Daltrey (Pushing Daisies Book 4)

by Heather Young-Nichols

  “Of course it is.” I’d taken that song that had brought her so much comfort and hopefully made it something she’d want to remember.

  “Would you… You don’t have to do this obviously, but if you wouldn’t mind, would you play it again? So I could record it on my phone?”

  “Of course I will.”

  She hurried to the bunk to get her phone then came back to me. As soon as she was ready, I did the whole thing again. Ella had her phone lying on the sofa as her head rested on the back of the couch and she watched me the entire time. Damn, I wished I would’ve done this before the dark day. It would’ve meant more to her, I thought, and I would’ve gotten to see a different kind of reaction.

  When I finished, my girl wiped away another tear. I’ll be honest. Ella crying in any way was crushing, but knowing that I was the one to make her feel that way was even worse. Especially since, even though these were happy tears I hoped, they were bittersweet.

  “Tell me how I can make this better,” I begged quietly.

  She shrugged. “I don’t think you can. I’ve spent my entire life protecting myself, Daltrey, and that’s not something I can undo so easily. Opening myself up to that life again… I can’t do it. I guess this is as much my problem as it is yours. I’m just being emotional. Which, honestly, isn’t something I usually am.”

  “I wish I could go back,” I told her, my voice cracking on the work back. “Go back and make a different choice.”

  “I wish I could be a different person.”

  “That’s something I’d never wish. I love you, Ella. You. The person you are.” I quickly wet my lips and set my guitar to the side so I could turn toward her. “Honestly, the fact that you’re willing to stand up for what you need makes me love you more, even though it means I can’t have you anymore. That was my doing.”

  She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth as our gazes locked. Fuck. I’d do anything to get her back at this point. Anything. Losing her feels like losing my heart.

  “Do you remember before?” she asked. “When we’d lay in your bunk and just talked?”

  Nodding, I answered, “Of course I do. I was hard most of the time but tried to hide my feelings from you and I teetered between hoping you wouldn’t notice and hoping that you would.”

  Ella let out a sweet giggle. “You’re crazy.”

  “Well, it could’ve gone one of two ways. You could’ve thought I was a fucking creep or you could’ve taken the hint. I wasn’t sure which you’d do. Therefore, I was undecided.”

  “Would it be weird to do that again?” she asked. I raised an eyebrow. Did she want to lie in my bunk with me? “It’s just… This might be the last night that I get to see you and I really loved those nights. They gave me so much comfort and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t need a little comfort right now. This is really hard for me too, Daltrey.”

  “Of course we can.” I pushed to my feet and reached a hand out to help her up, but I didn’t let go as I led her through the bus to my bunk.

  She climbed in first. I tried not to watch her ass as she wiggled her way up. I was a man, though, and apparently, not a decent one. I grabbed her by the waist to help her up, though she probably didn’t need it. If these were going to be my last moments with her alone, I was going to make the most of it without being a creep.

  Ella pushed all the way to the inside wall so that I could climb in. Once we were settled, she was lying on her side looking at me and I was doing the same looking at her.

  This was killing me. Again, I decided to be honest with her on this, so I told her, “This is killing me, Ella.”

  “I can go.”

  I put my hand up to stop her. “Not a chance.” If she’d really wanted to go, I would’ve let her, but she didn’t. She’d said that with me in mind, not herself. “I keep trying to think of something I can do. Some grand gesture I can make so you’ll know that I’m committed and I’ll never fucking do it again.”

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, Daltrey, and I don’t think what you did is the worst thing a person could do.”

  “It’s my fault,” I confirmed.

  She shook her head. “I mean, yes, you did break that promise and I can’t begin to understand what you were feeling at that time. But the more I’ve thought it over, the more I know that this is about me, too. My insecurities and my fears. You should be able to make a mistake without your girlfriend melting down. And that’s on my mother.”

  “I’ll never make that mistake again.”

