Stalemate

by Lisa Suzanne

  But she’s here—of course she is. She’s somewhere in this building, and I’m currently not even seeing the man I’m supposedly seeing—not to mention the fact that I’ll be drinking “water” all night as a precautionary measure since I might be pregnant with this lady’s grandchild.

  And if Karoline knows who I am—knows I’m dating Axel—surely his own mother knows that, too. I put off meeting her for too long, and now I don’t even have Axel here to be the buffer.

  Oh my God. This evening just got a whole lot more complicated.

  Karoline stands by the door, and I distract myself by catching up with Julie and Kate. They lived in the apartment next to ours during our senior year of college, and we get together for lunch or happy hour every so often. Kate got married right out of college and already has a two-year-old, and Julie just started dating some guy who plays for a minor-league baseball team.

  I’m trying to listen to Julie go on and on about how hot this new guy of hers is, but I can’t help that my eyes keep edging toward the door. I’m nervous and distracted, and I’m not being a very good friend right now.

  When she walks in, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it’s Axel’s mom. She turns to talk to her sister. She hasn’t spotted me yet.

  His eyes are her eyes—dark and shaded with a hint of mystery mixed with mischief. Her hair is cut into a sharp, blunt A-line the exact shade of Axel’s. She’s pretty without being obvious, and she’s much younger than I would’ve pictured. I wonder immediately what Axel’s father looks like and whether Axel resembles him at all, but Axel doesn’t talk much about him. His mom was young when she had him, and she doesn’t look older than forty-five or so. He has two half-siblings, but they’re both much younger than him.

  I don’t know what to do. Do I run over and introduce myself? Do I listen to Julie brag about her new guy? Do I curl up in the corner and die? The last option seems like the best one at this point.

  But seriously, what’s the decorum here? Is it on me to go introduce myself? Or is it okay if I basically ignore her because technically I don’t know who she is and I’m in the middle of a conversation with people I do know, people I’m supposed to be entertaining since I’m the maid of honor?

  Thank God I don’t have to choose any of the options I’m thinking about. Instead, Courtney and her mom walk into the room just then and everyone yells, “Surprise!”

  Courtney’s hand flies up to her mouth, and then she wipes at her eyes as she tears up. “You guys!” she says, and everyone in the room giggles.

  “And you!” She looks at me and points her finger in my direction. “You’re the worst secret keeper ever! How did you manage to keep this one?”

  I giggle and shrug. “You’ve been a little distracted.”

  The room fills with laughter again, and then everyone takes their seats. I’m next to Courtney, and her mom is on her other side. Auntie Alice is next to Lori, and then Axel’s mom is next to Alice. She’s a little too close for my comfort; four people away is four people too awkwardly close.

  Shannon comes to take drink orders, and I order vodka on the rocks. She winks at me, so I know she didn’t forget our little deal.

  Kate is on my other side and Julie is next to her, so when Courtney gets up to chat with everyone, I turn toward them. I don’t really want to listen to more of Julie’s bragging, but she’s one of those people who hogs the conversation. Even though this night is about Courtney, we get to listen to every last detail about her date with the minor leaguer. I want to scream at her that no one cares, and just when I open my mouth to say something, Courtney stops me.

  “Emme! Come here!” My first thought is how grateful I am to get away from this conversation, but then I see where Courtney is standing.

  The blood drains from my face as I stand and make my way over to her.

  “This is Axel’s mom!” Courtney says, her voice gleeful and her cheeks flushed with joy.

  “Oh how wonderful to meet you!” I say a little too enthusiastically. “I’m Emme!”

  “Emme? Emme who?” his mom asks.

  I stare at her awkwardly for a beat. It’s okay; I was the one who didn’t want to meet her. I’m the one who pulls back every time Axel tries to get closer.

  “I’m just kidding.” She stands up and pulls me into a hug. “So you’re the one making my Axel smile so big these days.” Her hug is warm, and I think I might start crying. I look up at the ceiling to ward off tears.

