan’s dark look. Apparently, we can’t all be friends at the same time.

  “I’ve booked five of our mares to go to McGomery’s stallion, so I will need one of you to haul them over in the next few months. Delila will obviously go to Sampson. That means I just need to find another stallion to put the two new mares to.” Gabi glanced down at her laptop. “I think that’s everything?”

  Deb determinedly looked down at her mug. “So, what’s the plan now I can’t help with working horses?”

  “Obviously, I will still train the horses when I’m here,” began Frankie. “But Megan, do you think you will be able to continue what you’ve been doing and work them while I’m gone?” She looked at Megan to gauge her reaction.

  “I don’t like working strange horses all the time. I’m not a trainer like you, Frankie. But as long as I know that Deb will eventually be coming back to work the horses, then I don’t have a problem.”

  “Good. Now that’s all sorted, I think we can end this meeting and get to the real work.” Frankie headed to the sink to rinse her coffee mug.

  “Frankie, we’ve talked about this. Meetings are still considered real work,” Gabi said, following closely on her heels.

  “I thought meetings were where you told us what you wanted us to do.” Deb grabbed her hat as she headed for the door.

  “Finally, something I can agree with you about.” Megan followed suit.

  “Good help is so hard to find,” grumbled Gabi, throwing a dish cloth at them.

  Both ducked, dodging her missile. Laughing, Deb wiggled her bum. “Especially with what you pay.” With one final shimmy, she escaped out of range, her laughter fading away.

  Gabi trotted behind her mother as Sra Ana carried the covered tray to the table. Obviously intrigued, she pulled the corner of the cloth up to peek at the bounty hidden underneath. Sharply, without sparing her daughter a single glance, Sra Ana slapped Gabi’s hand away. “Not for you.”

  “But Mae, that smells like sopa de fuba.” Gabi tugged at the cloth cover again. “Oww, that hurts,” she protested as her mother slapped her hand again.

  “When you give me a grandbaby, I will make you all the sopa de fuba you wish. Till then, not for you.” Sra Ana gestured to Deb, who had watched the exchange from the safety of the couch, to come over.

  If Deb’s nose wasn’t mistaken, there was some sort of sausage involved in this sopa da fuba, her stomach reminding her she hadn’t eaten since breakfast. “It smells delicious, Sra Ana,” Deb said as she seated herself down at the table. “What is it, exactly?”

  Sra Ana whipped the cloth off, revealing a thick creamy yellow soup, bits of green flecked around the sausages that swam throughout. “This is sopa de fuba, a soup which is made with cornmeal, collard greens and sausages. There are a few other things, but that is my secret.” Her eyes sparkled with pride. “And my Mae’s before me.”

  “Yeah, it’s only like, one of my favorite things ever.” Gabi quickly snaffled a piece of sausage from the dish, ignoring her mother’s warning look, and popped it into her mouth. “Yep, still good.”

  Deb brought a steaming spoonful to her mouth, the vapor leaving a little patch of condensation on her upper lip as she carefully blew on it before putting it tentatively in her mouth. “Yum, that’s really good, Sra Ana. But you know you don’t have to keep bringing me food,” she said around a mouthful.

  “Yeah, or at least bring enough for everyone,” Gabi said pointedly.

  Sra Ana gave a little sniff. “This might be the only grandbaby I get. Let me spoil you. Gabriella has been a terrible disappointment to me. I am getting old now and feared I would not hold another baby in these frail arms again.” She stooped her back.

  Gabi’s brows shot skyward. “You know I’m right here, right, Mae?” Deb choked back a laugh, innocently continuing to eat. “I was also there when you helped Papai bring the hay in last week.”

  Sra Ana waved her daughter’s protests aside. “At my age, my memory isn’t as good as it used to be.” She gave Deb’s shoulder a little pat. “Eat up, dear. I will come back later for the dish.”

  “That’s if you remember, Mae,” Gabi retorted, snagging another piece from the bowl.