  “It was hard for me to understand at first,” she continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “Why you’d turn to alcohol when you could’ve just found me. I still don’t understand exactly what happened, but at least now I know it wasn’t you choosing that over me the way my mom did for years. Because that’s what it felt like at first.”

  “Fuck,” I muttered, then I moved in closer to her, placing my hand on her hip. “I’d never choose anything over you.”

  “That’s how I know it’s an issue I have to deal with, so I’ve decided that I’m going to start seeing a therapist to work through the years of trauma my mother put me through.”

  I ran my hand over her cheek then down her arm until it settled back on her hip and I loved the fact that she didn’t seem to mind me touching her. “That’s a fantastic idea.” Then I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. I had to tell her what had happened. “That day, when I talked to you, you were talking about going home and figuring out what you want to do now that you’re not at the restaurant.”

  “Right. I remember.”

  “Then I had my therapy appointment and my therapist wanted to talk about you leaving too. So by the time I was done, I felt like I was losing you. You were leaving and the pressure was building in my chest. That’s why I made that stupid decision.”

  She blinked four times and wet her lips. It was like I took in every action she made because I was worried this was the last time I’d see it. “But the plan was always for me to leave.”

  “I know. I know you can’t stay here chained to my bed, but it was just a lot that day. Since then, we’ve adjusted my meds. They haven’t fully gone into effect, but I think it’s starting to work. But I know one thing: I won’t ever have another drop. The price is too fucking high.”

  “I’ve decided what I want to do,” she said quietly. “I want to be a sober coach.”

  “And that is?”

  “Someone who helps addicts through their process of getting sober. So a lot of people who want to get sober don’t really know where to turn. Even after they go to rehab for the twenty-eight days or whatever, they don’t know what to do after. How to maintain that sobriety. Therapy and meetings can only do so much. A sober coach is there to guide them. Keep them on track. They work with the families too.”

  “That sounds amazing, Ella. Do you have to go to school for it?” I knew she wasn’t confident in her ability in school, so I was incredibly curious to see if she was undertaking that. I had all the confidence in the world in her.

  “No.” She shook her head, which was around the time that I noticed my hand was still on her hip and she hadn’t moved it. “There are some certifications I’ll need to get and I have to do a training program, which lasts like a year, so I’ll still have to get a job temporarily, but I think I can do it.”

  “Of course you can. I know you don’t like taking anything from anyone, but I’ll help you in any way I can. Money. An ear to talk off. Whatever you need.” That was a promise I could easily keep, whether we were together or not because I wanted to be part of her life either way.

  “That’s sweet of you.” Her eyes dropped to my lips then came back up. “The best part is that a bunch of it, the certifications and things, a lot can be done online. The training can’t be, but that will come later anyway.”

  “That’s awesome, Ella. I’m really glad you’re finding something that you love.”

  “I never would’ve thought of it if Mack hadn’t offered me the job. I’
d still be waiting tables at the restaurant and thinking everything is good.”

  “Was it bad then?”

  “No.” She shook her head and her red hair fell over her chest. “It wasn’t bad, but now I’m going to do better.”

  I traced my thumb over her cheek and whispered, “I want to kiss you so badly right now.”

  Her pink tongue shot out to wet her bottom lip. “I want you to,” she said just as quietly. Here in my bunk, we were in our own little world. One where nothing bad ever happened and no one could bother us. “But I’m kind of scared of what’s going to happen if you do.”

  “I promise you, Ella. I promise you that I’ll never touch the stuff again and I’ll be more mindful of what you’ve gone through to make sure that I don’t make you think I’m repeating it. Trust me. Losing you has me scared shitless. If I ever have you back, there’s nothing in this world that can make me take our relationship for granted.”

  In the dim light of the bunk, I could clearly see her eyes were glistening. She hadn’t started crying, but I didn’t think it’d take much to send her over the edge.

  “For the record, I never thought you took me for granted. But we can talk about that later if you want to. Right now, I’d just really like you to kiss me.”

