Stalemate

by Lisa Suzanne

  He liked kissing the other woman, liked that someone showed an interest in him, but there’s a lot he doesn’t know.

  He doesn’t know that I finally realized my true feelings for him. He doesn’t know that I want to be with him, that even the thought of being without him turns my stomach. He didn’t let me say those things when we talked yesterday because instead he told me someone else kissed him.

  So, ladies of San Diego, I now ask you: what would you do? If you were me—if you found out your man was kissed by another woman and he kissed back, he enjoyed it—what would you do?

  Regardless of whether you love him, of whether you’ve labeled yourselves as girlfriend and boyfriend…what would you do?

  And, just for the record, punching the other woman is sort of out of the question. All three of us work together, and I have to go into work tomorrow and pretend like I don’t know. I just hope she reads this article so she knows what a bitch move it is to kiss someone else’s man…even if I didn’t want to admit that he is, in fact, my man.

  But he is. So back the hell off.

  CHAPTER 17

  EMME

  I want to feel better after I post the article to Courtney’s blog, but I don’t. I wait for some comments, and they start rolling in almost immediately. Most people think I should punch the other woman, but that’s not really helpful. Some people are telling me to just cut ties with Axel. They think if I didn’t want to label what we have, it must not be real.

  But they don’t know. It is real, and I do love him, I just haven’t had the chance to tell him that yet—and now I don’t know if I’ll get that chance.

  When he told me two nights ago that I might be too late just before I barfed into his garbage can, I thought he was just trying to scare me. I had no idea at that point that Kasey had just kissed him, that his breath might still smell like hers, that their bodies may have been pressed together, that their tongues might have danced.

  And now, it’s like I need to have every last detail. Did he wrap his arms around her? Was he turned on by their kiss? Was she? Does he want more? Does she? Does she kiss differently than I do—better? And, worst of all, does he have feelings for her?

  I’m terrified of the answers.

  I’m trying to decide if I’m glad he told me or if it was better when I was in the dark. I think I preferred the dark, but I’d hate to be walking around like a fool, not knowing—especially considering I work with Kasey.

  God…I work with Kasey. I have to face her nearly every day knowing what she did. I feel like my life is spinning out of control. Two months ago, everything was fine. I loved my job—partying all night and working with the guy I’m seeing? Hell yes!

  Then Axel started pushing me for more. Even a week ago, things were okay—not perfect, but good. Then Axel started up again with wanting to talk about the future, and then James showed back up in my life, and then Kasey kissed him.

  Oh my God.

  James.

  I didn’t even do the math on this one, but technically someone else kissed me, too.

  Can I really be mad at Axel that Kasey kissed him? No, I guess not—though I don’t know whether he invited her to kiss him since I don’t know any of the details. I do, however, have the right to be angry that he kissed her back. I didn’t kiss James back because I’m in a relationship. Apparently that didn’t matter to Axel.

  I’m just not sure where to go from here. I don’t want to show my face at work. I don’t want to see Axel, and I certainly don’t want to see Kasey. Maybe I just need some time off, some time away from the bar. I’m not getting any younger, and maybe I’m starting to see that a lifetime of partying for a living isn’t really what I want. It’s a great way to bury my real feelings and bandage the scars on my heart, but it isn’t fixing anything. It isn’t a long-term career.

  What scares me the most is that I’ve never thought this way before. Since the very moment Lawrence Houston hired me at The Port, I’ve loved every single second of what I do. Now, I’m starting to see that while it’s a fun start for someone just out of college, maybe it’s time to grow up.

  *

  I haven’t heard from Axel since I stormed out of his office yesterday, but soon it’ll be time to face the music since I have to go to work tonight. I decide to surprise Courtney with a visit around lunchtime, and when she throws the door open, she looks a frazzled mess once again. I stifle my giggle. She’s always put together and polished, but this whole planning a wedding in two weeks thing has her completely off her rocker.

  I give her my widest grin. “Maid of honor reporting for duty!”

  She throws herself into my arms, and I hug my best friend.

  “Thank God you’re here!” she says. “I’m getting closer, but there’s still so much to do.” She pulls me inside and shuts the door behind me, and then she turns to me and puts her hands on her hips.

  “What?” I ask. She’s eyeing me and it’s making me uncomfortable.

  “Who the fuck do I need to kill for kissing Axel?”

  I let out a breath and shake my head. “You read it?”

  “Of course I did. I’m not going to blindly post something without reading it first. People are really pissed for you. One of the comments even said I should post a douchebag article about him.”

  “Can we not talk about him?”

  She shakes her head and takes both of my hands in hers. “We’re gonna talk about him. I’ve been so focused on the wedding that I have no idea what’s going on around me. Clearly you needed an outlet for this if you posted it in a public forum, so talk to me. What’s going on with you two?”

  I sigh and collapse on her couch. “He’s just been pushing for a commitment, and I keep pushing him away.”

  “Why?”

  “You know why.”

  “Stop it, Emme. Stop ruining what you have with him because you’re scared.”

  “Don’t yell at me.” My voice is a soft plea.