  “It’s lovely to meet you…” I say, trailing off as she hugs me. I’m not sure what to call her. I don’t even know her first name, and I know she’s married to someone who isn’t Axel’s dad, so she probably isn’t Mrs. Jones, which is Axel’s last name.

  “Deanna,” she says, filling in the blank for me.

  “Deanna,” I repeat.

  She pulls out of our hug and holds me at arm’s length. She studies me for an awkward moment, and then she says, “You’re gorgeous. I can just picture you two together—Barbie and her rough-around-the-edges Ken.” She giggles. “And your kids! They’d be little angels!”

  I choke on my response as my mouth drops open and a squeak pops out of me.

  She giggles again, and then she finally drops her arms from around my waist. “Far in the future, of course. I’m much too young to be a grandma, but seeing my nephew get married hits me right in all the feels. Did I say that right? I feel so old when I use the phrases my kids come home with.”

  I laugh. She’s nothing like her son—she’s bubbly and outgoing, where Axel is more of an introverted brooder. He’s outgoing only when he wants to be. He can turn that part of his personality on when he needs to, which comes in handy as a bartender, but he seems to prefer solitude, or near solitude with just me as his company.

  “You said it right, and I know what you mean. Look at Courtney, she’s just so happy.”

  “That could be you and my Axel…” she says, nudging me with her elbow.

  I just smile, not sure how to respond to that one. I love her son, and yes, it certainly could be us…but I’m not planning on it any time soon. I don’t tell her that, though.

  “So how come we haven’t met yet, sweetheart?” she asks me. I just want to find a way to escape, but she’s got me trapped between the wall and Auntie Alice’s backside.

  I shrug. The truth is because I’m the one who has put it off, but I can’t exactly say that to her. “Just timing, I guess. I’m glad we’ve met now.”

  “I wish Axel was here so I could see you two together.”

  “I’d say we can call him, but he’s out for Carter’s bachelor party tonight.” I don’t mention that I actually haven’t seen him since Wednesday.

  “How’s he doing?” she asks. “He hasn’t called me since Monday.”

  “Fine,” I say, hoping she can’t read the plain lie on my face. I don’t know how he’s doing. I haven’t communicated with him at all, and I haven’t asked Courtney about him even though I’ve been dying to.

  “He’s always so busy with work, especially after he bought that bar.”

  “You should come by sometime,” I suggest.

  “I would, but a bar’s not a place for my littles.”

  “How old are they again?”

  “Jett just turned eight and Ivy will be ten next week.”

  Jett and Ivy? And Axel? This woman clearly loves her unique names.

  We both spot Shannon as she stands at the head of our table ready to talk about the dinner menu. Deanna says, “Talk more later, sweetie. I’m so glad we finally got to meet!” She kisses my cheek.

  “Me, too,” I say, and I mean it. I don’t have a mother in my life, and maybe Axel’s mom is as close as I’ll get to having one.

  As I take my seat so I can order something other than tacos, I realize that last thought marks one of the first times I’ve really allowed myself to think in terms of a real future with Axel.

  What if I am pregnant? What if Axel’s child is growing inside me?

  My li
fe will certainly change, but maybe change is exactly what I need. Maybe it’s time for me to grow up, and maybe this little (humongous) surprise is the one thing that will force me to do exactly that.

  CHAPTER 21

  AXEL

  I can’t get her out of my mind. I’m going crazy every minute of every day, wondering if she’s okay or if she’s still sick or if she’s going to stay with me or leave me. It’s maddening.

  I want to ask Courtney every time I see her—which is often, almost like she’s taken it upon herself to watch over me while Emme is staying away from me—but I never do. Emme’s the one who wanted time apart, and I’m trying to respect that wish, even if it fucking kills me.

  I’ve stayed true to my word. I haven’t been alone with Kasey; I’ve been letting Ben handle the night shift at the bar except on Kasey’s nights off or on busier nights when I have multiple people covering the bar.