  My mouth crashed into hers before she’d finished her sentence. If she was going to let me kiss her, I wasn’t going to wait a second. I was a desperate man thirsting for her. I needed this with her and all I could do was hope that this meant more than just a kiss.

  Ella slid her hands down my chest, under my shirt, then back up. Her soft skin against mine made my cock jump. Damn. She pushed my shirt up and up until I reached behind me and yanked it off. Clearly, that was what she’d been going for.

  I was torn. Not over getting naked with Ella because that was one thing I never wanted to say no to. But I had to wonder if I could handle being with her and her still being done with me. I’d never had that problem with another woman. Usually, when they left, I’d wanted them to go, but not with her.

  Her hands rested on each side of my face as her lips opened up for me. I clasped her hip with my hand. Would’ve been with both hands, but the position was awkward. Slowly, I slid it up under her shirt. I wasn’t going too far, but I needed to feel her skin.

  This was a slice of heaven. Nothing had ever felt better than Ella under my touch. My chest swelled and my heart was ready to break open to suck her inside.

  “One thing, though.” She pulled back. Her chest rose and fell rapidly and at least I could be proud of my ability to kiss her breathless. Her nipples were hard under the fabric of her shirt. Though I tried to ignore it, it was nearly impossible.

  “Anything.” I sounded as breathless as she did. I’d promise this woman the world if she just let me be a part of it. Hell. I’d promise her everything even if she didn’t.

  “I’m assuming that we’re about to get naked.”

  “Only if you want to.” How much I wanted to was already pressed against her thigh.

  “There’s a condition.”

  Fuck. If she was about to say this was a one-time thing, I was going to die a little on the inside. I’d still do it because passing up Ella wasn’t something I was strong enough for, but fuck, it’d kill me to walk away. Now I waited for the other shoe to drop.

  “Just so we’re both clear on what this is, if we do this, for me, it has to mean that we’re back together. I don’t do hookups.”

  I dropped my forehead to hers as I held tightly onto the back of her neck.

  “Thank fuck,” I whispered. I’d been afraid of the opposite. “Yes. I was always yours, Ella.”

  She broke into a wide grin but I kissed her again before she could say anything else.

  I took my time with her, taking her clothes off slowly, though I tore out of mine like I’d just become the Hulk. Every time Ella tried to touch my cock, I slapped her hand away. I couldn’t let her do it. I’d come in a second if those fingers touched me. Each time, she giggled quietly.

  When I finally got to taste her again, I swore to myself that I’d worship her this way every single day if she let me. Her fingers curled tightly into my hair when I sucked on her clit. My girl was vocal, but here on the bus, she slapped a hand over her own face to muffle her sounds. Pity, though. I loved those sounds.

  I licked and sucked on her until she let go and was too sensitive for me to continue. Then I kissed my way back up her body, stopping to worship her nipples and drive her a little crazier than she already was.

  Once I had the condom on, I was over her and pushing inside. Ella had already been reaching for me before I’d been completely ready. I loved it when my girl was needy. Needy for me.

  I took my time again. As much as I could, anyway. She pushed for me to go faster, fuck her harder, but I wanted to savor every moment. Every feeling of my body sliding against hers because just minutes before I’d thought this would never happen again.

  When we were finished, Ella burrowed into my side and kissed my chest. Her sleepy eyes made me smile because I knew I’d been the one to make her sleepy.

  “I love you, Daltrey.”

  “I love you.”

  If nothing else good ever happened in my life, I’d still be thankful.

  This was enough and she was everything.

  21

  Ella

  A week after that night in the bunk, the bus pulled up to an outdoor venue unlike what Pushing Daisies had been playing on this tour. Of course, this wasn’t one of Courting Chaos’ shows that they were opening. No. They were kind of a headliner of their own on this one.