  “Someone has to. Someone has to make you see that you’re making a huge mistake. Axel is a great guy, and you’re pushing him into someone else’s arms because you’re afraid of getting hurt. That’s dumb, Emme. You’re only hurting yourself.”

  “I know I am, okay? I ran into an old high school boyfriend and we went for coffee, and being with him made me realize how much I love Axel. I went to tell him exactly that, but he told me about the kiss before I had the chance, and now I don’t know what to do.”

  “You love him?”

  I nod as tears fill my eyes. “I do. Of course I do. I was just too blinded by the past to see it.”

  “Do you want to spend your life with him?”

  “I want to take things slow, but I want him to know we can have a future together.”

  “You have to tell him.”

  “I know, but he kissed someone else.”

  “Who?”

  “Kasey.”

  “Fucking Kasey? That thundercunt with the southern accent? I’ll fucking punch her in her perfect little nose.”

  “Stop it.”

  “I’m serious. I’ll kick her in her vagina.”

  “Do it.”

  Courtney grins. “I’d love to.”

  I giggle, and it feels good to open up to my best friend. We’ve both been so busy lately that we haven’t taken the time to just sit around and talk. I’ve dodged her questions about my relationship because I didn’t have the answers, but it’s all becoming so clear now.

  I clear my throat. “Can I use your bathroom?”

  “Of course.”

  I don’t tell her this, of course, but I have the sudden feeling that I’m going to be sick, again.

  *

  “Shit,” I mutter as I glance away from the swirling water.

  Knock, knock, knock.

  “I’ll be right out,” I yell as I rub my fingers below my eyes to wipe away the eyeliner smudges. I glance at my reflection in the mirror as I gulp down some fresh air.

  I look as bad as I feel.


  Tacos. It has to be the tacos. I’ve basically been on a liquid diet since I ate them for lunch a couple days ago. Food poisoning can last for forty-eight hours, can’t it?

  A shudder runs through me as I think about the only other logical explanation.

  It can’t be. It has to be the tacos.

  Courtney yells through the bathroom door. “Are you okay in there?”

  I throw open the door. “I think I’m sick.”

  She backs away from me so she doesn’t catch whatever I have, but something tells me this isn’t contagious. “You look pale. Can I get you anything?”

  It’s times like these when I miss my mom the most. She always took care of me and gave me everything I needed. Moms have that way about them where they just make everything better. “Some crackers and water,” I ask with a small voice.

  Courtney smiles. “You got it. Go lie down and I’ll bring it over.”

  She’s a good friend. I’ve taken care of her in the past, so I guess it’s my turn now.

  I love my life—or, I loved it up until a couple days ago. I’ve got a guy who adores me—I think, a job I love—for the most part, and a great circle of supportive friends. I stay out until the sun comes up and I get paid to do it. I run in the same circles as musicians, socialites, and celebrities.

  Axel and I have always had a lot of sex, but we always use some form of birth control.

  My stomach rolls as I lie down on Courtney’s couch. I consider looking up how long food poisoning lasts, but in my heart, I know the truth.

  My life is about to change no matter how I look at it, and I have no idea what to do.

  Courtney hands me a cup of water and I sit up to take a sip.

  “Small sips,” she says softly, and I think about how she would make a good mom. She’s impulsive and sassy, but she loves hard, and when she really cares about someone, she’ll do anything for them. That’s what moms should do. I’m not built like that, though, and that’s why this has to just be food poisoning.

  CHAPTER 18

  AXEL

  I’m not thrilled that I have to work with both Emme and Kasey tonight. I pull Kasey into my office at the start of her shift, an hour before I expect Emme will show up.

  “I told Emme,” I blurt.

  “I thought we were pretending like nothing happened.”

  “We are, but I couldn’t keep it from her.”

  “Goddammit,” she mutters.

  “What?”

  “Why can’t you be single? You’re like the perfect guy.”

  I snort. “Hardly.”

  “You don’t even know. You’re caring and kind. You treat people how they should be treated. You make the best Long Island Iced Tea I’ve ever tasted, and you’re gorgeous with that beard and those eyes. You’re a ten, Ax, and you don’t even fucking know it.”

  I gaze down at my desk, because Kasey throwing these compliments at me isn’t helping our situation. I don’t know what to say.

  “She’s lucky.”

  I look up at her.

  “Emme—she’s lucky you love her. I hope she treats you how you deserve to be treated because there are plenty of women who would love to be in her place.”

  “Stop.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  “Get out of here,” I say, both gruffly and affectionately. “Make me a lot of money tonight.”

  She stands with a grin and a mock salute. “Sir, yes sir.”

  She leaves my office, and I’m left wondering what the fuck just happened. I pulled her in to issue a warning, but instead she made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

  Maybe she’s right. Maybe I deserve to be treated better than what I’m getting.

  But I love Emme, and love is unpredictable and inexplicable. I don’t want to be with anybody else. I want to make it work with her.

  My phone starts ringing and I glance at the screen. Courtney.