  Now it’s Carter’s bachelor party night. I should be excited for a night out with my best friends, but instead I’m dreading the thought of a night away from The Port. It’s a Saturday, and I hate leaving it on busy nights. I hate leaving it in someone else’s hands, no matter how capable they might be.

  I hate wondering what Emme is doing at this very minute. She’s probably laughing at something Courtney’s saying, and my mind pictures her eyes when she laughs. She’s a beautiful girl, but she comes alive when she laughs, and God, do we laugh a lot together.

  I miss that. I miss when times were easier for us, back before I slipped out a proposal in the stupidest proposal of all time. She deserved better from the start, and I’ll give it to her someday. The second she realizes she wants to spend her life with me, I’m asking again. I’m not letting her go. I already know what’s right; now I just need her to get on the same page.

  I’m confident, but this time apart has shaken that confidence.

  Carter didn’t care what we did tonight, so I planned a stereotypical bachelor party—well, planned might be a bit of an overstatement. I texted a few buddies and spread the word at The Port. Ben should be here, too, since he’s become a friend to both Carter and me, but I need someone I trust at the bar.

  The one surprise Carter’s not expecting is that his brother will be here. He flew in this afternoon and heads back to New York tomorrow afternoon, so I guess technically there was some planning involved there.

  I arranged for the club to send a limo to pick us up at Carter’s place. While I didn’t grow up with all the same advantages those two did, I do fine for myself at the bar, and my aunt set up a trust for me. The only stipulation was I couldn’t access it until I earned a college degree, so I went for a business degree and bartended nights for something to do and as a way to earn some extra cash. I ended up loving the flurry of activity behind a bar, and I never really aspired to do anything else. I provide an outlet for people and make them happy, generally speaking. That’s not to say I don’t run into my fair share of people who shouldn’t be drinking, but the good outweighs the bad most nights.

  Now that I own The Port with my best friend, I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my career. I just need to get things on the right track with Emme and life will be pretty much perfect.

  I drive over to Carter’s with Carson in the seat beside me. He’s probably slept with more women than Carter and I combined…plus a few more. He has the most twisted sense of humor of anyone I know, and while he makes Carter and me laugh, he offends pretty much everyone else we’ve ever met.

  For some crazy reason, though, women can’t get enough of him. I think they all want to be the one who tames the elusive, rich CEO, but he doesn’t want that. He’s happy sleeping with a different woman every night. He sets the expectations and makes his intentions clear from the start. I don’t know how he’s gotten some of these women into his bed—and not just into his bed, but begging to get into his bed. He’s good at what he does, I guess.

  Carter’s place is right on the beach. It’s a little excessive, if you ask me, but it’s what he wants. Courtney decided to make her apartment wedding central, so she’s spent more nights at her place than Carter’s lately. That gives us the opening to pre-party at his place before the club.

  I bang on his front door, and he throws it open. He looks like he’s already had a few, and he looks shocked when his eyes land on his brother.

  “What the fuck are you doing here, man?” he asks Carson.

  “I heard there were going to be naked women dancing, so I flew across the country for that.”

  Carter laughs, and they share a hug before he invites us in. “What do you want to drink?” he asks us.

  “You got any single malt whiskey?” Carson asks.

  Carter nods. “You think we could be raised by the same man and I wouldn’t keep some of that shit in my house?”

  Carson laughs, and Carter looks at me.

  “Scotch. I don’t care if it’s single malt, just a nice, ridiculously large glass of scotch, no ice.”

  “You got it, man.” He leads us into his expansive family room and we both sit on his sectional couch before he disappears to get us our drinks.

  “Nice place,” Carson comments.

  “You haven’t seen it yet?”

  He shakes his head and runs his finger along the dark wood of the coffee table before glancing around. “I see Courtney’s touches. She’s good for him.”

  “Yeah, she is, and he’s good for her.”