  Sra Ana held her hand to her heart, the very picture of a long-suffering parent. “You see how she treats her very own mother?” she moaned. She looked at Deb, her eyes twinkling as she gave a little wink. “If you like, Gabriella, maybe I have some left in the kitchen.”

  Gabi sprung toward the door. “Why didn’t you say so? Enjoy, Deb!” Without a backward glance, she disappeared toward the house.

  “Thanks, Sra Ana. For everything,” Deb said.

  Sra Ana gave her shoulder another gentle squeeze. “You are family. It doesn’t always have to be blood to make it so. I will be back later.”

  Some of the dark cloud that had drifted over Deb lifted a little, not enough for the sun to pierce it yet and light her way, but sometimes all you need is a beginning.

  Chapter 6

  The coolness of the gel was enough to make Deb suck her stomach in. The technician gave her a sympathetic apology. So far, that was the best way to sum it all up. Apologetic. Frankie and Gabi had been sincerely apologetic that they would be away for the appointment. Deb hadn’t even bothered to ask Megan, given her surly attitude with the whole Mitch thing, which was pointless since there wasn’t even a Mitch thing as far as Deb was concerned. The receptionist had asked if the father was running late and had been embarrassingly apologetic when Deb had muttered that the father wouldn’t be attending. The clinical coldness of the ultrasound room seemed oddly apt for the frigid loneliness that held her fast in its grip, sucking her dry of all joy.

  “Do you see that little smudge there? Looks like the baby’s side,” the technician said encouragingly, worried at her patient’s detached manner. “Normally you would get your first ultrasound earlier, but since you are much farther along, not that you can tell, I think we might be able to find out the sex.” She wiggled the wand, digging lightly into Deb’s slightly rounded belly. “Yes, I can definitely see something. Would you like to know?”

  It took a few moments for her words to penetrate the fog that permeated Deb’s brain. “I guess,” she replied dully.

  The technician tilted the monitor to enable Deb to have a better view before taking her ice-cold hand in her own. “Honey, can you see the screen clearly?”
<
br />   Deb raised her gaze. “Yes.”

  “Well let me introduce you to your daughter.”

  A tear trickled down Deb’s cheek. “A daughter?” she whispered in awe. Her whole body suffused with wonderment which, for the time being, melted some of the icy numbness away.

  The hint of a button nose rose out of the fuzzy grey background, the little eyelids still firmly closed. Deb reverently traced the tiny rosebud mouth, a tiny fist held to it. My daughter. Even the thought was enough to fill her with an all-encompassing love that lay siege to the cold fear that had a stranglehold on her heart.

  “Hi, Deb. Gabi just wanted me to drop this invoice off for her,” Mitch said, breaking through her rapture.

  Protectively covering the picture with her hand, she looked up from her perch on the bunkhouse stairs. “You can leave it with me. I’ll make sure it gets to Gabi’s desk.”

  Mitch took in the quiet. “Where is everyone?”

  “Frankie and Gabi are away together again, like usual. And Megan is off doing something—probably anything that doesn’t involve me.” She was surprised at the bitterness in her voice.

  Mitch took his hat off and turned it slowly in his hands. Apparently coming to some sort of decision, he sunk down beside her on the steps. “Are you okay, Deb?”

  Deb’s face scrunched up in denial. “Why wouldn’t I be, Mitch?” And then it was as if the dam wall gave way within her, the words spilling forth. “I’m knocked up, and the father doesn’t want anything to do with me or the baby. I know I’m lucky to have the girls, but they’re never here, and I know that’s unfair, but I need them. Megan isn’t talking to me. Well that’s not true. When she does talk to me, it’s to have a go at me about you. The Cabrera’s are awesome, but I feel like I don’t deserve it. This isn’t how I thought my life would be, living on someone else’s ranch as a single soon-to-be mom”. A heaving, red-faced, snotty cry broke free from Deb. “I’m surrounded by people, and I am all alone. What if I can’t do this? What if I’m no good as a mom?” she wailed.