  I pick up immediately. “Hey Court.” My voice sounds tired even to my own ears.

  “Hey. Emme’s not feeling well. She got sick in my bathroom and then fell asleep on my couch, so I don’t think she’ll be making it in tonight. Is that okay? Or should I wake her?”

  “No, don’t wake her. Let her sleep. She got sick yesterday, too. She needs to rest.”

  “Do you need someone to entertain tonight’s band? I can pop over.”

  “We’re okay. Potpourri is playing and they’re regulars, so they know the drill. I’ll cover for her.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Is she okay?” I ask.

  “I think she will be. She’s… I think you two need to talk.”

  “I know we do. I’ve been trying to get her to talk to me for weeks.”

  “She might be ready now.”

  “Thanks, Court. You’re a good friend to both of us.”

  “Better than you deserve,” she sasses.

  I chuckle and then I hang up. I try to get a little work done, but I can’t focus. I’m too worried about Emme. I’m worried about her health, but I’m more worried about the health of our relationship. Everything is off, and I don’t know what to do to fix it.

  At half past seven, I let the band into the back room. I try to distract myself with bartending, but it’s not really working.

  It’s not very busy, and both Kasey and Ben are working. They don’t need me back here, and I’m a third wheel. I wait until the band finishes their set, and then I head out. I can always come right back here if anyone needs me.

  Courtney said Emme and I need to talk, and I think she’s right.

  CHAPTER 19

  EMME

  Courtney calls me in sick. I can’t imagine how this looks to Axel, but I’m too spent to do it myself. After I got sick, I fell asleep on Courtney’s couch. She shook my arm enough to tell me it was time to go to work, and I mumbled some non-response and didn’t even open my eyes.

  When I wake up in the dark after sleeping for what feels like days, I feel around for my phone before my eyes even fully adjust to the darkness.

  That’s when I hear whispering somewhere behind me. It’s loud whispering, but it’s still whispering, so I can’t exactly tell who is talking, though I can make some assumptions.

  “Do you think she’ll sleep there all night?”

  “I won’t let her. I’ll get her home.”

  “Is she okay?”

  “I’ll take care of her.”

  “Don’t you think you’ve done enough already?”

  “I love her, Court.”

  “So do I. Be good to her.”

  “I always am.”

  “Not when you swapped spit with that bar bitch.”

  That’s when I sit up. I’ve listened to enough, but I feel groggy and out of sorts. My phone tells me it’s after ten, which means I slept on Courtney’s couch for almost six hours.

  Courtney, Carter, and Axel are all standing in Courtney’s kitchen. Six eyeballs home in on me when I turn around.

  “How are you feeling?” Courtney asks, her voice at full volume now.

  “A lot better,” I say, which is a partial lie. I still feel like I got run over by a truck. I look at Axel. “What’re you doing here?”

  “Court said you weren’t coming in tonight. I got things going and then came here to check on you.”

  “You could’ve just texted,” I mumble, hating all the attention on me.

  “I didn’t want to wake you,” he says.

  “We’re gonna give you two some space,” Courtney says, and then she grabs Carter’s hand and they disappear out the front door.

  Axel flips on the light in the family room and then sits next to me on the couch. “What’s going on?”

  I can’t look at him, so I look at the floor. I feel his warm hand on my thigh.

  “Ems, talk to me.”

  I sigh. “I’m mad at you.”

  “That’s okay. I’m mad at you, too.”

  “So what do we do now?” I look over at him, and he looks the same. He looks like the ma
n I love, but everything is different.

  He kissed another woman.

  He lifts a shoulder. “I don’t know. Do you want to be with me?”

  “Of course I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me?”

  He’s quiet, and it’s got me thinking maybe he isn’t sure. Maybe he’d prefer to be with Kasey. He finally responds. “Yes, I do, more than anything. I think you need to figure out if you see yourself with me long term, because I don’t think I can stay in a relationship that can never progress.”

  “Do you want to kiss other girls?”

  He pulls his hand from my thigh and rubs his forehead with his fingertips before running a hand down his beard. “No, Emme. I don’t want to kiss anybody else.”

  “But you did.”

  “She kissed me.”

  “You kissed back. You didn’t stop it.”

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, I did stop it.”

  “I need to know everything.”

  He rubs his forehead some more and then runs his hand over his slicked-back hair. “Don’t do this.”

  “Did you invite it?”

  He sighs in frustration.

  “Did other people see?”

  He stares at me for a long moment, and then he starts speaking in a quiet, flat tone. “I went in around noon to work on the budget. Haley called in sick, so I didn’t have a waitress for her zone. I called Kasey to see if she wanted the shift. It was quiet. We had just opened and it was well before the early birds started coming in for dinner. We both had food orders, and we were on our way to pick them up. Vince had put the food up under the lights and he was back somewhere by the fridge. She asked me how I was, and I said I was going through some things, and then she told me she could make me feel better and then it just happened. No one saw.”

  “That bitch,” I mutter. He doesn’t respond; obviously he knows how bad it would look if he started defending her at this point in our conversation. “How long did it last?”