  “How are things with your girl?”

  I shrug. “Not great.”

  “Sorry man.” His sincere sentiment almost immediately changes. “Does that mean she’s free tonight?”

  “Fuck off.”

  He chuckles, and Carter returns with our drinks. As requested, he hands me a big glass filled with scotch. It smells like shit, but I’m sure it’ll slide down my throat. I’m not a huge drinker anymore, but every once in a while, a glass of scotch hits the spot.

  By the time my glass is gone, I’m half drunk. My body feels loose, and I feel more relaxed than I’ve felt in weeks, months even. Most of the guys I invited have shown up, and the club just texted me to let me know the limo is on its way.

  I grab myself a second glass—a little smaller than the first—and by the time I’ve had half of it, the doorbell rings and the limo’s here.

  We all pile in. This thing is stocked with more alcohol, so when the twenty-minute drive to the club is over, we’re all having a good time. It’s nice to be the one drinking instead of the one serving for a change.

  I’m starting to get why Emme enjoys her job so much.

  She slipped back into my mind unfiltered. She’s never really very far, but the scotch allowed me to think about something other than her for a few alleviating moments.

  The driver opens the back door, and we all file out. We’re immediately led to a VIP table for twenty. Carter may be fairly new to town, but he’s made an impression already—and, apparently, he’s made a lot of friends who want to celebrate this night with him.

  Women are already dancing on stage. Carson looks like a kid in a candy store, Carter looks a little uncomfortable, and everyone else in our group falls somewhere in between.

  I watch for a bit, but this isn’t doing anything for me. It’s not like this is my first time here—I used to frequent this place back in my pre-Emme days, and there was more than one dancer who came home with me. People say dancers never go home with clients, but that’s not true. I did it more than once.

  Carson will, too.

  But I don’t want that anymore. I just want Emme. I want the life we’ve started building together, and I want her to want the same thing.

  Instead, we’re not even talking right now. I hate this shit. I hate being away from her. My whole world is off balance, and it won’t be right again until I see her.

  God, when did I become such a pussy?

  CHAPTER 22

  EMME

  After dinner and gifts, the parents and aunts make their rounds to say their goodby
es. I haven’t had another chance to talk one on one with Deanna and I wish I had; I can’t remember the last time I felt the sort of motherly warmth I felt just talking to her for five minutes. It’s getting me in all the feels, as she would say, but that’s actually something I don’t want on this night meant for celebration, so maybe it’s for the best that we only talked once.

  I push those thoughts out of my head and focus on the party—the party I should be injecting life into rather than dragging down. We haven’t left the restaurant yet, and Shannon has just handed me the check when Carter’s mom appears in front of me. She smiles and grabs the bill out of my hands, and before I can object, she inserts her credit card and hands it back to Shannon.

  “I’d like to take care of dinner,” she says.

  “That’s really not necessary, but since you already did…”

  She chuckles. “You put on a lovely party, Emme. Thank you for taking such good care of my future daughter-in-law, and please be safe tonight.”

  “Of course, Mrs. King.”

  “Call me Karoline.”

  “Thank you,” I say, nodding toward the bill in Shannon’s hands. “You really didn’t have to.”

  She doesn’t reply, and I get the sense that she loves taking care of other people. I get the sense that her generosity knows no bounds, and for a flash of a second, a tingle of jealousy darts up my spine that this is Courtney’s future mother-in-law. She lucked out in the mom department on both sides of the coin.

  I say goodbye to Lori and Auntie Alice after we load all of Courtney’s gifts into her mom’s car, and I see a bit of stress slip from Courtney’s shoulders when her mom takes off. It’s surely not personal, but I bet Courtney was wondering if her mom was going to tag along to Shrine, the hottest club in town. I’m guessing Court will want to head to The Port afterward, and my only saving grace there is that Carter’s bachelor party is also tonight, so Axel won’t be working. That’s not to say, however, that they won’t show up at The Port toward the end of their night out.