  Pushing Daisies had a few days free in the middle of the route and Mack had asked them if they wanted to do this. Of course, they’d said yes. It was for charity. It was the Letters from Above charity concert and I didn’t know a lot of the details, but I was super excited because one of my favorite bands, Demons Among Us, was playing. Favorite before I’d listened to Pushing Daisies, of course. Now, as Daltrey’s girlfriend, I kind of felt like it was my duty to love them more than anyone else.

  The place kind of reminded me of old pictures of Woodstock that I’d seen over the years. All I knew that it was a good cause, Daltrey had said, and it’d be a lot of fun.

  It was so low-key, I’d heard someone say the Devil’s Riot MC was providing security.

  “Have you seen some of the guys from the MC?” Lexi asked as she looped her arm through mine. Van, Bonham, Daltrey, and Jurnie were right there with us.

  “Not yet,” I told her.

  “So hot.”

  Van growled from behind us.

  “Hey,” Daltrey snapped at her. “I just got her back. Don’t go trying to make her fall in love with someone else.”

  In the last week, Daltrey had started joking around more than he had even before he and I had first gotten together. Or so I thought, given that I hadn’t known him very long before.

  “Please,” Lexi said back as if he were inconveniencing her. “As if I could. If the sounds I hear out of your bunk are any indication, I’m pretty sure you’ve totally got her.”

  I gasped almost inaudibly then slapped my hand over my face, but Daltrey and his brothers just laughed loudly. How embarrassing.

  “You said they couldn’t hear us!” I told him.

  “I didn’t think they could.”

  “We can,” Bonham and Van said at the same time, sounding exactly the same. I wondered if seeing identical twins every day ever got less startling. I could already tell them apart, but they were truly identical.

  “Let’s go, ladies.” Lexi began to pull me away, but Daltrey grabbed my other arm and I became the rope in a weird game of tug of war. “You’ll get her back.”

  “I know.” He won when I catapulted his way. Lexi must’ve let go. He leaned down and kissed me in a way that wasn’t entirely appropriate since we had an audience, yet I was powerless to stop him. As in, I didn’t want to.

  “She’s not going off to war,” Jurnie told him.<
br />
  When he pulled back, he pinched my chin between his thumb and forefinger, “Just wanted to remind you that I love you.”

  “I love you.”

  He kissed me two more times quickly, then I was free to go with my friends.

  Being here was so different now. Before, I hadn’t thought I’d truly belonged and had just been hired to do a job, but it was honestly like I had a family now. Besides Emery, I’d never had that.

  Sure, I’d be heading home to do the training to become a sobriety coach, it was still months away. Had to get my certifications first, which Daltrey had convinced me to do as much as I could on the road with them so that we could be together. Though he fully supported the times that I’d need to go home.

  He wanted me to live my dream, just like he was living his.

  “Hey, who are you guys with?” this young woman asked us. She was young and beautiful. Very tall compared to us. Like she could’ve been a model with her dark hair and hazel eyes.

  “Pushing Daisies,” Lexi answered for us. She was much more comfortable with the attention we got being their girlfriends. She’d also had a lot more practice, given that her brother had been the manager of Courting Chaos for so long.

  “I love them,” she told us. “I go to any events that Demons Among Us are a part of. My name is Joy, by the way.”

  “Oh my god. I love Demons Among Us,” I told her, gushing in the way a lot of women did about Pushing Daisies.

  “Daisy from Pushing Daisies is amazing,” she countered.

  The three of us burst out laughing. “The guys would love to hear that,” I told her. They took it in stride but hearing how amazing Daisy was did happen daily. Luckily, there was no sibling rivalry.

  We walked around with Joy for a while just people watching and checking out the setup. Daltrey had promised to introduce me to Demons Among Us so I didn’t want to be gone too long. I thought I was going to fangirl myself right out of the venue.

  The best part about this show was that when the guys weren’t on stage, they didn’t have to do anything. So they were with us watching the bands perform from a backstage area that gave us a great view. It was really more of a side stage area but everyone called it backstage.